Goodbye Forever

by Bonnie Hearn Hill

  ‘Where are you going from here?’ Her expression stayed the same, just a curve of something that might be a smile.

  ‘I’m waiting for someone.’

  ‘Is she your girlfriend?’

  ‘How’d you know it’s a girl?’ he asked.

  ‘Her name is Angel, right?’

  ‘That doesn’t matter. And she isn’t my girlfriend. I haven’t seen her in a long time.’

  She looked into his eyes again, as if asking a question only he could answer. ‘I don’t have any place to sleep tonight.’

  The freezing, screeching storm in his brain had to be a warning from Lucas.

  ‘Juanita, the lady who runs this place. She’s pretty nice. Maybe she can help you.’

  ‘It’s a restaurant, not a homeless shelter. I can’t ask her.’

  ‘And I can’t help you.’ Ike stood and stretched his legs. ‘I’m going out to my vehicle now.’

  ‘It’s pretty cold out there,’ she said.

  ‘My friend will show up soon enough.’

  ‘Why not wait in here? With me.’

  Good question, but he knew what was behind it, and it wasn’t because he had turned into God’s gift to homeless girls all of a sudden. ‘I can give you some ideas about where to go, but I can’t take you with me.’

  She gazed down, nodded, and then looked up into his eyes with the first actual smile he’d seen from her.

  ‘Why not?

  ‘Told you. I’m meeting someone.’

  ‘You also said she’s not your girlfriend.’

  ‘Where I live, I can’t just walk in with a strange girl.’

  She stretched back in the booth and gave him just a bit more of the smile. ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because I have rules,’ he said. ‘You seem all right. That’s why I bought you dinner. But I can’t take you back with me.’

  ‘Because of the other girl?’

  Her soft-spoken words stirred him. Of course it was because of Angel. She would tell Lucas and the others if he tried to smuggle in some girl. But that didn’t mean he had to give up on this one forever.

  He reached across the table and squeezed her hand the way Lucas had squeezed Jessica’s that night. ‘I would like to see you again. I would like to help you. But for tonight, you need to find your own place to sleep.’

  She released his grip, glanced away from him, and he caught something that looked like fear in her eyes. ‘The street, then.’

  ‘It’s better here than where you came from.’

  ‘Is this new girl so important to you?’

  ‘She’s important to the group I belong to,’ he said. ‘We’re all important, all the same.’

  ‘I’d sure like a group like yours.’

  ‘I didn’t say that right. You need to leave now.’ He dug in his pocket for the money Lucas didn’t know he’d held back from their fund the week before.

  A few twenties. That wouldn’t change anyone’s life. ‘Here.’

  She glanced down at the bills, and for a moment he thought she was going to cry.

  Her hand trembled in the air like the hummingbirds that used to gather at his granny’s feeder. All wings, no substance. ‘I’m sure you need this money,’ she said.

  ‘I’m sure you need it more.’

  He got up out of the booth, knowing that if he didn’t, he would take her back with him right then.

  ‘But I don’t know how to thank you,’ she said.

  ‘You could go out in the truck with me for a while.’

  She slammed the bills on the table and shoved them toward him. ‘You see? It’s never just a tamale.’

  That made him laugh. She had no idea that if he wanted sex that much, he wouldn’t need her permission.

  ‘Can you blame me for trying?’ He sounded like his father, but sometimes the old man had made sense.

  She shoved her fingers into her hair and pulled it down over her shoulders. Finally, he saw how tired she was and how many miles she must have traveled. ‘You said you’ve been in my situation. You ought to know how many offers like yours I have to deal with in a day.’

  He thought of Jessica and felt more like the way he was dressed than the way he was inside. ‘I do know.’ Ike tried to keep the shame from his voice. He made himself talk the way normal people did when they discussed normal fucking things. ‘And I shouldn’t have said that. If you don’t ask, you don’t get, a friend of mine says. It’s not the way I am, though. If you give me a chance, you’ll find that out for yourself.’

  ‘If I did decide to give you a chance, how might I do that?’

  He walked around to the other side of the booth and leaned over her the way Lucas might. ‘Find a place to stay tonight, little girl. The next time we meet, it might be different.’

  ‘That’s what you told me last night.’

  ‘Because I thought Angel would be here by then.’

  She reached into her bag and pulled out a phone. ‘How can I get in touch with you?’

  Once she got there, if he could get her there, she would understand about phones and other so-called conveniences that the cops could use to track you in a heartbeat.

  ‘Just be here tomorrow. Same time. Maybe I can help. Maybe I can’t.’

  She shook her head. ‘I’m going to have to move on tomorrow. Can we get together early?’

  ‘Meet me outside here, six-thirty in the morning. That work for you?’

  Finally, she seemed to relax into the booth. ‘I’m still not sure.’ She looked up into his eyes. ‘I don’t even know your name.’

  ‘Ike.’ He reached down and shook her hand. ‘I don’t know your name either, mystery girl.’

  ‘Katherine.’ She kind of snapped it out, and he wondered if it was her real name or something she’d made up.

  ‘Katherine,’ he said. ‘That’s pretty.’

  ‘But not pretty enough for you to help me tonight?’

  He wanted to. He really did.

  ‘I gave you enough for a place to stay. That’s the best I can do.’

  She stared openly at him, not afraid, not trying to hide whatever kind of bargain she was trying to make with him. ‘But what if I never see you again?’

  ‘You will.’ At that moment, he wanted to hug her. Instead, he just tapped her hand with his heavy gloves as if trying to find a pulse. Not that he would try to harm her. ‘I promise.’

  ELEVEN

  The previous night, when Kit had told Richard they should go home, they had driven to her place and not his. That made sense as it had once been theirs. Now that she may have found a link to Jessica, they took a room at a motel that promised ‘clean sheets, free coffee’. That way, she could meet Ike the next morning and still get back to the station in time for work.

  Kit hadn’t been able to trust more than thirty minutes of sleep since that night in the homeless shelter. As soon as she drifted off, she felt pinned to the bed by invisible hands. She woke around midnight, imagining the tip of a kitchen knife in her throat. She tried to scream and felt Richard’s arms around her. She sank against him, and he held her tightly.

  ‘Bad dream,’ she said, and pushed her hair out of her eyes.

  ‘You’ve been having a lot of those lately.’

  ‘It’s the strange bed.’ She propped herself up on a pillow. In the dim light, she could see only the outline of his face.

  ‘Right,’ he said. ‘That and the fact that you put yourself in danger to help me.’

  ‘We can’t turn back now,’ she said. ‘I can’t.’

  ‘There has to be a better way. Maybe we could hire a professional to look for Jessica.’

  ‘And waste how much more time?’

  ‘You don’t have to remind me.’ His voice was tight, and she could feel him tense beside her.

  ‘I simply meant that I have no options at this point, Richard.’

  ‘And, as usual, you’re the one making all of the decisions.’

  Kit started to snap back that he was the one who had gotten her involved
in this, but they were both under pressure, and reverting back to their old patterns wouldn’t help.

  ‘Richard, please.’ She reached out for him, but he was already turning away from her on to his side.

  ‘We need sleep,’ he said. ‘Let’s talk tomorrow.’

  Kit turned away and lay on the too-firm pillow, staring at the ceiling. They had reverted to those patterns anyway. She pushed. He retreated. And now they lay close enough to touch but not to communicate. She felt stuck. If she stopped her search, and Jessica were harmed or killed, she couldn’t live with the guilt. If she continued, Richard would blame himself if anything happened to his niece or her. She had no choice but to meet Ike and hope he revealed where the runaways were staying.

  Kit didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. She dressed, got a cup of coffee, and waited on the bed until Richard woke. The tension in his face made it clear that the argument they had barely avoided last night still sat between them.

  ‘Where shall I drop you?’ he asked.

  ‘Near the restaurant.’

  ‘Fine.’

  They didn’t speak again, until he pulled over.

  ‘I won’t be far away,’ he said. ‘Be careful.’

  Then he gave her a brief kiss, and she got out of the car. Richard drove slowly down the street, and she felt like crying. Finding Jessica was all that mattered now. She couldn’t think about anything else.

  As she approached the restaurant on foot, she spotted an old truck. Ike stood in front of it like an awkward cartoon character. In his thick, dark scarf, black leather gloves, and matching boots, he looked overdressed for the weather.

  She walked up to him and hoped the sun didn’t give away her age. Ten years sat between the lie and the truth. If he spotted anything different, he didn’t comment. In fact, he seemed even more intrigued by her.

  ‘Hey, mystery girl.’

  ‘I told you my name.’

  ‘You’re still a mystery to me, though.’

  ‘There’s no mystery about what I’m looking for.’ His truck vibrated warmth. Kit leaned against it.

  She could tell he had shaved and drenched himself in a fragrance that, however expensive, only accentuated the fact that his face didn’t look anything like an ad for men’s cologne.

  ‘I wasn’t sure you’d show up,’ he said in a voice too flirtatious for their current situation.

  ‘Where else would I go?’

  ‘It’s a big valley. A big state.’ He extended his right arm as if to indicate her many options.

  In the bright morning light, Kit could see not only what this rock-bottom part of the San Joaquin Valley had become, but what it might have been. As she looked out into the sunrise, she caught Ike studying her.

  ‘Let’s not pretend,’ she said. ‘You were on to my situation from the beginning.’

  ‘Maybe.’ He took off his gloves, shoved them into his pockets, and squinted at her. ‘But just to be clear, who do you think I am exactly?’

  ‘A guy who knows about somewhere safe, something better than a shelter.’

  ‘Safety comes with its own rules.’

  She faked a disgusted sigh. ‘I’m not going to have sex with you or anyone else in return for a place to sleep. If I wanted that, I could have stayed where I was.’

  He nodded, and she could tell he had made some kind of decision. ‘Who was it? Your father?’

  She couldn’t lie that fast or that horribly. ‘No. Not a relative.’

  ‘Usually is. Those bastards who mess with young kids ought to lose their balls.’

  ‘Agree,’ she said.

  ‘Guys like that – they don’t deserve to live.’ He went around and opened the truck door. ‘Get in.’

  ‘I’m not finished talking,’ she said.

  ‘Neither am I. I just don’t like standing in one place too long.’

  ‘I get that.’ Kit glanced around. No sign of Richard. ‘But I barely know you.’

  ‘It’s your choice, but I’m not staying here.’ He got behind the wheel. ‘Our first rule is take no chances.’

  Kit had known it would come to this, which was another reason she had insisted on a morning meeting. It was what she wanted, only not this fast. ‘The first rule?’ she said. ‘Whose first rule?’

  ‘Mine and Lucas’s.’ He started the truck. ‘He’s my partner. And I’m leaving with or without you.’

  Lucas. It couldn’t be a coincidence. She had found them. At least, they had to be nearby, because if Lucas and Ike were hiding out together, so was Jessica. Kit climbed in and closed the door.

  She could barely keep from hammering Ike with questions. All she could think was Lucas. Lucas Tibbs.

  The town appeared to have slept in that day. He drove slowly through it, apparently rousing no one with the noisy beater truck. Good. Richard wouldn’t have any trouble following them. They approached a four-way stop sign. Ike seemed to think about where he wanted to head next, and Kit reached for the door handle.

  ‘I trusted you enough to get in here with you,’ she said. ‘Please stick to the main streets.’

  He chuckled and pulled in front of a school. ‘Is this main enough for you?’

  In spite of the weather and the fact that it was Tuesday, only a few kids were playing on the basketball court. Kit tried to relax and didn’t dare glance around for Richard. Ike drove well below the speed limit.

  ‘How many of you are there?’ she asked. ‘At that place of yours.’

  ‘Not so fast. First I need to ask you some questions.’

  ‘Fine,’ she said. ‘And then I’ll ask you some.’

  ‘I’m the one offering shelter, so I’ll ask first if that’s all right with you. Lucas will have my ass if I show up with some chick I don’t know anything about.’

  That name again. She remembered the innocent-looking little boy in the photographs and wondered how this guy would be worried about him. ‘I thought you were partners.’

  ‘We are. But remember our first rule.’

  ‘And your second rule?’

  ‘Live your truth. The third is never go back.’

  ‘Never go back,’ Kit said. ‘That’s my first rule.’

  He nodded. ‘All right, then. Tell me why you showed up at the restaurant for two nights in a row.’

  ‘To see you?’

  ‘Don’t try to mess with my mind, girl. Too many already tried to do that. Just tell me the truth, or let’s go our separate ways right now.’

  ‘You were looking for a girl,’ she said. ‘And you mentioned the code about cheese enchiladas.’

  ‘What makes you think it’s a code?’

  ‘I’m not stupid, Ike. I heard about the restaurant in a shelter for runaways.’

  ‘I’m not stupid either,’ he said.

  ‘I didn’t say you were.’

  ‘Some do. I just want you to know that.’ He tapped his head. ‘But I tested higher than anyone in that camp, except Lucas. And I may have even tested better than him.’

  ‘Stop accusing me of an opinion I don’t have,’ she said. ‘I was almost knifed in a Sacramento shelter. I sure as hell don’t want to go to another one.’

  ‘Sacramento.’ He nodded. ‘Makes sense. One of ours is from there.’

  ‘How do you select which ones are yours?’

  ‘Depends.’ He flashed her a lazy grin that failed to hide the scrutiny in his gaze.

  ‘Now, can I ask you some questions?’

  ‘From what I can tell, that’s what you’re doing.’ He continued to drive through the main part of town – churches, simple homes with flat green yards, and that same school again. Doesn’t mean I’ll answer.’

  Kit didn’t dare look around for Richard. ‘How safe is this place of yours?’ she asked.

  ‘I’m in charge of security.’ His arms seemed to flex as he gripped the wheel. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘Do you have weapons?’

  ‘Enough.’

  ‘This is really important.’ She twisted on the seat to fa
ce him. ‘How do people – girls – pay their way there? Because if it’s sex …’

  ‘Nothing’s against your will. I told you that.’ He approached a stoplight and glanced toward the freeway.

  She reached for the door handle again. ‘Please don’t make me jump out.’

  ‘Sooner or later, we have to leave town if you want to stay with us,’ he said. ‘As for paying your way, we figured that out a long time ago.’

  ‘You and Lucas?’

  ‘Don’t keep giving me the third degree.’ He slammed his hands on the wheel and turned toward town. ‘No one’s going to rape you, mystery girl, OK? No one’s going to hurt you as long as you follow the rules and don’t lie. Do either of those, and I can’t be responsible for what happens to you.’

  ‘So how do I pay my way?’ she asked again.

  ‘Chores around the place. Getting things we need from town.’

  ‘Stealing?’

  ‘Lucas likes to call it liberating items that need to be freed. You’ll understand once you meet him.’

  ‘How can you possibly survive by stealing?’ she asked. ‘Surely you’ll get caught.’

  ‘We have money. Most of it is Lucas’s.’

  ‘Why risk being thieves, then?’

  ‘For the extras, and because it’s fun. What we have there is a good life.’ When he turned to her, she saw that his eyes were bright with emotion. ‘We were almost denied that life, and now we have it.’

  ‘Denied?’ she asked.

  ‘I might tell you about it sometime. Not now.’ He pulled to the side of the road. ‘Are you with me or not?’

  ‘How many people?’ she asked. ‘In your group, I mean.’

  ‘A dozen, give or take.’

  ‘What are their names?’

  ‘What do you care?’

  ‘Ike,’ she said. ‘I asked you for help, and I’m more grateful for it than I can ever tell you. But I need to know what to expect.’

  He began driving again, cocking his head, thinking about it.

  ‘We’re still just getting settled,’ he said. ‘More guys than girls at this point, but I can get you in. Lucas got in a girl he likes, and if he can bring in Jessica, I can bring you in.’