by Rachel Burns
Why were people always rejecting me?
I laid my hand over the baby in my tummy. Would she push me away too?
Why did I feel that she would be a girl?
Daddy was waiting for me in the entryway. He was smiling at me in a nervous way. I had a feeling that I had started something that I couldn’t finish.
Daddy wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closely to his body. He could always sense when I was feeling sad. “We can talk about anything you want.” He opened the door for me, and we went down to the beach. The sight of the water, and the sand had become a familiar, welcoming one that gave me a sense of home.
“What if this baby doesn’t like me either?” I asked Daddy.
“Are you still worried about Sarah? You don’t have to be. I think I got my point across nicely this afternoon.” He was so sure of himself. This was something that he didn’t take seriously because it didn’t pertain to him. He mostly saw Sarah as a little angel who smiled, threw her arms around her father’s neck and kissed his cheek.
I worried that we were raising the bad seed. How could a child her age hate so completely? I often dreamed about her pushing me off a cliff. I would somehow be able to grab onto something, and she would pound a rock against my hands until I let go and started to fall. Then I woke up.
At least, that was what I had dreamt last night.
I told Daddy that, and he laughed. He explained that it was normal for pregnant women to have such nightmares. I was relieved, because it made sense.
“Did I ever tell you how furious my parents were when the doctor told them I wouldn’t be able to father a child? They hated me for that. It was always about securing the family through the next generation.”
“But the doctor was wrong.”
“I don’t think so. I’ve been tested a couple of times since, after Sarah and you came home. It said the same results.”
What was he getting at? Would he accuse me of being unfaithful again?
“Do you know what that means?”
I shook my head.
“It means that when we make love magic happens.”
I grinned, blushing red. “I think so too.”
“I can’t wait to tell Sarah and Adam this evening at supper. They are going to be thrilled.”
“Shouldn’t we wait until we are sure that the baby will really be born? I haven’t crossed the three-month mark yet.”
“If anything happens, then the whole family will mourn together.” He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. “But nothing is going to happen. You are going to rest, eat well and take nice long walks with me every day. This will be the perfect pregnancy, from the beginning until the end. I give you my word.”
“Things are so much easier in this country than in ours.”
I felt him stiffen in my arms.
“I wanted to talk to you about that. I was thinking that this baby should be born in the States. This isn’t a spur of the moment decision. I have been thinking about this for a while now. Adam is already eight. It’s time for him to go to a normal school. The one I went to when I was his age.”
“But – ” A million worries popped into my mind but none passed over my lips. “He’s just a baby. I don’t want the other boys to hurt him. He is so sensitive.”
“Sensitive?” Daddy laughed. “He is a great kid. I think he will do well at school. He is the type of person that everyone likes. He needs to make friends now so he has them when he is older.”
“You mean like connections?” I pushed away from Daddy’s chest.
“Yes, exactly. That’s how these things work. He won’t be accepted if he comes much later. I don’t want him to be an outsider. You went to boarding school you know how it is.”
“Yes, I know. I even know, deep down, that you are right. But I don’t want to have to go without him, either of them. Are you going to send Sarah away too?”
“No, I’m not.” He answered very defensively.
“Why Adam and not her?”
“Girls do well at home.”
“Seriously? That’s discrimination, and in this day and age.”
“Amelia,” he warned me.
“Well, it is. I don’t really care as long as she gets to stay home with me, but it isn’t right. I guess that means that she doesn’t stand to inherit anything, just because she is a girl?”
“No. It just means that one day she will marry, and her husband might appreciate the fact that she has led a sheltered life.”
“Daddy, what does that mean, exactly?” We now had a marriage where I was free to say and ask anything that I wanted.
“Amelia, she is like me. She may be the spitting image of you, but her soul is like mine. She will grow up and marry one day. Sarah needs a daddy to take care of her.”
I hung my head, trying to block out everything that I was feeling.
My head snapped back up. “That doesn’t always work out well for the woman.”
Daddy raised his arms up to hug me, but I stepped back.
“Amelia, it would be different with her. She needs this. I will see to it that my daughter gets whatever she needs. I will stand by her side and make sure that she is safe and loved. She won’t be alone like you were. I’ll pick a better husband out for her than what you have.”
I heard the sadness in his words. There was an apology there too, and it broke my heart. If I could go back in time, then I would have done so many things differently too. “Please Daddy, if she ever changes her mind or falls in love, I don’t want her to have to do anything that she doesn’t want to do. Promise me. Promise me and mean it, Daddy. Promise that for all of our children.”
He looked me deep in the eyes. “I promise.” His arms wrapped around me again. “The happiness of our children is the most important thing to me. Your happiness and theirs,” he corrected himself.
I hugged him back and prayed that he meant it.
Chapter 25 – Back In The United States
Brian noticed that his Amelia was being especially quiet. It got worse as the day approached when they would be leaving for the United States. She had gotten him to promise that they would visit Adam’s school before any decisions were made. They would look around the school with Adam. After that, Adam got to decide if he wanted to go to boarding school or not.
Brian had given in easily because he knew that his son longed to be with other boys. He was the type of person who thrived on being among many people.
He wasn’t a loner like Amelia. She needed to be protected and kept safe.
Brian thought about Sarah going to boarding school, and his heart ached. They would ruin her and teach her that she had to excel in everything that she did. It would be pounded into her head that she had to work harder than men did to get the same recognition. She would be taught that the way their family lived was wrong. But it felt so right to him.
Sarah needed so much attention, and he felt that only a daddy could give that to her.
Brian found it hard to keep up with her some days. She needed to be the center of attention. Her nanny understood that too. Sarah was just a little girl.
Brian had inherited it from his Uncle Ned and Sarah got it from him. He never wanted her to feel that something was wrong with her. She should never have to be ashamed that she wasn’t like the others. If he managed to make her feel normal, then it would be a wonderful gift to his beloved daughter.
He promised Amelia that he would do what he could to make Sarah happy and feel good about herself.
It was a promise he had every intention of keeping.
***
I watched Adam joining in a soccer game. Adam played daily back at home with the village children. He was good at sports, and because this was a sport that he was well practiced in, he was the best.
The other boys were patting him on the shoulder and asking who he was.
Daddy stood behind me with his hand on my shoulder. He was laughing with happiness and pride. This child was one we didn’t have
to worry about.
“He will clearly want to stay,” I sighed.
Sarah who was standing next to me looked back at Daddy. “I don’t want to go to a school like this one.”
I took hold of her hand. “I insist that you leave me my daughter. Girls do well at home. Please, Daddy, let her stay with me. I’m sure she will continue to do well at home. Isn’t that right, Sarah.”
“Yes, Mommy. I promise to do well at home. I’ll study hard.”
I knew that being one of many wasn’t her thing. She needed a whole houseful of people who adored her.
“I’ll think about it,” Daddy answered, playing along. “I suppose your mother could use a little help at home, especially once the baby is here.”
“I’ll help her. That isn’t a problem.” Her fingers tightened around my hand.
Both Daddy and I worried what would happen when the new baby was born. Sarah wasn’t the kind to share gladly, so we had thought up this little act for her benefit, as well as ours.
Three weeks later, while Sarah was pouring me a glass of water, the first contraction came. It was way too early. I was laying in the living room on the sofa when it happened. We had been told that this was a high-risk pregnancy, and that there would be complications, but nothing prepares a mother when the pain hits, and she sees so much blood coming out during a pregnancy.
Sarah screamed for Daddy and took off to find him.
What happened after that, I don’t remember. I was in the hospital for a week before they cut the baby out of me to save her life. I just remembered Sarah visiting me with Daddy. She would grab onto my hand and hold it tightly. She was scared and worried about me. That made me feel loved.
It took me a long time to recover from the long birth, but I insisted that I breastfeed the baby, who Daddy had named Catherine while I slept.
She was so tiny and weak. Each day that she was still there beside me when I woke up, I thanked God.
She had been born too early, and her lungs hadn’t been finished yet despite the shots I had gotten before she was born. It was so hard for her to breathe. Daddy and I walked up and down with her patting her on her back. We were both exhausted.
Adam’s Nanny was thrilled to keep her job with us. She took Catherine whenever we both needed a break. She also claimed that breastfeeding was a good cure for baby blues, and that she figured that I would have never gotten it back then if I had breastfed right away.
I had to wonder if I had really suffered from that too, on top of everything else.
The only thing I knew was that I was feeling so much better now.
I had everything that a person could want, a loving husband, three beautiful children and a nice home with a nanny just for me, who was watching my back.
I told Nanny that Daddy had promised me that she would never have to leave us.
Daddy was happy with me too. We never fought anymore, and I trusted him not to hurt me. He had been great throughout my entire pregnancy with Catherine.
Daddy loved me and trusted me. He believed me when I told him that I loved him.
I believed him when he said that we would always be together, and that he always loved me. He showed me with his actions that he meant it.
I often left the house all by myself or with friends. I visited Tony’s bakery, and he made the kids whatever they wanted. They treated my children like their own grandchildren. I was glad that they had been able to visit us so often in Brazil.
Uncle Jake and lots of Daddy’s other friends had stopped by too. That house had been bustling with people and love.
The best thing was that we had been able to bring the love that we had in Brazil back home to the States.
In fact, we now had even more. Uncle Ned also lived with us. We were a big happy family.
I strived to be good, so Daddy rarely had to take me over his knees. But when he did, make-up sex had become part of the routine afterwards.
Epilogue
Daddy held my hand while we waited for the results from Catherine’s latest test. She was now three. This test was to determine her lung functions.
Catherine easily got sick, and when she did it was accompanied by terrible coughs and then sometimes a lung infection. We seldom let her out to play and never in winter. For her sake, we spent a few months out of the year in Brazil to avoid winter.
The doctor came in and gave Daddy Catherine’s file, knowing that he would insist on seeing it.
“Mrs. … I am very pleased to say that your daughter is doing so much better. I strongly recommend that you keep up her voice lessons and music lessons.”
Daddy was tapping my leg, excitedly. “He’s right. She has improved by leaps and bounds. Your idea with the voice lessons was a great one, sweetheart.”
I hugged Catherine tightly to my heart. “You did really well, Kitty-Cat.” She hated going into the box that did the test. She had to go all by herself and that scared her. But she loved being praised.
The name Kitty-Cat came because she just couldn’t understand that she was a sick little girl. She saw herself as being a cat. She climbed up on anything she could and let herself drop to the floor. It was a sight that gave me a heart attack each time I caught her doing that, but like a cat she always landed on her feet.
“Doctor, how do you feel about pets? Catherine would like –”
“Kitty-Cat,” Catherine interrupted me and corrected me.
Daddy cleared his throat warning her. Catherine ignored that. She wasn’t a daddy’s girl. She was all mine.
Catherine clung to him when she was sick. But when she wanted to have someone watch her do something (most likely something dangerous), she always came and got me to watch her. I was the one who received all the pictures that she colored.
“Mommy’s talking now. It’s just my turn.” I smiled at her kindly.
She nodded so sorrowfully that my heart melted watching her. Daddy had to look away to hide his grin.
“As I was saying, Catherine would like a cat. We’re worried about her lungs and cat hair.”
“I understand. Catherine, no putting cat hair in your mouth. It doesn’t taste good anyway,” he teased her.
“I get a Kitty? A real Kitty?” She had several stuffed animal ones, which she loved, but her greatest desire was to have a real cat.
Daddy reached over and touched her face. “No Catherine, you get kittens. They need to have cat friends. We’ll go right to the store and get some for you. Wait until Adam and Sarah see them. They will be so happy for you.”
Both of her older siblings adored her. They fought over who got to play with her, even making up time charts. Sarah wanted her to grow up to be a little lady like she was, and Adam saw that Catherine was a tomboy and taught her all the boy games that he knew.
The one thing that they like to play together was hide and seek, which they did every day that it rained. They played for hours on end.
That night we put our daughter to bed with her two kittens. All three were exhausted from a long day playing together.
Daddy wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. “I don’t think I’ve told you how beautiful you are yet today. You can’t let me get away with something like that.”
I took hold of his tie and pulled him to our bedroom by it. “You can make up for your little faux pas in here,” I teased him, knowing I would be in for a really good night of lovemaking with him.
I had never been happier than I was right now.
End of Part 5
The End
Other Books By Rachel Burns
A Man To Guide Her
A Man's Due
A Sheikh's Love
A Spanking Good Cook
Blind Trust
Callie Part I, II, III, IV V & VI
Chocolate Rewards
Christmas Captive
Christmas Stories
Class Trip
Daddy's Little Girls
Daddy's Little Princess
Daddy's Sweetheart Part I, II,
III, IV &V
End Of The World Part I, II, III & IV
Facing The Music
Have A Heart Part I, II III & IV
Her Majesty
Island Men
Pain and Regret
Southern Discomfort
Stranded On Christmas
Sugar Daddy
Sweet Daddy Part I, II, III &IV
Sweet Southern
The Man of the House
Trust In Me Parts I & II
Two Worlds Collide
Where The Clouds Touch The Earth
You Look Just Like Your Sister
Becky's Birthday (a short story)
Daddy, I Don't Feel Well (a short story)
Hold Still (a short story)
Mafia Men Mean Business (a short story)
Please Believe Me (a short story)
Punishment And Patience (a short story)
Saving His Marriage (a short story)
She Only Listens When You Whisper (a short story)
Strict St. Nick (a short story)
The Dress Code (a short story)
Trying Too Hard (a short story)
Wait Until Father Gets Home (a short story)
