by V. F. Mason
Her words came back to me.
“Girl, what the hell are you wearing?”
I glanced down at my faded jeans and oversized shirt as I pushed my glasses in place after they kept slipping down. I thought I should probably change them, because it wasn’t good for my eyes, either. It was just that I never cared for those things. I loved holding a camera in my hands and creating magic through it. Maybe I didn’t bother with myself because I knew how I looked, and it wasn’t good. Diets never really worked, and no matter how much I tried, I still had these damned curves. Not to mention straight black hair and dull, green eyes.
Nothing vivid, nothing standing out. Ordinary through and through.
No wonder Ren didn’t want me, and even my stupid kiss attempt at Christmas wasn’t welcomed. He was one of the most handsome guys I had ever seen. No one in college could hold my interest, but even there, no one was interested in the quiet, shy, dorky girl.
A loud giggle caught my attention; my eyes rose as everything inside me froze. A tall, leggy redhead was laughing her ass off on Ren’s arm while he smiled, flirting with her. She had a teddy bear in her hand, and he was still playing with some hammer thing. Of course, I should have known he would pick someone else. I just prayed he wouldn’t take her back home in the same car; that thought alone made me sick.
The story of my life.
He would never see me, never want me, and my whole life I would have to watch him with someone else and feel like I had never been enough. I wanted to get away before he saw me, before that hardness in his gaze came back and he acted like an asshole. Sometimes I wondered why he hated me so much. Or maybe it wasn’t hatred but the fact he was disgusted by my feelings?
Before that kiss, he treated me like a kid sister; we were close. But then he fell in love and I was an annoyance, though he did protect me in school. I turned around to get away from the pain and, as usual, didn’t watch where I was going and bumped into someone.
Oh no, and my glasses fell down. I couldn’t see anything far off without them, and part of me was pissed off with myself for not buying contact lenses or at least better-fitting glasses.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured and started to kneel down, but a strong, tanned hand picked them up before I could get to them and handed them to me. My eyes traveled up and widened.
Grady stood before me in all his handsome glory. He wore black jeans, a T-shirt, and boots. His long brown hair peeked out from under a red bandana and his hazel eyes looked at me with surprise, and something else, something that was always there when we saw each other, but I could never name it.
And that bothered me. “Hey.” Since he was silent, I knew I had say something and then immediately looked down.
“Hey, beautiful.” That was another thing about him; he’d called me that since I was sixteen and went to a shop where I saw him with some girl. She was making fun of my glasses, which made my eyes fill with tears. He pushed her aside and came to me. Grady made sure I understood I was beautiful and shouldn’t let anyone make me cry. After a few days, he disappeared, leaving a few broken hearts in town. Figures, Grady wasn’t a saint or anything. He had the whole rough biker persona, not that he was one, and girls sure loved that, though he was tamer than Ren. Nevertheless, his endearment always made me blush, because no one but him called me that, and for the life of me, I didn’t get why he felt the need.
“Where are you going in such a hurry?”
Oh no, he would want to know, and I had to come up with some nice excuse, but it was already too late, because he glanced behind me and understanding lit his face.
“I see.” Then he shifted his focus back at me. “Why didn’t you stay with Shane and the girls?”
“How do you know I'm with them?”
“I saw you arrive.”
I didn’t know what to say, because for one, why didn’t he come and talk to us when we were all together, and for another, I didn’t really want to answer his question. “Just wanted to find a scarf.” I hated how my voice trembled.
He raised an eyebrow. “Really? Which ones?” I pointed toward the stand where an old lady stood with beautiful silk scarves, but no one paid much attention to her. She had colorful things, and although I never wore anything like that, it looked so pretty.
“Let’s go.” Before I knew what was going on, he grabbed my elbow and led me in the direction of the old lady. I saw several people glance at us; we probably made a weird pair. Spectacularly handsome guy and frumpy, ugly girl. I grimaced from the image in my head.
The woman stood up eagerly, excited to see someone interested in her work and started talking right away. Or should I say, selling the product. “I have the best scarves, pure silk, see?” She picked up a yellow one and practically put it in my face. It was soft, indeed, and nice, but I really didn’t want to buy anything, because girls like me didn’t need to wear colors to draw attention to ourselves. I politely smiled, shook my head, and picked up the next one.
Grady picked up an indigo-blue scarf, which had amazing fabric and felt so soft.
“Oh, that one is the most expensive one. See what wonderful work, handmade—”
It was hard really to concentrate on her words, because Grady put it around me and removed my glasses and my bun, and all I could do was gasp. I felt the cascade of my hair fall down to my butt—yeah, it was that long, because my dad and mom hated when I cut it—and he took out his phone and, before I knew it, snapped a picture.
“How much?”
The lady was extremely happy with his question. “Thirty dollars.” My eyes widened, because it was a lot of money and I didn’t need it anyway. I was about to refuse, when Grady handed her the cash and she squealed happily.
“Grady….” I didn’t understand any of it. Why was he buying the scarf for me? Let alone such an expensive one.
“It’s a gift. Usually you say thank you.”
I nibbled on my lip. “Thank you, but I won’t wear it.”
He lifted my chin. “You’re beautiful.”
As I stared into his blue eyes, I didn’t understand my reaction to him. It wasn’t like that with Ren. With him, I just wanted him to finally notice me. I had a deep yearning for him to take care of me like he used to when we were kids. I wanted to be loved by him. While with Grady, my body became hot and wanted something I didn’t understand. I looked at his lips while he just watched me. Why had I never noticed his full, plump lips, which for some reason I wanted to taste?
I took a deep breath, because at once there wasn’t enough air between us. I caught the smell of his bodywash and cologne, and for some odd reason, it seemed familiar, but I couldn’t remember being that close to him ever before. What would it be like to be the sole recipient of his affection?
“I—” I didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t seem like he wanted to talk either.
His eyes hardened when they registered something behind me. He let go of my chin and I instantly turned, wanting to know what could have possibly made him do it. I tried not to think about the fact I already missed his touch, because that was ridiculous.
Oh my God!
They were all there, Shane, Becky, Serena, and Ren, with his flavor of the day, staring at Grady and me with “what the fuck?” expressions on their faces. My cheeks heated and I looked down as usual, but part of me hated how I instinctively responded that way, because there was nothing wrong with what I just did.
“Um, we were a bit worried, so we decided to look around for you.” Leave it to Serena to break an uncomfortable silence.
“Well, looks like we shouldn’t have,” Becky said, amused. “Girl, you look gorgeous with that hair of yours down and without those hideous glasses. Oh my, what a scarf!” She came to me and touched it. “Nice.” She turned to Grady. “Well, hello, biker boy.” She looked him up and down with appreciation, clearly liking what she saw, and that bothered me, because I didn’t want her appreciating him. My head started to ache from all my confusing thoughts, and I just wanted to en
d up in my room with my romance novel.
“Grady.” He introduced himself, but didn’t make a move to give her his hand, or smile for that matter. I should have expected it. Since he came back from wherever he went, he wasn’t that friendly. Not to mention working at the bar didn’t help much to bring out his personality.
“Becky,” she responded, and she moved to the sales lady to choose a scarf for herself.
“I…” I really wished my voice would come out confidently, and I could act normally around people, instead of being an awkward nerd. “I went to buy a scarf.”
“Yeah,” Serena said, smiling, and winked at me. Whatever that was supposed to mean, I didn’t know.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Grady?” Ren sounded pissed off, and I didn’t understand why. Wasn’t his redhead keeping him happy?
“None of your fucking business.” His tone was low and cold as ice.
“It is when you’re here with her.”
I blinked, because I had a feeling of déjà vu, as though there was a scene like that before in my life when they fought over me in the exact same position, me close to Grady and Ren with a woman. I shook my head; something must be wrong with me, because no way something like that could have happened.
“What is it to you? She yours?” Grady grilled.
“She’s the girl I grew up with.”
His words broke my heart, and I couldn’t look at him. That was what I would always be to him, the sister he was looking after. I hated that and felt myself moving closer to Grady. Shane stayed silent and Serena worried, but they didn’t want to interfere.
I’d had enough.
My whole life, I did what I was supposed to do. I wanted to be perfect for everyone while knowing I could never be perfect for the one guy I wanted. He would never see me as anything good, and right then, I hated him for it. I hated him for not choosing me all those years ago, for not choosing me during Christmas. I hated how I was never good enough for him because he didn’t want to see the true me, and he never would. He was used to the fact I was close to him, would do whatever he wanted, and I would always stick around. Hurting me was an option for him, because I let him do it. I let women like that redhead dictate what to think about myself, only because he preferred them. I didn’t fully live my life, because part of me wanted to give him comfort and constancy, like I always did after he’d come to live with us.
I was so wrong, because the boy I fell in love with didn’t exist anymore, and no matter how much I tried or stayed the same, he would never come back. But I was done living my life like that, looking down and allowing people to step on me all the time, especially Ren.
I ignored the pain in my heart that didn’t want to acknowledge the loss of him. But the truth was, I’d lost him the moment he came home from school and announced Miranda was the love of his life and he would marry her someday.
“I have my opinion, Ren, and I’m not a child. You looking out for me is a bit too late.” Everyone blinked in surprise, because, for the first time, my voice was not quiet. It was firm. I was sure of what I wanted to do, or rather who I no longer wished to be.
No one could ever love the pathetic girl I was, and sometimes, in order to protect yourself, a person needed to change.
“Right, Maggie, are you fucking—”
“Don’t talk to me like that.” My eyes held his for a few seconds. As he closed his mouth, something settled in his eyes, but I couldn’t get the meaning, and to be honest, I didn’t want to know anymore. “I’m with Grady because I want to be, and whatever I do or don’t do is none of your fucking business. That clear enough for you?” I glanced back to Serena and Shane. “I want to go home, so if you don’t mind….”
Ren scowled, and I saw his knuckles get white because of how tight he was squeezing his fist. He grabbed the redhead and dragged her to some corner behind the park. Probably to fuck her. Well then, I hoped he enjoyed the fucking experience. Yeah, I never cursed either, and it felt nice. Not that I wanted to do it all the time, but still.
I wouldn’t even call that girl names, because what she did wasn’t bad. Two people, as I heard, could enjoy no-strings-attached sex. It was Ren—who threw it in my face—I was angry with.
“Oh man, already? I didn’t even get a ride on the Gravitron!” Becky was whining, and I was not in the mood. I had to hold the urge to look down and think again that someone was more important than me. No more. I wanted what I wanted, and I would not push myself aside anymore.
The sacrifices weren’t worth it.
“I can take you home.”
I’d forgotten Grady was there with all the thoughts about Ren and me. “Didn’t you come on the bike?”
“Yeah.”
I’d never ridden on a bike before and thought it was scary, though I used to get jealous when Ren finally got his license and rode around on his bike with Miranda behind him, because I wanted to know how it felt.
Looks like I’d finally know how it freaking felt.
“Okay, let’s go.” I went to Serena, kissed her on the cheek and then hugged Shane.
“See you at the house.” Before Shane let me go, he murmured in my ear, “Do you know what you’re doing?”
“No.”
“Okay.” he smiled and let me go.
I didn’t bother saying bye to Becky, because she was arguing with the old lady about prices as she bought ten scarves and wanted a discount. Grady took my hand, and I let him hold it.
Suddenly, everything around seemed liberating.
He went to his bike, hopped on, and I grabbed his shoulder and sat behind him. He gave me his helmet and I put it on. “Hold on to me.” I circled his waist, trying not to think about how fine his muscles were and the fact I had never been that close to any man before. “Ready, beautiful?”
“Ready.”
Shane
“Well, that was intense,” Serena said softly as I glanced down at her.
God, she was so beautiful, especially with all the excitement going on in the park. I couldn’t help it. I leaned down and kissed her. As she instantly opened her mouth, I dipped inside, catching her soft moan, and hugged her closer. I loved the feel of her against me, and although I took her in the shower that morning, I wanted her again.
Sure, we were young, so there was always a need, but the thing was, I never felt that good about anyone but her. The pull was so strong, and part of me acknowledged it was more, but part of me didn’t, because at the end of the summer, I would have to let her go, no matter how much I didn’t want to. But there was something called a long-distance relationship, wasn’t there?
“Yeah, Maggie surprised me,” I replied, as Ren came out of the building, covered in lipstick and adjusting his shirt while the redhead came out and did the same with her skirt. She had a dreamy expression when she stared at Ren and attempted to hug him, but he pushed her aside.
“We’re done.” His voice was void of emotion and cold, as usual.
“What do you mean?” The redhead sounded annoyed, but honest to God, I didn’t understand what girls expected from encounters like that. It was always about getting off and would never lead to anything more. Especially as I suspected Ren wanted someone else entirely and was filled with self-loathing.
Becky finally came back with three bags, looking excited. I groaned inwardly, because I already put all the toys the girl or I had won in the car, and it looked like she was ready for another ride. “Girls, why don’t you go on those rides alone, and I’ll talk to Ren and join you later?” I mostly addressed my question to Serena, because take me for a jerk, but I didn’t really care what her friend thought about my absence, yet I didn’t want her to think I was leaving her alone.
She nodded and gave me a peck on the lips before taking off with Becky, who I heard gossiping, “Oh my God, did you see the biker dude? That Maggie sure gets around with the guys here.”
Rolling my eyes, I went to the table where Ren was having a beer and giving off a “don’t fuck with me”
vibe.
As usual, I ignored it. Taking a chair from another table, I sat near him and instantly a young waitress was by my side. “Would you like something?” she asked.
“Yeah, just a Coke please.” Silence fell on the table, just the sound of people around us and Ren swallowing his beer. He ordered another and the waitress brought it, along with my drink. Finally, I decided enough was enough.
“Don’t get drunk.”
He devoured his beer as if he were in the middle of the desert and needed water. “Don’t fucking interfere in my business. We aren't friends.” We weren’t, but that didn’t change the fact some part of me felt responsible for him and Maggie.
“No. But don't you think it’s time to move on? We already punched each other. Or do you want more?”
He chuckled, but it lacked humor. Thinking of it, I couldn’t really remember the last time he genuinely smiled or laughed. I was analyzing his behavior like some damned woman.
“I’ve hated you for a long time,” he murmured.
“You blamed me.” I wasn’t asking a question; I knew it for sure. Like I was blaming my aunt for something she wasn’t responsible for while she just tried to protect me. For the first time since coming here, I considered calling her.
“It was easier than blaming her.”
“Do you still love her?”
“She was my first girlfriend. I liked her. I wanted to spend my life with her. She seemed like a good choice.” His eyes focused on the young couple with a small kid who stood in the corner, near the popcorn machine. They seemed happy and about our age. He indicated in their direction with his head. “You see them? That was my dream. To have a kid, a wife, and ranching. It was all I ever wanted. Losing her hurt, because I thought we could have built something. But the worst part, though, was losing the fucking dream and knowing I could never come back to that.”
I wasn’t expecting that, the confusion and pain from his words. “You can still have it.” It wasn’t as if his life was over.
