by Price, Sarah
The little girl beamed at the praise.
“Kum now. I’ve something cold for you to drink,” Anna commanded and Isadora reluctantly left her bucket of weeds.
Accepting the cup of lemonade, Amanda smiled her appreciation at her sister’s thoughtfulness. As she lifted it to her lips, she turned to let her eyes scan the fields behind the dairy barn. She could see Jonas and Alejandro working in the fields, cutting hay. Alejandro stood at the front of the smaller cutter, driving two Belgian mules down the rows while Jonas drove alongside him with another team of mules and the larger cutter. Twice the manpower meant half the time spent on the task.
“That’s a beautiful sight,” Amanda said wistfully. She hadn’t meant to say it out loud. When she realized that she had, she glanced away.
But Anna had heard her.
“Amanda, if you wish to stay here, why don’t you tell him?”
She shook her head at her sister. “Nee, Schwester, I’ve made my choice. My place is with my husband.” Besides, she wanted to confide, I signed a contract and, with it, lost the right to return. She knew she could never tell her sister—it would sound as if she, too, had gotten caught up in the game of fame. Chasing front covers of magazines and headline stories on the entertainment channels was not her main interest. No, all she wanted was to be with Alejandro and to contribute to his life.
Unfortunately, that meant sacrificing the part of her that kept her grounded.
“What if he stayed with you?”
Amanda looked up, startled by Anna’s question. “Whatever would give you the idea he would do such a thing?”
Her sister shrugged her shoulders. “He seems happy when he is here. Usually, anyway.”
“He’s happy on the road, too. Working.”
“Ja, I can see that.” Anna rubbed her enlarged stomach and glanced in the direction of the two men working in the field. “But he can work here, too. Besides, how much money can one person need?”
Amanda followed Anna’s gaze. As she watched her husband and brother-in-law, she knew she saw a much different scenario from what her sister perceived. Alejandro found happiness here in Lititz, Pennsylvania, because it was an escape from the journey, not a final destination. He worked hard—not for the money but because he was a businessman. In his own way, he was a steward of the earth, too, only his crop was not hay or corn but people. He wanted to leave the world a better place by helping to inspire people and to provide opportunities for education for immigrant children in Miami. It was the side of Viper that only Amanda seemed to truly appreciate. Few others—regardless of whether they were fans, media, or music industry executives—looked deeper than the man on the stage, dancing and singing for their entertainment.
Clearly, Anna saw something different. Amanda suspected she saw what she wanted to see, the only future that she knew: a future of living and working on a farm. Anna simply could not imagine any other life, mostly because she had never experienced it. When Anna saw Alejandro’s happiness working alongside Jonas, she translated that into thinking that he valued the same life outcome as the Amish: worshipping God, living plain, and working the land. No. Anna knew nothing of Alejandro’s euphoria when he performed onstage or interacted with fans. And she clearly did not know about his new focus on expanding the Viper brand along with Princesa’s.
“And what will you do when you have a boppli?” Anna asked.
A baby? Amanda swung her head around, startled from her thoughts by the question her sister posed. “I . . . I hadn’t thought about that.”
Anna raised an eyebrow at her, giving her one of those older sister looks. “Oh, Amanda, how transparent is your lie! You disappoint me.” She leaned down and whispered something to Isadora, who grinned and immediately ran toward the barn. Clearly, Anna wanted some privacy to continue this discussion with Amanda. It was a conversation that Amanda did not want to have.
“I really don’t care to talk about this,” Amanda said.
“You’ve been married for how long? Seven months? Eight months?” Anna kept a steady gaze on her sister, waiting for a response that never came.
“Eight months,” she admitted slowly.
Anna spread her hands over her midsection as if to make a point.
“Anna . . . ,” Amanda began to say in defense of her lack of pregnancy.
Anna, however, interrupted her and blurted out the question that was on her mind. “Have you and Alejandro decided against children? For you know that God wants us to be fruitful and multiply. Thwarting a life from forming is just as bad as stopping one from developing.”
Amanda knew what her sister inferred. Birth control was simply not something that Amish women used. If anything, some women tracked their cycles and avoided days in the middle when they were most likely to be ovulating. But even that practice was frowned upon and, if suspected, might result in a stern lecture from the bishop.
Just the insinuation caused the color to rise to Amanda’s cheeks as she quickly responded, “Nee! I would never do that!”
For a moment Anna studied her reaction, as if deciding whether Amanda was speaking the truth. Finally, she appeared to accept her sister’s response. “Vell then, after eight months, mayhaps you might want to wonder at that, Amanda. Even if you wouldn’t use such sinful methods, have you considered that he might?”
Amanda’s mouth opened to respond in defense of her husband, but she quickly shut it.
“I’ve heard tell that men can take care of having bopplis with a single doctor’s visit,” Anna said in a low voice. “Mayhaps he did after Isadora was born. Have you thought of that, Amanda?”
She shook her head. “He wouldn’t have done that and not told me, Anna. He was just as disappointed as I was when I found out I wasn’t pregnant before the South American tour.” Deep down, however, she remembered his reaction was rather nonchalant, seeming more disappointed for her than for the nonexistent baby. In fact, he seemed rather unconcerned about her not being pregnant.
Anna gave Amanda an if-you-say-so look.
“I mean, ja, he’s Englische, but he would never do such a thing. He’s an honorable man!” Yet it crossed Amanda’s mind that while he might be honorable to her, he had not been honorable enough to truly take care of Isadora until his unwanted, illegitimate child was thrust upon them. Was it possible that he could have gotten a vasectomy and not told her? The thought niggled at her, and after Anna left her to bring the rest of the lemonade to Jonas and Alejandro, Amanda found that she could barely think straight as she worked in the garden, letting sugar cookies win over chocolate chip cookies without even trying.
“What time is the car picking us up?” Amanda asked Alejandro in the morning as she made pancakes for breakfast.
He stood at the door, looking at the fields through the glass panes. Once again, he wore simple black workout pants and a tight sleeveless shirt. With a coffee mug in his hand and his brown hair swooping over his forehead, he looked relaxed. “Hmm,” he said under his breath. “To go or not to go.”
She lifted the frying pan off the stove and set it aside before walking over to him. She leaned against him, looking over his shoulder to follow his gaze out the window. When she put her one arm around his chest, he held on to it with his free hand.
“What is that supposed to mean, Alejandro?” she asked in a soft voice. “You have appointments.”
“Sí, I know.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “Oh, how I know.”
She planted a gentle kiss on his bare shoulder. “You must go.”
“But you do not.”
She swallowed. This was not a discussion she wanted to have. Not again. “Nee, Alejandro, you are wrong. Wherever you go, so shall I.”
He leaned his head back, his razor stubble tickling her cheek. “Spoken like my Princesa, sí?” For a long moment, he remained silent. She wondered what he was thinking but knew enough about her husband to remain quiet. If it was something he wished to share with her, he would in his own time. She didn’t have to wait long. �
�You will miss the cookie frolic,” he said.
“Ja, I will. But Izzie won’t.”
He nodded his head and fell silent again.
“She is happy here, Alejandro. As much as that hurts my heart, it also makes me happy. For her.”
“What do we do with her, Amanda? She can’t stay here forever. She needs schooling and stability.”
Amanda took a deep breath. She had dreaded this conversation, despite knowing that it was long overdue. “It’s almost summer, Alejandro. You have to finish the European tour, and then you have summer concerts in America. Mayhaps this is her home.”
“¡Ay, Dios!” he mumbled and set the coffee mug on the counter. “And have her raised Amish?”
Amanda turned her body so that she could watch him as he began to pace the floor. “Why not? It is not a bad life for her, and certainly better than what she had before.”
“It’s abandoning her!”
“That was already done, Alejandro,” she said in a compassionate but firm voice, a reminder that his involvement in Isadora’s life had begun only a few months before. “Leaving her here is caring for her. It’s stability and simplicity, both of which she will benefit from.”
He lifted his hand to his head, one arm tucked under his elbow. “Amanda, it just doesn’t feel right.”
Amanda crossed the room and wrapped her arms around him. “Mayhaps what doesn’t feel right to us is right for her.”
He embraced her, but only lightly. His heart was not in it. Although she suspected he knew she was correct, he was uncomfortable with the solution. Amanda understood why. She loved Isadora and wanted nothing more than to mother her. But the child needed a home and family. It was not something Amanda and Alejandro could give her. Dragging the five-year-old around the world, leaving her care in the hands of a hired nanny while they worked for most of the day and well into the night, was not an ideal situation for any of them.
“Mammi! Papi!”
They both looked up at the same time to see Isadora holding the handrail and then clambering down the stairs, her bare feet making a soft noise against the wooden steps. “Today’s the cookie frolic!” With a big smile, she ran across the room and wrapped her arms around Amanda’s legs. “More sugar cookies!”
Laughing at her enthusiasm, Amanda knelt down before her. “Is that the first thing you thought of this morning? Why, I reckon you might turn into a sugar cookie before the day is out!”
Isadora giggled.
“Now, go set the table, please. I made pancakes for breakfast.”
Isadora jumped up and down. “Pancakes!” she shouted and then ran to push a chair from the table over to the counter so that she could climb up to fetch the plates.
Amanda smiled as she watched Isadora, her heart swelling with joy but breaking at the same time. She glanced over at Alejandro and saw that he, too, was studying his daughter, a mixture of interest and regret in his expression. Amanda couldn’t help but think back to what Anna had suggested the previous day. Was it possible that Alejandro knew Isadora was his only chance at having a child? She felt a wave of anxiety wash over her at the thought. A future without experiencing the joy of giving birth to her own baby as well as having a houseful of children was simply not something she had ever considered.
Alejandro waited patiently for Amanda to say her good-byes to her family. With hugs and promises to write as much as she could, Amanda couldn’t help but linger. Especially when it came to Isadora.
Amanda knelt before the little girl and smoothed the front of her rumpled dress, brushing off a few stray strands of hay that Isadora must have collected when she was playing in the barn earlier that morning. “You take care of Katie Cat, ja?”
Isadora stood by Anna’s side, holding on to her hand, which she swung back and forth. “Ja, Mammi ’Manda.”
“And you be a big girl and help Mammi Anna, too,” Amanda said, glancing up at Anna. As her sister began her final trimester, and with the weather turning warmer, Amanda knew that Anna would need as much help as she could get.
“And weed the garden for sugar cookies!” Isadora exclaimed happily.
“That’s a right gut girl,” Amanda said, fighting back the urge to cry. She wrapped Isadora in her arms and hugged her, trying to memorize the feeling of the little girl’s body pressed against hers. It would be weeks before they would return. Amanda didn’t know which hurt more—the fact that they would be away for so long or that it did not seem to concern Isadora.
Amanda stood up and faced her mother. “You’ll write, too, ja?”
“Now how do you reckon I’d get a letter to you?” Lizzie said, frowning.
“Just mail it to the address I left you. They forward all of Viper’s mail to wherever he is going.” Amanda ignored how her mother cringed when she used Alejandro’s stage name.
“Well, I reckon I can try,” Lizzie reluctantly agreed. But when Amanda gave her mother a hug, she felt her hold on a little tighter than usual and knew her mother would certainly write to her. Her feigned ignorance at not knowing how to send a letter to Europe was just a facade to cover up her worry for Amanda as she prepared to leave, once again, with Alejandro.
Amanda walked over to her father’s wheelchair and knelt down. She reached for his hand and raised her voice. “Daed! I’m leaving now.”
He looked at her and tried to speak.
“You need some water, Daed?” She glanced at Anna, who quickly brought her a glass of water with a straw in it.
“Here you go, Daed,” Amanda said as she lifted it to his parched lips. At first, he struggled to sip it, but Amanda waited patiently. “You need to do those exercises that the therapist tells you to do. I know that you can do better.”
He mumbled something that she couldn’t understand.
“I’ll see you in a few weeks, ja? And you’ll be much better then. But only if you listen to that therapist!” She wagged her finger at him in a playful gesture.
“Safe”—Elias managed to say—“travels.”
Amanda smiled at him, fighting the urge to cry. She gave him a hug and pressed her lips against his cheek. “I love you, Daed,” she whispered, knowing that it was one of the few times she had expressed such an emotion to any of her family members. Showing people love was much more important than simply using the words, but she didn’t know how else to communicate to him how she felt. With his inability to talk, it had been hard to connect with him over the past two days.
“Amanda,” Alejandro said, glancing at his phone. “I want to beat the traffic getting into the city, mi amor.”
Taking a deep breath, Amanda gave Anna a last good-bye, hugging her tight. “Take care of Izzie,” she whispered. “And yourself.”
Anna laughed. “Oh, don’t you worry about a thing, Amanda. Isadora and I have our cookie frolic in a little bit, and we have more than enough to keep ourselves busy, don’t we now?” She addressed Isadora with this last part. To Amanda’s relief, Isadora grinned and nodded her head.
As she walked out of the house to follow Alejandro to the rental car, she remembered how he had warned her that short visits almost always ended with pain and regret upon leaving. Vowing to keep her emotions in check, she waved only one time as Alejandro drove out of the driveway. But she kept her eyes on the side mirror, watching as her small family slowly disappeared from her sight.
Chapter Seventeen
Walking into the Pierre hotel in New York City, Amanda caught her breath and reached for Alejandro’s hand. He glanced up from his smartphone at her touch and followed her gaze of wonder at the lobby. The black-and-white-tiled floor shone with a perfect reflection of the crystal chandelier. The tray ceiling, trimmed with fine molding painted in gold, made the room feel bigger and brighter than most of the lobbies at hotels in which she’d stayed. Tall vases filled with fresh flowers seemed to enchant from every vacant corner and tabletop in the lobby, and the sweet fragrance of roses and lilies permeated throughout the room.
“There are castles in New Y
ork, too, sí?” Alejandro teased.
The other guests who lingered in the small clusters of chairs barely looked up at Alejandro and Amanda, too involved in their own lives to care about anyone else’s. For once, Amanda didn’t have to worry about people invading their privacy or stealing her photo when she wasn’t looking.
When the bellhop left them at the Tata Suite, Amanda quickly walked to the window. From the thirty-ninth floor of the hotel, the windows provided sweeping views over Central Park as well as the surrounding city. She pressed her hand against the glass, trying to steady the queasy feeling in the core of her stomach.
“You like?”
She looked at him. “The view is exquisite, Alejandro.”
He smirked, trying to suppress his smile. “But . . .”
“It’s so high up!”
He laughed and walked over to the small minibar, which looked more like a desk to Amanda. “That it is, Princesa.” He opened the hidden refrigerator and pulled out a cold beer, gesturing to Amanda to see if she wanted anything.
“Mayhaps a water,” she said, and when he handed her a bottle of sparkling water, she gave him a soft smile. “Danke.”
“You can freshen up before our dinner tonight, Amanda. Tomorrow I only have a few appointments, but you’ll be meeting up with Jeremy to finalize your dress for the gala tomorrow night.”
She wandered through the expansive suite on the thirty-ninth floor of the Pierre Hotel, taking in the dining area with its floor-to-ceiling windows before she headed down the hallway toward the bedroom. She was surprised to see two bedrooms, one with two twins and the other with a king bed. She couldn’t imagine many people brought their children to such a fancy hotel.
“The bathroom has a large bathtub,” she said when she rejoined Alejandro in the sitting area before the gas fireplace. “With windows!”
“And . . . ?”
Amanda made a face. “Why, who would take a bath in there! The whole city could see you!”
