‘Goodness, no!’ Maggie said. ‘Ellie, you must make your excuses and come with us.’
Ellie shuddered. ‘Truly, I wouldn’t mind missing that carriage ride! Give me a moment to talk with Sophie, and I’ll gladly accept your offer.’ Especially since she’d have the heady delight of Christopher’s proximity, with Maggie’s presence to check the temptation to do something about it.
She dearly wanted another kiss, she thought as walked back up the steps to consult her sister. And had been arguing with herself since last night, as she tossed and turned, trying to capture an elusive sleep, about whether she should or shouldn’t indulge in one before their lessons ended.
After all, this would almost certainly be her last opportunity to experience intimacy with a man she admired and desired.
Chapter Nine
After she’d obtained a promise from Sophie to send her a note so they might arrange a time to meet, Ellie bid goodbye to her glowering aunt and walked back out. The footmen Christopher dispatched had already obtained a hackney, and handed her in to join her companions.
‘So, Christopher, when did you decide to pursue wedded bliss?’ Maggie said as soon as the vehicle set off.
Christopher groaned. ‘I suspected you would tax me about it. Go ahead, make merry at my expense. My mother has already mocked my intentions, giving her opinion that I’m not suited to matrimony.’
‘You’re as well suited as Ben,’ Maggie said. ‘He was just as much enamoured of the demi-monde until he met Alyssa. It’s the right lady who makes the difference.’
‘So I’ve told him,’ Ellie said, suppressing the silly longing that she might be such a lady. ‘I’ve observed quite a few womanisers, and you don’t fit the mould, Christopher. You aren’t like the men who view women as tools for their pleasure, to be charmed until they agree to yield their bodies, nothing more. You’ve always displayed too much genuine concern for a woman’s well-being to fall into that category.’
‘Well said, Ellie,’ Maggie agreed. ‘You “like the ladies”, truly like them. Once you meet the female who inspires you to love her, I have no doubt you’ll give her the respect and devotion necessary to make your marriage a success.’ With a sidelong glance, she added, ‘As long as you’ve chosen this course because it’s what you truly want—not just because you’re the lone bachelor left among your friends. In any event, Giles and I—all the Hellions—stand ready to assist, however we can.’
‘Don’t bring on the parade of eligibles yet,’ Christopher said with a laugh. ‘Lady Sayleford praised my “charm”, but I’ve spent my adult life charming women around whom a man can conduct himself rather freely. I need to learn how to behave properly around vir—respectable young ladies. Fortunately, Ellie has volunteered to school me.’
‘Ellie is giving you courtship lessons?’ Maggie asked, her eyes widening.
‘You may think that highly inappropriate, given my...recent occupation,’ Ellie said hastily, hoping Maggie wouldn’t think her presumptuous.
To her surprise, Maggie reached over to take her hand, tears glittering on her lashes. ‘I think you are wise and kind, and incredibly brave and resilient to have survived what you did. To have been turned over to Summerville at sixteen...I can’t imagine.’
Ellie blinked back the tears that stung her own eyes. ‘Thank you. It’s been a long time since I was an innocent maid, but with my family’s finances at such a stand that I didn’t have much more to offer than beauty and breeding, my mother felt it imperative that my behaviour be the absolute model of a virtuous, pretty-behaved maiden. You can imagine with what intensity all the lessons of proper conduct were drummed into my head!’
‘Then you know far more about it than I do,’ Maggie said. ‘I grew up a hoyden, trailing after my brother and Robbie, our closest neighbour. Since I was barely in my teens when he and I decided we would marry, I didn’t see any need to learn to behave like a “proper young lady”, despite my mother’s scolding.’
Sadness briefly crossed her face before she laughed. ‘My papa would say I never did learn, even after I lost Robbie and came to live in London. Acting as hostess for his political dinners, meeting mostly his associates in Parliament, I spent very little time among Society ladies. So what have you been learning, Christopher?’
‘I know which flowers to send to the maiden I’ve danced with at a ball, and which to avoid,’ he replied. ‘I’m starting on—’
The carriage hit a rut, throwing them back into their seats. Maggie immediately leaned forward, her face paling as she put a hand to her mouth. ‘I’m afraid I’m suddenly feeling very unwell,’ she whispered.
Christopher leaned out the window and called up to the driver, ‘Slow them to a walk, if you please.’ Looking back to Maggie, he said, ‘Better?’
Though she gave him a quick nod, she kept the hand to her lips. Frowning as he inspected Maggie’s white face, Christopher said, ‘Why don’t we go directly to Upper Brook Street? It’s only a few streets more. While you get settled more comfortably, I’ll see Ellie home, then come back to consult Giles.’
‘I would appreciate that,’ Maggie said.
‘There’s no need,’ Ellie said. ‘I can make my way home from Lady Maggie’s.’
‘Certainly not,’ Christopher said. ‘When a gentleman invites a lady for a drive, he always sees her safely home. That’s the rule, isn’t it?’
‘Well—yes,’ Ellie admitted.
‘End of discussion.’ Leaning out again, he gave the jarvey the address.
Soon after, they arrived at Lyndlington’s house. ‘I’ll turn Maggie over to her maid and be back in a moment,’ Christopher said.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ Ellie asked.
Maggie shook her head. ‘I’ll feel better after I lie down. Or not.’ She sighed. ‘Quite annoying at times, this business of making heirs. Come see me again soon.’ After pressing Ellie’s hand, she let Christopher help her down.
In her concern for Maggie, it didn’t occur to Ellie until after the pair walked away that she would now be alone with Christopher for the rest of the transit to Hans Place.
A different kind of agitation began to swirl in her belly, and the opposing voices that had been nattering at her last night resumed their argument. By the time Christopher returned, she was so nervous she jumped when he took the seat beside her.
Trying to distract herself from the urge to sidle closer, replacing the warmth emanating from him with the feel of his thigh, arm and shoulder against hers, she stuttered, ‘D-did you get Lady Maggie settled?’
Christopher chuckled. ‘Her maid came running, took one look at her face, and whisked her away, talking of weak tea and stale biscuits. The last I heard was Maggie grumbling that she didn’t want to be wrapped in cotton wool.’
A bleak image struck Ellie, the memory of a time she’d been ill while Summerville’s mistress. Learning she was indisposed, her protector took himself off to find other amusement. After asking if she required anything, the maid he’d engaged to serve her swiftly withdrew. Aching and feverish, Ellie wrapped herself in a shawl and dragged a chair near the fire, her only companion the tick of the mantel clock.
How many years had it been since anyone had cosseted her, sick or well?
‘It’s good to have friends and family to watch over you,’ Christopher said quietly, seeming with uncanny understanding to sense the source of her sadness. ‘You have friends like that now, Ellie. If you are ever ill or troubled or in need, you must call on them.’
She nodded, her throat too tight for speech. And when Christopher took her hand, she couldn’t resist any longer. As if she belonged there, she lay her head against his shoulder.
Lacing his fingers with hers, he wrapped his other arm around her to pat her shoulder while she forced away the grim memories. ‘Thank you,’ she murmured a few minutes later, as he m
oved his arm away.
She ought to let go his fingers, but the aching tenderness of being comforted was so sweet, so rare, she couldn’t quite manage it. She looked up at his face, trying to summon words to express how much his compassion meant.
Within an instant, gratitude turned to yearning. With everything in her, she wanted to pull his head down and recapture the lips she had briefly touched before, that simple caress setting her afire with need and urgency. She shoved her hand beneath her skirts before she did just that.
As if equally unable to look away, his turquoise eyes studied her. With a little thrill, she recognised when concern deepened to desire. Breath hitching in her throat, she angled her head up, unwilling this time to make the first move, desperately hoping he would.
Instead, he drew away. She stifled a sound of bitter disappointment. Then, he turned back and cupped her chin in his hand. ‘Bloody hell,’ he muttered, and kissed her.
A shock of sensation rocketed through her as, with long, slow strokes, he tasted her, licking and nibbling at her lips. He didn’t probe at them, demanding entry, but after a moment of feeling the exquisite hot wet plush of his tongue against her mouth, she just had to learn the feel of it inside. With a whimper, she opened her mouth to him.
Once again, he didn’t rush, but entered gently, tentatively, not moving to explore until she brought her tongue to meet his. Ah, then, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer, he explored her with relentless precision, the lazy scouring of his tongue over her teeth, her tongue setting off a series of little explosions, like a string of fireworks.
Her heartbeat stampeded as her body seemed to heat and melt under his touch. The throbbing intensity at her centre built and built, until she was pressing against him, desperate for more.
The carriage hit another rut, jolting them apart. Steadying her back on the seat with trembling fingers, Christopher held her at arm’s length, his eyes closed as he steadied his breathing.
Only as the carriage slowed, signalling they were near their destination, did her brain finally emerge from the miasma of sensation that had swamped it. Remorse as intense as her disappointment over the interruption overwhelmed her, cooling the heat of passion.
‘Sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I didn’t mean to tempt you again.’
He deposited a kiss on her hand before releasing it. ‘It appears neither of us is very good at resisting temptation. But we’ll have to do better. Just the few things I’ve learned so far have made me realise how much I need more lessons.’
Ellie wasn’t sure she could do better. Seat her beside him in a covered carriage, away from watching eyes, and she knew she’d be driven to beg for more of his marvellous kisses.
Fortunately, before good sense could browbeat desire into doing the prudent thing and ending the lessons straight away, the vehicle halted at Hans Place. Perhaps as eager as she was to avoid thinking about the implications of what had just happened, Christopher jumped out, then held out a hand to help her down.
‘You needn’t walk me in.’
‘A gentleman always walks a lady in.’
She hesitated a moment, not sure she wanted to confront the issue. ‘Even when she hasn’t acted like a lady?’
‘Maybe not like an innocent maid,’ he allowed. ‘But very much like a beautiful, courageous, desirable lady. You’ll be occupied, meeting your sister tomorrow?’ he asked, skirting away from the dangerous topic.
‘I’m not sure yet. I need to spend time at the school. With my family coming to town, and the...lessons, I’ve been neglecting it.’
He nodded. ‘Send me a note when you’re ready to resume. Now that the Reform Bill has passed the Commons, the focus has shifted to the debate in the Lords. I’m consulting with Giles and the other Hellions today, to see what we can do to persuade some of the members.’
‘Vital work, to be sure. Lessons can wait.’
He hesitated, as if to say something more, and she had an instant’s terror that he’d reached the same conclusion she was resisting, and would tell her they should discontinue the lessons entirely.
Instead, to her guilty relief, he smiled. ‘Lessons are important, too. You’ll send me a note, then?’
She nodded. ‘Yes. And thank you again for your support today. I...I can’t truly express how much it meant.’ How much you mean.
‘And you can’t begin to know how much a pleasure it was.’ With that, he tipped his hat and motioned her towards the door Tarleton held open for her. ‘Goodbye, Ellie.’
* * *
After bidding him farewell, Ellie walked up to her sitting room. Christopher’s final statement must refer, at least in part, to the kiss they’d just shared. Had it been as difficult to resist for him as it had been for her?
Should she heed prudence, and call off the lessons? That single first kiss hadn’t been enough to satisfy her, and the second, even more marvellous one, just whetted her appetite to explore further.
Tasting pleasure with him would allow her to blot out the bitter years of forced intimacy, replacing them with images of passion as something shared, tender and desirable. But could she taste a bit more, and a bit more, and a bit more, without both of them abandoning the vows they’d made to move on to a new life?
As she fell ever further under his sensual spell, the barriers she’d erected to refuse another offer of carte blanche were beginning to crumble. If she gave in to temptation, took him for her lover, what would be left for her when, inevitably, they parted?
Emptiness, sorrow, and the bitter knowledge that’d she’d betrayed her own better self. Quite likely, the disdain of ladies she’d begun to look on as friends and the loss of their support for her school. Realities that would be far more difficult to live with than the ugly memories of her bondage to Summerville.
For without the school, what future would she have?
She’d be reduced to living on the few resources she’d eked out of the arrangement with Summerville. The call at Lady Sayleford’s had made quite clear that, save for Sophie, none of her family had any interest in her welfare. She would be really and truly alone.
And Sophie! Resuming her life as a courtesan would ruin Sophie’s chances, too. She would rather starve in the streets than have Sophie discover what it felt like to be treated as unworthy of a mother’s love, an aunt’s respect, or Society’s approval.
By no means the least consideration, by tempting Christopher back to a life he’d vowed to leave behind, she’d be betraying the man dearest to her.
There must be a better way. She need only apply herself to devising a method of instructing him that eliminated any opportunities for dalliance. No carriage rides alone, no meetings in a private chamber with just the two of them present. She could meet him only in public places, like their stroll through the market and tea at Gunter’s.
With others around them, she could even take his arm and savour the energising warmth he radiated, without danger of desire getting out of hand. She’d be able to claim his escort a while longer, build a mental keepsake of joyful interludes to remember and relish after he went on to his new life, and she threw herself fully into hers, teaching her girls.
She could do it, and she must. The losses she would sustain otherwise were—unthinkable.
Feeling better about the future, she moved to her secretary to write the note to Sophie. Opening the drawer to find a card, she saw the list she’d begun of Christopher’s faults. Sighing, she drew it out.
Had she discovered anything she could add? He’d been attentive and courteous today, acting in every way as she’d described him to Maggie, a man who truly liked women, not a womaniser. He’d not arrogantly monopolised the conversation, or attempted to flirt with her lovely sister.
He’d even been courteous towards her mother, who’d insulted him.
It would be hard going over rough
ground to overcome her infatuation, if she couldn’t do better than this at discovering some faults.
She looked over to the bouquet he’d bought her, its vase holding pride of place on the side table. Though he’d teasingly treated her as his Virtuous Virgin during their lesson, she had no illusions that he would ever offer her more than the chance to become his mistress.
Picking up her pen, she wrote at number four, He doesn’t think I’m good enough—to be a wife.
Not that she held that against him. I’m really not good enough—now. But I’m still too good to become anyone’s mistress—even yours.
She stared at the line for a long time, feeling something wither inside as she faced that stark reality.
Could there be any more convincing argument for expunging him from her heart and mind?
Chapter Ten
A disgruntled Christopher hopped back in the hackney after instructing the jarvey to return to Upper Brook Street. Just when he thought he was doing better at resisting Ellie, something happened to deflect him. This time, it had been her obvious sorrow over the contrast between the loving care Maggie received and the cold, friendless existence she’d suffered. Touched on the raw, angered anew at those who had failed her, he’d been overcome by the need to comfort her.
But all it took was a touch, no matter how innocently begun, and the beguiling being that was Ellie wove itself into his senses, disengaging thought and intellect, and letting the driving imperative of passion take over. Only a man made of iron, with ice for blood, could have resisted when she offered him her lips!
As numerous years of riotous living had proved, he was not such a man. Would he be able to quell his sensual nature enough to pursue a wife?
But he knew his friends enjoyed lusty love lives with their wives. It wasn’t so much that he needed to curb the sensual—though that was certainly necessary to avoid offending an innocent maid while he was courting her. It was curbing his desire for Ellie that he needed to master.
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