'Yes, I passed the bar,' Decker said.
Gently, Jaime guided Ernesto. 'This way.'
The annex was a blip of a room off the lounge. It was paneled, cozy, and held two tables, each with a computer, and several couches. It also had its own private rest rooms, which Decker found very impressive. They had interrupted a couple involved in a deep conversation. The young blond woman stood up, red-faced and red-eyed, smiling nervously at Dr Dahl. The man - a bit older, in his thirties - remained on the couch, trying to adopt a casual demeanor, raking his hair with his fingers.
Jaime said, 'We need the room, Brent.'
Slowly, the man got up. 'Sure. Of course.' He walked out with the blond woman, a healthy distance between them.
Dahl tried to stifle a sigh. To Decker, she said, 'Can I get you some coffee?'
'How about some water for the both of us?'
Ernesto said, 'I'm fine.'
'I'll bring some in, just in case.' Jaime left.
'Where do I sit?'
'Anywhere you want,' Decker answered.
The teen looked around, deciding on the couch. 'Are you really an attorney?'
'Yes.'
'Why are you a cop then?' Ernesto looked down. 'Not that it's any of my business.'
'I like the job.' Decker took out his notebook.
Ernesto said, 'I saw this documentary once... about cops. Once they retire, they have a hard time readjusting to the civilian world. That's what they call it, right?' He looked to Decker for confirmation, but Decker didn't react. 'Anyway, the moderator or narrator said something about cops being adrenaline junkies... that the regular world was a boring place compared to what they were used to. A high percentage of them commit suicide. Because they've been hooked on the adrenaline like others get hooked on drugs.'
Decker said, 'Are you hooked on drugs?'
Ernesto shrugged. 'Nah. Drugs are just for recreation. Something to do because the parties are so damn boring.'
'Is that why you vandalized the synagogue? Because you were
bored?'
Jaime Dahl came back in the room with a bottle of Evian and
two glasses. 'Anything else?'
'No, thank you.' Decker couldn't keep the edge off his voice. He had wanted to say, Leave us the hell alone.
Dahl picked up on it. 'I'll be waiting in the lounge.'
'Where are my parents?' Ernesto asked.
'With Dr Williams.'
'Is Mr Melrose there, too?'
'Yes.'
Decker said, 'Any time you want to stop and consult your parents or your lawyer, just let me know.'
Ernesto took a deep breath and let it out. 'I'm all right. I can handle myself.'
No one spoke. Jaime said, 'I'll be going, then.'
Decker smiled. He even kept the smile after she closed the door, as he waited for the kid to speak. He tried to make eye contact. It lasted for a few seconds, then Ernesto's gaze fell on other things. The computers' screen savers, the candy machine, the landscape on the wall. His posture was casual, but the vein in the kid's temple was pulsating, his jaw taut and bulging. He didn't appear the least bit cocky. On the contrary, Ernesto was worried... troubled.
'Actually, this is a good thing.'
'What is?' Decker asked.
'You and me here. I don't want my parents or their lawyer to hear the full details of what happened.'
'Their lawyer is your lawyer. You're going to have to tell him.'
'I will, but he doesn't have to hear the details, either. I mean he needs details, but he doesn't need...' Ernesto groped for the words.
'Explicit details?' Decker tried.
'Yeah. Exactly. I'll tell you and maybe you can soften it around the edges.'
'You can present it to your lawyer however you'd like.'
'No one was hurt, you know.'
'Yes, that's true.'
'You think we can work something out?'
'I'll know better once I hear what you have to say.'
'And if you can't work something out?'
'Then you're no worse off than you were a few minutes ago.'
He folded his hands into his lap, a sheen of sweat draped across the big forehead. 'I am not out of control. I know you think I am, but I'm not. Despite what I did, I am not angry with anyone or anything. My life's okay. I don't hate my parents. I got friends. I'm not hooked on drugs even if I do drop dope occasionally. I'm a top student, a lettered athlete. I got lots of spending cash. My own set of wheels...'
Silence.
'But you're bored,' Decker said.
'Not really.' The teen licked his lips. 'I got this problem. I need help.'
No one spoke. Then Decker said, 'Are you asking me to suggest that the judge recommend counseling in lieu of punishment?'
'No, I'm willing to do community service. I fucked up. I know that. It wasn't anything personal, Lieutenant Decker. I want you to know that. I just have this... obsession. I... had to do it.'
'You felt obliged to trash a synagogue?' Decker's voice was neutral. 'How so?'
'Just kept thinking about it. Over and over and over and over. I need help. But I've got to make sure I have the right therapist.'
'I'm not sure what you're asking for, Ernesto. I have no recommendations.'
'My parents would love to see me in therapy.' Head down. 'They've been in therapy like forever. They think everyone needs therapy. So I guess by going to a shrink, I'll make them happy.'
Decker waited.
'I don't want their therapist or his recommendation,' Ernesto said. 'He's not what I need... a good friend to talk things over
with. I need some guidance here. That's why I'm talking to you.'
'I'm not a therapist, Ernesto.'
'I know, I know. You're only interested in a confession and putting this baby to bed. But maybe if you know the background, you can go to the D.A. and get some suggestions.'
If the kid was acting, he was doing a great job. He seemed genuinely perturbed, down to the fidgets and the squirms. Decker, ever the optimist, was willing to hear him out. Perhaps this boy, who had desecrated a synagogue with obscene slogans and left horrific pictures, had a story to tell.
'Ernesto, I'll do what I can. But first I have to hear something. So if you want to tell me certain things, I'll listen.'
'Okay, I'll do that. It's hard, though. Despite my family's liberal bordering on radical attitudes, we're not a family with open communication. I know what my parents want, and if I deliver, I get the goodies. I don't rock the boat, I sail on smooth waters. So here it goes.'
Decker nodded encouragement.
'When you asked me if my family is Jewish, and I said way back when, I wasn't being snide. But I wasn't being entirely truthful and that's the problem. My last name is Golding. My father's father... my paternal grandfather... was Jewish. My paternal grandmother was Catholic. My mother's mother was Dutch Lutheran, her dad was Irish Catholic. I'm a real mutt as far as any faith goes. So my parents - like the good liberals they are - raised, me with no organized religion and just a concept of justice for all. Not that I'm putting my parents down... do you know what they do?'
'Golding Recycling.'
'Yeah. Did you know that they are among L.A.'s top one hundred industrialists?'
'Your parents are an entity.'
'I've got to give them credit. They're sincere. Everything they do has the environment or civil rights or the homeless or AIDS or some other cause behind it. They are the consummate fund-raisers. Sometimes it got in the way at home - it's just my
brother and me - but at least fifty percent of the time, one parent was there for me or for Karl. That's Karl with a K.'
'As in Marx. And you're named after Che.'
'You got it. My parents weren't masters of subtlety. They've become more sophisticated since the naming days, but even in their most radical days, they talked the talk, but they never crossed the line. That's why they're living in a seven-thousand-square-foot house in Canoga Estates instead of creating
false identities and running from the law.'
'You like your parents.'
'Yeah... yeah, I do. I... admire them although I'm aware of their faults. That's why this is all so screwed up.'
'What's screwed up?'
'Me. I'll tell you my part in the mess, but that's as far as I'll take it. I'm not a rat, I don't name names.'
'So there are others?'
'I didn't say that. For your purposes, I was the sole perpetrator.'
'That's ridiculous.'
'That's my story. Should I go on?'
'I'm still here,' Decker said. The boy didn't seem to know how to start. Decker helped him out. 'Why did you vandalize the synagogue?'
'That's a good question. I have nothing against Jews.' He looked away. 'It has more to do with my personal problems. I've always been obsessive-compulsive, and I'm not just throwing out psych terms. I've always had weird rituals. Some of them, I've outgrown. But some... I can't help it. We don't have to go into specifics, but my obsessions are relevant because once I get a thought into my head, I can't let go. And that's the problem. I have these dreams... more like fantasies because I'm awake when I think about them. It has to do with my Jewish grandfather - Isaac Golding. Well, it turns out that he wasn't Jewish. Matter of fact, I think he was Nazi.'
Decker kept his face flat. 'Isaac's a strange name for a Nazi.' 'That's because it wasn't a real name. I found this all out
about six months ago. Remember I told you the honors civics assignment?'
'The family tree. Dr Ramparts.'
'Yeah. Exactly. It's a semester project. Dr Ramparts wants it done in detail and correctly. So I've been working on this for a while, mostly getting oral history down from my parents because all my grandparents are dead. But then I figure I should do paper research for the sake of completion. So I started going through trunks of old documents that my dad has buried in the attic'
'An attic?' Decker asked.
'Yeah. I know that's weird for L.A. homes. But like I said, we have a big home.'
'I didn't mean to interrupt you. Go on. You're digging through old documents.'
'Yeah, right. I think my dad didn't even know about the shit. It was given to him after his mother died.' Ernesto hesitated, then drank some water. 'Anyway, my grandfather supposedly escaped the Nazis and moved to Argentina in 1937. Except old papers showed me that Grandpa's account was off by ten years. From what I could tell, Grandpa actually came to South America in 1946 or 1947 under the name of Yitzchak Golding. Yitzchak is Isaac in Hebrew. I guess I don't have to tell you that.'
Decker nodded. Yitzchak was the name of Rina's late husband - the father of his stepsons.
Ernesto took a breather and went on. 'So I figure okay... so Grandpa came after the war. He made a mistake. When I knew him, he was old and a little senile, so his absentmindedness is completely within context. So, I point out this little discrepancy to my dad, expecting a logical explanation. Instead, Dad freezes up, then accuses me of trying to stir up trouble... which was totally ridiculous. Usually, if Dad doesn't want to talk about it, he just kind of gets this condescending smile and says something like, "Another time, Che." Dad calls me Che when he's trying to prove a point. But this time, he gets mad. He gets red in the face.
He stomps off. I'm shocked. This means, you know, I hit a nerve.'
Silence.
Decker said, 'So what happened?'
'Nothing. I never brought it up, and certainly Dad never brought it up again.'
'So now you're curious and you have no logical explanation and no one to talk to.'
'Exactly! I technically dropped it, but it's been plaguing me. It's on my mind all the time. Because I get to thinking that if Grandpa did come over in '47, that must have meant that he was in Europe at the time of the war. And being a Jew during the war, he must have suffered somehow. Because I have a couple of friends whose grandparents were European and Jewish, and they have war stories. But I never remember hearing any war stories. Nothing about the... the Holocaust... the death camps. No survival tales, either.'
'I understand.'
'And furthermore, my grandfather's family was intact - his parents and a sister... which would make sense if they all had come to South America in 1937. The camps weren't in full operation until later on. But it wouldn't make any sense for all of them to be alive if Grandpa came over in 1947. You get my drift?'
'Your grandfather was an imposter.'
'That was my conclusion. My dad told me that I got the dates mixed up. But I don't think so.'
'Do you have your grandfather's birth certificate?'
'No, and that's a problem. Just some old papers. I did some further probing... a little of this and that. Called up some resources. I did find a Yitzchak Golding who was sent to Treblinka, a camp in Poland, in 1940. He never came back. His brothers and sisters were also sent to the death camps. So were his parents. None of them came back. No aunts, uncles, cousins... all of them gone. Dead. The family is as extinct as dinosaurs. I'm carrying the name for a bunch of Jewish ghosts.
They're haunting me, Lieutenant Decker. Day in and day out, they're haunting me. Their faces and their corpses.' Golding looked up, his stormy eyes wild and wet. 'I had to get rid of them. So I did what I had to do.'
'You vandalized the synagogue.'
He nodded.
'Are the ghosts gone now?'
He shook his head. 'Of course not. They'll never be gone unless I make peace with them. I don't know if that's possible. It's hard to talk to ghosts. They only talk in dreams, you know.' Ernesto swiped his eyes. 'I had this girlfriend for over a year. Lisa. She was wonderful - terrific, beautiful, smart. I broke up with her when I found out about Grandpa. I just couldn't be with her anymore.'
'She's Jewish?'
'Yeah.'
'And that's why you broke up with her?'
'Of course. I was afraid of hurting her. Because of these dreams... these fantasies I have. I would never want to hurt her. I loved her. I still love her. But even after breaking up with her, the fantasies won't go away.
'The fantasies... they're sexual. They repel me, but they also - in some sick, primal way - they excite me. We were having sex, but it was the normal kind. Now all I can think about is the sick kind. Demeaning her... hurting her. It makes me sick to think I'm like that. But I can't help myself. Certain things you can't hide, you know.'
His pants were bulging.
'All this shit going through my brain while I'm trying to take my SATs and SAT Us.../... need... help!'
It was a compelling case, and a sympathetic teenager. Decker was no shrink, but the kid seemed sincere. Not overly done, but clearly troubled. And what would Rina think if she found out that Decker was feeling sorry for the kid?
'Tell me the details about the vandalism,' he said. 'Where did you get the pictures? They looked original. Were they from a
neo-Nazi group or part of the stuff you found in your attic?' 'What difference does it make? I just got them.' Decker was blunt. 'Who else from your school was involved?' 'Look, I admit that I did it. That's as far as I'm going. I'm not taking anyone else with me. That's your job, not mine.'
Decker could have pushed it. And maybe on down the road, he would push it. But his motto was to deal with issues one at a time. And now that Decker knew about Ernesto's involvement, other things would fall into place. 'I'm sure that whoever adjudicates the case will demand that you get some kind of rudimentary counseling.' 'I need more than that.' 'I agree.'
Ernesto jerked his head up, surprised by Decker's honesty. Decker said, 'You'll have to talk to your parents—' 'Oh, no, no, no, no, no! That's not possible! As a matter of fact, I am forbidding you to say anything to them about this. I'll admit to the vandalism. I think Dad understands where it came from because deep down, I think he knows about Grandpa's past, too. But he hasn't faced the truth yet. Maybe he never will. In any event, they don't need to know the details. My fantasies...' 'You'll tell your therapist?' 'I'd like to. If I can find one I can
trust.' Yet he told Decker all his thoughts without much hesitation. Ernesto seemed to have picked up on the thoughts. 'My parents have this elevated image of me. Why spoil it for them totally} So what if you think I'm an asshole - a spoiled rich kid flirting with neo-Nazism because I'm bored and a jerk. What do I have to lose? I'm telling you what you already think. I'm not that way, really. I mean, I've got my problems but I'm certainly not a Nazi freak. Just ask Jake.'
At the mention of his stepson's name, Decker felt his heart skip a beat. He didn't answer.
Faye Kellerman - Decker 13 - The Forgotten Page 6
