by Heidi Swain
‘Beverley Nichols?’ Chloe grinned, clapping her hands together.
‘Beverley who?’ Finn frowned, looking from her to me and back again.
I think he thought I’d gone a little mad.
‘Yes,’ I gasped, looking at Chloe who was laughing and shaking her head. ‘How did you know that?’
‘My nan was a huge fan,’ she told me. ‘She loved his books and had loads of clippings from his magazine column.’
‘Well, I never,’ I smiled back.
Other than Eloise, I’d never met anyone else who’d even heard of him.
‘Him?’ Finn frowned, looking more confused than ever.
‘Yes,’ I said, stepping down and handing him the long-handled planter because he was the tallest, ‘come on, I’ll show you what to do.’
Finn soon got the hang of it, which was just as well as there were quite literally hundreds to plant.
‘Some of these have fallen quite close together,’ he pointed out. ‘Do you want me to space them out a bit?’
‘No,’ I said, rushing over, ‘clumps are fine.’
Planting exactly where they landed was going to ensure they looked naturalistic rather than regimented. We were striving for swathes of colour not municipal park planting.
‘Are they all the same?’ he asked. ‘There are loads of daffodil varieties, aren’t there?’
‘There are,’ I confirmed, ‘but these are all the same sort. I’ve used them in a scheme before. In fact,’ I added, remembering and then thinking aloud, ‘they became a bit of a trademark for Peter and me.’ We had used them to great effect on at least three occasions and I couldn’t wait to see them swaying in the spring breeze at Prosperous Place. ‘And when they come up,’ I told Finn, ‘you’ll see why I asked Luke to get just one variety – and remember, no blabbing about what we’ve been up to.’
‘Are you talking just about the bulbs, or something else?’ he asked darkly.
Taken aback, I quickly turned away and got my foot caught in one of the planting holes he had made, but not yet filled.
‘Shit,’ I swore, dropping everything as the ground came up to meet me.
Finn swung into action and, before I knew it, I was safely enfolded in his arms and had been saved from the pain of a twisted ankle. I clung to him as I carefully lifted my foot out of the hole and gingerly set it down on the grass. Thankfully there was no harm done. Other than to my dignity, which had taken another battering.
‘I don’t remember that being part of the Nichols technique,’ Chloe laughed. ‘You’re supposed to be throwing not catching, although Freya is a rather lovely catch.’
I kept my eyes focused on Finn’s broad chest, let go of his sleeve and put a little distance between us, embarrassed that Chloe had commented.
‘You all right?’ Finn asked.
When I risked a glance, there was a smirk playing around his lips and I supposed I could hardly blame him. I daresay I had looked hilarious, but I couldn’t see the funny side.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘no harm done.’
‘What a hero,’ Chloe carried on, too far away to see my face as she pretended to swoon. ‘Although I would imagine women are always falling at your feet, aren’t they Finn?’
Now it was his turn to look uncomfortable. His face was almost as red as I imagined mine to be.
‘Not exactly,’ he said, turning his attention back to the job in hand.
‘Remind me,’ she said, wandering over, ‘what exactly is your current relationship status?’
I could feel my heart starting to beat faster and it had nothing to do with the tumble I had just taken. I didn’t like the turn the conversation was taking and knew I had to stop it.
‘If you want to ask him on a date, Chloe…’ I blurted out, but stopped when I spotted the change in her expression.
Her eyes were wide and her rosy glow was dialled down to deathly white.
‘No,’ she stammered. ‘That’s not what I…’
She bit her lip and her eyes filled with tears as she fumbled to pull back the sleeve of her coat to check her watch.
‘I have to go,’ she said, rushing off. ‘Otherwise I’ll be late for school.’
‘Nice one,’ said Finn, as soon as she was out of earshot.
‘I was worried you were going to say something about what happened yesterday,’ I said, my own eyes filling with tears, just like Chloe’s had.
‘Why would I want to tell anyone about that?’ he snapped back.
My analysis of the situation was right then; he hadn’t felt the same level of heat as I had, and I felt even more foolish than when I’d fallen over.
‘And I don’t think Chloe actually was trying to ask me out, was she?’ he said pointedly, making me feel even worse.
‘I’ll go after her,’ I said, my tears spilling over as I realised what I had done.
Chloe hadn’t been asking about Finn’s love life for her own benefit. Of course, she hadn’t. If I hadn’t been so stupidly jealous of their friendship and insisted on reading more into it, then I might have worked that out far sooner and stopped myself from making such a stupid mistake. All this time she had been trying to matchmake him and me, not him and her.
‘No,’ said Finn, catching my arm, ‘leave her. There’s nothing you can say right now that will make her feel any better.’
I hated to admit it, but he was right.
* * *
I sent Chloe a text that evening, apologising for my silly comment and making her promise to meet me in The Dragon Friday night so I could buy her a drink and say sorry in person. Had it been anybody else, with any other past, my silly faux pas most likely wouldn’t have mattered anywhere near as much. But dear Chloe, widowed so young, certainly didn’t need me accusing her of looking for love when all she really had going on with the man in question was an easy-going friendship.
I felt a bit jittery as I left the square and headed for the pub. The last thing I wanted to do, especially as the new girl on the block, was upset anyone and I hoped my new friend would accept my explanation when I told her in all honesty that my silly comment was the result of me feeling totally blindsided by my unexpected feelings of attraction for Finn which shouldn’t have impacted on her at all.
The last thing I had been expecting was to fall headlong for the fella who had bitten my head off when I first laid eyes on him, but that’s what had happened, and our passionate kiss had confirmed it. Why else would he be constantly on my mind? Why else would I be factoring in his thoughts and opinions when considering my own? Why else would I care so much that he had been annoyed when I stuck up for him? Why else would my eyes turn green every time I saw him with Chloe?
It was all a mortifying mess, especially now I knew for certain that he was keen to forget all about the best kiss I’d ever had. I would just have to tell Chloe that as kindly meant as her matchmaking was, it was very definitely misplaced.
‘Just a Coke for me please,’ I said to Chloe’s friend Hannah, who was serving behind the bar, ‘and what do you think Chloe would like?’
‘No idea,’ she said bluntly, ‘but she sent me a text a minute ago asking me to tell you that she’s not coming.’
‘Oh,’ I said, reaching into my jacket pocket for my phone.
‘She said she tried to call you but you didn’t answer.’
After Peter’s timely interruption, I’d switched my phone to silent and hadn’t felt it vibrating in my pocket, but sure enough, there was a missed call listed on my log.
‘Damn,’ I said, feeling worse than ever, especially when I realised that from the look Hannah was giving me, she knew what had happened. ‘Did she say anything else?’
‘No,’ Hannah shrugged.
I paid her for the drink she had already poured and found myself a table tucked around the corner from the open fire. I would drink up, head home and work out what I was going to say to Chloe when I called her from the more private confines of my sitting room.
‘All on your lonesome?’
‘Zak,’ I said, ‘hi.’ He was the last person I wanted to see. ‘Yeah, I am, but I’m about to head off actually.’
‘But you’ve only just arrived.’
‘I wasn’t planning on staying long.’
‘You’ve not been stood up, have you?’
‘No,’ I said, trying to keep my patience.
I didn’t think it actually counted as being stood up if the other person had let you know they weren’t coming. Not that I had any intention of sharing that summation of the situation with Zak.
‘I thought you might be waiting for my brother,’ he smiled, ‘but as you’re not, would you mind if I sat with you?’
‘I would actually,’ I told him as I quickly drained my glass.
‘Fair enough,’ he shrugged. ‘I just wanted to have a quick word, but I’ll come and find you next week.’
Something in his tone made me look at him properly and I can’t deny, I was surprised by what I saw. Clad in a shirt which wasn’t two sizes too small and with considerably less product than usual, attempting to sculpt his closely cropped hair, he was almost unrecognisable. He was a much more attractive proposition, toned down and covered up.
‘Too cold for a T-shirt tonight?’ I asked, unable to resist.
‘I know, right,’ he grinned. ‘Who’d have thought it? But actually,’ he went on, ‘this is your doing, Freya.’
‘Mine?’
‘For the most part, yes,’ he said, taking the chair opposite. ‘You really took the wind out of my sails the other night.’
‘Did I?’
I felt myself tense up, waiting for the punchline, chat-up line, or any other line he might be about to deliver. But apparently, he was in earnest.
‘Yeah,’ he said, rubbing a hand around the back of his neck and looking uncharacteristically sheepish.
‘I think you’d better explain.’
Truth be told, I’d rather hear it when I was already having a rough night, than next week when I was enjoying a day’s work.
‘The thing is,’ he said, putting his glass on the table and fiddling with the cuffs of his shirt.
I imagined it was an unusual feeling, having his whole arms covered.
‘You might not have realised it, but what you said at the square switch-on really hit home.’
‘Which bit?’
‘All of it, to be honest. I’ve spent so long taking the piss out of Finn that I’d forgotten what it might feel like if I stopped. For years, I’ve been going along with Dad’s opinion of him…’
His words trailed off as he looked around him, but there was no one paying any attention to us.
‘Go on,’ I encouraged, still not convinced his words weren’t part of some elaborate prank.
‘Promise me you won’t breathe a word to anyone else, Freya, especially not Finn.’
‘I won’t,’ I told him. ‘Scout’s honour,’ I added, echoing his half-brother’s words.
‘Well,’ he swallowed, ‘the truth is, I’m jealous of him.’
‘Jealous?’
‘Shush,’ he pleaded, looking around again, ‘yes, jealous. I’ve spent my entire life looking for Dad’s approval by doing and saying everything he wants and expects, but Finn’s had the balls to carve his own path and be his own man, even when it’s been difficult, nigh on impossible, at times.’
The words escaped him in one long rush and I took a moment to study his face.
‘I’m not bullshitting,’ he told me, clearly reading my thoughts, ‘although I totally get why you might think I am.’
‘I don’t think you’re lying,’ I reassured him, because I didn’t. There was absolutely no trace of mischief about him and I was pretty certain he wasn’t clever enough to deliver those lines with such commitment if he didn’t truly mean them. ‘I’m just in shock.’
‘You and me both,’ he smiled. ‘It’s taken a lot for me to say out loud what I’ve secretly been feeling.’
It wasn’t a direct comparison, but it had taken me a while to break off my engagement with Peter, even though I had been harbouring feelings of doubt practically from the moment he slid the solitaire diamond on to my finger. In fact, if Eloise hadn’t happened to come into my life when she did, then I might never have found the courage to do it. Given that I now thought what Zak had just told me was true, then I had bestowed upon him (and in turn Finn), the ultimate ‘pay it forward’ moment.
‘So, why now?’ I questioned. ‘Finn was really annoyed with me for sticking up for him and, to be honest, I assumed you were going to use it against him.’
Zak shook his head. ‘To tell you the truth,’ he laughed, ‘initially so did I, but it didn’t work like that. Your words struck a chord, Freya, and I realised that it was time that I grew up and started acting my age. I even sneaked into the studio when Finn was upstairs in the flat and had a look at those three rabbits he’s been working on.’
‘Hares.’
‘What?’
‘They’re hares, not rabbits.’
‘Same difference,’ he shrugged.
There was plenty of difference, but it wasn’t the moment to explain them.
‘And what did you think of them?’ I asked instead.
‘They’re amazing,’ he said. ‘You’d have to be stupid not to be able to see that.’
As I recalled, when I first set eyes on the trio, that was exactly what I thought Zak and his dad were.
‘They are spectacular,’ I agreed, ‘and we’ve found the perfect spot for them in the garden.’
‘I don’t know how he does it,’ he said, wide-eyed. ‘How can he take a pile of scrap and see that potential and those shapes?’
‘I have no idea,’ I said. ‘Not a clue.’
A beat of silence fell but then I couldn’t resist asking. ‘So, does this mean you’re about to reveal a secret ambition, too?’
‘Nah,’ he said, ‘I’m happy being a builder like my dad, I just don’t want to be a tosser like him anymore, that’s all.’
‘Well,’ I said, ‘I think that revelation is more than enough to be going on with and I like the new image,’ I added, nodding at the cover-all shirt.
‘It’s all right, isn’t it?’ he said, looking down at his chest and smoothing the fabric. ‘I’m not into the kind of stuff Finn wears, all those symbols and stuff, but I’m sick of being a carbon copy of Dad. I always thought he was the strong one in the family, but actually that’s Finn. I’ve realised now that it’s taken a lot for him to stick to his guns and follow his heart, especially when he didn’t even have me in his corner.’
‘Are you going to tell him any of this?’
I really hoped he was.
‘You must be joking,’ he laughed. ‘He’ll think I’m taking the mick.’
‘He might not,’ I told him, ‘especially if you say it all to him just like you’ve said it to me.’
‘I’m not sure I could do it again,’ he grimaced, puffing out his cheeks, ‘and you gave me your word that you wouldn’t tell, remember?’
‘I remember,’ I smiled.
‘Not a word to Finn or anyone else, all right?’
‘Of course, I said so, didn’t I?’
‘That’s all right then,’ he said, standing back up, ‘people will soon get the idea that I’ve changed when I stop being a—’
I was pleased that he didn’t finish that sentence, even though there were many and varied words he could have called upon to describe his former self, most of them anatomical and none of them flattering.
‘I bet Jacob will be first to see that you’ve turned over a new leaf,’ I laughed.
‘You reckon?’
‘Absolutely. If you can get through the next few weeks without flirting with Poppy then everyone will know that you’re a changed man.’
‘That’s a big ask,’ he said, shaking his head, ‘but I’ll do my best. She’s a cracking girl though, and so are you, Freya.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘I think.’
‘I’m surpr
ised Finn hasn’t snapped you up by now,’ he grinned, a little of his former puckish self peeping through the shiny new façade. ‘You’re just his type, but then…’
‘Then what?’
‘No,’ he said, holding up his hand, ‘not my place to say. The old Zak would have done, but the new Zak knows it wouldn’t be right to go around talking about Finn’s disastrous love life.’
I was intrigued and he was halfway there already. Perhaps I could coax a little more out of him.
‘Has it been that disastrous then?’
‘Just a bit,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘He’s definitely damaged goods.’
I wished I could shake his head hard enough to make the memories fall out so I could take a look at them.
‘But then, given what Finn’s said,’ Zak then shockingly carried on, ‘you haven’t fared much better yourself, have you? Although at least you were doling it out rather than being on the receiving end. It’s got be easier that way around, right?’
I was poised to quiz him about exactly what Finn had said, when a group of lads came bursting in and carried him off.
‘See you next week, Freya!’ he called as they dragged him away, leaving me choking down an unpalatable cocktail of shock, annoyance and confusion.
Chapter 15
I felt really put out that Finn had been going around sharing what he thought he knew about my romantic past, especially when I ran our former conversations through my head during the chilly walk back to Nightingale Square and realised that he didn’t actually know anything of consequence.
He might have heard enough from me during our time in The Dragon after the city switch-on to furnish him with the broadest details of my broken engagement, but that didn’t give him the right to discuss it, especially in his brother’s presence. I hoped he hadn’t jumped to any conclusions about what had happened, and if he had, then I was going to have to set him straight.
I also hoped that he hadn’t been playing fast and loose with the details of our passionate clinch in the studio. His apparent indifference to the experience did make me think that he’d prefer to keep that to himself, but then again, it hadn’t ever crossed my mind that he would talk about my former love life either.
