“Ah hour or so?” Tina asked, grinning, and turned, leaving me watching her climb the stairs.
I followed. “My phone won’t have signal they said, so I turned it off.”
“It’s almost supper time,” Tina said, waiting for me at the top of the stairs.
“Oh wow. Hope I didn’t ruin dinner by scarfing down that sandwich?”
“No, probably not. I guess they serve dinner late. Annette said she’d watch Owen for us after supper if you wanted to go out and…”
“Have a date with my wife?” I asked her, an eyebrow raised.
“Something like that,” she said with a mischievous grin, “or something more.”
I liked the sound of that, I liked it a lot.
17
Rick
I lay in bed, waiting on Tina to come back. I could still smell her on the bedspread and I felt amazing. Dinner, drinks, dancing and the hangover from earlier was gone. We’d come back to the room for some alone time, but Annette said she wouldn’t knock unless The Little Tyrant woke up and wanted one of us. She’d given Tina a spare keycard so she could let herself in as well as a salacious wink and a hip bump.
Man I felt good.
The doorknob jiggled, and I got up. Annette had had a crib sent to her room as well and for what little extra they charged for it, I didn’t mind the cost. I figured Tina had her hands full of baby man, so I opened the door wearing nothing but my boxers. I pulled it open and—
“Oh no, wrong room!” one of the young ladies from earlier said, then hiccupped as I tried to close the door.
“That has to be it,” another said pushing against the door I was trying to close.
“You got the wrong room,” I told them.
“You got a guy in our room?” the drunker of the two asked. “When did you pick him up? Looks kinda nerdy. He better have a—”
“Ladies,” I said loudly, “you’ve got the wrong room.”
“Yes, ladies,” Tina said from behind them.
I opened the door at the sound of her voice and saw the dynamic duo turn, surprise on their faces.
“You took home the guy with a baby?” What the hell, one of the ladies punched the other on the arm “No single dads!”
“Ladies…” I said as they started arguing.
“Excuse me,” Tina said, ducking between them and in the doorway.
Owen was starting to wake up, and I wanted the noise to end. It had to be two am or later. I started pulling the door closed when the less drunk one started for the door again. I slammed it before she could reach it and hit the deadbolt. She started pounding on it and yelling.
“She’s going to wake up the baby,” I fumed.
“Too late,” she said as Owen sat up in his crib and started crying.
The pounding on the door continued. Our house phone rang and Tina answered it.
“Yes… no, wrong room. They’re really drunk… I guess they got the full Monty. No, Rick answered the door… well, yeah. No, no, he had his boxers on. Yeah, if they don’t stop in a sec I will, or maybe I’ll send Rick back out there.”
I could barely make out her side of the conversation as I looked out the peephole. The less drunk one was the one doing the pounding while the other held up her keycard and was squinting at it under the light.
“You’re on baby duty,” Tina told me, storming the door and trying to push me aside.
“Hold on, you don’t want to do that; let’s just call security or let me.”
“They already got a good show from you,” she said, pausing to look me up and down.
Her hair was tousled from the alone time and she was savagely beautiful in that moment. Being the alpha male I am, seeing her in an utter state of pissed off, I got the hell out of the way and picked up the baby. He quieted, but was still sniffing as Tina threw open the door, letting it stay open behind her.
“You ladies got the wrong room,” she said loudly to the lady who almost knocked Tina in the head not realizing the door had opened.
“Oh hey, it’s you. What are you doing in our room?”
“This is our room, which room you got, hon?” Tina asked her, though I could hear the annoyance in her voice.
“302,” she said immediately.
“That’s your problem then,” Tina said, the anger draining and she relaxed a bit. “We’re in 320, see, right here?”
The girl looked at the door number stupidly, then turned back to her friend who was still trying to read the felt tip marker on the card’s sleeve.
“Says 302,” the drunk one slurred.
It always amazed me that people could get so blind piss drunk and not die. That was how it must have looked to Tina when I was roofied, but these two were getting annoying.
“I just want to lay down,” the drunker one said, pushing her friend out of the way to be stopped by Tina, arms on her hips in the doorway to the room.
“This isn’t your room, go find your room.”
She tried to dodge under Tina’s arms, but she just moved and her head hit Tina’s stomach. She pushed her back. The drunk let out an exasperated sound and tried to bum rush her way through like a drunk version of red rover. Tina didn’t flinch and the lady bounced back again. She stood up and reached for Tina’s hair. That was when I saw my wife do something so brutal I’d never forget it.
She punched the gal in her bikinied boob, then once in the stomach. She started to slump, but Tina pushed her back. Less drunk friend just gaped in surprise.
“You should be going now,” I called over Tina’s shoulder while the one on the ground retched and dry heaved. “I’m calling security,” I said, putting Owen in the chair by the table.
Tina slammed the door and shot the deadbolt. She turned to Owen and walked over, scooping him up. He made a happy baby sound and laid his head on her shoulder.
“I’ll talk to them. Shoot, I hope I don’t get in trouble,” Tina said, suddenly nervous.
“She tried pushing her way past you, then tried to knock you over. Looked like self-defense to me.”
“Yeah, I just… she wasn’t going to stop.”
I looked at the card that was set by the phone and found security. I handed her the handset and dialed it. She swayed with Owen in her arms while she waited.
“Yes, Tina from 302. We just had an incident with a guest. Uh huh, oh no, nobody’s hurt; well, not really. Oh no, don’t need a doc, but probably going to need cleanup. They were drunk and tried pushing their way into our room. They… yeah, the one gal said they were in 302. Not the first time? Really? I had to punch the one girl in the… uh huh. No, I didn’t hurt her, just knocked the drunk out of her I think. Yeah, I think they are. Pretty dumb if you ask me, even without being drunk. Uh huh. Ok, thanks,” she hung up the phone.
“Want me to check if they are still there?” I asked her.
“You can if you want. Apparently Annette and a couple other rooms have already called security. They were up on the fourth floor earlier trying to find their room.”
“That’s sad,” I told her.
“Well, lets not let the commotion ruin our good night.”
“You going to call Annette back?” I asked her.
“Let’s see if we can get Owen to sleep. Move his crib out from the middle of the bedroom area and give us some privacy?”
“Again?” I asked her in mock surprise.
She shook her hand where she’d made a fist. “As much as I feel bad punching a drunk, that felt good.”
I remembered the drunk in Wyoming. He’d almost gotten much worse, but I remembered the feeling after he’d left. It was a savage joy that you felt in the center of your chest. I’d let Tina take her frustrations out on me. It was the least I could do.
I was almost drifting to sleep when I heard what sounded like an alarm somewhere faint. Then the PA system. Tina was half laying on me, one leg hooked over my waist. I listened and with the small nightlight in the room I could see the fire alarm light we had. It wasn’t going off and the hard
er I listened, the more I was convinced that I was half dreaming. I was exhausted mentally and physically.
“So I hear you three had some excitement?” Annette asked at the breakfast table.
“Not much,” I told her.
“It wasn’t really anything,” Tina told her, though this morning she had admitted she felt horrible for punching that lady.
“Well, as long as you two were able to get some good sleep in.”
“I’m not sure Tina had sleep—” Tina kicked me under the table, making my leg jerk up, rattling glasses and silverware of everyone within five feet, which was quite a few.
“Owwwww,” I said, rubbing my shin under the table.
“Dayee owwwie. Momma kiss?” Owen asked Tina just as she was taking a drink of water.
She sprayed it back into her plate and started coughing. Annette was sitting next to me, but she started laughing out loud, holding onto her side. I let it go on a moment, but Tina was still coughing. I got up and walked around the table behind her and pounded her on the back a couple times. She held a hand up, and I snuck a sausage link off her plate and put it on Owen’s. His sudden interest in what was vexing his mom was gone as he started devouring Elkridge Farms meat of the gods.
“Oh uh… Hi,” a voice said from across the table.
Both Tina and I looked up. She coughed a couple more times, and then wiped her mouth with a napkin.
“Sorry, wrong pipe,” Tina explained.
That was when I did a double take. The ladies had their clothes on and weren’t in bikinis. The gals from last night.
“Listen,” the lady who got boob punched started, “I want to apologize for last night, I’m really sorry.”
“You make it to your room ok?” Tina asked instead.
“We did, security helped us, then the ship’s doctor threatened to pump my stomach if I ever drank that much again. Lord, I barely remember last night. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, your baby, and your husband.”
“I’m sorry for the wrong room mix up,” the other one said. “I didn’t want to wear my glasses. They look stupid and I have this eye thing and can’t wear my contacts right now.”
“I—” I started but was interrupted.
“Listen, I’ve been young and had my fun times like you ladies are doing here”—they nodded— “but, this could have turned out real ugly. What if you would've got some abnormal rando who pulled you both in his room and did God knows what?” Tina asked.
They looked at each other uneasily.
“Being a lady, you have to be careful about getting that drunk and losing control like you two did last night. Things could have gone much worse.”
“Worse than me getting punched in the boob?” the one lady asked, rubbing her chest unconsciously.
“Tied up, locked in a closet, being hurt over and over and over. You two were so drunk you probably wouldn’t have remembered most of it, and even if you did, who would believe you. This society takes things like how we dress and how we act when weighing motivations. They might even think you were wanting it and when you sobered up—”
“Let’s not get too graphic,” I said, putting a hand on Tina’s shoulder.
Their eyes were as big as saucers.
“I’m sorry. I…”
“Beans!” Owen exclaimed loudly.
“What does beans mean?” Annette said, probably hoping to ease the tension.
Owen made a face and I moved away from him toward my side of the table. “Listen, I’m not upset about last night. I’m glad you two are ok. Just take my wife’s advice and avoid drinking that much and getting that drunk.”
“Well, at least you weren’t some abnormal rando,” the other girl said, grinning, then turned to Tina. “He works out, doesn’t he?”
Tina turned red, but I couldn’t tell if she was merely furious or something else.
“We all do.”
The young lady who asked whispered something to her friend who looked at me, then Tina. Then she waved to Owen who ducked and tried to hide his face. Then he peeked and waved backward.
“Beans!” Owen said straightening up.
“Ok, listen, I’m really sorry. No hard feelings?”
“I’ll think about it,” Tina said, “I’m not pressing charges if that’s what you were wondering.”
“Wait, you could have pressed charges?” the woman asked.
“Yup,” Tina answered.
Annette paused the bite of food that was going to her mouth to look at Tina, then bit into her omelet.
“Ok, well, we’ll be going. Hope to uh… not get lost and confused again. I won’t drink like that, I promise… and I’m really sorry.” The last of that was said as her friend was pulling her backward.
We all watched them walking away, our group and everyone else who was within earshot. A couple people shot me quizzical looks and I shrugged my shoulders, noncommittal. Tina went back to her plate and looked down, then up at me, then to Owen who’d just taken another ham-fisted bite of sausage.
“How’d you get that?” she asked him.
“Beans!” Owen repeated again, and that’s when I realized what he was telling us, he stank!
I heard the PA click on.
May I have your attention please. We are asking all guests to return to your rooms for an emergency drill. We need the corridors open for firefighters and first responders. Please stop what you’re doing and return to your rooms in a calm and orderly manner.
Tina looked at me and sighed. I grabbed my plate while standing and shoveled the last two bites of my eggs and sausage into my mouth, wiped my mouth, and held my hand out for Annette. She swatted it away, scowling. Tina grabbed Owen out of his highchair seat and we headed to the staircase that led us down to our rooms. We weren’t the only ones, the walkways were filling up with people heading back down.
It wasn’t long until everyone started doing the right side going one way, left side the other. It became less chaotic, though it still took us ten minutes to walk back to our rooms.
“Want to come in?” Tina asked Annette.
“I don’t mind if I do. How else am I going to find out what you left out of last night?” she said with a wicked grin.
“Like what?” I asked her.
“You punched a lady in the boob?” Annette said, sitting on the edge of the bed.
The cleaning crew hadn’t been in yet, and I straightened the bed up as much as I could. It was obvious to me that there had been a wrestling match or two last night, but Annette didn’t say anything. I wondered why she sat there instead of the table, but as soon as Tina sat Owen down, she started undoing his clothes.
“You figured out beans?” I asked her.
“Smelled it. Are you teaching my grandson that awful rhyme?” she asked me pointedly.
Tina gave me a look and I nodded back. She’d called Owen her grandson. It filled me with happiness.
“I might have said it a time or—”
“Forty,” Tina finished.
“Wait, you knew what beans meant?”
“I uh… yeah, but I didn’t know if he was done,” I said suddenly seeing the trap for what it was.
“That’s ok, I’ve changed a lifetime’s worth of dirty diapers. This one is yours.”
I sighed.
We didn’t get the all clear to come out of our rooms right away like I thought we would. I could see up and down the aisleways that they were clear except for staff scurrying, but I smelled something. Burnt plastic? I didn’t see any smoke, but a ship this size was literally a floating city. I turned on the TV after trying general information and getting a busy signal. Then the PA clicked on.
We regret to inform you that we’ve had a fire in the mechanical and food service portion of the boat in the lower decks. The fire has been put out and cleanup operations are going as we speak, but we have to return to port.
We find it prudent to also note that our weather associates have been updated that Tropical Storm Leo has turned i
nto a hurricane. So far its track has changed slightly south and is looking to head to South Carolina. Normally we’d stay at sea, but with damaged systems, if the storm changes direction we might be in a worse situation. We can return to port by this time in the morning, two days ahead of the storm.
Guests will be refunded the cost of the cruise if they do not wish to rebook at a later date. We hope to have you back with us soon. One last thing, it is now safe to return to your usual activities as the all clear will be sounded momentarily.
I heard the ringing or dinging sound over the PA which probably signified the all clear, and I turned to Annette and Tina.
“Well crapola,” Tina said.
“Ola!” Owen repeated.
“So much for a drill earlier, eh?” Tina asked.
“You got that right. Probably didn’t want to panic everybody,” I told her.
“My flight doesn’t leave for a week,” Annette said, biting her lip.
“Rick can fix that, easily. With his computer,” Tina assured her.
“You aren’t upset that you’re missing most of the vacation?” I asked her surprised.
“Oh yeah, but I mean… there was a fire. If it’s bad enough to turn around a cruise like this and offer refunds… It must have been bad.”
“I didn’t see any smoke,” I mused, “but I did think I smelled something.”
“Electrical fire?” Tina offered.
“Quite possible,” Annette told her with a nod.
“Crap, that means we have to pack. No late nights for us, buddy,” I told Owen.
“Well, maybe I should too,” Annette said, standing up.
“Meet up for lunch?” Tina asked.
“If you don’t need me to watch Owen, I might sneak upstairs to gossip with the girls and grab some tequila,” she said, dropping a wink.
We both waved as she left, Owen finally getting his hand turned the right way.
18
Rick & Opus
Opus Adventure Page 10
