But in the end, he was more disgusted with my physical features than I was of his attitude, and it didn’t take long before we broke up, but of course, since I was the cause of his predicament, we kept in touch, forming some kind of awkward friendship that I’ll never fully understand. Maybe Margaret was right. There really was something wrong with me.
“ELLIOT!” I yelled out, and then I heard a loud, ghastly moan coming from the small field to my left. I left my car unlocked and ran over to the source. Sure enough, he was lying in the grass on his back, staring up at the sky. The bottom halves of his legs…were completely missing.
“Well, at least it was a clean cut,” I said as I inspected his “injuries.” Elliot refused to look at me as I lay down in the grass beside him. There were quite a few pebbles, cigarettes and twigs underneath so I couldn’t really get comfortable, but I fought through the discomfort. I’m sure Elliot was having a far worse day than I was.
“What happened?” I asked, turning to face his right cheek. My brain reminded me of how putrid he smelled on a regular basis, but surprisingly, nothing came my way. I wondered if I had finally gotten used to it after all these months.
“Parts of my body go numb sometimes,” he muttered, his eyes fixed on the clouds. “I lost feeling in my legs after I was done getting gas, and I thought my whole body was inside the car. So I closed the door…and you can figure out what happened next.”
“Why didn’t you just stay in the car? Instead of crawling all the way over here?”
“And destroy the leather interior?” he exclaimed, facing me for the first time. Sure, he had patches of skin peeling off him. His lips were a bruised blue. His teeth were cracked and missing, and his hair looked like it had a bout with chemotherapy…but he was still handsome in his own way. And he had so much money now that he updated his body constantly with make-up. Dentures, hair replacements, skin colored lipstick and clear tape...when he was done, he almost looked like he did before the transformation.
But that was when he put in the effort. Some days he got depressed and settled for his current situation. Then he really looked like a zombie. I guess today was one of those days.
“Isn’t your body more important than your stupid car?” I asked as he sighed heavily.
“Well, my looks aren’t getting me anywhere.”
“You’re still handsome to me.”
“And that makes you a freak.”
“Says who? Why do you have to live by someone else’s standards in order to be attractive?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Because the world says so.”
“You’re being a jerk again.”
“It’s who I am.”
“Then why did you call for help?” I snapped back at him. “Jerks don’t tend to need assistance. They think they can handle everything themselves.”
“Well, us princes do need servants to cater to us and respond to our beck and call,” he grinned slyly. I wanted to slap him, but it would do more damage than I intended to his face.
“I would say you’re more like a princess. Cinderella to be exact,” I said as I began mocking him in a butler’s voice. “Doth this leg belong to a lady of the house?”
“Why don’t you walk a mile in my shoes for once?”
“I can’t. You’re not wearing any.”
“Are you done?” he snapped, and I let my chuckle fall down to the level of a whisper. I sat up and took a glance around the parking lot.
“So where are your legs? I didn’t see them by your car.”
“Someone took them,” he muttered.
“Someone took your legs? Who would do something like that?”
“Henry.”
That was the last name I wanted to hear. Anyone but Henry.
“Did you see him take them?”
“Of course I did. He made sure to tell me while he was doing it. Swooped in like he had been stalking me for days, grabbed them and laughed in my face. Said he wanted to talk to you.”
“AND THAT’S WHY I’M HERE?” I yelled, jumping to my feet. Elliot patted my ankles to calm me down.
“Whoa, there. Settle. I didn’t set you up. I could never do that to you.”
“Sorry…it’s just…Henry’s tried to eat me twice already. If it wasn’t for you stepping in the way…he…”
I stopped to rub my eyes as Elliot looked at me endearingly.
“And I would do it again, Alexandra. No matter how much I may…offend you. You do have a special place in my heart.”
I sniffed and rubbed my nose.
“But your heart’s dead.” A smile crept upon my face. Elliot growled and nipped at my feet. I yelped and jumped to the side, laughing heartily at his reaction.
“Almost got you,” he muttered as I tried to stop hyperventilating.
“Well, it’s hard to be scared around you when I know your diet.”
“Yeah. I could never eat common folk,” he said matter-of-factly.
“A dignified zombie,” I mused. “That’s definitely a new one.”
“And hopefully the only. We must take care of this Henry once and for all.”
“I’m not going to kill him.”
“No one said anything about killing. Besides, he’s already dead. No, I’m saying that we dismember him. Ensure that he can’t put himself back together again. Humpty Dumpty style.”
“Were you trying to make a joke?”
“No, I was trying to make a reference that you commoners would understand.”
“Ancient nursery rhymes aren’t in this year, so the line is a little outdated.”
“And so is this conversation. Alexandra, I want to walk again. So listen carefully and we can get this over with. Henry said that the only way you’ll be able to procure my legs is if you agree to a dinner date with him tonight at Angelo’s. You know, the rat infested, self-proclaimed Italian restaurant over by the Day Owl bowling alley.”
“I know the place. What time?”
“Seven.”
“That’s less than an hour from now…but, Elliot. You know I can’t go.”
“If you don’t, I’ll be a cripple for all of eternity. Imagine how that will affect my chances with women. Not just a zombie, but a crippled one at that!”
“You’re so politically correct,” I said, scratching my hair. “I don’t see how this can end well. He hates us.”
“Correction. He hates me for what I did to him. He loves you, despite your involvement. You are in no harm’s way. And to be frank, I don’t think he attacked you to get back at you. I think it was just a misunderstanding. You know how his appetite far exceeds my own. Probably has to do with all those all-you-can-eat places he frequented before he became one of the undead. He has no control.”
“So it’s just a date? That’s all he wants?”
“That’s all. He is to hand over the legs at the end, to which you will promptly come here and reattach them.”
“Okay, first of all…no. I’m not reattaching anything. That’s gross. And second of all, you’re not coming for back-up? What if he gets bitey?”
“Number one, saying the word ‘bitey’ just made you lose ten sexy points, and number two, I would be of no help. What am I going to do? Politely beg him to not eat you as I wither on the ground like a worm after a hurricane? No, thank you.”
“What are sexy points?”
“You’re straying again!” Elliot shouted. “Alexandra, I understand you’re scared. I would be too. His choice of dress is horrendous. But you are a very resourceful girl, and quite smart when you need to be. Even if things get out of hand, I’m sure you’ll be able to escape. Now, this is your choice, but I swear to you—on my Lincoln, and all its technological accessories…if you do not do this, I will no longer be your friend.”
I considered his words carefully.
“But we’re not even friends now,” I stated. He gasped in horror as I reached down and patted him on the forehead.
“Just kidding, El. Don’t worry. I’ll get your legs. But you
owe me.”
“Considering I’m a zombie because of you, I don’t owe you a thing. Let’s call this one step closer to settling your debt.”
“Hmph,” I replied, staring at his face. His eyes said it all. He meant every word.
“Fine,” I muttered. “Watch out for insects in the meantime, especially ants. Winter’s just around the corner and they’ll be searching for food to store.”
“Good luck, Alexandra,” he said, ignoring my warning.
I don’t know what I used to see in that guy.
My Immortal Playlist is now available:
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Novels by J St. Clair:
Fantasy:
The Last of the Sages (Book 1 of the Sage Saga) [FREE!]
The Last of the Sages (Book 1 Deluxe Edition)
The Sage Academy (Sage Saga, Book 1.5)
The Dark Kingdom (Sage Saga, Book 2)
Hail to the Queen (Sage Saga, Book 3)
Of Heroes and Villains (Sage Saga, Book 4)
The Legendary Warrior (Sage Saga, Book 5)
End of the Fantasy (Sage Saga, Book 6)
Rise of the Sages (Sage Saga, Book 7)
The Sorcerer's Ring (Seven Sorcerers Saga, Book 1)
The Sorcerer's Dragon (Seven Sorcerers Saga, Book 2)
Obsidian Sky (Obsidian Saga, Book 1)
End of Angels (Angel Story, Book 1)
Angels of Eden (Angel Story, Book 2)
Fire and Water (Angel Story, Book 3)
Supernatural Thrillers:
The Deadly Ones
Science Fiction:
Upgrade (The Androids Trilogy, Book 1)
The End of Us
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Short Stories:
Face Punch
Face Punch II
Shepherd of the Wolves
Sanctuary (A Short Love Story)
Reluctant Hero: A Superhero Story (Champion # 1)
Champion # 2: Family Reunion
Champion # 3: Broken Promises
Champion: The First Collection (#1-3)
Brothers of Fire and Rain (The Weather Brothers # 1)
Champion VS The Weather Brothers
The Weather Brothers Collection (#1-3)
Static Rain
I saw God in a crazy dead toothed Hispanic kid
Girl of My Dreams
The Sorcerer's Ring (Book 1) Page 22
