by Jerri Hines
A wide grin graced Jo’s face at her maid’s tease. Her wardrobe consisted of only black gowns at the moment. Her maid’s jovial mood was contagious. “I will take the black.”
A smile crossed Rosa’s face. “Black it will be. Come now and eat.”
“Why ever are you in such a good humor this morning?” Jo questioned, but then she thought of the election. Was Rosa hoping that devil Lincoln would win?
“Nothing more than blessed with another day from the good Lord,” Rosa replied. “Now mind ya, I would like nothing more to sneak out this morning for a brisk walk. I do feel the day calling to me.”
Taking a bite of her breakfast, Jo glanced back over at her maid. “Do you? I think I would enjoy it as well.”
“Well, Miss Jo, if you finish up, we could get back before Miss Jenna gets up. She don’t like ya leaving the house now with your time being so near.”
“I feel fine,” Jo said, but she understood well her maid’s concern. Jenna had been like a mother hen around her as of late. “I believe I would enjoy a brief escape.”
Josephine went through the garden arbor covered in the last of the late blooming roses. The path took her down toward the lush riverside landscape and dock. The pebbles crunched under her walking shoes. She could hear the birds chirp and flitter from one tree to another.
She rounded a thicket of shrubs along the river’s edge. Rosa walked a foot in front of her and carried a long stick to alert her if some uninvited alligator decided to cross their path. Jo doubted it would happen. Most would be laying lazily out in the bright sunlight. What a lovely day! She was happy Rosa suggested an early morning stroll. She felt invigorated.
As she paused a moment, Jo stared out over the river. Wade had been right…everything had turned out for the best. She was enveloped in the safety of the arms of a man who seemed intent upon proving his love. Had she not promised God if Cullen and Gillie lived she would accept her life?
Deep in thought, she didn’t hear the footsteps behind her, not until he was upon her. Abruptly, she turned and froze. Her heart caught in her throat.
“Hello, Magnolia.”
The last person she expected to see stood before her. Cullen—oh, dear Lord—Cullen! At the sight of Cullen in his Navy uniform, her heart surged with love and fury. She could not bear it. For an endless moment, she said nothing; neither did he, seemingly unable to take his eyes from hers. Finally, she found her voice. “Cullen…what are you doing? What brings you here?”
With a long, heartfelt sigh, he said, “You do, Josephine. You do.”
“No, Cullen, no…you can’t be here. You have to go.” Breathless, her voice faded.
“I’m not going anywhere until we talk. You can’t deny me that.”
Her mind raced. She glanced around; Rosa was nowhere to be seen. Oh, good Lord! I am alone with Cullen. She tried to protest, but it went unheeded. He ushered her straightaway into the garden house. The door hadn’t closed all the way before his arms wrapped around her…his lips were upon hers.
Time evaporated…all that had elapsed—the months without word, the hurt…the pain—melted away…there was nothing…nothing but the two of them. Gentle and softly, he kissed her and then slowly broke from her lips.
Suddenly, everything she had told herself, had convinced herself was lost upon his touch…his presence. In that moment, she forgot everything except the love she had hidden deep inside her.
Slowly, she opened her eyes to find Cullen staring at her longingly. He touched her face and caressed it tenderly.
Unable to find her voice, she pushed back against him. She needed to think and couldn’t in his arms. The baby moved. Instinctively, her hand went to the movement. She stepped back.
“You don’t need to protect the babe from me,” he whispered. “I love you. I have never stopped. You have to know I never wanted to leave you or ever felt so helpless in my life.”
“But you did and I am married to Wade.” Her voice was no louder than a whisper, yet echoed in the stilled room.
His eyebrows arched in a half frown. “I understand you must be angry with me. I have had my own to deal with…”
Her hand extended to pause his thought. She said in a low, steady voice, “I have never been angry with you…with the situation and all that happened…but never with you.”
He took her hands and raised them up to him. He kissed each and entreated her, “Guilt gnaws at my soul, Josephine. Forgive me. You never deserved any of this.”
“Of what? The life I have now?” She looked up at him, askance. “There wasn’t another outcome. We both knew when we returned to Charleston. You could never live with yourself if your family lost their home, knowing that your happiness came with a selfish price.”
She stared at him, at a loss for words. Why, oh, why had he returned! Just when she had convinced herself that he was only a memory…nothing more. Her heart toiled, but it would never do…never. She had to make him understand. She shook her head and continued.
“I wanted you to do the impossible. To make it all right, but the cruel fact of life is that we were never meant to be. Over time, I have accepted it.” Her pent-up frustration seeped into her voice. “Accepted that there is a void within me, but why…why didn’t you see me before you left? Why didn’t you say good-bye?”
“I wanted to…believe me, I wanted to.” His face hardened as if he relived the pain from that day. “I wasn’t given the opportunity. Wade refused to let me. I told myself that it was for the best. What could I do? Tell you that I would love you forever? That I ache? I do love you, Josephine. It is why I am here.”
“What do you mean?”
“I accepted the fact that you married Wade. I stayed away, but I can no longer. I have been lied to and deceived for the last time,” he said with firm determination. “I came for you. To take you away from the madness that is descending upon Charleston. Let them have their plantation and money. Let them have it all. A war is brewing. I refuse to leave you in the midst of all that is happening and especially with my child.”
Upon the utterance, she peered at him as her face flamed. Words tumbled out, one over the other. “Oh, no, Cullen. The baby’s not yours. The babe is Wade’s…it’s Wade’s.”
His eyebrows went up in disbelief. “Do not lie to me, Josephine. I stayed away because I thought it was for the best. Do you not think when I heard you were expecting I did not ask when? I did nothing because I believe there were no consequences to the time we spent together. Do you believe I have forgotten the last time we made love? Seeing you now…tell me…tell me the babe is not mine!”
His words shook the core of her being. She cried, “Don’t do this to me, Cullen. It’s not fair.”
He refused to stop and pressed on. “I remember every detail of our last night—every kiss, every utterance. How could you deny it is mine?”
Her eyes came back to his. “Do you believe that Wade waited to consummate our marriage?” Her heart sank. How hard this was! The pain evident in his eyes destroyed her inside.
He grabbed her. His hands on her shoulders gripped her so tightly that they hurt. “You let him touch you! You lay with him!”
Jo lifted her head up in a swift, fierce movement. She retorted, “He’s my husband… husband! What would you have me do?” She recoiled against the wall and felt horror-struck. “How dare you? You sound as he did when he discovered his wife wasn’t the virginal bride he thought he had married.”
His eyes blazed at her, but in her next breath, she felt her legs weaken beneath her. She slid down against the wall to the floor. She dropped her head in her hands and sobbed.
“Goddamn it, Josephine. I didn’t mean…only not so soon…” He rushed to her.
At his touch, she pushed him away. “Don’t come near me. You have no right. No right to touch me. No right to ridicule me for my actions. No right to be disappointed in me. You left me…no matter the reason…you left me! I was desolate and alone. My heart broken.
“Can yo
u not understand? Wade loves me. He has protected me and cared for me. He believes without question the child is his…he won’t even consider that it might not be. I won’t take that from him. He has given me back my honor and my child.”
A stricken look on his face, he questioned, “Are you saying that you don’t know who the father is?”
“God forgive me.” She shook her head and said fiercely, “Cullen, but don’t ever say those words again. Let me make it clear to you. I won’t take this away from Wade.”
“Even if the child is mine?”
She answered quickly, floundering in the confusion of bewilderment. “It’s not. It has to be Wade’s. It has to be. I couldn’t do that to a child, not give it a name because of my behavior. He would be shunned for being a bastard. I couldn’t do that…no matter my feelings. Don’t you understand?”
The dam of tears burst and fell freely down her cheeks. He leaned down and tried to comfort her, but she would have none of it. “Don’t touch me. I know what you think of me. I can’t make this right for everyone…I wish I could…I can’t.”
She covered her mouth with her hand, but the torrent of emotions spewed forth. “Don’t do this to me...I prayed to God that I would be a good wife to Wade if he would allow you to live and Gillie…Gillie…oh…how I have missed Gillie…”
Slowly, she looked back up at Cullen. “I’ve worried so much…Miss Hazel said she couldn’t write…” She rambled incoherently. “But I know she is being cared for. Isn’t she? You have seen her?”
Her eyes pleaded with Cullen for an answer, but he said nothing, only looking at her strangely. “Cullen…you have seen her…you took her back to Philadelphia with Heyward. You would have checked upon her. You would not have been so cruel.”
“Josephine, you need to talk to Miss Hazel.”
“No…no,” she demanded and searched his eyes. His frown deepened ominously. Reaching over, she gripped tight his lapel. “What is wrong?”
“No one told you?”
Panic filled her and she shook her head. “I have written constantly so she would know I am thinking of her. Wade wouldn’t allow me to go to Gillie. He said it was for the best until after my time...”
“Jo, calm yourself. It is for the best until—”
“No!” she screamed. “No…no…no! She is supposed to be happy with Heyward… She is free! Oh, Good Lord! I need to go to her…”
“It will do no good.” Cullen reluctantly yielded. “She knew what you did for her. Heyward and Miss Hazel never left her side.”
Her brows drew together in sudden worry…she knew. Trembling, she struggled for a breath as Cullen talked. The words jumbled together.
“Gillie was going to church…walked out in front of a carriage…there was nothing anyone could have done.”
Her eyes blurred. Her mind ran rampant with a million thoughts. There was more he wasn’t telling her. Gillie’s mother had died in the same manner.
A sharp pain swept through her. She took a deep breath in but she knew before she exhaled. For a moment, she couldn’t speak, but she gripped tight to Cullen’s arm. Her face contorted as her belly hardened and contracted.
“The baby?” Cullen waited only for her to nod before he swept her up in his arms.
She felt his hurried step along the path to the main house. She couldn’t allow him to carry her in to it… She couldn’t think straight, but she realized that Wade would be furious. The pain ebbed.
“Put me down. Please, Cullen,” she begged. Panic frightened her more than the pain that gripped her. “I can walk in myself. Please…don’t do this.”
He paused and sat her down. Her legs weakened and she reached for his arm to balance herself.
“I need to go in by myself. Please.”
“I can’t leave you, Josephine. Ask me anything else, but I can’t leave you now. Despite everything you have said, I know you love me and only me. Return with me.” He cupped her face tenderly. “Come with me now.”
Frightened eyes met his. “If you know me at all, you would not ask such a thing.” She took a deep breath. Once more, she grimaced in pain. Desperately fighting the wave of discomfort, she spoke broken words. “I can’t…I won’t leave him.”
“You are asking too much of me, Josephine. I had to leave you once before…it was not my choice…now you are asking me to walk away again from the woman I love who is having my child. Even through your words, I know—”
“As he…does.” Jo paused. The onset of pain began again. She allowed him to hold her tight until the pain once more subsided…until she could find her words. “It is my burden to bear. Cullen, please. If you care at all for me, leave. You have to understand. It is not about you or me. It’s about the babe. The baby comes before everything else…”
He peered at her sharply. “Tell me then you don’t love me. Tell me!”
For a brief moment, she considered uttering the words. Her mind cried out—tell him. He would leave. Her legs swayed; her heart pounded…God forgive her. She whispered, “I can’t…I could never.”
A sudden warmth ran down her leg. She looked up helplessly at Cullen, forgetting about everything except her baby. Immediately, he swept her up in his arms and carried her into the house.
* * * *
Despite Cullen’s unexpected appearance, Cullen’s grandfather hadn’t seemed surprised. Instead, Clayton Montgomery sat smugly behind his desk in the library and studied the cigar he held in his hand. Biting off the stub, he scraped a match on the bottom of his boot and lit it. With a puff on the butt, Clayton offered one to Cullen. “Take it. May help calm your nerves.”
Cullen took the offering. The next moment, he exhaled smoke, but it had done nothing for his mood. He scowled. “What do you know about my nerves?”
“Figured, really.” Clayton didn’t take his eyes off his grandson. “I ain’t as stupid as I look, Cullen, nor as insensitive as I appear. Just gonna give ya some advice. In the end, you will learn that it’s better to live with decisions rather than regret. Remember the reasons all came to be and accept.”
“You’ve got a lot of gall, Grandfather,” Cullen replied gruffly. “Accept. You’ve never accepted a damn thing in your life. You manipulate everyone around you. And now you have the nerve to tell me to accept!”
Undaunted, Clayton stood and walked over to the decanter. He poured two glasses and handed one to Cullen. “Believe you may need this. Know I do.”
Hurried footsteps paused in the doorway. Cullen’s eyes flicked to the door. Jenna hesitated before she interrupted softly.
“Miss Hazel sent me down to tell you that the midwife, Mrs. Peters, is here, but you should make yourselves comfortable. It will be awhile. Miss Hazel said I wasn’t needed in the room, but do you want me to wait in the hall, Grandfather?”
“It would seem the best course.” He watched Jenna ease back out, closing the door behind her. He chuckled to himself as he turned back to Cullen. “If Mrs. Peters says all is right, it’s all right. Best midwife in the state. Wade made certain. Also called for Doctor Flynn, besides Andrew. Don’t think Josephine would let Andrew within the room, but I understand despite his dereliction of his duty, he had been quite impressive as a physician. Better to be prepared.”
“If you say so.” Cullen drank down the contents of his glass.
“From your tone, I take it you still blame me.”
Cullen relaxed in the leather winged back chair and blew out smoke. For a time, he just stared at his grandfather. “Infuriated would be a better choice of words. And as I sit here, I’m becoming more so, wondering why I allowed it to unfold as it did. Why I put you and this family before what I held dear. Tell me, Grandfather, did my sacrifice satisfy you? Or do you need more? Do you want my blood also?”
“Boy, I never wanted any of this to happen. Never wanted my idiot son to wager my estate and lose. Never dreamed that Andrew would have done something so foolhardy as marry that Yankee woman.” His voice held a sharp, clear edge. He drew a puff
on his cigar, released a circle of smoke above his head and then pointed his finger at Cullen. “You, though, and Wade, both stood behind the Montgomery name. Even with that damn Yankee blood flowing through your veins…make no doubt, this is your home no matter where you lay your head at night. Your momma was raised here—you were raised here. You understood what it means to hold to our honor.”
“Honor be damned! It was all about money and greed.” Cullen cursed under his breath. “You’re so blinded by this so-called honor. It is used every time someone wants an excuse for stupidity. Tell me, why did I have to pay for another’s sin?”
“The innocent always pay for the guilty. Is that what’s wrong with you, boy? Feeling you have been mistreated? Make no mistake about it, Cullen, you have not suffered any more than any other. What is more than likely is that you’re not as innocent as you make yourself out to be.”
Cullen gave his grandfather a defiant glare. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Wade told me that he offered to help you escape with Josephine. But you know as well as I or Wade…for that matter, Josephine…you couldn’t live with the consequences of doing so. Knowing that you didn’t release her, but let her cling to nonexistent hope until it was almost too late. It could have cost you your life.”
Cullen wanted nothing more than to throw his glass at his grandfather. How dare Grandfather! How arrogant! What have I done that was so wrong! His anger kindled, he retorted, “Tell me, Grandfather, how all of this will fall upon my shoulders? This whole quandary. I want to know what I did wrong!”
“Don’t be putting words into my mouth, son. I didn’t say it was your fault, but you haven’t been terribly mistreated like you’re making yourself out to be. No, not by a long shot,” Clayton said. “Gonna be mad at me…be mad at me. Ain’t gonna change anything.”
Cullen stared at his grandfather in dismay. “Your point?”
Clayton’s lips twisted. “What kind of man makes love to a woman and leaves her to face the consequences?”
