“Hmm?”
I love you.
The words were there. All she had to do was say them.
She imagined how happy he would be. Because he would know what those words meant. That she was finally ready to do this big and amazing thing with him. To fall in love...again. To believe that it could be true.
I love you.
Three simple words.
“You know I think you’re amazing,” she said instead.
He smiled, really smiled, at her, and she knew that his anger from the previous night was gone.
“Eleanor Gaffney Harper, you’ve made me the happiest man alive.”
She beamed. It wasn’t the big words. Not yet. But she was sure they would come. She just needed more time.
“I’m glad.”
“Hey, Nor. You know I love you, right? Even when you make me angry.”
She nodded. She felt loved. So much so that she had the courage to do this thing she needed to do.
“What time is your class over?” she asked him. “Maybe we can grab lunch today?”
“I’ll be done by twelve, and that sounds great.”
“Sounds great now. Just wait until the puking starts,” she reminded him.
“I’ll take my chances. Now go rule the world.”
Her smile tightened. She should tell him, she thought. She should tell him what she was going to do because she didn’t have to be alone anymore. But then he kissed the tip of her nose and was heading out the door with a “Goodbye and see you in a few hours.”
Lunch, she thought. She would tell him at lunch. After it was done.
* * *
DANIEL’S OFFICE WAS every bit as impressive as she was sure he knew it to be. Surrounded by glass, beautiful mountain view. Spacious. Intimidating.
She sat in the chair across from his desk as he ended a phone call. His admin assistant had asked if she wanted any coffee or tea, which Eleanor had politely turned down.
Technically caffeine was against the rules, so she limited herself as much as she could. She touched her belly and watched as Daniel’s gaze drifted down. She doubted he could actually see her bump, the outfit she wore basically hid everything, but still it was something she didn’t want to discuss with him.
This was business, not personal. Any guilt she felt over ending their fledging relationship when Max came back into her life was gone the minute Daniel told her he cared more about her company than he did about her.
Which was why she didn’t want to discuss Max, her pregnancy or anything else that wasn’t related to Head to Toe. This was going to be hard enough without the baggage.
“Yep. Got it. Got to go. My eleven o’clock is here. Okay. Thanks,” Daniel said, finishing up. He clicked a button on his headset and took it off. Fancy, state-of-the-art, wireless Bluetooth. She wanted to tell him it left his hair messed up, but she didn’t.
He smiled at her, and she had to force herself to smile back.
“Eleanor, I can’t tell you how happy I am you called.”
“Well, I have had a lot of time to think about your offer—”
“And of course, there was that technical glitch you had last week. Probably had a significant adverse effect on cash flow, I imagine.”
Eleanor tensed. “Heard about that, huh?”
“Let’s just say I have sources,” he said smoothly.
“Does sources mean corporate spies?” she asked tightly.
He laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Right, because ridiculous might be thinking about the timing of the technical glitch. And how, strangely, it happened now of all times.”
“Naturally. That would be ridiculous.”
Eleanor wanted to hurl something at his smug face, but the truth was she had to rise above it. She was here to make a deal. A sound deal that would both benefit her company and immediately resolve any cash-flow issues. She had to think more like a businesswoman and less like a pissed-off woman.
“You said you want half of Head to Toe—”
Except now, he was shaking his head. “No, Eleanor. I wanted half of Head to Toe. That was before you needed me.”
She braced for whatever he was going to say next.
“Now I want sixty percent.”
“Controlling interest,” she said tightly.
“I prefer being the boss. Making the final call. You understand. With sixty percent control I can bring in who I want to manage things as I see fit.”
Her company. This thing she’d built from the ground up. This thing that had defined her for the past almost three years. Now he didn’t want to share it. He wanted to take control. Suddenly, she knew immediately that she didn’t want to make this decision by herself.
She wanted to talk it over with Max. Get his input. Maybe see if he had another idea. What she didn’t want to do was cower.
Instead, she stood to her full height.
“I see. You’ve changed the offer on the table,” she said calmly. “Of course I’ll need time to reconsider.”
“Of course. But just know every day that you take to consider results in me wanting more. I want to be reasonable, Eleanor, but—”
“But you’re a businessman.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll have an answer for you shortly, then.” She started to walk away.
“I hate to ask. These things can be so delicate...but should I be offering you congratulations of a personal nature?”
Sources, my ass. Everyone in the company knew she was pregnant. And so did Daniel.
She turned to him and smoothed the tunic over her baby bump, outlining the shape for him to clearly see. “Actually, yes.”
“That seems to have happened rather quickly,” he said. And that’s when she knew this wasn’t just business for him. No matter what he said. This was about Daniel losing and clearly, he didn’t take it very well.
Eleanor beamed at him. “Let’s just say Max is...very virile. Nice chatting with you, Daniel. I’ll be sure to be in touch.”
“Yes,” he said tightly. “You do that. The clock is ticking. Tick, tock.”
Douchebag. Eleanor, however, did not say that. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.
* * *
THE DRIVE TO the campus was fairly easy, which was probably a good thing since she couldn’t stop thinking about her meeting with Daniel. All she wanted to do was see Max and tell him everything. And know that she wasn’t alone.
Eleanor parked the car in front of the sciences building and let herself think about that for a moment.
She wasn’t alone. It was the reality of having Max back in her life. It was strange to only see now how isolated she had been for the past few years. For a moment, she felt a pang of guilt. For her mother. Allie. She hadn’t really been there for either of them. It had been so easy to say that was because of the company and the effort she’d put in to building it. But now she knew more of it had been a result of grief.
Grief and loss and missing Max.
Giddy with the idea that she could see him in a few minutes, she bounced out of her SUV and made her way inside the large brick building where she knew he was finishing up his class.
She had to ask a student coming down the hallway which classroom was his, but once she had that she was able to navigate the sea of students pouring out of the room.
It was a large classroom, one of those auditorium-type setups and, strangely, it filled her with pride. She’d forgotten how important Max was in this particular area. The rock star of climate change research.
His work had been groundbreaking and eye-opening. Some might say lifesaving. It made sense that he would attract a large crowd to hear him share what he’d learned. The last students were leaving, and she could see Max behind a lectern talking to an older man with a thick bush of gray hair a
nd an ill-fitting suit coat.
She knew that head of hair, the slump of the man’s shoulders. Tom Hadly was the director of the research program that had sent Max, and her with him, to Norway. It had been Tom’s fund-raising that drove Max out onto the ocean time and time again.
“We have a deal then?” Tom asked Max.
Eleanor felt her heart skip a beat. Tom sounded hopeful.
Then she looked at her sort-of husband, who smiled broadly and shook the older man’s hand. “Absolutely.”
He was leaving again. He said he wouldn’t, but he’d just been offered something big, no doubt. Something bigger than before and the lure of fieldwork would be impossible to resist.
“You liar!” The words burst from her chest, and she covered her belly as if she could protect the child in her womb from knowing her father would abandon her.
“Eleanor, hello,” Tom said, not understanding the sudden tension in the classroom. “Good to see you again. I was just catching up with Max...”
“You said you wouldn’t leave, and you lied!” Eleanor said, looking at Max, not having any time for what Tom was saying.
She spun on her heel and started to climb the steps as fast as her feet would carry her.
“Nor! Wait, it’s not what you think.”
She didn’t have to hear it. She didn’t have to listen to whatever excuse he was going to offer. He would tell her how important the work was. He would tell her that his work was bigger than their marriage.
Bigger than their child?
That didn’t seem right that he could believe that, but she knew. Tom and the deal and absolutely...she knew what that meant. She made her way out of the room and found a place where he couldn’t follow her.
Ducking into the nearest ladies’ room, she listened as he shouted for her down the hall. Not seeing her, obviously, not knowing where she’d gone. She could hear him running, his shoes clicking against the linoleum floor. The unsteady gait of his run and she couldn’t help but think it must be hurting his leg.
She waited until she was sure the hallway was clear, then made her way out a side exit. She found her car, got in and thought how it had only been a few minutes ago when she’d been so damn happy. So damn sure that everything between them was going to work out.
Slamming her hands against the steering wheel, she wanted to howl her rage at the world. Why wasn’t she enough? Why weren’t she and the baby enough for him?
Eleanor took a breath, then another. She needed to calm down if she was going to drive. She wouldn’t put herself or her baby in danger. She thought about going to the condo, but that would be the first place he would go looking for her, and she truly didn’t want to listen to his excuses.
She thought of going to her mother, but could only imagine what Marilyn’s reaction would be.
Once a leaver, always a leaver.
Marilyn had never forgiven Eleanor’s father for what he had done to her, but Eleanor had been so close to moving forward with Max. So close to putting the past really behind them and taking this miraculous second chance at love.
She’d almost done it this morning! Almost told him she loved him.
She started the car and left the college behind her. She couldn’t go home, she couldn’t go to her mother. She didn’t want to put any more stress on Allie than what she was already going through with Mike and the wedding.
Alone. Alone again like she had been before. There was only one place she could think of where being alone and away from everyone might bring her some comfort. Making her way to the highway, she set her course for the mountains.
Chapter Twenty
“NOR! YOU HOME?” Max could hear how silent the condo was. “Shit.” He tried her phone again, but she wasn’t picking up. He tried not to panic. Eventually she would have to see him again. Eventually they would have to talk, and he could explain that she had completely misunderstood the deal he’d made with Tom Hadly.
Max appreciated how it must have looked to her. Tom was the person behind all of his fieldwork assignments. She saw him shaking Tom’s hand and just assumed that they had come to another agreement. But it couldn’t be further from the truth.
Hell, the deal he’d made had been for Eleanor.
He picked up his phone and called Selena.
“Max, what’s up?”
“Is Nor there with you?”
“No, she had her meeting with Daniel, and then she was supposed to be having lunch with you.”
“What meeting with Daniel?”
There was a beat of silence.
“Selena,” Max pushed.
“She didn’t tell you. Shit. She’s going to kill me because she probably wanted to do this herself, but she was going to take the deal.”
A rush of shock flooded him. That she hadn’t told him. That she was even considering it. “No. She wouldn’t give up her company.”
“I think she kind of talked herself into thinking it would be a good idea. You know, with you and the baby coming...”
Max was angry then. “I didn’t want her to do that. I was fixing things so he couldn’t hold the threat over her head anymore. You knew that.”
“She just told me this morning. I didn’t know what to say about the money...”
Max rubbed a hand over his face. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. Damn it.”
“Should I be worried?” Selena asked him, and he could hear the fear in her voice. “Did she not meet you for lunch?”
“She saw me, but she...she mistook a conversation I was having. She thinks I was making plans to leave her, but I wasn’t. I have to find her.”
There was another beat of silence. “What can I do?”
“Call her, will you? Don’t tell her I’ve been in touch with you. If she doesn’t think you know anything, she might tell you where she’s going.”
“First, going behind her back with the money, and now this. You’re seriously asking me to break the sisterhood code.”
Max was desperate. “Please, Selena. I—I love her. I have to talk to her. She has to know the truth.”
“Okay. I’ll try. For her own good.”
“Thanks.”
Max ended the call and waited. Maybe she wouldn’t pick up for Selena. Maybe she was off somewhere driving while distraught. Not paying attention. What if there was an accident? All because of some stupid misunderstanding.
A few minutes later, his phone rang.
“She says she needs to be alone,” Selena said.
“Because she thinks I lied to her. She needs to understand the truth.”
A deep sigh. “Okay. She’s gone to the cabin.”
Max closed his eyes with relief. “Thank you, Selena.”
“You better fix this, Max. She sounded brokenhearted.”
“Trust me. I am going to do everything I can to put that heart back together once and for all.”
* * *
MAX ARRIVED AT the cabin just as the sun was setting. He parked the car and was again flooded with relief when he saw Nor’s car already there. He pulled his duffel bag out of the car and made his way up the steps. The door wasn’t locked, so he let himself in.
Eleanor was on the couch, not facing him. Her shoulders shaking. The sounds of her sobs masked the sound of him dropping his bag and closing the door behind him. Slowly so as not to startle her, he came into the room and walked around the edge of the couch until she looked up and gasped. A half sob stuck in her throat.
“Nor, I need you to listen to me.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t want to hear you say it,” she cried. “How did you know I was here? Selena?”
“She was worried about you. And I sort of begged her. Don’t be mad, just please listen. What you think you saw or heard wasn’t about me leaving. I told you I’m not leaving you a
gain.”
She sat up, and he could see the confusion in her face.
“But it was Tom, and he said you had a deal.”
“And we do, but it has nothing to do with me taking another field assignment.”
“How can I believe that?”
“Because I’m telling you it’s the truth. I said I wasn’t going to leave you again. And I’m not.”
Then she started sobbing even harder. “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why, but I just assumed... Then I called you a liar...oh, Max.”
Max sat on the couch next to her and put his arm around her. She dropped her head onto his shoulder, and the weight of it felt good. Still, it made him sad.
“Why did I jump to a conclusion like that?” she asked, still berating herself. “All this sadness just because—”
“Because you don’t really trust me yet,” Max said, trying not to let it hurt too much.
Eleanor lifted her head and turned to him. “I...”
He shook his head. She couldn’t finish that sentence because it was true.
“I get it, Nor. This is going to have to be a process for us. I didn’t just leave you when I took that last assignment. That hurt, but you also thought I left you permanently, and I think that’s what you still haven’t forgiven me for.”
Her face collapsed and more tears came. Max could feel her pain, and it destroyed him, too. He had been separated from her, and hurt. But even through that pain, he knew he would never stop trying to find a way back to her. He had known she was alive.
Nor had thought he was dead. That there was no going back from that, no second chance she was hoping for.
“Losing you was the hardest thing. Only today, when I was going to meet you for lunch, I thought that it felt different. That I wasn’t alone anymore. Then I saw you with Tom and jumped to that horrible conclusion—”
“You’ll get there, Nor. You’ll get to a point someday when you don’t look at me and think I have one foot at the door.”
“How do you know?” she wailed. “How do you know I’ll get there? That I will trust you deep down to the depth of my soul?”
“Because I’m going to work every second of every day to try and make that happen. All I need is for you to be open to letting me do my thing.”
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