by Faith O'Shea
“But what about us?” she whispered low against his mouth.
This was his fault. He’d insinuated he’d be down to find a wife, hinted that it might be one of the women from his past.
He unwound her arms from his and took a step away.
“There is no us. I’m sorry if I led you to believe that might be possible. It isn’t.”
Her eyes narrowed. “I thought you would bring me to America with you.”
“This is where you belong, Johanna. The Americans will just have to make do without you.”
“You couldn’t have found another more perfect for you than I.”
“You’re not. Perfect for me. It just took longer to realize it than it should have. Tchau, Johanna.”
And good riddance.
His mother was still up when he got home, her feet resting on the top of a chair. Her glass of wine was half-empty.
“Where’s Papi?”
“In his study. We have our separate nightly rituals. You know this.”
He did. It had been this way since he’d been a boy. His father would retreat to his study for a brandy, a cigar, and a good book. The bookcases filled with all kinds of reading material that lined the walls spoke to his voracious curiosity about the world. His mother would sit here in her domain with the scent of her herbs and a glass of wine to unwind from her day. They were two distinct personalities that came together as a perfect whole.
“May I sit with you or do you want to be alone?”
“Please sit. I wasn’t expecting you back until much later.”
He dropped down into a chair, toed off his Louis Vuitton leather loafers. It felt good to wiggle his toes. He’d gotten used to wearing sneakers and cleats over the last week and the shoes he wore tonight had pinched the blood flow. Next, he loosened his tie, shrugged out of his jacket and draped it behind him. He slumped down, his legs out straight, and admitted, “I wasn’t in the mood to drink.”
Or anything else he could have found there. For the first time, he’d felt out of his element. Had he changed that much in just a couple of weeks? He’d been here just a short month ago, but it seemed like a lifetime. He hadn’t been traded yet. That was in the works even though he’d had no idea…
He glanced up to find his mother scrutinizing him as she sipped her wine. “I think this is a good thing. You are serious about your game.”
His mother was easy to talk to. Things he couldn’t admit to his father rolled off his tongue when in her presence. She could always see into the heart of him, knew before he did what he was looking for.
“I’ve become more serious about a lot of things.”
“There is a woman you left behind it, isn’t there?”
“Not really. I set the intention to settle down when I was traded. I don’t want another repeat of last year.” He peered at her and smiled. “Mental discipline is the order of the day.”
“What does not really mean? It was a yes or a no question.”
When Livia wanted to get to the bottom of something, she probed like a scientist. It appeared she was not going to let him evade her question. He might as well give in, talk to her about his confusion.
“You know I spent the week at Izabella’s, and the dog walker she’d hired was there, as well.”
She took another slow sip of wine before acknowledging, “I do know this.”
He leaned back, got comfortable.
“She isn’t really a dog walker. She was that week, but it’s not what she does.”
“I know that as well. She’s a scientist.”
He let his eyes flutter closed. There wasn’t much this family didn’t share.
“What else did my sister tell you?”
She arched her brow. “That she was able to keep you in line.”
He smiled at that and said sardonically, “Without even trying. She made me feel like a loser most of the week.”
“And you didn’t want her to see you as a loser.”
His eyes dipped to his hands, which were clasped in his lap. He swallowed hard over the lump of sadness in his throat.
“No. I didn’t.”
“And now?”
He flashed his eyes at her, his emotions raw and sore.
“She’s all wrong for me Mama. She’s consumed by her career. Or will be when she gets a job. She doesn’t cook. She doesn’t like parties, crowds, small talk. She’s logical, direct, and doesn’t take any shit. She has curly hair, is short, dresses in jeans…I could go on.”
“She doesn’t meet your ideal?”
He shook his head in resignation.
“She’s nothing like the woman I thought I’d marry.”
“Yet there is something about her that attracts you. You did not stay at the club long enough to find what you were looking for. Is that because you’ve already found her?”
He shoved his hands through his hair.
“I don’t know. The only thing I do know is that I miss her.”
Her smart mouth, those luscious lips, her laugh.
“She has the most beautiful gray eyes, brimming with curiosity. She reminds me of Papi with her thirst for answers. She listens when I talk and can delve into any subject with laser focus.”
“Those are important qualities. Maybe more important than the superficial you’ve been chasing.”
“Even if I…decided she was the one, I’m not sure I would be hers. I tried texting her, but she ignored me.”
“Did she know you were coming here and the why behind it?”
Guiltily, he admitted, “Yes.”
“Then you can’t be surprised. I wouldn’t have responded, either. You made her feel like a loser, too. She knew she was a diversion, and that you didn’t think she was good enough for you.”
He had not made her feel like a loser. He’d made love to her…
“When I met your father, he was with Julianna. I knew he had children with her and refused his advances. The attraction was strong, and I finally gave in to it. I had dinner with him, went to the theater, and we’d talk for hours. When he mentioned her or his children, it hurt. Over the months, he gave no indication that he would leave her, even though all they did, according to him, was fight. I became a convenient distraction from the hostility at home, and I was allowing him to toy with my affection. I broke it off. Told him I wanted a man who could make a commitment to me and me alone. To put it mildly, he didn’t take it well. He would show up in my boss’s office to see me, asked, begged, pleaded with me to reconsider. I began avoiding him and that’s when he started calling me.”
She gave him a smile. “We didn’t have texting back then. And if we had and that was how he was communicating with me, I would have been even angrier. Hearing the vibration of the voice is as important as the words being spoken. He came to my office one day, professed his love, and told me he’d made the break. I didn’t know whether to be excited or sad. I was sorry the children would lose their father. I was very glad I was able to make it up to them when they became part of our lives. The bottom line, Rique? Why would she respond to you knowing that you’d rejected her?”
“I never did that.”
He’d welcomed her into his bed, with more passion than he thought he had in him.
“But you did, as soon as you told her you were boarding that plane and the reason why.”
She drained the rest of the wine and set the glass down on the table.
“From my perspective, Fiona is the perfect woman for you. She has a life of her own, she’s independent, intelligent and passionate. And as for your differences? They are like pieces to a puzzle, interlocking, making a whole. You love crowds, so you can help her navigate them. She’s direct where you tend to finesse. She’s logical, you’re more insightful. You don’t really want someone like you, do you? It would get boring very quickly.”
He’d already come to that conclusion.
He gave her a lopsided smile. “You only think so because she keeps me in line.”
“I think, rat
her, she makes you want to stay in line. Didn’t you say she did it without even trying?”
The truth of that statement almost blindsided him. He’d been wrong. It wasn’t marriage, it was the woman, just like Fifi had told him. He wanted to be a better person because of who she was. He’d come to respect her. Fuck, he’d come to love her.
It had taken only a second to see that Fifi was different than any other woman he’d met. If he closed his eyes, he could see her standing there in the mudroom, her hair dripping wet, covered in the grit from the puddle, yet she had radiated a shimmering energy that washed over him. There’d been an authentic connection, and he was almost sure it could lead to a deep and satisfying union.
“Can you fall in love this quickly?”
“Are you asking is there such a thing as love at first sight? I think yes. There can be an immediate kinship, a curiosity that compels you to learn more. Timing plays a key role. You’re ready for commitment, and this woman comes along who complements you, who you like being with and who, hopefully, excites you. It also has to do with what you need from the other when the time is right. If I’d met your father before Julianna did, I’m not sure we would have lasted this long. He needed sweet after such bitterness.”
He bounced out of his seat and began to pace. He was fidgety now, nervous about the future.
“I always wanted my wife to stay home with our children, like you did.”
“If I’d had something valuable to offer the world, I would have given my time to it. Your father loved me enough that he would have supported and encouraged me.”
“Fifi wants to succeed. She’s ambitious. I’m not sure I like it.”
Her face expressed horror. “You do not call her that, do you?”
He could feel a bubble of remorse burst.
“I did. Do. I’m not sure I can call her anything else now.”
It was term of endearment, and in that one word he’d found it all. He just wasn’t sure they could inhabit space as a family.
He knew there was only one way to find out.
“I’m going to go…home earlier than I planned. You’ll understand, won’t you?”
She got up and embraced him like she had when he was five. “I do. I think I will like her.”
“She’s not as outwardly affectionate as we are.”
“She was raised differently, that’s all. You have seen the love in her?”
He nodded.
“Then you will show her how to express it with words, gestures, and actions.”
He would. If she’d let him.
He kissed his mother’s cheek just as his father came in to collect her for bed.
“See you both in the morning.”
On his way to his room, he knocked lightly on Felicia’s door.
“Come in.”
Rique peeked his head in to find her reading. She was the most like their father in that regards. “Can you run an errand with me tomorrow?”
“Sure. What kind?”
“I’ll explain it when we’re in the car.”
“Okay. Sleep well.”
“You, too.”
And for the first night since Fifi had left his sister’s, he fell into a deep and untroubled sleep.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Fiona was up early on Saturday morning, dressed and ready to go. Ripped jeans, a long sleeve shirt, her Greenliner sweatshirt and boots. She had a job that others would envy. Well, some others, anyway. She couldn’t see Izabella stepping out into the business world in these kinds of clothes. But then again, Izabella mixed with people. She didn’t, and she liked it that way.
Yesterday, Keith had reviewed both contracts provided by the university, and they’d been signed, sealed and delivered that same afternoon. The employee contract was a single-page notification to which she’d agreed to provide up to twenty hours a week of instruction, including lecture and labs, during the upcoming summer, fall and spring terms. The courses were entitled Proteins: Alignment, Analysis, and Structure, Genetic Sequencing, and Genetic Data Analysis. Payment of services would include the prompt correction of all papers and exams. The lab document was more cumbersome. It was six pages of tiny print that set out all parameters for the research to be done, including financial compensation and set-up fund along with a list of equipment that was currently housed there. She’d all but danced out of the building after dropping them off and been given the key she’d reluctantly returned Wednesday. She was the proud lessee of a lab in the Sullivan Science Complex on the college campus. Michaels had given her permission to get a head start. She wasn’t going to have to wait until Monday.
She’d been in constant touch with Bohdan since. She’d picked his brain for ideas about course material and lecture topics and she’d labored far into the night, organizing, and synthesizing, and finally completing the curricula vitae. The course descriptions had been emailed to Kurt’s secretary soon after. Up at dawn, she went right back to her desk and had a completed a syllabus for the for ten-week course on Proteins. She had fleshed out an outline for both genetics courses, pulling out all her old study notes to make sure she didn’t miss anything of importance.
Keeping busy had been her salvation. It had kept her mind from drifting to Rique. Or at least had kept her from dwelling on him twenty-four seven. She’d gotten next to no sleep over the last two nights, imagining him on his search, scouring the clubs for his life partner. Had he gone dancing?
Did he hold the woman the way he’d held her? Had he left early to complete the seduction and take her to bed? She hated the way that thought made her feel. Him in bed with someone else was an image blurred with shadow and darkness.
Was he drinking? Staying out of trouble? Had he found himself a wife yet? What did she look like? Every question she’d asked soured her stomach.
Frustration spilled out in a fiery sigh. There was a fantasy that played out when she least expected it, about him not finding anyone and coming back, telling her he couldn’t live without her and asking her to marry him.
Not that she’d agree to it.
They’d never work as a couple. She should know. She’d spent hours listing all the reasons he couldn’t love her, repeating the mantra as she lay in bed, restless and alone. The problem was she missed him, wanted to feel his lips on hers as much as she’d wanted her own lab.
That pretty much told her everything about what she felt.
Gawd. She had to stop doing this to herself. He was gone. She was here. She’d have to start dealing with it and stop thinking about him.
She shrugged into her coat. She was meeting Bohdan at the lab at eight. They had a lot of work to do. They had to take an inventory of what they had and what they’d need to purchase from the money the college had put at her disposal. As she was hefting the briefcase over her shoulder her buzzer sounded. She looked over at it, as if it would tell her who was at the outer door. Slowly, she walked across the kitchen and pressed the intercom.
“Yes?”
“Fifi, it’s me.”
The blood drained from her face and her legs began to shake. What the hell? Had he come to tell her all about his…upcoming marriage? Inviting her to be a witness? How dare he…
“I’m busy. Go away.”
“I need to talk to you.”
If he was looking for advice or needed her to settle him about something, he was out of luck. Those days were over, even as the memories lingered too vividly for her own good.
“I’m sure Izabella would be more than willing to listen.”
“I need to talk to you.”
Gawd. Every time she thought she’d outdistanced him, he showed up. How the hell was she supposed to put him in her past if he continued to be in her present? The pull to see him again was strong but she fought it with every ounce of discipline in her.
“I was just leaving. I don’t have time.”
“Come on, Fifi. Give me five minutes. I’m not going away until you do.”
Five minutes. It wasn’t near
ly enough time. Not if she wanted to drink him in, hear his voice, listen to one of his stories. But five minutes was more than she’d thought she’d get again. And if he wasn’t leaving until she talked to him, then she couldn’t leave for the lab. There were two voices drowning out all thought. One said, see him, the other told her she’d be crazy to give in.
Crazy won. It seemed her only choice, so she might as well get it over with.
She released the lever, picked up her purse, briefcase, and keys. After locking the door, she took a deep breath and walked down the two flights of stairs to get to the front lobby. She could see the back of him through the glass, his hands in his coat pockets but when he heard the creak of the inner door he turned, and her breath held. He looked just like she remembered, maybe even better if that was possible. Her heart skidded across her chest as she pushed through the door. And passed right by him. She couldn’t do this to herself.
He ran down the brick stairs after her, took hold of her arm, stopping her forward motion.
She avoided his eyes, couldn’t take the chance of falling into them.
“What?”
She braced herself for some kind of monologue on his upcoming wedding.
“I…I found who I wanted to be with.”
The words hit her like body blows and her voice was nothing more than a whisper.
“Great. Mission accomplished.”
“She wasn’t anything like I’d envisioned, but I fell hard and fast.”
I guess you did. Even faster than I fell for you. That took a couple of days. Bullshit. It took minutes.
There was such surety in his voice, she thought maybe he had. Like his father and mother, love at first sight.
She struggled to get out, “Congratulations. Now I have to get going.”
“Don’t you want to know who it is?”
As she pried his fingers from her arm, she said, “Not particularly. I can truthfully say my life will be complete without it.”
He shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out a box. What? Was he kidding? He was going to show her the ring he’d bought for the mystery woman?
Her eyes flashed up to meet his. As soon as her stomach fell to her feet, she knew it was a mistake. Those eyes could do serious damage to her heart.
