by Rachel Burns
How could he dress in warm clothes when he didn't know if she was warmly dressed?
His mind often saw terrible pictures of her tied up naked while men hurt her. That thought was killing him.
He wanted her back.
“Brian, I didn't think that I would see you here.”
Brian looked up and saw his friend Travis with his little girl Cindy. “Hello Travis. Are you thinking of enrolling Cindy here?”
“Yes, we were in class observing this morning. The brat is against this, but she could use a little cultivating.”
Cindy sighed and rolled her eyes. “This isn't necessary. You are a stay at home daddy. This doesn't make sense.”
“Maybe if you went to this school, they could explain it to you.” Travis rolled his eyes right back at her. He had been taking less and less crap from her.
Travis hated that she had been hanging out her bratty side all day. He had asked her to make him look good. As always, she did the opposite.
“I didn't know that you two are married.”
“Yep, if you get Cindy drunk, she will agree to anything,” Travis joked.
Cindy looked away embarrassed.
“I'm just kidding. We got married on vacation. It was a beautiful ceremony.” Travis could see that he had gone too far.
“Congratulations.”
“We didn't see Amelia here. Is she sick?” Travis asked.
“No, she got kidnapped last week. Here, from school. I'm just here today to ask the girls if anyone saw anything. We don't have any leads. No one called asking for any money. That usually means that they goofed up and killed her.” Brian was about to break down. He and Travis had told each other everything when they were younger.
“No, it doesn't,” Jake walked towards them. He introduced himself and explained that they still had hope that Amelia would come home unharmed.
Travis pulled his wife closer to him.
Jake was interested in Travis. He wanted to ask him and his wife questions about Brian and Amelia. He needed to gather more information.
Brian gave his speech and hoped that someone would come forward with any piece of information. No one did.
He went to Jake to see if his men had spotted anything.
“I'm sorry, Brian. None of the girls showed signs that they were lying. We especially watched her friends. They don't know where she is.”
Brian's hand went to his heart. He knew that he wasn't having a heart attack. This was a panic attack. “All of my hope is being taken away from me. This is killing me.”
“I know. I can't even imagine what you are going through.”
Jake had instructed his men to question Brian. Brian had an ironclad alibi, and he wasn't lying, unless he had gone crazy. Then he would be able to lie convincingly.
Jake met with Travis and asked him questions about Brian. He quickly found out that the two of them had been best friends, but that they had lost contact recently. Travis took the blame for that. He explained that Cindy and Amelia hadn’t gotten along well.
Jake could see that Cindy was a lot like his Heather. She had a need to cause a bit of trouble. Heather needed excitement in her life too.
While her nanny was putting Cindy to bed, Travis admitted that he was worried about Cindy running away from him. He admitted that she had tried it several times before.
“If she is ever gone, call me. I'll look into her case and see how much they know. This is one of the benefits of the school.”
“But the school lost Amelia. I have decided against sending my little girl.”
“Amelia was the first, and she will be the last to get away. Trust me, I'll find Amelia if it's the last thing I do.”
“Wow, that’s some connection that the daddies have with each other.” Travis was starting to think that this man was crazy.
“He saved my wife's life. I watched him do it. He went above and beyond the call of duty for me. It's the least I can do for him.”
“Oh, that explains it. My Cindy means the world to me too.”
***
I entered the social service's office bright and early, but along with a hundred other people. I once again had to stand in line before I got to talk to someone face to face. She asked me what kind of help I wanted while she pursed her lips and looked at my clothes. My age had been the most important question to her.
I explained that I didn't have anything, no place to live and nothing to eat.
She didn't seem to understand because she kept asking me where I lived over and over again. I got a feeling that she was trying to trick me into telling her.
“I live under a slide at a playground,” I told her to get her to stop asking questions and to start listening to me.
“Under a slide? Are you sure you don't live under a staircase?” She raised her eyebrow at me.
“No, I'm positive.” This was getting intolerably embarrassing.
“Is this a joke?”
“No.”
“You come in here in a school uniform and ask about what kind of help I can give you. You won't tell me your name or where you live. What do you expect from me? Do you think that we just hand out money here?”
“No, I was hoping that you could help me find a place to live. I don't need much.”
“Did you ever think about getting good grades at school and making something out of your life? The social services aren't here for kids who get out of high school. You can't just go from your parents purse strings to those of the taxpayers.”
“I didn't think that. You see, I just left my husband.”
She rose up her hand to stop me. “Seriously kid, is that the story you want to dish out?”
“It's the only one I have,” I admitted.
“I'll make this really simple. If you can't provide me with a name, I can't provide you with anything.” She spoke extra slowly, so I would understand her.
I got up and ran out. She had been clear. I wouldn't get any help unless I tattled on Daddy. There was no way that a person with my last name could be on government support.
I pushed the door of the bakery open and walked in. The smell was enough to make me weak in the knees. The place was packed. Some people were even standing with a cup of coffee in one hand and a roll in the other hand as they talked to each other. It was very loud in here.
I made my way to the counter and pulled out my wallet.
I scanned the price cards, which were set in front of the different things they offered, seeking the cheapest thing that a person could order.
A well-rounded man caught my eye. “What will you have?”
“Could I have a chocolate donut, please?”
“Sure kid.” He grinned and got me my donut. I held out two of my precious dollars, and he took them. I bit my lower lip as I waited for my change.
“Is Cindy here?” I forced myself to ask when he laid the coins in my hand.
“No, she isn't.” He gave me an odd look.
“Oh, I'll come back again some other time.” My jaw was quivering. I tried to hide my disappointment. Quickly, I went out of the door. I would be sleeping under a slide again tonight. Stray cats might try to fight me for my spot again today. They had scared me so much last night.
I walked around the city slowly eating my donut. Had I been a fool to spend so much money on the train ride to New York?
What if Cindy didn't remember me?
I looked at everything all around me. There seemed to be police everywhere. Had Daddy informed the police that I had run away? I went back to the park hoping to make friends again. Up until now I had been very lucky. Everything I had done could have backfired, but it hadn't.
That gave me the feeling that God wanted me to be happy and my baby safe. I was doing the right thing.
I sat down on a park bench and watched what was going. The little kids were climbing around and having fun while moms talked to each other. There was a feeling of community here.
I enjoyed the people-watching that I was doing. I felt
that if I said nothing and just listened to them and watched their body language, that I really knew them.
Some of the mothers ignored their kids even though their children were constantly calling out Look Mom.
Other mothers never took their eyes off of their children. They looked too afraid to even blink.
Others were constantly scolding their children. Those were the ones that smacked the sand off of their children, pretending that they were just trying to brush it off but wanting to spank their children at the same time.
A few mothers were sitting on benches reading books. They looked up and smiled at their kids at the bottom of every page. When their children ran to them to show them something, the moms carefully left their finger in the page that they were reading and looked at their children with interest. They would send their children off again, so they could read some more. Find me another rock, or they would say, We have to show that to Daddy.
My baby wouldn't have a daddy to show things to. Baby would be growing up without a Daddy.
I would be too.
I needed to cry again. That happened often. I got up and walked around. I followed the signs and walked into the city. Things got busy there.
A million thoughts were going through my head. I was scared, hungry and alone. I wanted my baby to have a Daddy. I had grown up without a mother or a father.
Maybe if I gave Daddy a chance. If only I could call him. That way I could ask him how he felt about us having a baby. He might say that I should stay away. He might be happy and beg me to come home.
It took me all day, but I was pretty sure that I found his office building. They all looked alike from the sidewalk, just the facades were different.
I looked around hoping that I would see him. Of course I wouldn't, he parked in the underground parking garage. He never used the front door unless he was going out into the city.
I turned away and walked around some more. I was at least getting a lot of exercise.
I watched the city turn from being a very busy and productive place into a well-lit entertainment world. People were no longer hurrying around all by themselves. Now they walked in pairs and talked with smiles on their faces.
Some fought about who picked out the last movie as they crossed the streets to a movie theater. They were different from what Daddy and I had been. I wasn't sure if they were happier, but they were free. The men didn't look worried that the women would run away from them. And the women didn't look worried that they might be acting too old.
“Hey! Kid! Are you lost?” a man called out to me.
“No, my daddy will be right here to pick me up. He works in that building.” I pointed at Daddy's building.
“Okay, but he shouldn't let you stand around here all by yourself at night.” He shook his head and walked on with his girlfriend.
I was drawing too much attention. I needed to go. As soon as they were out of sight, I took off running.
I found a new playground and waited for the lights to go out.
Around two in the morning, they did.
This park was perfect. It had an especially wide slide. Big enough for three kids to slide down it at one time. I would be dry even if it rained.
I wasn't sure where I was again when I woke up. I had to ask the way to Tony's Bakery. I was glad that Cindy's parents were quite famous.
I prayed for Cindy to be there. She just had to be. Each step I took was hurting my feet. These just weren't walking shoes.
The smell that hit me as I opened the bakery's door just reminded me how hungry I was. I needed her to be here.
I pushed my way to the counter. “Could I have a chocolate donut, please?”
“Yes, you may,” the man answered just as formally back. He turned away to get it. He wrapped it in a napkin.
I paid, and when he brought back my change, I asked again. “Is Cindy here?”
“No.”
“When is she due in?”
“I don't know.”
I nodded and left again. I walked back towards Daddy's office. I knew he had a drinking fountain in the lobby. I had seen it the night we went to the show.
I ate my donut as I walked. I was hoping to see him. If I told him I was pregnant on a public street, he couldn't kill me on the spot. If need be, I could run away from him.
I went and looked around. I went right to the fountain and drank as much as I could. When I was finished, I wiped my face and debated going up to see Daddy.
I took a step towards the elevators. A second later, I was standing face to face with the nurse who had walked in on us kissing.
“Hello, Mrs. …”
“Hello.” I answered her.
She looked at my outfit, and her face wrinkled up, puzzled. She passed by me without saying anything more.
I was still in my little girl clothes. I couldn't go in. I sunk my head and left the building without making eye contact with anyone.
That had been another really bad idea. The nurse didn't even know that I was missing.
Daddy hadn't told anyone. He didn't care that I was gone.
Did he already have someone else?
As I walked, I thought about everything. I was proud that I had told my father off. That had felt so good. But now I was thinking that I should have asked him for help. It would have been great to stay the night and sleep in a bed.
It hurt that he hadn't seen me in almost a year, and that he didn't ask me how I was. Wasn't that the least he could have done?
Would Daddy react the same way if I showed up again?
The words What are you doing here? resounded in my head.
Where was I welcome? Where could I turn to?
I walked back to the bakery, thinking that Cindy might be back at school or have a job now. Of course she would. Going in the morning had been a stupid thing to do. I headed that way thinking that I would have to buy something again if I went in. I was so hungry that buying something sounded good.
I should be pacing myself with the money. But I couldn't live on a chocolate donut a day. Baby needed something more nutritious. So did I. I still had a lot to go through.
Would I be delivering my baby under the slide in the park? I was the world's worst mother.
I went into the bakery just as they were closing. Four people were behind the counters. There was a straight line going up to them.
I got in it and hoped that there was something left that I could afford. The line quickly moved ahead, and several people were behind me.
“Everything is half priced,” I heard an older man, telling a customer.
Half priced? That sounded too good to be true. I would come in every night then.
When it was my turn, I looked up at the smiling woman. “What can I get you, sweetheart?”
The name Sweetheart made me stutter a moment. “Is Cindy here?”
“I'm afraid not. Do you have plans to meet her here?” The woman had black hair and warm brown eyes. She looked so concerned that I wanted to confess that I needed help. The problem was that I hadn't confessed that to myself yet, so I couldn't confess it to her either.
“No, I met her last summer with my Daddy. I thought maybe she would remember me.”
“Did you want to buy anything?” she asked me.
“Yes please. Could I have a loaf of bread?” I pointed at a large loaf.
“Sure thing, sweetheart.”
I took my treasured loaf out with me, and carried it off to the playground. Tonight there would be a feast under the slide. I might even give the cats something.
Chapter 11 – Gone For Good?
Where was she? Did something happen to her, or had she run away? The same thoughts chased each other over and over in Brian's mind. He had a feeling that she needed his help, but the thoughts that she had just been using him were just so much more likely.
She had already been gone for a week. Brian couldn't sleep, he couldn't work, and he couldn't function without her. This not knowing was killing him.
&nbs
p; Had someone taken her and killed her just because she was his wife?
Why hadn't the kidnapper sent a ransom note?
Brian heard the phone ringing. He answered it as he sat up. It might be Amelia. “Mr. … Here is the Director from Amelia's school. I didn't mean to wake you. I was just wondering if you had heard anything?”
“No, nothing. Not a peep.”
“I'm so sorry to hear that. If there is anything that I can do for you, let me know.”
“Thank you. If anything – happens. I'll let you know.” He wanted this conversation over with. He blamed Nanny and the school. If Amelia had never gone to that school, then she never could have gotten away.
Brian called Jake again. “Should I call the police?” he asked for the thousandth time.
“Every agent has her picture, so do the police. If the police see her, we will know. I still think that the kidnapper may contact you.”
“What if something went wrong and she isn't – alive anymore?”
“Brian, you have to trust me. I am doing everything in my power, but if you call the police, you will have to explain where she was last seen. They will ask very uncomfortable questions about your life together, and it will leak to the press. You will lose all of your patients.”
“I don't care. I just want her found.”
“Brian, wait. Give it some more time. I think that she ran away. She will probably come home on her own. If she doesn't, you will be contacted by her lawyer.”
“Jake, we had never been happier before she left. Her last words were that she loved me. In my head, I have a picture of her locked up somewhere, and her kidnapper tells her that I don't care about her. I promised her that if she needed me, that I would always come and get her. I need to keep that promise.”
“Brian, I'm here for you. You can call anytime, anytime at all. Come to me with your problems. I think that it would be important for you to get back to your normal life. You need your routine.”
