She didn’t want to think about how he looked, though. The changes to his body underneath the clothes.
Yes, a naked Max should be the last thing on her mind.
Eleanor swallowed. “In addition to the divorce papers, I can have my attorney draft a letter that will transfer the trust fund I set up with the residuals from your parents’ estate to you. Also I’ll need to deed over the cabin to you.”
That had his eyes perking up. “You kept the cabin?”
“I...I couldn’t let it go.”
He liked that. She could tell by the expression on his face. As though it was important to him that she couldn’t let it go.
That cabin was where they had spent their honeymoon and handful of other times when they had just wanted to get away. The cabin was a place filled with memories of making love for hours on end. With no thought or care in the world but each other.
Mentally, Eleanor had to push those memories away, as well.
“I’m glad. I would have been sad to have lost that, too.”
She couldn’t be sorry, then, that she saved it. He’d lost more than two years of his life, and, in that time, he’d lost almost everything else. His parents, the house where he’d grown up, all of his things...her.
“It’s getting late. Most folks will start to clear out soon. That couch you’re sitting on pulls out. You can sleep here tonight.”
“Not going to kick me out like you did Danny boy?”
“His name is Daniel, and I didn’t kick him out. He had a room at the B and B in town. You know Mom’s rules.”
“No ring, no bed. Why do you think I needed to marry you so quickly?”
She tried to smile. She really did. But all she could feel right now was sadness. The shock of seeing him again was starting to wear off, and all the old feelings she’d had when she left him were still there.
“Good night, Max.”
He stood and walked over to her. She noticed he had a slight limp. A broken femur in the middle of the frozen Norwegian Sea. On a life raft with two people who were already dead. She couldn’t imagine what he’d suffered. Couldn’t let herself think about how it made her feel to know that he was out there on the ocean alone.
“I think I’ve left you with a misconception. You said that just because I’m back doesn’t change anything between us, and I agreed.”
“Yes. So?”
“When I said nothing’s changed between us, I meant it. I loved you when you left, and you loved me. As far as I’m concerned nothing has changed.”
“Max...”
“Nor, I screwed up. I know that now and I’ve had more than two hard years to think of what I had done. But I’m back now, and I’m never going to leave you again.”
Eleanor shook her head. This was what she’d been afraid of when the four months had passed, and he came back from his expedition to find her gone. That he wouldn’t simply accept that she had left him. That she wanted a divorce. That he would fight for her.
She remembered thinking she would need to be as strong as she had ever been in order to resist him. Because he was right. She had still loved him when she left him.
“I don’t believe you.”
“It’s the truth. I’m never setting foot on a ship again.”
“That’s obviously a natural fear you have right now. But in time that will heal and you’ll—”
He grasped her around her upper arms and gave her a small shake. “Nor, look at me. I’m not getting on a ship again because I’m afraid of the water. That’s not the reason. I’m not getting on a ship again because I’m not leaving you. Ever. I cost us years of our life together. I know that. So, I’m not wasting another second of it. I was prepared, if I came back here to find you happily married with two kids and a dog, that I would have to accept it and let you go. But a couple dates with Danny boy? No way. I’m fighting.”
“This is pointless, Max. It’s been too long. Surely you don’t think I can still be in love with you after all these years?”
He stared into her eyes, but, honestly, she had no idea what he would find there.
“Then I guess I’ll have to make you fall in love with me all over again.”
“That’s not going to happen.” She wouldn’t let it happen. She would never survive a round two with Max Harper. She was sure of it.
“Then prove it. Come to the cabin with me. A couple days for me to spend some time with my parents’ stuff. Grieve them with me. Please, Nor. At least give me that.”
“It won’t change anything between us.”
“Then there should be no reason why you can’t come,” he said as if he’d beaten her in a contest of logic.
“Except that I have a company to run,” she said, exasperated that he wouldn’t even consider she had her own life. Wasn’t that what he’d told her to do? Find something that was important to her. Have a passion for something that wasn’t him.
“I know.” He smiled. “Head to Toe. I told you I found it when I was looking for you. You’re considered one of the fastest growing start-ups in Denver.”
She would not be pleased he’d read that about her. She would not feel an ounce of pride.
“A couple days. You can bring a laptop to work remotely. We need, if nothing else, more closure to our relationship. That’s all I’m asking.”
If she was going to do this, then she needed to get something out of the deal.
“Fine. A couple days. You’ll see there is nothing there between us anymore. No relationship to be salvaged. Then you’ll agree to a non-contested divorce. Deal?”
He took a step back, and she almost took a step forward as if to follow. Such had always been her attraction to him. Just like a magnet.
He held his hand out. “I agree to divorce you if I can’t make you fall in love with me again.”
“Max...” she growled.
“Take it or leave it.”
Everything inside her was screaming that this was a mistake. That, in fact, the only shelter from the Max Harper storm would be to find whatever island he’d lived on for the past two or so years and go there—where he would never find her.
Instead, she shook his hand.
* * *
“HOLY COW? CAN you actually believe this is happening?” Allie spit out the toothpaste she had in her mouth so what sounded like a question to her probably came out as a mumble to Mike. Then she made her way to her bedroom through the connecting door of the bathroom.
She should probably lower her voice. Eleanor’s room, after all, was on the other side of the connecting bathroom door.
“That your mother is letting me spend the night in your room without the benefit of marriage vows?” Mike asked. “No, I can’t believe this is happening.”
Allie took a minute to check out her fiancé in her bed. He was right. This was a stunning development. They had dated for three years, had lived together for one, had been engaged now for a few weeks, but this was the first time Mike had ever even been upstairs in her room.
She’d given him the guided tour of her young-girl years, her teenage-crush years, her longing-to-go-to-college years...that had hurt. Showing him what she hadn’t accomplished.
Two years of community school was all her mother had thought she needed. With an associate degree she could work at a bank, or as a receptionist in an office. After all, what on earth would Allie ever do with a four-year degree when she’d only ever been a B student in high school?
Unlike Eleanor who had gotten straight A’s.
The awful part was that Allie hadn’t known what she wanted to do. She couldn’t say that she wanted to go to college for any particular degree. Couldn’t fight for it like Eleanor had. Then again, Eleanor hadn’t won any battles with her mother. Marilyn hadn’t thought college was necessary for her oldest daughter, either.
Eleanor had just
figured out a way to do it all herself.
Including getting married.
“I don’t mean that,” Allie said. “But it is crazy. It was like after Max showed up she had no fight left. I told her you’d had another drink as a result and couldn’t drive, and she was like... Fine. But be respectful and for heaven’s sake don’t...do anything.”
Mike laughed. “I am so going to do stuff to you when you get in this bed.”
Allie giggled. It might be the biggest rule she’d ever broken. Wearing her tank top and pajama bottoms, she threw herself onto the bed and Mike’s chest. He let out a hard woosh as if she crushed him, even though she knew she hadn’t.
“What I meant before is isn’t it crazy about Max?”
“Guy returns from the dead? Yeah, I’m pretty sure the last time I saw that happen it was on General Hospital.”
Allie bit her bottom lip. “This is going to wreck her, but I hope...I really hope she gives him a chance. For her own sake. They loved each other, you know?”
“Like us?”
Allie smiled. Yes, she knew she loved Mike as much Eleanor had loved Max. “It was different for them, though.”
“Different how?”
“They had all these obstacles to overcome. Mom thought they hadn’t dated long enough to get married. Then, of course, she opposed the elopement. Hence the Allie-and-Mike-wedding extravaganza. At every turn they faced something and then in the end...it was just too much to overcome.”
Mike snorted.
Allie knew that snort. He wasn’t buying her story.
“What?”
He shrugged. His big bear shoulders lifting out from her soft, daisy yellow duvet. “You told me the story, Allie. Max left her for his work. She left him because she couldn’t do it anymore. That’s not a love that sticks. That’s a love that doesn’t stick in hard times.”
“But you don’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t been gone for more than two years. Two years, Mike! They could have worked things out. I know Max. He wouldn’t have let Eleanor go without a fight.”
Mike rolled onto his side taking her with him so that he half lay on top of her, his big, bearded, Midwest-farmer face so precious to her, there for her to touch and stroke.
“I’m never going to leave you. No matter what.”
Allie smiled at him. “Me, either. I’m not trying to say our love is any less than theirs. Circumstances were just different for them.”
“Tell you what. You want an obstacle we have to overcome...tell your mother I don’t want a bachelor party with your creepy uncle, and I want to cut the guest list in half to make this thing more about us and the people we love. Let’s see if we can fight through that, because I know that’s what you want, too.”
Allie cringed. “I know she’s difficult...”
Mike shook his head. “It’s not about her being difficult. That’s Marilyn Gaffney and I accept that. This is about what Eleanor said to you tonight. What do you want, Allie? And what are you willing to fight for, for us? Eleanor was willing to fight for Max. She got him, then she left him. Maybe he wins her back, maybe he doesn’t, but I know this. No matter what happens with Max, it won’t be your mother’s call. It will be Eleanor’s.”
“You’re saying I’m a pushover,” Allie muttered, feeling herself get defensive.
“I’m saying I want you to start fighting for yourself and what you want. Because the next thing you know, I might be that person you’re just trying to make happy all the time. If that happens, you’ll start to resent me, and that will stink up a marriage like cow shit in a barn.”
“You have such a way with sayings.”
“I’m serious, Allie.”
She knew it was a fault. Knew it was something she had to find within herself. But tonight was her engagement party, and it was over, thank God! Mike was in her bed and Max was not dead.
Which meant, in some ways, Eleanor might come back to life, too. The way she had once been.
“Fine. You want me to speak my mind?”
“I do.”
“Well, this fiancée wants an orgasm, and you’re going to have to be pretty crafty about it because my mother cannot hear a thing.”
Mike smiled. “I can give that a shot.”
Allie smiled as he slid under the covers, and, after a time and an amazing orgasm, she knew Mike had, indeed, given it his best shot.
Chapter Five
“ARE YOU INSANE?”
“Mom...” Eleanor groaned.
“I think it’s a good idea,” Allie chimed in.
They were sitting together at the breakfast table. Last night Marilyn had made sure Max had pillows and a blanket. She’d also made it clear she thought it best he leave early in the morning before any of the staying guests woke and found him in the house.
Too many questions and all that.
Eleanor had given him her number so he could reach her, and, true to his word, he was gone before anyone woke up.
The house now empty of guests, it was just Eleanor with her mother and her sister as she explained over eggs and bacon where Max had been for the last two or so years, everything that had happened to him, as well as how they’d left things between them.
It was strange, Eleanor thought. How different she felt waking up this morning. For one, her first thought hadn’t been about Head to Toe and what her schedule looked like for the day. For another, it was the crazy realization that Max was once more alive.
Not just in the physical sense. But alive for her. A decision she needed to make. An action she needed to do. It was like breathing for the first time after holding her breath for so long.
Maybe for more than two years.
“It is absolutely not a good idea. Do not encourage your sister,” her mother said to Allie.
“Mom, it’s the most expedient way to end this,” Eleanor said.
Because that was what she told herself. A few days with Max. Closure on their relationship. A real end to what had been the most significant relationship of her life.
“I know Max. He’s stubborn as heck. He’ll beat this drum endlessly until he realizes the truth. That what we had is over. Then he’ll give me the divorce, and I can finally move on with my life.”
Her mother rolled her eyes. “Right, because in the two plus years since his death, you’ve been able to move on. What was Daniel? Maybe the third person you’ve been out with in two years.”
“Technically the fourth.” Three blind dates—one of whom canceled at the last minute, but she had agreed to the date so that counted—and Daniel. Then there was that other incident, the one she didn’t like to think about because of how it made her feel. Certainly no reason to inform her mother of that.
“I was married for three years, Mom. It’s not the strangest thing that, while I was growing my business and getting over my failed marriage, then the death of my husband, dating would not exactly be a priority for me.”
It was another argument she’d had often enough with her mother in the past two and a half years. Marilyn wanted her to move on, find another husband and start having babies.
Eleanor hadn’t been ready for any of that.
“Tell yourself that if you want, but I know you. And him, although not as well. Whatever it is about him, it acts like some kind of drug for you. You let him charm you for a few days, and you’ll find yourself falling back under his spell. Telling yourself, he’s changed. Then eventually when he goes away again, you’ll find yourself where you were when you decided to leave him the first time. Do you really want to go through that again?”
“Of course not,” Eleanor mumbled. It wasn’t possible she could fall for Max again. Having him and losing him had hurt too much. It left a wound that, if she was being honest with herself, hadn’t ever healed.
Allie was shaking her head.
�
��What?” Eleanor asked her.
“Eleanor, it’s simple. I know you were devastated when you left him. The reason you were was because you did love him. And when he was reported dead, you were like a zombie. I know because I lived with you for three months after. That’s how worried we were about you.”
“Right. That’s why it can never happen again.”
“You say that like you can control it. Do you still have feelings for him or not? If you do, then you owe it to both of you to hear each other out. You guys...just being around you guys as a teenager, I could feel the love. It’s what made me certain that it was real and it was out there. It’s why I was certain when I fell for Mike. I know it’s been a few years. I know this is like something out of a bad soap opera. But you’re both to blame in this.”
Eleanor’s jaw dropped. “How can you say that? He left me!”
“And you left him. When you knew he loved you more than anything. When you loved him more than anything. You gave up on the two of you first, and that’s not like you.”
“Allie!”
“You did, Eleanor,” her sister insisted. “And now I can say, being in a relationship myself, that ultimatums never work. They just piss everyone off.”
“I can’t believe you’re taking his side.”
“I’m not taking anyone’s side. I’m telling you to think about how you felt when you saw him last night...”
“Sick. I felt sick when I saw him last night and ruined a perfectly good pair of shoes,” Eleanor informed her sister. She felt the same queasy feeling now looking down at her plate of eggs with the yellow yolk running everywhere.
Because Max loved eggs. It was their Sunday morning tradition.
Shit.
She hated that she now seemed to be in this perpetual spiral of memories, good and bad, of her time with Max.
“What about Daniel?” her mother insisted.
“What about him?” Eleanor asked.
“If you do this thing, if you spend this time with your ex-husband, can’t you see that you’ll ruin any chance you have with him?”
“Mom, Daniel and I have been on a few dates. Our second one ended with me telling him he needed to leave because my long-lost husband, aka Indiana Jones, just returned from out of nowhere. I don’t think there is much of a future there for us.”
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