Of course, it was a really long time ago. Maybe I should try not to.
Except what was the thing that Leigh had said to him? That he would never be her Prince Charming? What was that all about?
“He’s not terrible in bed,” I mumbled. “You don’t know anything about it. About him and me.”
“Sloane, for fuck’s sake, there is no him and you. He doesn’t form attachments to girls. I’ve known him since I was sixteen years old, and he never, ever has had a girlfriend in all that time. Just a revolving door of sluts. And if you think he’s going to treat you any differently—”
“I know this,” I said. “I’m not stupid. It’s not like I agreed to marry him or something. But he makes me feel… noticed. Important. Special. No one else ever notices me, but Axel did.”
“He notices everything with boobs, okay? You’re not special.”
I flinched, averting my gaze.
“He’s a cocaine addict,” said Leigh.
That was true. I swallowed. “Well, you used to be a cocaine addict, and you stopped.”
“Not like Axel I wasn’t,” said Leigh. “I used cocaine on the weekends. I was like a binge drinker—a binge snorter or something. The point is that Axel is a daily coke user. He does a line to wake up in the morning, like coffee.”
“Well, he hasn’t been,” I said. “The past couple of days, he’s really laid off.”
“Days?” said Leigh. “You think that means anything?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. It seems like he’s changed.”
“Oh, come on.” Leigh gave me a sympathetic look. “You are a brand new toy, and he’s excited to play with you. But he will get bored with you, and anything he’s said while you were together, he’ll just forget about.”
It was the same thing I was afraid of. I twisted my fingers together. “He told me he loved me.”
Leigh was quiet.
I looked up at her and saw that she was stunned.
“He probably only said it because he thought we were going to die.” I got off the couch. “Look, you’re right. I’m being an idiot. I hate being alone so bad. I want what you and Griffin and Silas and Sloane have, but I’m never going to find that with someone like Axel. Maybe not everybody finds someone, you know? Maybe I won’t ever have a relationship like that.”
Leigh stood up too. “Sloane, no, that’s not what I’m saying. You’re beautiful and sweet and funny and wonderful, and of course you’re going to find someone. All I meant was don’t let Axel hurt you. That’s all.”
I backed away. “Well, I guess when you got into your relationship with Griffin, he never hurt you, right? It wasn’t like he left you and then got mad at you for having an abortion and then got you involved in torturing his prison-rapist or made you like literally lose your mind.”
“Sloane, that’s not fair.”
“No,” I said, my voice growing even more sarcastic. “I’m just trying to understand. I mean, we should all have a relationship that’s just as perfect as yours.”
“Sloane—”
“Isn’t the whole reason this bullshit happened because you and Griffin had a fight?” I glared at her. “Because if he hadn’t thought you were mad, we would have known you were missing much earlier.”
She hung her head, taking a deep breath. “I’m not saying my relationship is perfect. And God knows, Griffin is not perfect. But he’s not Axel Whitman either.”
“Yeah?” I said. “Well, Axel has issues. I know that. But he also didn’t want me to kill people today, and not because he thought I couldn’t handle it, but because it actually bothers him when people die.”
And without waiting for her to say anything, I stalked out of the room.
* * *
I curled up on a bed in one of the apartments, intending to fall asleep and stop thinking about everything. But before I knew what was happening, I was crying. I huddled there, my face buried in the pillow and shook as the sobs went through me.
“Sloane?”
It was Axel’s voice. Funny that I could recognize it so easily now, even though none of it mattered. I might have yelled at Leigh for saying what she said, but that didn’t mean that she was any less right. There was no way that Axel and I were ever going to work. And I’d been so focused on saving everyone, that I hadn’t really given a lot of thought to the future. But now we were all safe, and I realized that I’d set up myself up for heartache.
I felt him settle on the bed next to me. He stroked my hair. “What’s wrong?”
I didn’t answer, but I started to choke on my tears, and they began to lessen.
He lay down beside me, brushing hair away from my face.
I looked at him, lying on the pillow facing me. “You don’t have to keep being nice to me, you know.”
He stroked my cheek. His voice gently teased me. “You want me to be mean to you?”
I put my face back into the pillow.
“Hey,” he said, serious now. “What’s going on?”
Part of me wanted him to take me in his arms and promise me the world. And part of me knew that was never going to happen.
“Is it about what you did in there?” he murmured. “Killing those people?”
Shit. I hadn’t even been thinking about that. What kind of person did that make me, if I could brush that aside so easily? I rolled over onto my back, rubbing my eyes.
Axel propped himself up on one elbow. “Because I know why you did it. You did it for your brother.”
I sniffled. “Not just for him. For all of us. That was the end of it. Now we’re free. All of them are dead, and we can get on with our lives.”
“Yeah.” He smiled down at me. “But you felt closure, right? After everything with you and Silas, you took charge and made the hard decision. You were strong. I’m proud of you.”
I bit my lip. “You’re still doing it. You’re being nice.”
“Why wouldn’t I be nice?”
I turned away from him.
“Look, I’m not saying it was easy to watch you massacre all those people, but, like I said, I understand why you had to do it. And I’m not going to punish you for that. None of that changes the way I feel about you.”
I looked back. Oh, shit. “Look, you were under a lot of stress when you said that stuff before, and if you want to back out of it—”
“No.” He furrowed his brow. “Why would you even suggest that?”
I sighed. “It’s just that… well… even if we were, you know, in love, then where does that leave us?”
“We are,” he said. “At least, I am. I love you, Sloane. Are you changing your mind?”
I sat up. “Why are you saying that?”
“Because you’re acting like you don’t feel the same way anymore.”
“No,” I said. “Why are you saying that you’re in love with me?”
He drew back. “I thought I explained this.”
“There are… issues, Axel. You don’t really have girlfriends. And there’s nowhere that I really fit in your life. And you spend half of your time in a strip club. And you’re addicted to drugs. And—”
“Okay, okay.” He sat up and put his back to me. “So you don’t love me.”
“I…” I clenched my hands into fists. “It’s confusing.”
He chuckled bitterly. “Great. That’s great. I turned my life upside down for you, and now all you feel is confused.”
Now I felt guilty. “It’s only that I was talking to Leigh, and she told me that you were bad news, and I started thinking—”
“Leigh said that?” He whipped around to glare at me.
I nodded.
He got up off the bed. “Man… Leigh was my best friend. When your best friend doesn’t even have your back, then who does?”
“Your best friend that you had sex with,” I muttered.
He raised his eyebrows. “Is that what this is about? Yes, okay, Leigh and I were fuck buddies like a zillion years ago. But it was never romantic or anything. You can’t get a
ngry about that. I didn’t even know you back then.”
“Why’d she say that thing to you about Prince Charming?” I said. “Why’d you have so much fun punching Griffin?”
“Guy just bothers me. That’s all.”
“And the Prince Charming thing?”
Axel massaged the bridge of his nose. “I might have said something to her about being her prince or something. It was a joke. I was trying to get under her skin that day.”
“You’re not secretly in love with, Leigh?”
“I’ve never been secretly in love with anyone, ever. I’m not going to tell you that there haven’t been a lot of women in my past, but I didn’t feel anything for them. ”
“So, you changed because you met me. That what you’re saying?”
“Basically.”
“You expect me to believe that? What? Do I have a magic pussy or something?”
He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Maybe,” he told the carpet.
“What?” I leaped off the bed. “Did you seriously just say that?”
His gaze flicked to meet mine and then away. “Oh come on, Sloane, it’s not like you didn’t feel it too. When we touch, when we’re… together…”
He was right. Our lovemaking had been kind of magical, hadn’t it? Hell, he was right there, and I wished we were touching again.
He cleared his throat. “I don’t know about all this ‘changed’ stuff. I do know that I want you near me, and I think that’s all we do. We don’t have to analyze it to death. We just have to stay close, and it’ll work out. It’ll be natural and perfect, just like everything is with us.”
“Everything is not natural and perfect!” I protested.
He grabbed me and tugged me against him. He fitted his perfect lips against mine, tangling his hands in my hair. Bliss poured through me, and I clutched at him, assailed by the sweetness of his mouth and tongue and fingers.
He gasped, breaking away. “See?” he breathed. “Perfect.”
I buried my head in his chest.
He traced the outline of my spine through my shirt. His voice was dark and soft in my ear. “I’m tired, Sloane. All I want is to fall asleep with you in my arms. Can we do that?”
I squeezed him tighter. “Yes,” I whispered.
* * *
I awoke to a soft knock on the door. I rolled over, untangling myself from Axel’s limbs. We were both naked. Despite our best intentions to simply go to sleep, we had a hard time resisting each other, and we’d definitely had sex before passing out. Even though we were both exhausted, it had been so sweet. Perfect, just like Axel said.
There was a robe hanging on the back of the door (Axel had them here for guests) so I pulled that on, cinching it around my waist. I opened the door.
It was Silas. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I said.
He was scrutinizing my robe. “Christa’s here. I thought you might want to say hello.”
I nodded. “Definitely. Um, let me get dressed real quick.”
Silas made a face. “Okay. Do that. And then maybe we could, um, talk for a couple minutes?”
That sounded ominous. I shut the door and yanked on my jeans.
Axel raised his head sleepily. “What’s going on?”
“Christa’s back. I’m going out to say hi.” I leaned over to kiss him on the forehead.
He took the opportunity to fondle one of my bare breasts.
I gasped, shutting my eyes. That felt so nice. But I couldn’t let myself get too distracted. “Stop it. My brother is outside the door.”
He tugged my face down to his and kissed me thoroughly. “I’ll get up too.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Stay here.” I reached for my bra.
He sat up. “You know, Sloane, I’m getting the distinct impression that you’re embarrassed by me.”
I snapped my bra in place and scooted it around so that I could put on the straps. “No, that’s not what’s happening.”
He raised his eyebrows.
“Get out of bed if you want,” I said. “It’s your house.”
“That’s right,” he said. “It is. You think any of your friends out there are the slightest bit grateful that I’m letting you all stay here?”
I groaned, yanking on my shirt. “I’ll talk to them.”
He flopped back on the bed.
Silas was waiting for me outside the door.
“Hi,” I said. “What do you want to talk about?”
He rubbed his chin. “Well, just kind of quickly.”
“Yeah?”
“So, I know I promised that if, um, you met a guy that I would not, um, scare him off.” He gave me a rueful smile.
I took a deep breath. “Silas—”
“Are you happy?”
I bit my lip. “I… I’m confused.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Does that mean you’re not happy?”
“I’m happy when I’m with him,” I said. “When it’s just the two of us, yes, very happy. But Leigh gave me this big talk, and now you’re—”
“Okay,” he said.
“Okay?” I didn’t know what he meant.
“I’ll let you figure it out,” he said. “You can figure it out on your own.”
“Really?” I hadn’t expected that from Silas.
He ruffled my hair. “Yeah. Sometimes I guess I forget that you’re a grownup and that you can live your life however you want. Sorry I’m an overbearing brother.”
I smiled at him. “It’s okay.”
He took a deep breath. “Right. So, I’m going to stay out of it.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“For the record, though? I don’t like him.”
I rolled my eyes. “Where’s Christa?”
A big grin broke over his face just at the mention of her name. “She’s out here. Come on.”
* * *
Christa was sprawled out on another white couch. Her arm was in a sling, but she looked remarkably cheery for someone who was suffering from a bullet wound.
“Hey,” I said, going over to give her a careful hug.
She squeezed me with her good arm. “Thank you for bringing them back to me.”
I pulled back. “Well, I couldn’t let them stay there, could I?”
She nodded. “And thank Axel too. I know his whole apartment was completely ruined.”
“Yeah.” I considered. “But it’s not like he doesn’t have the money to fix it.”
Silas was hovering. “What do you need, babe? You tell me, and I’ll get it. Anything.”
Christa gave him a wicked grin. “Anything?”
He grinned back. “You know it. I’m just so glad you’re okay.”
“Can you go out and get a sampling of any local beer that’s brewed in Boston and bring it all back here for me to try?” said Christa. “Because, you know, I think that would really help my arm heal.”
“Yeah?” said Silas. “You want me to run errands?”
“Oh, you love running errands for me,” said Christa. “Besides, you can’t tell me that you’re not dying to try all the beer.”
He laughed. “You know me too well.”
She shrugged. And then flinched. “Ouch.”
Silas was next to her in a second. “What? What happened?”
“I just shouldn’t move like that.” She wrinkled up her nose.
“Well, then don’t.” He inspected her with a worried look on his face.
She stuck out her tongue at him. “You know, Silas is going have to help me bathe, because I can’t get the bandages this wet for a while. I’m going to be an invalid, and he is going to love it.”
He cupped her cheek with one hand. “I love you.”
She smiled. “I love… beer.”
He cocked his head.
“And you too, I guess.” She snickered.
“I don’t know about alcohol right now,” he said. “I think those painkillers might be enough. You’re still a little… off.”
“
Silas, please,” she said. “You said you’d get anything I needed.”
He straightened. “Well, it would be pretty epic if I got good samples of all the local beer, wouldn’t it?”
“Uh huh,” said Christa.
Axel appeared in the doorway. “Hello again, Christa.”
“Hi, Axel,” she said. “Thanks for shoving me in the pantry.”
He laughed. “Anytime.”
Silas turned to Axel. “Uh, would you… would you mind if I brought beer here?”
“That’s not a problem,” said Axel. “I have tons of room.”
Silas shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the carpet. “Thanks for letting us crash and all.”
“Of course,” said Axel.
Silas raised his gaze. “Look, about my sister—”
“Silas.” I glowered at him.
Silas looked wounded. “All I was going to say is that if Axel here seems to like you then… he has good taste.”
I rolled my eyes. “Right.”
Axel smirked, but covered it with one hand.
Silas took a deep breath. “Yeah, so, uh, I’m going to get beer.” He made a beeline out of the room.
Axel watched him go. “Your brother hates me, doesn’t he?”
LEIGH
I woke up to Griffin crawling into bed with me, saying, “Scooch over.”
I blinked sleep out of my eyes. “You’re here. I tried to wait up for you, but I didn’t make it.”
He pressed his body against mine. He was warm and firm. I snuggled into him, enjoying how being close to him made me feel small and delicate.
“Is Christa here?” I asked.
“Yup.” He ran his hands over my body.
I sighed as tingles went through me. “She okay?”
“She’s fine,” he said. “Well, she’s got a hole in her shoulder, but other than that, she’s fine.”
“Mmm…” I kissed him. “I should go see her.”
He tightened his grip on me. “Not yet. Stay here for a little bit.”
I smiled at him.
“This is the first time I’ve had a chance to be alone with you and not terrified in a long time,” he breathed. “I want to savor it.”
I had to agree that it was nice. I sighed, closing my eyes and burrowing into his warmth.
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