“Logan…”
When she didn’t say anything else, he sighed. “Your mom died for me, baby. I…I don’t know if you can ever forgive me for that. I don’t think you should. But I also don’t think you should blame yourself. This is the fucking demon’s fault. Not yours.”
She shook her head. “I don’t blame you. God, no. My mother…” Her breath stuttered. “My mother died for you because of what you could be for me. She also did it because you’re a Pack member, and my mom is, was, one freaking strong woman who would have done anything for her Pack. And she did.”
Logan growled and pulled at her hair so she tipped her face up to him. Her eyes darkened for a moment before shutting down to that grief again. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for what your mother did for me. Do you understand? You are not. To. Blame. You get me?”
“Then you can’t blame yourself.”
He sighed, knowing they were at an impasse. No matter what either of them thought, the wounds were too raw, too new for them to deal with the ramifications.
“You need some sleep, princess, and so do I. It’s been one long fucking day.”
She suddenly looked far too innocent, too scared to be where she was, so, for this moment only, he took control. He quickly pulled her off of him and stood up, bringing her to her feet.
He licked his lips and met her gaze. “Just sleep, princess. Let me care for you. I need that. My wolf needs that. And I think your wolf does too.”
“I’m not a submissive wolf, Logan.”
He shook his head. “I know that, and I’m damned glad of it. My wolf needs a dominant wolf to hold him steady.”
“I…I don’t know if I’m ready for calling your wolf mine and vice versa. I thought I might be, but I…I don’t know anything anymore.”
He held back a grin. At least she was thinking about it. “Just sleep, Cailin. I want to hold you tonight, and I think we both need it.”
She nodded. “I don’t want to be alone. Not tonight. Not when everyone else has someone and I have nothing.”
He tilted his head, a thread of anger sliding through him before he pushed it away. “Are you here because you have nothing else?” he asked, unable to hold the question back. He needed to know where she stood, at least for the moment. If she was only there because she felt she had to give in because she had no hope, then he’d have to find a way to deal with that.
“No, I mean, not like what you think.” She closed her eyes and groaned. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I think you’re right, and I just need to sleep.”
He studied her face for a moment longer before nodding. “Let me get you comfortable and under the blankets before I join you.” He helped her take off her shoes and stripped off the sweats that didn’t hold her scent so he knew they had to be borrowed. From the way her nipples poked hard against her shirt, he knew she wasn’t wearing a bra, so she would be comfortable in that.
He could scent her arousal, and it made his dick even harder, but he ignored it, knowing they both needed to be held, not fucked. Not just then. As soon as she was tucked in, he went to his drawer, pulled out a pair of sweats and went to the bathroom to change. As a werewolf, normally he wouldn’t care about nudity, but Cailin was different.
Cailin was always different.
When he came back into the bedroom, she was already turned on her side with enough space for him to join her. He turned off the light and slid in behind her, wrapping his arm around her stomach and pulling her close. His cock pressed against her ass, but neither of them made any mention of it. She sighed quietly and tangled her fingers with his before lifting her head so he could wrap his other arm around her. When she lifted one leg, he moved his own between hers so they were as close as they could get, their wolves panting, soothing, their human halves grieving and taking comfort.
After all this time, Cailin Jamenson was in his arms, in his bed.
Yet the torment surrounding them made it a bittersweet moment.
She’d come to him.
Come to him when she was hurting and knew he could take care of her.
He’d hold on to that feeling forever, knowing he’d need it in the future.
The war was exploding around them, and the mating that could be with the woman he held in his arms was only beginning.
It was time.
Chapter Five
The warmth behind her sizzled down Cailin’s spine, and she snuggled closer, wanting more. A large hand moved up and cupped her breast. Her nipple pebbled against the palm, and she opened her eyes.
She looked down at the sexy, tan hand palming her breast, and stiffened.
Logan froze behind her, but that wasn’t the only thing stiff in his bed. She licked her lips and thought about rocking back into that very large cock to see how fast she could get off, but then she remembered why she was in bed with him.
The memory was like a splash of cold water, and she cooled down before moving so she could sit up. He let her go quickly but kept his hand on her back, as if afraid to let her go completely. Honestly, she and her wolf loved it. Her wolf preened, ready for their mate, but the human part of her still had reservations.
No, that wasn’t the right word.
She wanted the man in front of her. In fact, she’d come to his house, searching him out deliberately. She might have come for a full mating at first, but in retrospect, mating that night would have been a mistake. No, she just needed to be held by someone who wasn’t family. Someone who didn’t have others to comfort.
She needed Logan and only Logan.
Cailin Jamenson didn’t like to need anyone.
Was that what mating was supposed to be about? Needing and relying on others? She didn’t know if that’s what she wanted. Maybe if they found themselves in a mating bond, they could find a way to work together because she didn’t want to lose herself to it.
That had been her worse fear.
It didn’t even make sense in some respects. She’d seen her brothers mate and create a bond that looked as if it was equal between them. Her parents had shown her that mating could work and provide a strength she wasn’t even sure she’d been aware of at first. Yet she was so afraid to lose herself that she created a fear in her own mind that might not even manifest at all. She was afraid to lose the self she hadn’t yet found.
Well, the fear had been her worst. She’d already faced the fear she never thought she would face and lost. Without Logan there, she wasn’t sure how she’d come out of it. She’d broken down in front of him, and he hadn’t judged, just picked her up and held her. He hadn’t told her everything would be okay, because it wouldn’t. She’d lost her parents, and there was no changing that, no coming back from it. Not in a way that would make her feel whole again.
But he’d been there for her.
“Cailin? Princess?”
She blinked at Logan’s voice, warming on the inside at his endearment. When once he’d used the title princess to sneer, to taunt, it held a different meaning now—like he wanted to be closer. Like he’d cherish her and treat her like a princess.
Not that she necessarily wanted that.
She’d love to be treated like a princess who could save her own ass.
If Logan could be the man who could do all of that, be the man who could treat her like she thought she needed, then she’d have the mate she so desired.
Only time would tell.
Cailin turned so she could look down at him, his mussed dark hair making him look even sexier than usual. Damn that wolf. He tilted his head, his hazel eyes seeing far too much.
While part of her loved waking up next to him, an equal part of her was downright terrified. She didn’t like being terrified. No, she hated it. That was one more reason she stayed away from Logan as much as she could.
Even if she failed at it more often than not.
“Thank you,” she whispered. He’d held her and had done exactly what she’d needed. She might have no idea what she really wanted, but she wouldn’t be un
gracious.
He sat up, reaching his arm out for her. Without thinking, she leaned into him, letting his hand cup her face. She closed her eyes and sighed, her wolf needing the touch more than she’d thought.
“Anything, Cailin. Anything.”
If only.
“I need to go get ready,” she finally said after a few moments of silence. Her heart ached, and she had to hold back a shiver at the thought of just why she had to get ready.
Today they would bury her parents and say goodbye.
There would be no waiting, not when the Pack needed to stand together now more than ever. They needed to see Kade and Melanie in positions of power and grace. The other wolves would feel more at ease, feel that connection to their new Alpha if they could see them, grieve with them.
They also had to let go of the past. No, they wouldn’t forget, goddess no. But without remembering and celebrating the lives that were being lived, the Pack would dwell on the lives that had been lost.
Cailin knew she had to be the strong one, just like she’d always been. The Pack would be looking to her, the lone daughter, the princess, and act accordingly.
She’d be the only one standing up at the altar alone. The others would have their families, their mates.
With a quick intake of breath, she shuddered. “Stand with me today,” she whispered, surprised she’d voiced the words.
Logan’s eyes widened, and he nodded. “Of course, Cailin.” He sat straighter, removing his hand from her face. She immediately felt cold at the loss but pushed it aside. “I’ll stand up with you.” He frowned for a moment.
“What is it? You can tell me.”
“Aren’t you worried about what others will think? I’m not, and I know you aren’t usually. That’s one thing I like about you. I just don’t want you to have to deal with the additional burden of what others might infer from me being by your side.”
She shook her head. “I don’t care. You’re right. People will talk, and frankly, if it gives them something to talk about other than what happened, I think that will be a good thing.”
Logan narrowed his eyes. “So you’re doing this to take the focus off the pain and hurt?”
She swallowed hard then shook her head again. “No, that’s not what I mean. If the fact that they think about something else works, then that’s a bonus. I’m selfish enough to say I need you by my side, even if we haven’t mated.”
He nodded then ran a hand through his hair. Her gaze followed the movement, taking in the definition in his arms.
“We’re going to talk about that last part soon, Cailin.” His gaze met hers, and she froze, prey in a predator’s path. “It’s beyond time we at least discuss it, but right now I know we both need to…breathe.”
He stood up, his erection tenting his sweats, but he ignored it. He held out a hand, and she took it, standing close to him. So close she could scent the wolf, power, and sin radiating off of him.
Logan cupped her face and stared down at her. She licked her lips, knowing this wasn’t the time to want him, but when was the time?
“I’m going to kiss you, Cailin,” Logan whispered. “Think of this when you’re trying to decide if you want to be my mate. Think of this when you find yourself on your own and in need of comfort.”
“Okay,” she breathed then inwardly cursed at the stupidity of that answer.
With a quick grin that faded before she could blink, he lowered his head, the intensity in his gaze making her belly clench. His lips brushed hers, once, twice, before pressing harder. She closed her eyes, letting the sensation of his mouth against hers wash over her.
His lips were firm, soft, with just the hint of pressure to exude his dominance. Oh, she wasn’t his submissive wolf. No, she’d kiss him back.
Hard.
She opened her mouth, sliding her tongue against the seam of his lips. Oh, he might have been the one to say he’d kiss her, but she’d be part of this. Relish it.
He groaned against her, opening his mouth to her. He moved his hands so they held her lower back, pressing her to his chest, his erection hard, demanding against her belly. Cailin thrust her fingers in his hair, panting as she deepened the kiss.
Their tongues tangled, fighting for dominance as they kissed each other, their chests heaving.
Finally, she pulled back, taking two steps away so she could think. He’d made her dizzy, drunk, addicted. Damn his taste, his…everything.
“Go home, Cailin,” Logan grunted. He gave her a sad smile before tucking her hair behind her ear. “Get ready for what needs to be done, and I will be there by your side. I won’t leave you.”
She nodded, emotions clutching at her. She needed to breathe, to think.
To grieve.
Cailin quickly dressed and made her way home. Logan had left her at the door, and she could feel his gaze on her as she moved. While she had a feeling he wanted to come with her and not let her leave his sight, he must have known she needed the time alone to compose herself.
As soon as she got home she quickly showered, trying to prepare herself for the day. Logan’s scent had leeched into her skin, and her wolf didn’t want to wash it away. Only the fact that the man would be by their side soon seemed to calm them both.
She could still remember the first time she’d seen Logan. He’d been covered in blood, her brother’s blood. North had almost been killed by Corbin during an attack on the Jamensons’ property, and the Andersons had saved his life. Lexi and Parker had been holding North’s chest together as he bled while Logan had driven into the den, not knowing if either of them would die or not—North from his wound and Logan at the hands of the Pack.
After all, at the time they’d been outsiders in the middle of a war. But they’d risked it all to save North. Logan’s actions were proof to the Alpha and his family that the Andersons could be trusted. That and the fact that their wolves readily submitted to a new Pack.
Cailin had been so scared for her brother, scared she’d never see him again. Yet even then, her attention had drifted to the large man with the darkness covering his appearance and build so deeply it seemed like a second skin.
That danger attracted her like no other.
Neither had made a move, even though they both knew the potential for mating lay between them. There hadn’t been time, not really. And when things finally calmed down, she’d run. She’d pushed him away, not ready to bare herself and give up what she’d tried so hard to attain her whole life—freedom.
Now that she’d lost the two people she held most dear, she knew she’d made a mistake keeping him away.
She wanted to mate with Logan Anderson.
Cailin just hoped Logan still wanted her.
Oh, he might have said he’d never leave her, but she’d pushed him away for so long his wolf might have stopped the mating dance—a painful process she didn’t know if she herself could survive.
Logan was strong though.
Stronger than most
Stronger than her.
She shook her head, clearing her thoughts of mating, strength, and a bond that would come later—she hoped. Her heart lay heavy in her chest at what she was about to see, about to do. She quickly put on the black dress she kept in the corner of her closet. She’d worn it only once, and after today, she’d never wear it again.
The woman in the mirror wasn’t her.
It couldn’t be.
That pale face, lank hair, and dead eyes. No, it couldn’t be her. She didn’t look like the strong wolf she needed to be for her people, her family. She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to gain the courage she needed to walk into the Pack circle and say goodbye to her parents.
She wouldn’t cry in front of her Pack. She’d done that enough.
Only the thought of Logan being by her side helped her step into her shoes, the loose skirt around her thighs shimmering.
The knock at the door startled her, but the scent behind it calmed her.
Logan.
He’
d come for her so she wouldn’t have to walk alone.
Goddess, she could love him.
When she opened the door, she held back a sigh. Long legs in dark pants and a shirt that molded to his build quite nicely. Maybe if she focused on Logan, she wouldn’t have to think about what was coming.
He seemed to understand she needed something…else, so he lifted her chin with a finger before leaning down to brush a tender kiss against her lips.
“Ready?”
“No,” she answered honestly.
He nodded then held out his arm. She closed the door behind her and tucked her arm into his. As they made their way to the circle, Pack members joined their trek, heads lowered, wolves in pain. No one spoke—there was no need to.
Nothing to say until they found themselves in the circle.
Logan’s arm on hers steadied her as she raised her chin, trying to show the others that they could be strong. It was her job as a Jamenson—a role she held with pride.
Her brothers, their mates and children were standing at their places in the circle. The raised platform would soon be too small for her growing family, but the absence of the two people who meant the most to her was stark in its evidence.
Each of her brothers noticed her in turn, their eyes narrowing slightly at Logan before schooling their features. This was not the time to deal with big-brother bullshit.
She glared, and each of them turned away, their mates leaning into them. As she stood beside Maddox, she tried to let go of Logan, only to have Logan grip her hand and squeeze. Her wolf calmed, needing the man near them.
Her brother Kade, her new Alpha, rose to stand in front of the Pack. Melanie and their three children stood off to the side, still visible but allowing Kade to speak first.
“We’ve lost an Alpha, a wolf, a father, a friend,” Kade began.
Fighting Fate (Redwood Pack #7) Page 6
