She shook her head. “I’ve seen too much to believe in a loving God. How can a loving God allow the atrocities of this world without extracting vengeance? Where’s the justice for Max or for Candace or the other victims of human trafficking? Where’s the justice for the millions of women kidnapped into sex trafficking every year and forced to spend their lives in bondage?”
“Vengeance is Mine, says the Lord.”
“No, Josh, vengeance is mine. I will hunt down each and every predator I can and I will make them pay for their crimes. God doesn’t have anything to do with it.”
“I think He does. He’s got you, Elise.”
She was uncomfortable with his assertion. God hadn’t recruited her to the FBI. Lin Wildwood had. Max’s murder had sent her into law enforcement, and the FBI seemed a natural extension of her desire to help those in trouble. God had nothing to do with it.
Either the night air or the turn of their conversation sent chills through Elise. She reached to adjust the heater at the same time Josh did. Their fingers touched and he smiled and squeezed her hand, causing her heart to jump at the amused glint in his eyes.
She was way more interested in this guy than she needed to be. After all, he was settling down, ready to start a family, probably with Patti and Candace. Besides, he certainly could never have feelings for her, not after her involvement in his brother’s death. Still, she took pains to keep her distance from him. She didn’t need the involvement or the reminder of how his blue eyes made her knees go weak.
Josh Adams was off-limits.
* * *
The stakeout was a bust. Larkin had done nothing but watch TV for several hours then turn in for the night. He didn’t act like a man with something to hide, and Elise was beginning to question his involvement in Candace’s disappearance. She unlocked the door to her hotel room and they went inside.
Josh glanced at the photographs of missing girls she’d taped up and rubbed his face. “I need some fresh air,” he stated before opening the door and stepping out again.
Elise understood. She saw the frustration gnawing at him at the lack of progression at finding Candace. Perhaps a break was just what they both needed.
She followed him outside and sat beside him on the stairs.
He fingered the slender chain with a key around his neck and his voice was grim when he spoke. “It’s hard when I see evil winning. It’s hard to hang on to my faith at times like these.”
Elise motioned to the key. “Is it symbolic or does it open something?”
“A little of both. It’s a reminder to me of who I am, but also to keep my eyes on God instead of on the road ahead of me. God guides us one step at a time, but if we aim our eyes to the road, all we see is darkness. If we turn our eyes to the Lord and step out in faith...” He shook his head. “It seemed so much easier when I was walking into darkness and had no choice but to trust God to guide me. Here, I see the road. I see each step I take. It’s so easy to take my journey into my own hands.”
Elise glanced at him. “How do you do it, Josh? How do you have such faith? That’s something I gave up on a long time ago.”
“I confess I’ve had my doubts from time to time. My last mission with the Rangers, we lost six men—six good men with families and futures. I couldn’t even wrap my brain around why they believed they could have it all—a wife, a family—and not put them in danger. I lost my ability to make decisions in the field. I was surrounded by men who had families back home, and every decision I made, every call, put them at risk. So I left. I came back home to take care of Max’s family as I should have done from the beginning. But here is not that much different. There’s still danger lurking everywhere I look, evil hidden behind every corner.” He raked a hand over his face and sighed then twirled the key around his neck. “Sometimes it gets to be more than I can handle. That’s when I cling to this, this symbol of faith I learned in the army. Some days, it’s the only way I can force myself to go on.”
“I’m sorry about your friends that died.”
“My brothers-in-arms chose that life. Their wives knew the danger, but I don’t understand how they lived with it. I saw the notes and letters they got from their families, from home, and I’m jealous because I don’t have that, but at the same time, I know I could never place a family of my own in that kind of risk.”
“That’s why you never got married?”
He nodded. “I had the job. It was my life for a long, long time. I even pushed Patti and Candace out to a point. I couldn’t care too much for them without opening them up to risk. Now I see they were at risk all the time anyway.”
She hated to broach the subject, but this was as good a time as any, and Josh seemed receptive to talking about it. Plus, the case against Larkin seemed cold. They needed a new direction. “Was there anything about that last mission, or any of your missions, that might have followed you home?”
He turned his gaze on her. “You think this has something to do with me?”
“Your job as a ranger placed you in compromising parts of the world doing classified missions and even now you still travel to dangerous parts of the world and interact with risky people. And it’s your niece that’s mysteriously disappeared, and you’re convinced beyond all doubt that she didn’t run away from home even though everyone else is convinced she did. Plus, you’ve been around during every single attack. I’d be negligent if I didn’t at least investigate the possibility.”
Josh glared at her eye-for-eye for several seconds then turned away.
“I can’t stand to lose one more person, Elise. Now you’re telling me that my very presence in my niece’s life could have put her in danger? I can’t handle that.”
“Then let me rule it out.”
He glared at her again. “What does your gut tell you? Did Larkin kidnap Candace or not?”
Honestly, her gut was telling her this all had nothing to do with Josh’s army career or an inappropriate teacher at school. Her gut still screamed this was about a human trafficking ring, but the evidence seemed to be pointing her in other directions. She’d vowed after Allie Peterson to always trust her gut, but she had to concede the truth. “My gut is not evidence.”
“You’re not answering my question. Do you believe Larkin kidnapped my niece?”
He wasn’t going to give up until he got an answer, only he wasn’t going to like the one she had. “I don’t think he had anything to do with Candace’s disappearance.”
He sighed wearily, her words sinking in. He rubbed his face again then nodded toward her. “I’ll answer whatever questions you want to ask me about my time with the Rangers.”
* * *
She was right and he knew it. She needed to explore all avenues, she needed to be able to discount all possibilities, and although he knew this had nothing to do with him, he also knew his perspective wasn’t the best judge right now. Hadn’t Colton advised him to let Elise do her job?
A rip of shame rushed through him. What if Candace had been abducted because of him? What if this did have something to do with his time as a ranger? What if it was tied to that final, devastating mission? Was it possible one of the terror cells he’d been flown into was targeting him? The idea brought a shudder of possibility to him. They were never truly out of danger. No one was ever truly out of danger.
And he thought of his friends, his brothers, he’d lost. Was it possible one of their family members blamed him and was retaliating?
The more he thought about the possibilities, the more he knew he had to allow Elise to investigate them.
She cautiously placed her hand on his arm. “Whatever you tell me, Josh, stays between us unless I discover it has something to do with Candace’s disappearance.”
He glanced over at the children’s playground. Even now he couldn’t turn off the switch in his mind that kept him from imaginin
g the obstacle courses with their hills and ropes and hurdles. The calluses on his hands were healing without the constant weight lifting or pistol shooting. His body may be losing its purpose, but his mind and soul would always be a ranger.
“I was part of a Special Forces team. Our last assignment as a team was to track down members of a terror cell believed to be hiding in the Afghan mountains. These were high-profile targets and my team was up for the task. We went in with a CIA liaison, three interpreters and a band of tribal warriors.”
“What happened?”
“We were betrayed by one of the interpreters, who was actually an enemy spy who’d infiltrated our ranks. His reports led our squad into a trap. Six of our members were killed. We walked right into an ambush while the interpreter escaped into the mountains and I’m sure was proclaimed a hero by his countrymen.”
Elise took down some notes in her phone. “I’m going to find out if we have any intelligence on this spy or this terror cell to make certain they aren’t targeting US servicemen.” Elise touched his arm in a comforting manner. “I have to investigate this possibility, but let me do some background work before we assume the worst.”
“I should call my ranger brothers to make sure they haven’t had anything unusual happen.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll send this information to my partner so he can get started on this angle.” She stopped then reached for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “I’m sure this has nothing to do with Candace. We will find her, Josh.”
He watched her hurry away to start digging into his life. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe.
He couldn’t be responsible for losing another person he cared about.
When he walked back into the room, Elise was on her hands and knees pulling back a piece of carpet beneath which she’d apparently hidden some files. She pulled out a folder.
Josh knelt down and touched the carpet. “You tore up the carpet. Bobby isn’t going to be happy.”
“Bobby doesn’t have to know. You can’t even tell it’s been pulled up, especially when the chair is placed over it.” She pulled the armchair back to the spot to prove her point. “Safe and sound. You and I are the only ones who know it’s there. Besides, now if someone tries to break in and steal my files, they won’t get them.”
She handed him the manila envelope she’d removed from her hiding spot. He turned it over and saw the words Army Ranger Incident Report. He knew what was inside. The incident report on his last mission. “You read it?”
“My partner at the FBI emailed it to me. I printed it out, but I didn’t read it. It doesn’t make sense from an investigative standpoint not to read it,” she said, “but it felt wrong, like a betrayal.”
It meant a lot to him that she hadn’t read it, and he was glad he’d told her. He reached for her hand then pulled her into a hug. It felt good, it felt right, to have someone on his side. Plus, it confirmed what she’d already said. If she’d really believed Candace’s disappearance had anything to do with his time with the Rangers, he knew she would have read the report regardless.
* * *
Matt Ross was only one of two members of his ranger squad who was still in the service. Josh phoned his cell, prepared to leave a message in case Matt was on assignment. He was surprised when his friend answered the phone.
“What’s up, Josh?”
Josh explained the situation with Candace and asked if he’d run across any trouble. He’d already spoken with four of his former teammates, and none of them had reported having any trouble that could be linked back to their final mission.
Matt was no exception. “Nothing out of the ordinary. How are you holding up?”
“I feel better knowing this isn’t about me, but it’s frustrating being unable to find her.”
“How’s the knee, Josh?”
He reached out and rubbed his knee. The cold air and his recent sprint with Taylor Johnson had about pushed it to its limit, but he was thankful that was the only injury he’d sustained in the attack. “Still there.”
“We’ll be recruiting for new rangers in a few months. We could use instructors to train them. I’ve left you a spot open if you want it.”
Matt had been after him to return to the army and to the Rangers. He’d been the one who’d tried to talk Josh out of leaving in the first place. “No, thanks, Matt. I don’t think I’m up for it.”
“It’s still a few months away,” Matt insisted. “Maybe you’ll change your mind.”
Josh thought about the offer after they’d hung up. It would be a good job for him with his bum knee, but he still couldn’t see himself going back to that life. He couldn’t see the point of training others to make the ultimate sacrifice, not when he no longer believed in it himself, and especially not now when he could finally see a future with a family as a real possibility in his life. He wouldn’t—he couldn’t—risk that.
Josh stopped by Patti’s house and was surprised to see the Jeep parked in the garage. He’d left it with Patti to drive when he’d taken her van, but she was supposed to be staying with her friend. He went inside, finding her there hand-washing dishes that he knew couldn’t be dirty.
“This is my home,” she told him when he questioned what she was doing. “I want to be here in case Candace comes home.”
He understood that sentiment, but he didn’t like her staying by herself after what had happened.
He watched her scrub a plate so hard he was certain she was scrubbing off the pattern. But he understood. She was doing whatever it took to occupy her mind, to keep her from focusing solely on her missing daughter. He admired her tenacity and her determination to keep it together despite the passing hours without information about Candace.
He reached for a towel. The least he could do was help her, especially if it turned out he was responsible for Candace’s disappearance. Patti handed him a wet plate and he dried it off. It felt nice to be here in the warmth of family...even if their family was incomplete.
“Any news from Agent Richardson?”
He shook his head, hating to disappoint her with his negative response.
But Patti was stronger than he gave her credit for. She simply turned back to her dishes. How had she survived all these years without Max? Raising a daughter as a single parent after all she’d been through? Seeing her reminded him of those six other wives struggling to raise a family after the deaths of his brothers had left them widowed.
He remembered what one of the wives had told him the day of her husband’s funeral about how the ancient Egyptians, when the pharaoh died, would bury his wife alive with him. She’d told him how cruel that used to sound to her, but now, as she watched her husband laid to rest, all she longed to do was jump in and die with him.
He glanced at Patti. Had she ever felt that, longing to die along with Max? He’d never had the courage to ask her. And would he ever find that kind of love?
“I like her,” Patti stated, handing him another dish.
“Who?”
“Agent Richardson. She seems nice.”
He nodded. She did seem nice.
“Don’t you think she’s cute? I love the way her nose crinkles when she smiles.”
He grinned, having noticed that himself. “She is determined.”
“Spunky. I would describe her as spunky. I’m glad she’s on our side.” She gave him a long look then smiled, an amused glint in her eye. “You like her.”
Although it was more a statement than a question, Josh wasn’t sure how to respond. He couldn’t deny his attraction to Elise, but too many obstacles stood between them. “Nothing can happen with me and Elise.”
“Why not?”
He kept silent about her involvement in Max’s death and focused instead on the other obstacle between them. “I want a wife I can be assured is coming home to
her family at night.”
“She puts her life on the line to help people...like you used to and like Max did.”
“And Max didn’t come home, did he?”
He tossed down the towel and raked a hand across his face. He hadn’t meant that to sound so brutally honest, but it was the truth. He leaned against the counter and tried to contain the emotion that threatened to bubble up.
“Max didn’t die because of his job. He died because of who he was. Do you think he wouldn’t have stepped between an innocent girl and an armed gunman even if he were an accountant? If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been the man I fell in love with.”
He looked at her, wondering what she would think if she knew that innocent girl she’d just mentioned was Elise. How would she react to that revelation, and would it change her opinion of Elise?
It was time to find out.
“She’s not who you think she is.”
“Who? Elise? What do you mean? Is she being deceitful?”
“No, nothing like that.” He chose his words carefully, believing he’d already said the wrong thing. This was a tactful situation and he had to handle it carefully. “She knew Max. They had a history.”
Patti looked at him, her expression one of sudden apprehension. “Define history.”
“Elise was the girl Max died saving.”
He couldn’t read the expression on her face as she digested that information. She crossed the kitchen away from him and folded her arms. “And why did you two feel you had to keep this information from me?”
“I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
She grabbed the keys from the counter and walked out, getting into her van and starting the engine. She was gone before he could stop her. But he was pretty sure he knew where she was headed—to confront Elise.
What had he been thinking telling her that? He reached for his phone and quickly dialed Elise’s number to give her a heads-up.
Yuletide Abduction Page 9
