by Noah Harris
Carol gave Barry a look. “Y’know, Barry, you didn’t really tell us how you two met!”
“It’s not really that important,” Barry said.
“Well, I’d like to know.” His mother’s face sunk. “You’ve barely told me a single thing since you got home. I thought you were dead, now you’re back and I can’t get a word out of you. I just want to know what you’re up to and—”
“Hunting,” Xanathen interrupted. “We met while hunting. Barry was trying to find something to eat. His method was good, but he didn’t know the right hunting grounds, so I brought him some food and offered to show him where to find good game.”
Barry’s parents mulled that over, silently impressed. For a brief moment, they faded into the ether, leaving only Barry and Xanathen at the table. Was he changing the story for his parents’ sake? For his own sake, even? Was Xanathen trying to hide his draconic heritage?
Barry’s heart fluttered. Xanathen played the role of the island native as best he could without giving away that he was more than a man. He still refused to hide that he was a great man among men and possibly stronger than any man who had ever lived, but he hid the secrets with a strange cunning Barry had never known him to show before. Brash and quick to tell the most unfortunate truth—that was how Barry had known him to behave before. Yet here Xanathen was willing to lie about himself to Barry’s parents after that outburst about not hiding who you were? Yarns of anxiety begin to unwind from around his gut, finally allowing him to breathe. Barry wouldn’t have to guide him after all. He could take care of himself.
“It sounds like such a beautiful place,” Carol sighed wistfully. “Reminds me of when we went to Hawaii. Oh, you’d love it there! We went there for our second honeymoon. It was gorgeous. They had such clear water. It was so blue! I’ve never seen anything like it! And the tall mountains and the long beaches. Though I’m not going back without sunscreen. Not after last time. It was so romantic, though.”
“Does sound a bit like home.” Xanathen nodded as his eyes closed reflectively. “Though I doubt there’s anything quite as magical as my island.”
“That’s how I feel about my fishing boat,” Gerald added with a sneer.
“Oh, Gerald, I don’t think your smelly old boat can compare to Hawaii,” Carol gave a sharp nudge to his side with a chortle.
“I can understand that much.” Xanathen said. “There’s a special place like that for everyone. A place where time stands still and the world is calm.” There was a calm and almost mystical quality to his voice, like the gentle waves of the ocean. His fingers spread wide as his hands moved, pantomiming slightly to show the magnitude of the island itself with just words and gestures.
Carol’s lips curled to a relaxed smile as she reminisced about the expansive shores of sand on Hawaii. Gerald sat quietly, his wrinkles deepening on his square jaw as his mind was most likely on a boat in the middle of a lake, with a six-pack of beer stowed beside him.
Barry thought about the subject himself, drawing a blank. Though he had been to some beautiful places before and had brief periods of relaxation, there was never a place where he felt he didn’t have some sort of worry gnawing at the inside of his head. Even on the southern island, where he lay in Xanathen’s tight, loving embrace, Barry felt something was off.
He looked around the table at his family and his love. They laughed and discussed things in a peaceful way. Everyone who mattered to him was close and the conflicts faded away. For a brief moment, Barry understood what they felt.
“What do you think of it here in America?” Carol asked.
“It’s amazing!” Xanathen replied enthusiastically. “There’s so many things I’ve never seen back home. All of these tall buildings that just climb up into the sky, the rushing cars and lights, so many people just here. There’s so much to see, and I want to see more!”
“We should show you our town, sometime. It’s nothing like it is down here.”
“I’ve heard it’s very cold where you live.”
“Yes indeedy, it can be.”
“I’ll pass.” Xanathen replied with a grave shiver, sending Carol into fits of laughter.
Gerald, poking around at his food, had his eyes trained on Xanathen’s hair and how it jutted up from his scalp. He scowled, focusing on the thin wave of hair that rippled down his forehead. “That’s some wild hair y’got there. Do ya all got hair like that where you’re from?”
Barry’s heart sank right into his stomach as he looked at his father. This was far too familiar to him. He remembered that roll of the eyes and that disapproving look of his. He had lived through that his entire life and quietly feared what his dad would say next.
Xanathen paused a moment as if to think and nodded. “Yes.”
“You’re gonna live here in the States, right?”
“I didn’t intend on getting cards and paperwork for nothing.”
“Hm. I see.” Gerald said with a grunt. “So, what do you do?”
“I clean. I organize. When I’m not doing that, I watch TV or—”
“No, no, no. I mean for work. What do you do for work?”
“Oh. I…,” Xanathen trailed off sheepishly. “I don’t have a job yet.”
“I see. Here’s a pointer: You’re gonna wanna get rid of that. No one’s gonna wanna hire you looking like that.”
“Gerald, be nice!” Carol hissed.
“I am being nice, I’m giving good advice here!” Her husband retorted. “If you’re gonna live here, you’re gonna need to work. You can’t get a good job looking’ like a fruit!”
“Dad, it’s fine,” Barry finally interjected. “Right now he’s just adjusting t—”
“He can’t adjust forever. One of these days he’s gonna need to get a job.” Gerald shook his head. “What do you want to do here?”
“I want to explore the country, try all the things and—”
“For work! What do you want to do for work? You can’t travel and do all this stuff without money, and you can’t get money without a job. That’s just the way it goes. Do you know what money is? Do you? Do you understand how it works?”
“Dad—”
“Barry, butt out. He’s not your responsibility.”
“He’s not your responsibility either!” Barry snapped. “Dad, I’ve got him under control. Shut up and eat your meatloaf!”
“Both of you, stop it,” Carol said. “We’re trying to have a nice dinner. We didn’t come all the way out here to fight! Can’t you two cool your tempers for once and just be nice?”
“I’m being just fine!” Barry said, pointing at his father. “He’s come in here to my apartment and is trying to tell us how to live our lives! He always does this!”
“I didn’t say jack shit about you, Barry, so can the dramatics. Always with the production, this kid. Can’t do anything around him without him getting into a big ol’ hissy fit. Swear to Christ, I don’t know what I did to raise such a primadonna.”
“Where do you get off? I don’t even live with you anymore and you’re giving me shit. Is it always gonna be this way with you?!”
“I was actually pretty proud to hear you escaped that island yourself. Like, damn. That’s pretty impressive. Starting to think you lied about that, now.” Gerald said.
Gerald sat in his seat as he looked at Barry with disgust. He shook his head as he directed all of his attention to him. To Barry, his father’s words were scathing to his ears. His tone never rose above a grumble and only few words were said with a harsh voice. Gerald kept himself from shouting and maintained his self control as he spoke with an air of authority. He didn’t let himself give into his anger even though he knew he was right.
“But Xanathen?” Gerald continued as he turned his attention to the man in question, his expression softening. In a second, he went from judgemental to sympathetic. His face remained unamused but he had dropped the scalding gaze of disappointment as he looked over Xanathen. There was even a hint of awe in the way he inspected him.
His voice was still raised with a passion. “He’s a grown-ass man. If he wants to live here, that’s fine. But if that’s what he wants, there’s some cold, hard truths he’s gotta learn. You can’t just do whatever you damn well want. There’s certain things that you gotta do if you wanna live in this country. Look at this big guy. He can probably do a hell of a lot if he just put his mind to it and put himself out there. You can only feign ignorance for so long. You gotta be a man and do something. Can’t mooch off Barry forever. One thing I can’t stand is lazy bums. Get out there and work, that’s what I think.”
“I’m well aware, sir,” Xanathen replied, a cold prickle to his voice. His purple aura flared around him for a moment, disappearing deep inside him as he forced a smile. Barry swallowed uncomfortably as Xanathen continued. “In regards to the hair, cutting it would go against my beliefs, and I refuse to cut a single strand.
“Meanwhile, your son has been doing an excellent job of teaching me about this country and how it works. It’s taking some time, but it’s not like I haven’t learned anything. I fully intend on finding a job once the paperwork clears so I can pay Barry back when I’m making money. I’m very grateful for how much work he’s put in, to both giving us a home and teaching me in his spare time. He’s got more fire in his belly than anyone I know.”
Barry couldn’t believe what he was seeing and hearing. Xanathen kept his composure as he spoke and went on eating like nothing had been said. There was no outburst of any kind. Barry contained his excitement as he watched Xanathen defend both of them without picking a fight. Barry felt like a heel as he realised he might not have given Xanathen enough credit. Being boisterous and loud didn’t mean he couldn’t adapt to the social norms of this country. Barry simmered as he watched Xanathen handle himself maturely. He quietly wished his parents would leave soon. This rarely-seen side of Xanathen was more attractive than he imagined it would be and Barry wanted to get him alone.
Gerald seemed satisfied with Xanathen’s response, or at least satisfied enough to drop the subject. He quietly continued eating like everyone else. Barry was awestruck at how well Xanathen handled the confrontation. If that had been Barry, he knew this argument wouldn’t have ended so quickly, they’d probably still be at it until the end of the year. The things Xanathen said were almost the same as Barry would have said, though he hated to admit there was certainly less screaming and yelling than when Barry argued with his dad. It might have been just that Xanathen’s tall, imposing figure was slightly more intimidating than Barry’s, or just that Xanathen wasn’t Gerald’s son. Regardless, the discussion had quickly come to a close and he was relieved.
“That’s one reason I’m in love with him,” Xanathen added.
Barry choked on his food. He guzzled down more water feeling the color drain from his face and pool around his feet in a sickly, oozing puddle.
“Oh, how embarrassing,” Carol said quietly, dabbing her mouth before turning her full attention to the tall foreigner. “Xanathen, I don’t want to alarm you, but here to say ‘in love with’ is seen as more…romantic. Like a man and his wife. You meant you ‘love’ him, or ‘admire’ or—”
Barry pushed his empty plate away. Thankfully they could blame whatever Xanathen said wrong on his being unfamiliar with the culture, and they could have their fun in just correcting him.
“It’s no problem. I’m completely aware what I said,” Xanathen looked at Carol. “I meant it exactly like that. I’m in love with Barry.”
The table was suddenly as silent as the grave. Glances were exchanged and all of Barry’s flight reactions were screaming wildly inside of him, begging him to choke or fall over dead or even jump out the nearest window. Something, anything, to make this moment end.
Xanathen slowly rose to his feet.
“I’m in love with Barry,” Xanathen repeated. “I was fascinated by him the first moment he showed up on my island. He won my heart and I won his. He understands me better than anyone and I want to change the world for him.”
Carol said. “See, that’s sweet, I—”
“Look,” Gerald interrupted, “I don’t know how they run things on that island of yours, but that’s not how we do it here. That sort of stuff you’re talking about is just…weird. It’s not natural.”
“It’s nothing but natural,” Xanathen said. “Back on my island, we could do as we felt and nothing was unnatural.”
“Sounds pretty damn great. Why’d you leave?” Gerald spat.
“Because Barry wanted to come here, and I love him. If he wanted to go, then so did I,” Xanathen snarled back. “If Barry thought it was a good idea, then I trust him, even if I have to deal with blowhards like you!”
“Look, you keep your weird-ass free love shit back on your island or the 60’s where it belongs! You wanna be a freak, fine. Do it yourself, but quit lumping my son with you!”
“Xanathen, stop!” Barry snapped.
Barry inaudibly scolded Xanathen with a look of his eyes. In the back of his mind, he felt this still could all be salvaged. Xanathen could read Barry’s face before, so there was no way he couldn’t do it now. Barry would just have to silently remind Xanathen he was going too far and somehow make him take it all back. The night could be saved if he just feigned ignorance. Of course, Xanathen would also have to agree to that.
“How about dessert?” Carol asked loudly with a nervous laugh.
“Barry, knock it off. This is between me and him,” Gerald said. “I’m just telling him how it is!”
“Dad, you knock it off!” Barry said, pushing himself up from his chair.
All eyes went to Barry. All except Xanathen, who instead wore a smug expression. Barry’s heart pounded as he stood up. Time seemed to slow down as he pushed himself closer and closer to Xanathen with each step. His face felt like it had erupted into a bonfire with the heat of shame. No amount of public declarations of love had made him prepared for this. His heartbeats drowned out whatever his parents were saying. He swallowed harshly and looped his arm through Xanathen’s, looking his parents firmly in the eyes. A small voice in the back of his head warned him that this was foolish and it would not end well.
“I should have told you two sooner, and I would’ve liked a better moment to do it than this, without a fight.” Barry hissed venomously as he turned to Xanathen for a brief moment, then took a deep breath and turned back to his parents. “Mom. Dad. …This is Xanathen. My…boyfriend.”
The two continued to look on at him in total confusion, their expressions twisting to horror.
“You mean you’re…” his mother started.
“Yes, Mom. I’m gay.”
Carol stood, looking as if her brain were about to short-circuit as she tried to piece everything together. It looked like a million questions were rotating in her head at lightning speed, and it looked like she didn’t want those questions to be rolling around in there at all. She held her head in confusion as she started sputtering half-formed questions, before choking on the rest.
Gerald turned cold. He examined Barry as if his son were some alien creature. His lips curled in disgust, his face, wrinkles furrowed, looked disinterested. He seemed to pull himself away from the topic all together and looked like he was more content to think about his boat on the lake.
Carol began to chatter. “What? But—but—when did this happen? How? Was it something I did? Was it something he did? Where did I go wrong? I—”
“Mom, no.” Barry said. “I guess I’ve always been? Uh…It didn’t just happen, I was—I just am. No, I—no, Mom, you have nothing to do with this, I—I just found out when I was stranded, and—”
Gerald shook his head taking his jacket and heading for the door without a word. Barry followed him, pleading with him to stay and at least listen. Every other word that dropped out of his mouth was “sorry” and how Xanathen could usually take a hint and shut up. He nearly begged him to stay and start over again, that he’d behave better this time. All the words that came out of his mouth sound
ed silly, yet he continued to say them at a quick speed while he followed his dad to the front door. Gerald didn’t even turn around. The door simply opened and shut behind him, and that was it.
Carol, with uncertainty in her eyes, grabbed her coat and belongings and also headed to the door. Barry’s eyes stung with tears, but he tried his best to hold them back, swallowing to release the tight constriction in his throat.
“Mom?” he choked out.
“…I’m sorry,” she murmured as she looked back at him and before he knew it, the door opened gently and with a delicate ‘thud’ as it closed, she was gone.
Barry’s stomach knotted tightly. It was all over. He wasn’t sure what it was he was striving for, but he had been so close, it had been just at his fingertips. Now, it was out of reach.
Barry’s breathing was slow. The first breath could only force out the one tear that dragged down his flustered face. Then came several more. Soon enough, he erupted into an endless flood of tears and roaring sobs until his entire body felt empty.
A hand gripped his shoulder and he snapped back to reality with furious bloodshot eyes, still sobbing. Xanathen looked down at him unshaken, yet with a sympathetic look as he pulled him in close for an embrace. Barry nestled there for a brief second before pushing him away with the force of a piston and glaring at him with a fury he had never felt before.
“What the hell was that?” he cried. “What the hell was any of that!?”
“I’m sorry, I—”
“No you’re not! You’re just fucking sorry I’m mad at you. Are you really sorry about any of the shit you just pulled? Oh my god, I’m so mad, I’m furious right now! I’m actually shaking! Look at these hands, they’re shaking! Just…what the hell was that? What were you doing?”
Xanathen began to answer, but Barry began pacing wildly and randomly around the apartment. “Nevermind. Don’t answer. It’s all gonna be bullshit, I just know it. No, tell me, I’m curious. No, don’t tell me, it’ll be dumb as hell.”
“Don’t blame me for your parents being ignorant—”
