by Rachel Burns
Would he replace me once I was gone?
I bit my lip and answered his quiz questions about the flowers.
“Amelia, we just talked about this flower. Weren't you paying attention?”
“I guess I'm a little tired from last night. The flowers were nice there too, weren't they, Daddy?”
“Yes, they were. You little girls worked very hard on everything.”
“I didn't do anything. Rose was the star of the show this time.”
“She is very talented,” Daddy agreed.
After that, there was a long silence. Daddy walked right by my side, saying nothing. When he walked back towards the house, I went with him. I didn't have a choice.
I wanted to be able to come and go as I pleased.
If I had been able to go, I would have never thought about leaving him. I was a prisoner, and prisoners only thought about escape.
I didn't want to live a life in regret. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to my baby.
After supper, we went up to our room. Daddy removed my clothing like it was nothing special. He made comments about the food we had just eaten.
I answered accordingly.
When we were both naked, he lay down on the bed. I went to my side and joined him. He kissed me, but I had a feeling that this was just routine. The passion was gone.
I tried to put my heart into our lovemaking, but my mind just wouldn't settle down. When he was finished, I apologized.
“That's okay, sweetheart. It doesn't work every time.”
“With you it does?”
“Men are lucky that way. You are probably just still tired. It's been a long school year. You just need a vacation.”
“I'm sure you're right.”
He nodded at me and kissed me. “Are you tired?”
“I guess so.” I rolled away from him and closed my eyes. I was trying to shut him out.
I had trusted him to take care of me, and he wasn't. I was left all alone with my problems.
I woke up several times in the night. My mind just couldn't relax enough to sleep properly.
I folded my hands and prayed to a God who had never answered me before. I begged him to tell me what to do. As always, no answer came.
I watched Daddy sleeping in the moonlight, wishing that I knew what he would do. I wanted us to be happy.
I couldn't do anything to hurt him, but I couldn't allow anything to happen to the baby either. I was torn.
I wished that my period would just come, taking away all of my problems and worries.
Then I felt guilty. My baby needed to feel loved and wanted. It should have a loving mommy, and everything else that I didn't have growing up.
No child of mine would grow up unloved.
We made love in the morning. I had a strong feeling like it was the last time we would ever be together.
I closed my eyes and just felt. I let my other senses take over, especially the feeling of touch. I wanted to remember what it left like to be with him, forever. I loved him so much.
This memory would have to last me a long time.
Chapter 8 – Escape
Brian felt that Amelia wasn't happy with him. She cried in the night and had nightmares. Sometimes she said his name and begged him to understand.
In one moment, it felt like she was slipping through his hands like water, in another moment he felt like they had never been closer.
They were having fantastic sex. Amelia acted like each time they were together was the last time. She asked for sex often. Brian wanted her to know that he was there for her.
Still, he felt that something was going on. Something he had no control over.
He hated that.
At the breakfast table, Brian debated coming out and just asking Amelia if she was planning on running away from him. He would see it in her eyes if she were lying to him.
Amelia never lied. She was truthfully the only person who had never lied to him. She just didn't have it in her.
Perhaps she had problems that had nothing to do with him. Maybe Heather was picking on her at school. Jake had gotten called to school several times already this year.
A girl like Heather could hurt a sensitive little girl like Amelia.
Perhaps, she had just had a bad dream, and there was nothing wrong at all.
Nanny hadn't mentioned anything.
Was he seeing ghosts where there weren't any?
He thought about keeping her home from school, locked in her room, but then he looked at her, and she smiled at him with so much love that she sighed.
School would be finished in two weeks. After that, he would lock her in and keep her safe by his side.
***
“Are you going to miss your friends over the summer break?” Daddy asked me out of the blue, which was odd because I was just thinking about talking to Rose. She would have time for me today. I wanted to hear her opinion.
“Yes, I think so.”
“I want to see your little friends again. They are such nice girls. We could have another party in the garden. Perhaps on the Fourth of July?” he suggested.
“Sure, Daddy.” I needed to be gone by then. There came a point when a person couldn't lie away, or hide a pregnancy. That point would be longed reached by then.
“You aren't having any problems with the other girls at school, are you?”
I shook my head. I had sounded too nonchalant about his suggestion. “No, Daddy. I play with my friends after lunch. The girls that I don't like I stay away from.”
“Good. I don't want any more problems this year. Are you worried about your report card?”
“A little. We have been writing a lot of essays lately. When I get them back, they looked like they have some sort of disease. They mark them up with a red pen,” I clarified.
Daddy chuckled a little. “I was assured that your problems wouldn't be hold against you.”
“I hope you're right,” I sighed. Sometimes the teacher had to ask me what I was trying to say. That wasn't a good sign.
“Daddy is always right.”
He may not always be right, but he was always convinced that he was.
The words too young to have a baby, and Amelia can't have a baby ran through my head. I was pregnant, so that could only mean that Daddy meant that I wasn't allowed to have a baby.
We walked out to the garage. I said goodbye to Daddy. He looked so fantastic in his suit. He was my husband, and I loved him dearly.
Still, I couldn't stay with him, and that was breaking my heart. I needed to be near him, especially now, but I had been forced to choose.
I hated that. No matter what, I was the bad guy. My child would one day ask who its father was, and Daddy would ask himself if I had ever really loved him. I wished a solution would appear on its own.
Things like that never happened. That wasn't quite true; Daddy had appeared out of nowhere on the day my father kicked me out. He had been my knight in shining armor. That thought made me smile.
Daddy bent down and kissed me on my lips. “Have a nice day, sweetheart.”
“You too, Daddy.” It was somehow so difficult to say goodbye to him this morning.
He hugged me and kissed the top of my head. “Be a good girl today. I'll help you study for finals if you need me too this afternoon.”
“I'd like that.”
“Then we have a date.” He went to his car and got in. He had a smile on his face as he took off.
Nanny and I got into our limousine. She was worried about finals. The best girl got an award at the end of the year. Apparently, Rose won last year, and her nanny bragged about it a lot.
“I don't want to put any extra pressure on you. I just want you to do your best.”
“I understand, Nanny. I promise to always do my best.” I decided that I would say goodbye in my head to Daddy and Nanny every time I saw them. That way I would know that I had at least gotten to say goodbye, even if they didn't know I did.
Wh
en I promised to do my best, I meant with everything that was to come.
“Good. I can't ask more of you.” She smiled at me.
I smiled back as warmly as I could.
“Your daddy has suggested that I make play dates for you during the summer. Would you like that?”
“Sure, that would be great.”
“I'll see to it.”
“Thank you, Nanny. You’re the best.”
We were reviewing things in our classroom all day. After lunch, we weren't allowed to go outside. Men were out there destructing the stands and others were packing up the carousel and the Ferris wheel.
I wouldn't be getting a chance to leave today. Rose had been busy all morning. Some men were here to pack up her paintings and send them back to her mansion. She was overseeing everything. I didn't get a chance to talk to her.
When she came back to our classroom and slid into the desk behind me, we were already in the last hour of the day. The teacher had us writing another essay.
“Amelia, the music teacher asked me to send you over when we had a moment. You better go now before the day is done.”
“Yes, ma'am.” I closed up my books and went out the door.
The teacher was explaining to Rose what we were doing.
I slowly walked down the hall. I was looking out of the window at the workers. They were just finishing up. The director was talking to them and signing some a form on a clipboard. She came back in and went up the stairs to her office. Her heels were so loud on the wooden steps.
The men had everything ready. One man was standing next to his van telling the others what to do.
Before I knew it, I was outside and opening the back of the van. I’d had to unload the supply van that brought groceries and things to my boarding school. I got in and closed the door from the inside. I was positive that no one saw me.
I looked around. I was in a hardware van. The walls were covered with drawers filled with tools, screws, and nuts and bolts.
One of the horses from the carousel was on the floor, wrapped up in several tarps to protect its painting.
I crawled under the tarps and hugged the horse as if for dear life.
If I got caught, then I would be in so much trouble. Would they listen to my explanation and even help me?
I doubted it. Daddy was adored at the school. They loved him there.
The other girls all thought that he was the nicest and best-looking daddy along with Emily's daddy. They were nice and young.
They would think that I was crazy for trying to run away from him.
The van started, and I held tightly onto the horse. Slowly, the van made its way to the front gate of the school.
My heart was pounding so hard I thought that it would jump out of my throat.
The van stopped and the door opened up. Someone looked inside and then closed the door. The van started to move again.
Was I safe?
I got out of the van and looked around. I was standing on wet gravel. This was a parking lot. It was locked up, but I saw two men talking with each other. They were arguing about the best way to park the big trucks with the rides on them.
I ducked behind a couple of vans and worked my way to the gate. As if I had said open sesame, the gate opened and another van pulled in. The man yelled at the others to get out of the way.
I slipped out and looked around. I had no idea where I was. I was positive that no one had seen me.
I looked up and down the street, deciding which way to go. This wasn't a busy street like the one I had been on with Nanny while shopping. This was a poorer neighborhood.
I kept my head down and walked away like I knew which way I was going. I had to get away before I could be found. Baby's life depended on it.
I wished I knew what time it was. We had driven a long way to get here. Did anyone notice that I was gone yet?
Would I end up getting into more trouble for this? It was hard to picture myself sleeping anywhere other than next to Daddy tonight.
This was going to break his heart. I didn't want to do that, but it was a question of life and death. For the first time, I dared to lay my hand over my baby. “Hi. I'm your mom. It's just the two of us now.”
I had nowhere to go, no food to eat and bed to sleep in. This wasn't going to be easy for me.
My own comfort had to be placed on the back burner. Baby was now the most important thing to me. One day when baby was grown I would look for Daddy and apologize for leaving like I had. I would explain everything then.
That would be the safest for baby.
I walked on and on, not really getting anywhere.
I had no idea where I was going, but I kept going, thinking that I needed to change directions often, and that I had to find a place to sleep tonight.
I figured that some shelter would take me in at night. I could ask at a church.
I knew that the police checked park benches. So I didn't even need to consider that.
Besides, I had so much adrenaline pumping through my veins. Maybe I wouldn't need to sleep at all. Perhaps, I would happen upon Tony's Italian Bakery and sleep in real bed tonight. Cindy might help me get a job, and then I would be able to support the baby.
I reminded myself that baby was the most important thing.
I walked and walk, and my feet hurt. I wasn't used to anything like this. I feared that I wouldn't be strong enough to go through with this. I would hate myself forever if anything happen to my beloved baby.
I pictured us living in a tiny apartment together. It would be cozy and small, but we would have everything that we needed. I would see to it that when my baby grew up that he or she would get a good job and live a good life. I smiled as I walked.
I kept my eyes open for some sort of women's shelter.
At nighttime, the temperature dropped. I looked around wondering what I should do now. I folded my arms over my stomach and walked on with my head down.
I heard children playing at a playground. Their mothers were scolding them to come inside because it was getting dark.
I watched the swing going back and forth until it settled down and stayed put. The playground was now empty. I went over to the swing and sat down. My feet were throbbing in protest to this change in routine.
Normally, at this time my feet would be on the back of Daddy's calves as he made love to me.
I looked up at the stars.
What is your next move, Amelia? I asked myself. I felt that I was worse off than what I had been if I had just moved out of my father's house when he asked me to go. At least, I would have a bit of money in my pocket.
Was there some way for me to get to my father's house so I could get my money? It would probably help if I knew where I was now.
I carefully swung back and forth not wanting to do anything to hurt my baby.
A few hours later, my bottom had fallen asleep, and the rest of me was exhausted too. There were several benches around the playground, but they were all next to the street.
I got up and went over to the slide. I lay down under it in the sand and snuggled in for the night. That took awhile because the sand was hard. I figured that it would give a little when I lay down, but it didn't. I had to dig a hole for my shoulder. Once that was in nicely, my hips started to hurt. I was busy moving sand around for a long time.
I wished that my legs weren't so bare. The sand was cold, and I was uncovered.
I prayed that this wouldn't affect the baby's health.
Chapter 9 – Wandering Alone
Nanny Prim waited in the limousine, waiting for her Amelia to come out. All the little girls were leaving and she hadn't seen Amelia.
Nanny Prim got out of the limousine and tapped on the driver's window. The window rolled down immediately. The driver knew that one bad word from her could cost him his job. Anything that had to do with the Missus was considered of the utmost importance.
“Amelia is still inside. I'm going to look for her. If she shows up here, have her wait in th
e back for me.”
“Will do.” He smiled at her, letting her know that her word was law.
Nanny Prim searched in all the faces of the girls that were walking out of the school. She was starting to get worried. Where was her Amelia?
When she reached the front door of the school, and she still hadn't seen Amelia, her heart seemed to sink down to her stomach. She felt a desperate need to find her.
She went to Amelia's classroom and knocked on the open door.
“Good afternoon, Nanny Prim. Are you looking for Amelia?” The teacher smiled at her.
“Yes, she didn't come out with the others.”
“This time I can tell you where she is. It's not a secret like at Christmas. Amelia has been chosen to sing a song on the last day of school.”
“I'm so relieved. I thought that she had hurt herself again. I imagined that her daddy was stitching her up.”
“She's just fine. Her things are still here. Why don't we gather her things up and bring them to her?”
Nanny Prim looked down at Amelia's desk. There was a piece of paper on top of the desk. Amelia still wrote like a second-grader.
“Will there be essay questions on the test tomorrow?” Nanny asked, worried.
“I'm afraid so, but I just read for content. Don't worry. It will be a tough race for best girl this year. Luckily, the two little girls get along so well.”
“Yes, Rose is a nice best friend for Amelia.”
“It will be good for Amelia now that Rose is back. She had looked like a lost little puppy without her friend lately.”
“Amelia does have other friends, doesn't she?” Nanny worried about her little Amelia so much.
“Yes. They have a nice little group. You don't have to worry.”
