“We look alike. A few people have told me that since I arrived in Silverhill.”
Julia let out a breath and smiled. “Yeah, I noticed.”
“And I noticed you’ve been monopolizing that tall, gorgeous cowboy, Ryder McClintock, since he’s been back. Are you going to give the rest of us girls a crack at him?”
Julia’s mouth gaped open.
Rosie laughed. “Just kidding. I’m waitin’ on his brother, Rafe, anyway. I’ve heard a few stories about him and if he looks anything like Ryder…” She winked and tucked her hand into Charlie’s pocket.
“I—I guess if you don’t need any help, we’ll be seeing you.” Charlie turned around, but not before Julia caught a glimpse of the dark scowl rolling across his face.
Julia shook her head. That girl had too many fingers in too many pies. She’d just better keep those sticky fingers off Ryder.
“SHOULD WE PRESS the buzzer like last time?” Ryder jerked his thumb at Dr. Brody’s door, firmly closed.
“No, he has an appointment before mine today. When he’s finished, he’ll open the door.”
“When are you going to tell him?”
“I’ll wait until after the session.” She bit her lip. She agreed with Ryder that Jim should have been able to help her recover her memories before now. Her suspicions of him grew after Ryder found out about his censure. She needed to move on.
“Maybe you should tell him before. Don’t you need the session to work out transference or countertransference or whatever?”
“I never experienced any transference with Dr. Brody.” She crossed her arms and perched on the arm of the leather love seat.
“Speak for yourself. I think Dr. Brody has a thing for you.”
“And you really think that thing involves leaving flowers and blood on my porch?”
“I don’t know.” He lifted a shoulder and winced. “Maybe the cameras will tell us that.”
“Did you hurt your shoulder?”
“My neck’s a little stiff.”
“From sleeping in your truck last night?” She pushed up from the love seat and prowled to his chair. Placing a hand on the top of his shoulder, she wiggled her fingers beneath his shirt where they met his smooth, warm skin.
“You noticed that, did you?” He closed his eyes and his head fell back.
“Hard to miss a big, white truck sitting outside my house with a cowboy lounging in the front seat.” She kneaded a tight muscle where his neck and shoulder met, and he groaned.
“Just didn’t want to leave you alone in that house after what happened.”
“I should’ve let you stay inside. I’m sorry.” Her fingers slid down the front of his shirt, splaying across the hard muscles of his chest.
He opened his eyes and grabbed her other hand, planting a kiss on her palm. “Don’t be sorry. You need time, time to remember…”
“Sorry I’m late.”
Dr. Brody burst through his office door, and Julia jumped back from Ryder as if she was sixteen and Dad just discovered her on the couch with a boy. Maybe Ryder had the right idea about that transference stuff.
She glanced over Dr. Brody’s shoulder into his empty office. “Don’t you have another patient?”
“Cancelled. I was just transcribing a tape from an earlier session. Are you ready?”
Dr. Brody’s wide smile didn’t mesh with his narrowed eyes, and Julia felt more confident than ever in her decision to end treatment with him.
“Do you think Ryder needs to be present again?” She glanced over her shoulder at Ryder and rolled her eyes.
“Of course he needs to be present.” Dr. Brody swept his arm into his office.
As Julia brushed past him, he stiffened. Then he followed her into the office ahead of Ryder.
“Let’s get right down to business. Feeling susceptible today, Julia?”
Jerk. Brody had a crush on Julia, and he’d been holding her back from making progress all these years because he didn’t want to lose her to her memories of another life…another man. He had half a mind to report him even though it would be hard to prove. Of course, if Brody turned out to be Julia’s stalker, they’d nail him for more than improper conduct.
As Brody’s smooth voice flowed through the room, Julia’s eyelids drooped and the hands she’d been clasping in her lap fell to her sides.
At least the guy had his methods of hypnosis down.
Julia’s memories came easily now. She recalled her childhood with her parents, the loneliness of being an only child and shuttling between two countries. Her trust and love for her father shined through, as did her rancorous relationship with her mother.
Even her first meeting with Jeremy and the reasons for her attraction to him tumbled from her lips. After their separation and subsequent divorce, Julia had explained it all to him. How lost she felt after her father’s death and how Jeremy’s overwhelming and extravagant attention filled that void, making her whole again.
“But then the relationship soured, didn’t it, Julia?”
She nodded. “When I met Jeremy, I had blinders on. He swept me away when I needed sweeping away. I didn’t notice his faults, didn’t want to notice his faults.”
“Did you know he was involved in sabotage when you left him?”
“No.” She screwed up her eyes. “Not then, but I found out he was cheating on me, and he got violent when I confronted him about it.”
“So you paid him back by taking a lover of your own, didn’t you?”
Ryder’s head snapped up as he glared at Brody. What the hell was the man doing?
Brody held his hand out to him. His soothing voice took on a hard edge. “You had an affair while you were married, didn’t you, Julia?”
“I loved Ryder.” Sinking back against the cushions, Julia smiled. “I still love Ryder.”
The tight knot in Ryder’s belly unraveled and his doubts dissipated. She loved him and it had nothing to do with being on the rebound from Jeremy. Maybe Brody knew what he was doing, but he had a misconception about when their affair started. Julia never cheated on Jeremy.
“And you made love to Ryder while you were still married to Jeremy. Maybe that’s why you can’t remember him. It’s the guilt.”
Ryder clenched his jaw. Was Brody trying to help her regain her memory or make her feel like crap?
“No.” A furrow gathered between Julia’s eyebrows as she tilted her head. “We fell in love while I was still married to Jeremy, but we didn’t get together until after the separation.”
“Then why are you suppressing memories of Ryder? Is there some secret about your relationship?”
Ryder shifted in his seat. What kind of game was Brody playing? He’d obviously figured out Ryder was Shelby’s father. Why was he pressing Julia now? Ryder wanted Julia to remember the pregnancy on her own, not like this. Growling from the back of his throat, he stood up, looming over Brody.
“You can’t disturb her now unless you want to cause some damage to her psyche.” Brody turned his smug smile on Ryder.
Ryder clenched his fist, ready to smash that smile to smithereens, but he didn’t know a thing about hypnosis and he wouldn’t do a thing to jeopardize Julia’s safety.
“How about it, Julia? Are you keeping a secret from Ryder?”
“My pregnancy.” A single tear rolled down Julia’s face. “I found out I was pregnant with Ryder’s baby before he left for his next mission, but I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to hold him or trick him. He’d already told me he didn’t want children.”
Had he really said something so stupid? After meeting Shelby, he couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t want to have children, a perfect little tomboy with gleaming curls.
“So you hid the truth from Ryder, and he’s been hiding the truth from you.”
Ryder uncurled his fists and flexed his fingers. He’d strangle him instead.
“When Ryder walked back into your life on Silverhill’s main street and saw Shelby, he must’ve kn
own she was his daughter. And he kept the truth from you. Why do you think he did that?”
“Stop it, Brody,” Ryder said through clenched teeth.
“I don’t know.” Julia pinned her hands between her knees and began rocking.
“Maybe he lied to you because you lied to him. Maybe he has plans to take Shelby away from you, an unfit mother who has panic attacks, a black hole for a memory, and a dangerous man stalking her.”
Ryder crouched behind Brody’s chair and hooked an arm around his neck. He hissed in his ear, “Bring her out of it now, you piece of garbage. And when this is over, you’ll have another black spot on your record with that psychology board.”
Brody choked and clawed at Ryder’s forearm. “Okay, okay.”
Rubbing his throat, Brody intoned the words to bring Julia out of her hypnotic state. As he encouraged her to remember everything from the session, he shot a vindictive glance at Ryder, hovering at Julia’s side.
Julia’s eyelids fluttered open and she crossed her arms over her chest, gripping her upper arms. Her gaze slid from Brody’s triumphant face to Ryder’s tight one.
She sat forward, her wide eyes brimming with distrust. Ryder ran his hand down her back, but she bristled at his touch.
“I’d say that was a very successful session because you finally discovered the identity of Shelby’s father.” Brody snapped his notebook shut and stood up.
Ryder lunged for Brody and grabbed his shirt collar.
Julia yelled, “Stop. He’s not worth it.”
Ryder shoved him back and wiped his hands on the thighs of his jeans. “I’m filing a complaint against you.”
Smiling, Brody straightened his shirt. “Go ahead. I didn’t record this session. It’s one disgruntled…patient’s word against mine. She was in a hypnotic state.”
“I’m not coming back, Jim. It’s over. I don’t think you ever had my well-being as your top priority.” Julia rose from the sofa and rubbed her pale, tear-smudged face.
“I protected you, Julia. People don’t get amnesia just because of a bump on the head. You wanted to forget. I knew that. I spared you memories of a cheating spouse and a man who didn’t want you or your child, and he proved that when he came waltzing back into your life. Why didn’t he admit to being Shelby’s father? Either he doesn’t want her or he wants her all to himself. Think about it. Ryder McClintock showed up in town only a few weeks after the stalking incidents began. Maybe he’s trying to drive you crazy so he can snatch Shelby away from you.”
“That’s enough.” Ryder thrust his arm out as if to deflect Brody’s words.
“You see, Julia. He’s a violent man, just like your ex-husband. They’re spies for goodness sakes. They live in a violent, turbulent world. You don’t need that. Shelby doesn’t need that.”
Ryder pushed past him and threw open his office door, startling a man reading a magazine. How did Brody know Julia planned to call it quits with him before the session started? He had an agenda from the minute they walked into his office.
Ryder’s trained eye scanned the room. He stood on a table and felt behind the speaker in the corner while Brody’s next patient stared at him with an open mouth.
“What are you doing?” Julia hung back by Brody’s office door while the doctor hovered over her shoulder, his brow wrinkled.
Ryder’s fingers trailed along the top of a picture frame until they stumbled on a device tucked into the corner. He yanked out the mini camera and microphone and held it up.
“Spying on your patients before they even come into your office, Brody? I think that board of yours is going to be very interested in this.” He dangled the camera from his fingertips, swinging it in front of the waiting patient. “Don’t you think?”
The man tossed his magazine on the table and grabbed the doorknob. “What kind of office is this?”
“See ya, doc.” Ryder pocketed the electronic device and followed the man out into the hallway.
Julia clicked the door behind her and leaned against it, closing her eyes.
“Julia, I wanted to tell you, but I wanted you to remember first. Of course I knew Shelby belonged to me the minute I saw her. You and Jeremy didn’t even sleep together at the end of your marriage, and I knew damn well you wouldn’t have gone back to him after I left.”
“Shelby doesn’t belong to you. She’s mine.” Julia shoved off the doorjamb and marched toward the elevator.
Ryder stared at her stiff back. Great. She misinterpreted his patience as deception. By giving her time to remember their love, he’d driven a huge wedge between them.
“I WANT another riding lesson with Ryder.” Shelby planted her pink sneakers in the carpet and folded her arms.
“Not today, Shelby.” Julia tossed a couple of water bottles in the backpack, followed by two granola bars, a light blanket and her cell phone.
“You promised. Ryder promised.” Shelby thrust out her lower lip and bunched up her arms tighter.
“Promises get broken. People lie.” Julia swung the backpack over her shoulder and stalked to the front door. A small sniffle stopped her dead in her tracks.
She ventured a look over her shoulder just in time to see a big, fat tear wobble on the end of Shelby’s lashes and her lip tremble.
Julia spun around and dropped to her knees in front of Shelby’s shuddering frame. Folding her arms around her, she said, “I’m sorry, honey bun. Ryder’s busy with his brother today. You’ll have another riding lesson later this week. Ryder doesn’t break his promises and he doesn’t lie.”
He just withholds information.
Julia wiped the tear from Shelby’s face and took her hand. “Let’s take our hike to The Twirling Ballerinas. When you have your sleepover at Clem and Millie’s tonight, you can pick out one of the kittens.”
Shelby’s face brightened as she rubbed the back of her hand across her nose. “I want the black and white one.”
“Okay. Clem will let us know when the kitty is ready to leave its mama.”
Julia’s grip tightened on Shelby’s hand when they left the house and made their way toward the start of the trail.
“Too tight.” Shelby shook her hand free of Julia’s and skipped ahead.
Julia had to shed the fear that Ryder intended to steal Shelby from her. She knew her overprotection of Shelby bordered on smothering and she didn’t want to be that kind of mother.
She’d grown accustomed to having Shelby all to herself. Her daughter represented her lifeline as she groped in the darkness of her past. She didn’t want to share Shelby and only felt relief when she found out her ex-husband was dead and wouldn’t be calling on her for visitation rights and joint custody.
But Ryder wasn’t Jeremy. Again, once the hypnosis peeled back a corner on her memories, they poured forth in sweet, agonizing detail. She recalled her first meeting with Ryder when Jeremy brought him to their Paris apartment. The problems with Jeremy had already begun, and Julia and Ryder had shared many laughs that weekend that excluded a morose Jeremy. Electricity sizzled between them, the same connection she felt the first time she saw him on Silverhill’s main street.
When she and Jeremy separated, Ryder had kept his distance, but the pull between them was too strong. Her skin tingled even now as she recalled making love with Ryder.
She remembered discovering her pregnancy as if it happened yesterday. She also remembered the uncertainty that plagued her. Wary of large families with pressing expectations, Ryder had told her many times he didn’t want children.
So why did the knowledge of his paternity frighten her now? If he didn’t want kids, why did she fear he’d snatch Shelby away from her?
Maybe her real fear was that he wouldn’t. That he’d have no interest in his daughter at all.
Shaking her head, she hitched the backpack up on her shoulders. She didn’t know what she wanted or what she feared.
“Slow down, Shelby.”
Except Jim Brody. She feared him. After that disastrous session yesterday
, Jim had left several messages on her answering machine. She and Ryder had barely spoken on the drive home, and he dropped her off with a world of questions unanswered between them. So when the phone rang after dinner, she left it for the machine to pick up. But instead of Ryder’s voice, Jim’s voice, slurred and alternately pathetic and demanding, spewed out of the answering machine. The background noise indicated he’d placed those calls from a bar. Jim, the former alcoholic, had fallen off the wagon.
The booze had loosened his tongue and his inhibitions. He rambled on about how he loved her and wanted to protect her from her dangerous past and the dangerous men in it. With each message he left, Julia became more and more convinced that he had left the flowers, slashed the tires and bloodied her porch. And the fire at the hotel? He was probably responsible for that, too.
She shivered to think of the number of times she’d been holed up in that office with him alone.
“Wait for me, Shelby.” Shelby had the sure-footedness of a mountain goat, but Julia always liked to keep her in sight on the trail especially on this narrow pathway.
Shelby plopped down on a rock to wait for her before negotiating the only tricky part of the trail. Julia took Shelby’s arm, pulling her up and in front of her while she gripped her waist. Single file they picked their way along the path that led to a sheer drop to their left for several feet.
A shadow fell across the trail and Julia peered up. A large boulder tumbled from the hillside to their right. She screamed and shoved Shelby forward where the path widened.
The boulder crashed into Julia’s legs, knocking her off her feet. She teetered on the soft shoulder of the path until the gravel gave way beneath her sneakers and she slid off the side of the mountain.
Chapter Nine
“Mama!” Shelby screamed above her and then her small face floated at the edge of the crumbled precipice.
“Stay back, Shelby.” Julia grasped the dry, scrubby bush growing out of the side of the rock and extended her toes to feel for a ledge. Emptiness gaped below her. “Get back on the trail.”
Circumstantial Memories Page 10
