by Heidi Swain
I had promised to go over to the Grow-Well the next day but as it was Saturday, I didn’t have to be early, so I took a cup of tea and a bowl of porridge back up to bed for a lazy start. I had just finished the porridge and was rehearsing what I was going to say to Chloe when she beat me to the punch and called me.
‘You’re up early for a Saturday,’ I cautiously said, hoping that she hadn’t had a sleepless night.
I knew that she liked to lie in at the weekend.
‘I couldn’t sleep,’ she told me.
‘And that’s my fault, isn’t it?’ I groaned.
‘In part.’
‘I’m so sorry, Chloe.’ I told her, a lump in my throat. ‘I didn’t mean to be so spiteful about Finn. It just kind of slipped out and I really hate myself for it.’
‘Hate’s a bit strong,’ she said, and I clung to the hope that there was the hint of a smile in her tone.
‘Well, I do,’ I insisted. ‘And you certainly didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my stupidity. I’m so sorry.’
‘I know you are,’ she carried on, ‘and I also know why you did it. It’s obvious that you really like Finn, which is why I was trying, not very discreetly I suppose, to set the pair of you up.’
Had we had this conversation the night before in the pub as I had planned then she would have been in full receipt of my confession that I was harbouring feelings for Finn, but thankfully that hadn’t happened and I could refute her assumption with a clear conscience.
True, I did still have feelings for my scrap-sculpting colleague and yes, the kiss we had shared was the most arousing I had ever experienced, but, thanks to Zak, my feelings for Finn had morphed into rather different ones now.
‘After you’d gone on Thursday,’ I told Chloe, ‘I realised that’s what you were trying to do and it made me feel even worse.’
‘I wouldn’t have done it as a rule,’ she said, ‘but it’s obvious that you two are into each other and I wanted to help because, left to your own devices, I don’t think you’ll ever get there.’
Had she caught a glimpse of us kissing in the studio, she wouldn’t have said that.
‘But the pair of you will be great together,’ she carried on, blissfully unaware of the seismic shift my emotions had been subjected to, ‘you just need a little encouragement.’
‘Please don’t take this the wrong way, Chloe,’ I cut in before she became completely melded to her matchmaking cape, ‘but I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t say or do anything else.’
‘But why?’
She sounded both crestfallen and frustrated, and I knew I had to nip her enthusiastic endeavours in the bud. Given that I hadn’t had the opportunity to tackle Finn about what he had been saying behind my back, I didn’t want to go into details, but I did want to stop Chloe from trying to shove us along the happy ever after path she so obviously had her heart set on.
‘I am right about you liking him, aren’t I?’ she asked. ‘That is why you’re always a bit sulky when you’ve seen me talking to him.’
I was embarrassed to think that she was observant enough to have worked that out.
‘I do think he’s nice,’ I tentatively admitted, ‘but the thing is, Chloe, I’m new to the area and settling in to a brand-new job, a new home and a completely different way of life and, for now at least, I really don’t need the extra complication of a relationship too.’
That was all true. I was still acclimatising to the changes my life had gone through and getting used to the lie of the land, both in the garden and out. My life in Norwich was different to the rural isolation I had been used to in Suffolk in every possible way.
‘But you do like him, like him?’ Chloe asked again, this time with added emphasis.
She was like a dog with a juicy butcher’s bone.
‘And besides,’ I added, ‘I found out last night that he has emotional baggage of his own which he’s no doubt trying to deal with and as my love life hasn’t exactly been plain sailing, I think your plan to get us together, however kindly meant, is best forgotten.’
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘I see. What sort of baggage might that be then?’
‘I don’t know the details,’ I said truthfully, revealing that I didn’t know anything of consequence about Finn’s while carefully managing to share nothing of my own, ‘but he was described to me as damaged goods, so what he probably needs right now more than anything else is friendship.’
‘And what’s been so complicated about your relationship history?’ Chloe further probed. ‘What sort of choppy seas have you had to negotiate?’
‘I’ll tell you another time. It’s a coffee and cake conversation, rather than a quick phone call run-down.’
‘Not that’s it’s any of my business,’ she then said, with a sigh. ‘Given my past and how often I don’t want to share it with anyone, the last thing I should be doing is sticking my nose into other people’s affairs.’
‘But you meant well,’ I said softly. ‘And given what you’ve told me, I shouldn’t have said what I did about your intentions towards Finn.’
‘That’s true,’ she shot back, but I could tell she was teasing.
I was forgiven, although I did still feel bad about it all.
‘Hannah at the pub made it pretty clear that she thought I’d behaved badly too,’ I told her. ‘She wasn’t best pleased to see me last night.’
‘Oh,’ Chloe squeaked, her voice a hundred octaves higher than it had been. ‘What did she say?’
‘It wasn’t exactly what she said,’ I recalled, ‘it was the way she said it.’
‘Well,’ Chloe quietly said, ‘I can’t say I’m surprised. She has a vested interest, you see.’
‘How so?’ I frowned, moving my legs because they had gone to sleep under the weight of Nell’s lean body.
The sudden silence was so complete I thought the call had been cut off.
‘Chloe?’ I said, moving the phone away from my ear to look at the screen, ‘are you still there?’
‘Yes,’ she said, ‘I’m here.’
‘What’s this about Hannah having a vested interest in my stupid comment?’
She let out a long breath.
‘You promise you won’t tell anyone,’ she eventually said.
‘I promise,’ I said back.
I was fast getting used to keeping secrets.
‘Well,’ she swallowed, ‘Hannah asked me out on a date a few weeks ago… and to begin with I said no.’
‘I see.’
‘Not because she’s a girl,’ Chloe hastily added, ‘and that’s not why I don’t want you to tell anyone. It’s just because…’
‘You haven’t been out with anyone, since…’
‘Exactly.’
‘I can understand that,’ I told her, although really, I couldn’t begin to imagine the turmoil she was in.
‘But then she kept asking and, in the end, just last week in fact, I said yes.’
‘But that’s great,’ I told her, because it was.
It was a huge leap and I was delighted that she’d made it.
‘I know,’ she said, before adding, ‘but then the guilt that I was moving on with my life really began to eat away at me. Just the thought that I was even starting to consider doing all the things again that Ade couldn’t, stopped me in my tracks.’
‘And then I said what I did and tipped your survivor’s guilt into a whole new stratosphere and made you cancel your date with Hannah.’
‘I couldn’t have put it better myself.’
‘Shit,’ I said. ‘No wonder she was so pissed with me. When was this date supposed to happen?’
‘Tonight,’ she said sadly.
‘All right,’ I said, sitting up straighter in the bed. ‘There’s still time. Here’s what you have to do.’
‘I don’t have to do anything.’
I ignored that.
‘Send Hannah a text right now,’ I carried on, ‘telling her that your date is definitely back on and then
get yourself up to the city to buy a new outfit.’
‘I can’t do that,’ she laughed.
‘Yes, you can,’ I said firmly. ‘You must.’
‘Why?’
‘Because otherwise I’ll never forgive myself and you’ll feel guilty about that too.’
‘That’s a low blow,’ she scolded.
‘I know,’ I told her, ‘but has it worked? Will you text her?’
She was quiet again.
‘Chloe, will you text Hannah and tell her that you’ll go out with her tonight?’
‘Yes,’ she eventually said, ‘yes, I’ll do it.’
I let out a cheer, making Nell jump.
‘And you’ll let me know how it’s gone, won’t you?’ I smiled into the phone.
‘Surely, you won’t want the full kiss-and-tell, will you?’
I rather liked that she was so invested in her evening that she thought there might be a kiss to tell me about.
‘No,’ I said, ‘I’m not that nosey. I’ll just want to know that I’m going to get a warmer welcome when I go back to the pub again, that’s all.’
* * *
Having properly cleared the air with Chloe, I felt much better, but the feeling didn’t last when I crossed the road and walked by Finn’s studio. There was no sign of life, so there was no point in knocking and, given my continued annoyance with him, that was probably no bad thing. Zak had given me no reason to think that his personality change hadn’t been the real deal and that I should doubt his words, but I knew I would be better off tackling Finn when I’d got my temper reined back in.
‘What’s with the long face?’ Lisa asked when I arrived at the Grow-Well.
‘Nothing,’ I said, pasting on a smile. ‘I’m all right. Just a bit tired after a hard week, that’s all.’
‘I don’t know how you do it,’ she said. ‘The garden is already beginning to look so much better and the new planting is beautiful, but how you can work outdoors in all weathers is beyond me.’
‘I’m used to it,’ I told her, ‘and I like being outside.’
‘Me too,’ agreed Graham, who was arranging some planted seasonal containers around the bothy. ‘A bit of fresh air every day is a great mood lifter, Lisa.’
‘I suppose,’ she said, but I could tell she didn’t really get it. Not like Graham and me.
‘These look great, Graham,’ I told him.
‘I wanted to get a few established ahead of my Winterfest session,’ he said. ‘And I’m really rather pleased with how these have turned out.’
‘What would you like me to do?’
I could see Poppy’s brother Ryan, and Lisa’s eldest, Tamsin, were cleaning out the hens and I could hear Carole singing along to the radio as she swept out and tidied the bothy.
‘There’s some sowing to be done,’ Graham told me. ‘Broad beans in double rows are to go in that bed over there and there’s a net cover to go over the top after they’re in, to keep the cats off and we could do with another sowing of winter salad. That’s doing nicely in the cold frame in front of the bothy.’
They were both jobs I was more than willing to take on.
‘We could do with a slightly bigger greenhouse here really,’ I pointed out.
‘Luke’s promised to put the Winterfest profits, if there are any, towards one,’ Graham explained. ‘And he’s mentioned restoring the main garden glasshouses next year too.’
I was pleased to hear that. I really would have to make a point of talking to him about it. I had meant to, but with everything else that was happening and with my main work schedule focused on planting up the Winter Garden, it had slipped my mind.
‘That will be a great help,’ I smiled. ‘We’ll save a fortune raising plants for the garden from seed, won’t we?’
‘Every little helps,’ Graham smiled back.
‘Exactly,’ I agreed then, deciding to grasp the nettle, asked, ‘and while we’re on the subject of helping, I was wondering if you might have a spare hour or two available to help me, Graham?’
‘What, in the house garden?’
‘Yes,’ I nodded. ‘There’s still so much to do and I daresay Chloe and I could get it ready in time, but an extra pair of hands, especially a pair as competent as yours, would ensure everything got finished to the standard that I’m aiming for.’
‘I see,’ he said, straightening up.
‘I know you mentioned that Luke had been reluctant to ask, but—’
‘I’d be honoured to help,’ Graham cut in. ‘I can easily manage a couple of hours every day. Mornings would be best, if that suits you?’
I don’t think I’d ever found anyone so keen to work for free. That said, Chloe was always willing to work hard for no financial reward. The garden at Prosperous Place had a truly dedicated team and it was a real labour of love.
‘Mornings would be great,’ I nodded. ‘Thank you.’
It was a weight off my mind knowing that he was eager to pitch in. Professionally, everything was coming up roses and if I could just get my private life to follow suit, life in Nightingale Square would be practically perfect.
I let my mind wander as I sowed the rows of broad beans in the raised bed and then the winter salad in the cold frames. Seed sowing was one of my favourite tasks in the garden. The excitement of knowing that my hands were the ones responsible for starting the alchemy, the magic of turning a dry, hard seed into something either beautiful or in this case, edible, never waned and I was already looking forward to watching the bright green shoots and leaves emerge and grow. It was the most satisfying cycle imaginable and I loved that my neighbours in the square had such a beautiful garden in which to be a part of it too.
After lunch, Lisa and I went up to the house where Kate and Luke had been busy arranging the dining room for those Winterfest sessions which wouldn’t take place either in the kitchen, the Grow-Well or the garden outbuildings.
Luke and I had a quick chat about Graham putting his name down as another Prosperous Place garden volunteer and then about the glasshouse restoration schedule, before he headed to his office, leaving Lisa and me with Kate to finalise the plans for our Winterfest session.
‘We can start outside, can’t we?’ Lisa asked me. ‘And then come in here.’
‘Absolutely,’ I agreed. ‘A tour of the garden will be the perfect kick-start for our session and it will be much more practical to work in here in case it’s a breezy day.’
Lisa had sourced pretty notebooks made from recycled paper in a variety of sizes for those attendees who had specifically asked for her to supply their journal and I had been collecting more brightly coloured leaves for pressing and preserving as I spotted them.
The plan was for the participants to collect their own leaves during the morning garden tour which would, hopefully, inspire them to start their nature diary during the afternoon, but if it was raining then the leaves would be no good, so I had a dry supply, just in case.
‘And these are great,’ I said to Lisa as I read through the list of writing prompts she was using for her creative writing session. ‘I might even be tempted to write something myself.’
‘You should,’ she grinned. ‘You’d be amazed where your imagination would take you.’
‘And I can imagine exactly what the hot hero of your piece would look like, Freya,’ said Kate, with a wink.
‘Oh yes,’ giggled Lisa, ‘me too.’
Clearly Chloe wasn’t the only person who had picked up on my feelings for Finn. Unless they’d assumed that as we were both single and living and working in close proximity to each other, then we were the perfect match? I wasn’t about to ask and find out.
‘Right,’ I said, gathering my leaf collection together again, ‘I’m going to draw a line under this conversation and head for home.’
I said it with a smile on my lips so they knew I could handle their banter.
‘I’m planning an early night, tonight.’
‘Sweet dreams,’ Lisa couldn’t resist calling afte
r me.
I reckoned she was worse than everyone else put together.
* * *
I hadn’t really got a plan for Sunday, but as soon as I woke, I knew what I was going to do and Nell was happy to accompany me. The drive down to Suffolk was as uneventful as the weather, and I had time to stop on the way to buy some beautiful winter blooms to lay on Eloise’s grave.
My excitement to visit her was short-lived, however, as it was immediately obvious that no one had visited or tended her grave since my last visit. It might only have been a few weeks since I was living close enough to pay my respects regularly, but within that time the spot had become overgrown and the last lot of flowers were understandably well past their best and not looking at all how I remembered them.
‘Freya!’ A voice rang out from the church.
I shielded my eyes from the winter sunshine and spotted Samantha, the vicar, waving from the porch.
‘Hello,’ I waved back.
The morning service having finished and the few members of the congregation gone, she strode across to meet me, as brisk and efficient as ever.
‘I thought it was you,’ she smiled. ‘How’s it going? I heard you’d moved.’
I told her all about my new life in Norwich and how much Nell and I were enjoying it. The amused twitch of her lips left me in no doubt that she had heard all about my dognapping escapade.
‘It’s all wonderful,’ I told her, ‘but I feel like I’m leaving Eloise behind. I’ve not been thinking about her or Broad-Meadows quite so much recently and now I come here and find her grave looking like this and it makes me feel awful.’
‘And what do you think Eloise would say about that?’ Samantha asked, her eyebrows raised.
I pursed my lips, but didn’t comment.
‘Exactly,’ she said stoutly. ‘That smile tells me that you know as well as I do that our dear friend would be delighted that you’ve moved on.’
‘But she’d be less than happy to know that I intended to keep coming back here, wouldn’t she?’ I sighed.
