That time I came more than once. Three times. It wasn’t usually so easy for me to have orgasms. Honestly, I’d only had maybe one or two orgasms during intercourse before. Generally, it was easier for me to get off if someone went down on me, or if I kind of… helped things along myself. And it wasn’t as if Axel had some kind of mind-blowing technique going on. He fit in me nicely, which didn’t hurt things. But it was easier for me to come because of the way I felt. When Axel and I were making love, I was connected and relaxed. I didn’t feel concerned about anything other than what was happening in the moment. I let go, surrendered myself to it, and it was sublime.
After we were done, and we were twined up on his bed, his arm around me, my head on his shoulder, my body tucked in next to him, I listened to the way that we were breathing together.
And I panicked.
This was weird, wasn’t it? I’d always thought that in order to have a physical experience like the one I’d had, two people would already have to be deeply in love. They’d have to know each other inside and out and have a strong emotional foundation. Axel and I didn’t have that. So why…?
“You can wake me up like that anytime,” he whispered, his voice raw and soft.
I snuggled closer. “What are you talking about? You woke me up. Both times.”
“No,” he said. “You woke me up.”
I lifted my head, confused. There he was. His hair was in disarray, and he had the tiniest bit of facial hair growth on his upper lip. And he was naked. Gloriously bare all over. He looked soft and a little frayed and warm and sweet.
We gazed into each other’s eyes, and we both started grinning.
“We woke each other up?” I said. “We were kissing in our sleep?”
He grinned even wider. “I think so.”
I lay back down, closing my eyes. “That’s kind of neat.” Then I felt unsure. “Is that neat?”
“Definitely.” He kissed the top of my head.
I breathed in the smell of him, and a voice somewhere deep in my head spoke up. Mine, it said.
It felt true. It felt like we belonged together. But it was just sex, right?
Axel rolled over, trapping me under his body. He began kissing my neck.
I sighed.
“I’m starving,” he murmured. “Are you hungry?”
I giggled. “Maybe.”
“I’ll order something.” He climbed off of me and stumbled out of bed. “Now, where the hell is my phone?” He reached down and picked up his pants and began going through the pockets.
I turned onto my side and took in the sight of his nude body. He was gorgeous and smooth and rippling, with a really adorable butt. I had an urge to get out of bed and squeeze it.
But he turned around, holding up the phone.
And then I was staring at his penis, and that made me giggle, because something about penises always made me feel like giggling. They’re inherently funny things, I thought, but in a nifty way. I found them infinitely fascinating, and I was developing a pretty special appreciation for Axel’s.
He tumbled back onto the bed with me.
I grabbed him and kissed him.
“Mmm.” He ran his hands over my waist and hips. His voice lowered. “I missed you. That was too long without touching.”
“I agree,” I breathed, exploring his shoulders and chest.
He kissed me again.
And then, well…
It took a while to order breakfast.
LEIGH
“I should have come after you right away,” Griffin was saying. He and I were sitting on one of the cot mattresses. Silas was in the bathroom stall, working on his tunnel. “I waited days because I thought maybe you were just angry.”
I reached out to take his hand. “No matter how angry I am, Griffin, I wouldn’t run away from you. I thought you knew that.”
He laced our fingers together. “It’s only that we’ve both run away before.”
“But that was then,” I said. “We’re better now.” I peered at him. “Aren’t we?”
He looked away. “It was a bad fight.”
That was true. We probably hadn’t fought that hard since getting married. But I hadn’t really been driven by anger that night before I left. “I only said those things because I was scared.”
“I know that,” he said. “But I thought you were less scared about this stuff now. I thought you were okay with this. Why would you agree to try to have a baby if you didn’t want to do it?”
I bit my lip. This was so hard to explain.
“Doll.” He touched my cheek. “We talked about this together before we started trying. And you said you wanted to try. I never meant to push you into something you didn’t want to do. You said you wanted a baby too.”
“I do.” I wrapped my arms around myself. “It’s like I said, I like the idea of a baby. And I like us having a baby to raise together.”
“But there’s something wrong, or you wouldn’t have blown up at me like that.”
I sighed. “I tried to explain it to you before.”
He rubbed my knee. “Can you try to explain it again, because when we were yelling at each other, I didn’t really retain a lot of what you said. I was too busy feeling defensive, I guess.”
I took a deep breath. “It’s the pregnant part.”
“What about it?”
“I don’t want to get pregnant.”
He furrowed his brow. “You just said you wanted to have a baby.”
“Right,” I said. “I like the baby part. I just don’t like the weird-stuff-happening-to-my-body part.”
He sucked in air through his nose.
I put my finger in his face. “And don’t make any sort of stupid quips about how I’m being shallow about my appearance, because that is not what it’s about.”
He studied his hands, shaking his head. “That doesn’t make sense, doll. You can’t want to have a baby but not want to be pregnant. They kind of go together.”
“Well, how would you feel?” I said. “Would you want to let something grow inside your body and rearrange your bones and stretch everything out and turn you into some kind of alien?”
He laughed. “Leigh, pregnant women are not aliens.”
Tears pricked my eyes. “Well, they seem that way to me. And it scares me. It’s a big thing. I have to do all of it. You don’t even understand.”
He leaned his head back against the wall. “I’d do it if I could.”
I looked up at him, searching his expression. He was serious. I believed him. He’d be totally willing to sacrifice anything so that we could have a baby. I wiped my eyes. “Well, it’s too bad we can’t switch.”
He chuckled. “Like that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie? You ever see that? Junior?”
I made a face. “What?”
“It’s this old movie,” he said. “Arnold is pregnant.”
“Eww,” I said.
“Actually, it was kind of a sweet movie.”
I rolled my eyes. “You would think that.”
He rubbed the top of his head. “So, that’s it, then? You don’t want to do it because you’re scared.”
“I have every right to be scared.” I twisted my hands together. “Griffin, it’s my body. I shouldn’t have to use it as a baby incubator if I don’t want to.”
He didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly.
“You should have told me before. You shouldn’t have gone along with it.”
“I thought I could handle it. I thought maybe it would be okay,” I said. “But then last month, when I was late, and we both thought that I was pregnant, I got so scared. I couldn’t handle it. I really wanted to, but I just couldn’t.” Damn it, I was crying.
Griffin rubbed the top of his head again. “You know I’d be there with you. If you were scared, I’d help you.”
“But you can’t, really,” I said. “In the end, I have to do it. I have to morph into something weird, and then I have to give b
irth to it, and, Griffin, that part just sounds really bad.”
He was quiet again.
I looked up at the ceiling, studying the old water stains up there.
“I always thought we’d have kids,” Griffin finally said. “I want kids. I want to be a father. If you don’t want that, then…”
My gaze snapped back to him. “If I don’t want that, then what?”
He didn’t say anything.
“Griffin,” I said. “Then what?”
Silas staggered out of the bathroom stall. “Anyone want to spell me on the tunnel?”
I glared at him. “Silas, we’re not going to be able to tunnel out of here.”
“You don’t know that,” he said. “I saw this documentary once about this guy who tunneled his way out of prison.”
“This isn’t prison,” I said.
Silas looked back and forth between the two of us. “Hey, what were you guys talking about, anyway? I wasn’t paying any attention.”
Griffin got up. “Nothing.” He held out his hand. “Give me the spoon.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Axel was nuzzling my neck.
I shoved him off playfully. “Hey, don’t do that. I’m trying to concentrate.” We were out near the building that contained the secret lab. It was located down a windy road in the middle of the woods, similar to the kind of location Op Wraith used to have. However, Op Wraith had been located underground, hidden and secret. This was definitely a building—above the ground and everything.
It was squat, only one story high. It was made of sandy-colored brick and it had a flat roof. It looked industrial and unassuming, except for the guards. There were three entrances that I could see. The main entrance had two guards on it. There were two back entrances, one on either side of the building. Both of those only had one guard each. Either of them might be a better chance to get into the building.
However, it seemed that the back entrances required a swipe card to get the doors open, whereas the front doors didn’t require one.
“What are you thinking?” Axel whispered in my ear.
“I’m trying to figure out the best way to get in,” I said.
“Through the doors?” he asked.
I turned around and glared at him.
He ran his tongue over his teeth and looked into my eyes with undisguised lust.
I couldn’t help it. I kissed him.
Kissing Axel was electrifying. I couldn’t think about anything else but our bodies and the way they were connected and how close we were. The minute our lips touched, I was overwhelmed by the thought that this was how I was meant to be spending my time. That nothing was more important than the two of us together. It was heady.
He crushed me against him, and our kiss deepened. His fingers went under my shirt, grazing my bare skin, and I felt frenzied to have him touching me everywhere, to press our bare bodies together, to have him back inside me, which was where he belonged.
But we were in the woods. And I was supposed to be concentrating. So I pushed him away, groaning.
He gazed at me with half-lidded eyes. “Can’t we just go in there, get Leigh, and then go back to my place?”
I struggled to catch my breath. “We need a plan. If we just rush in there, everything could go wrong.” I turned away from him to look at the building again.
A car pulled in to the parking lot. I turned my attention to it. “See? Let’s watch how those people get in, okay?”
Two people got out of the car, both in white lab coats.
And my breath caught in my throat, because I recognized one of them.
Jolene French stood next to the car, smoothing her hair and saying something to the other person.
Jolene French.
My heart leapt into my throat, and I let out a tiny, strangled sound.
“What?” said Axel.
I turned to look at him, and even though fucking French was standing over there, the sight of him only made me want to jump him. He was distracting me. I took a deep breath. “You remember how I told you about that psychologist from Op Wraith?”
“The one who’s dead?” he said.
I pointed. “Well, she’s not dead. She’s right fucking there.”
“Oh,” he said. “I guess that’s bad, huh?”
“Yes. It’s bad. It’s very…” And then I squeezed my eyes shut. “Oh, shit. This is personal. She hates us. She’s been working with Costello Labs, and she got the others captured because she wants revenge.”
Axel ran a casual hand over my spine. “So, I guess that’s even worse.”
My whole body shivered and contracted. I shoved him. “Stop touching me.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Seriously,” I said. “Whenever I look at you, all I can do is think about how much I want you, and that’s not helping anything.”
He smiled lopsidedly. “Funny, because that’s how I feel whenever I look at you.”
“Well, we can’t do that,” I said. “No matter how much we’re falling for each other, I need to focus here.”
The smile fell off his face. “What did you just say?”
“I said I need to focus.”
He shook his head. “No, before that.” He turned away. “The other thing about how we’re…”
“Whatever this is between us, it’s really intense,” I said. “But it’s just the worst time—”
He rounded on me, and his expression was blank. “We should get something straight. You might be falling for me, but I’m not doing that. I don’t… I don’t fall for people. Got it?”
I drew back. That had stung. I swallowed. “O-okay.”
His jaw twitched. “This is just really great sex, that’s all.”
But the way he’d been looking at me…
Of course, he wasn’t doing that now, was he?
My stomach turned over, and an ache started to grow from deep inside me. It spread over my entire body. It was literally a physical pain, as if I’d lost some vital part of me. I fought tears.
Shit. This was exactly why I should never have let myself get involved with Axel Whitman. I knew what kind of guy he was.
“Hey,” Axel’s voice was soft. He put his hand on my shoulder. “Look, I didn’t mean for that to come out like—”
I removed his hand and flung it at him, cutting off his words. “I told you not to touch me, didn’t I?”
He looked down at his hands as if he wasn’t sure what to do with them. Then he shoved them into his pockets and looked down at the forest floor.
I turned back to the parking lot, watching French and the other man make their way to the front door. The guards barely blinked at them as they entered. Once inside, I couldn’t see them anymore. Not that I could even concentrate on what they were doing. I felt… broken.
“Sorry,” he whispered.
My body tensed. I clenched my hands into fists. “You don’t have to pity me.”
“That isn’t what I…” His face twisted. “Look, if I had known what it would feel like, I would never have…”
“Shut up.” I shook myself. “It’s better this way. You were distracting me. You were ruining everything. It would probably be better if we didn’t see each other anymore.”
He drew his eyebrows together. “No.”
“No?” I couldn’t believe that.
“I like it when you’re around. I want to be… wherever you are.”
That hurt even worse. How could he say something like that on the heels of telling me that all we had was sex?
“I’m only trying to be honest,” he said. “I don’t want to lie to you.”
God, if he kept going on, I really was going to cry. “Please stop talking.”
“But I never said I didn’t want to see you again. That’s not what I want.”
I fought the tears and raised my chin. “Well, it’s what I want.”
* * *
A great way to get into a building is to look like you belong there. And nothing says belong
ing better than a uniform. I found a costume shop in town and got myself a bland delivery uniform. Then I picked up a few boxes to carry, and I was ready.
I tried not to think about Axel as I went back to the secret lab. I’d sent him back to his apartment, and I hadn’t gone with him, even though most of my stuff was there. I was going to have to go back for it at some point. My sniper rifle was there, and I was going to need that back. For now, however I had my Glock, and that was going to have to be good enough.
Our drive back into town had been mostly silent. He hadn’t said much, and he’d seemed sort of… sad, I guess. I figured he was annoyed to not get to have sex with me anymore, which he’d seemed to really like.
Actually, I’d been pretty convinced that he’d thought it was just as soul destroying as I did. I remembered the way he’d looked into my eyes when he was inside me, the kind of noises he’d made, the things he’d whispered to me. He’d felt it too. I was sure of it.
But…
Oh, whatever. He was a jackass. I knew that from the moment I met him. What did I expect? That he’d gotten a taste of my pussy, and it had completely reformed him? I used to think that girls who thought that were idiots, but now I realized how easy it was to fall into the trap. In the end, all he’d wanted from me was to fuck me. And, like an idiot, I’d given him what he wanted.
Still, there were things about it that didn’t fit. Like when we’d gotten back to town, and he’d caught me by the arm and looked into my eyes and said, “Don’t go.”
Who said that to someone he didn’t even care about?
But I was trying not to think about it.
I wasn’t doing the best of jobs, but I was at the secret lab, ready to get inside, and I couldn’t think about Axel anymore. Whatever had happened between us, it was a stupid fling, and I’d get over it eventually.
I parked in the parking lot in front of the lab, brazen as you please. If I wanted to look like I belonged there, I had to act the part, and hiding my car wouldn’t have helped anything.
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