Goodbye Forever

by Bonnie Hearn Hill

  Ike did what he said, but for once he had lost his appetite. All night long, even after Jessica and Wyatt got back safe, while Ike scrunched up on the ground in his tent and made sure no one bothered Katherine up in his quarters, he heard or maybe imagined Sissy’s screams in his head. Bastard. Fucking bastard. He’s going to kill me.

  Ike could not sleep that night, even though he had left her room to breathe in the cooler. Something had changed, something that could not be undone. They – he and Lucas – had damaged one of their own members.

  ‘Ike. Are you down there?’

  He jumped up so fast that he stumbled up the stairs.

  ‘You need anything, Katherine?’

  She poked her head out of the door of his quarters. Her hair was down and curly, and she looked afraid. ‘Why is she screaming, Ike?’

  ‘She hates being locked in. That’s what the Weasel did to her.’

  ‘Let her out.’

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘Of course you can,’ she said. ‘You put her in.’

  Her voice had that tone of reason his granny’s always had.

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘You have to, Ike. It’s not her fault she’s going through this. Think how you’d feel if someone did that to you.’

  ‘If he found out, it would be the end of our friendship. The end of everything.’

  ‘You’re stronger than he is,’ Katherine said. ‘Don’t be afraid of him.’

  ‘I’m not afraid.’ But he felt his voice tremble. ‘Get some sleep, Katherine.’ He went back to his tent.

  TWENTY-ONE

  They gathered the next morning in the kitchen, and the rumors buzzed through the room. Sissy was gone. She had escaped, run away. The coffee brewed, the eggs and bacon solidified on the cast-iron pans, and Sissy’s disappearance was all they could discuss.

  As Kit had listened to her muffled shrieks all night, she had fought with herself about whether or not she should risk trying to rescue the girl. Twice, she had stepped outside and put a foot on the ladder. Both times, she glimpsed Ike standing outside his tent. Now, they couldn’t just sit around and discuss Sissy over breakfast. They had to start looking.

  In his down jacket, with his hair perfectly gelled and his posture both casual and erect, Lucas looked so innocent that Kit felt a chill. He cleared his throat, stood in front of the wood stove, and faced them. In that moment, Kit glimpsed the blank slate of his face before he selected the appropriate emotion.

  ‘She will find her way back here.’ He spoke slowly, his eyes wide. ‘She loves us.’

  They sat on stools, benches, and rugs in the kitchen, the only light coming from the stove fire Lucas and Ike had built. Ike sat on the hassock, Kit on the floor beside him. At the stove, her hand clutching the battered coffee pot, Jessica sobbed quietly. Kit wanted to go to her, but she didn’t dare show any emotion for the girl.

  ‘It’s not as if Sissy’s dead or anything,’ Lucas said in the voice of a child.

  Wyatt got up from the floor and joined Jessica. ‘She screamed most of the night.’ He grimaced. ‘I can still hear her.’

  ‘So can I.’ Jessica wiped her eyes. ‘Like an animal. I’ll never forget it.’

  ‘We shouldn’t have asked her to join us here,’ Lucas said. ‘We knew how damaged she was even back then. It’s the Weasel’s fault.’

  ‘Damned Weasel.’ Wyatt crossed the room and tossed the dart at the photo. It landed between Weaver’s eyes.

  The others broke into applause.

  ‘Doctor Weasel’s the one who drugged her,’ Lucas said softly. ‘He needs to pay for that and everything else he’s done to us.’

  ‘Wait.’ Kit finally found her voice. ‘Sissy probably hasn’t gotten that far. We need to look for her.’

  ‘No one can find anything in the fog,’ Lucas said. ‘Isn’t that right, Ike?’

  Kit nudged Ike. ‘What would it hurt?’

  ‘We couldn’t find her,’ Lucas said. ‘I just tried to explain that.’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Ike’s expression was tormented, and he struggled to speak. ‘A lot of things out there.’

  ‘Just one more reason to go looking for her.’ Kit got up and went to where Lucas stood before the stove. ‘If we go together, we’ll be safe.’

  ‘No one’s safe out here,’ Lucas said. ‘We can’t risk everyone’s wellbeing because of one person’s mistake.’

  ‘Mistake?’ Kit faced his bland expression and realized she hadn’t been wrong. She really was dealing with a sociopath, one who might have already harmed Sissy. ‘You knew she was terrified of that cooler, and yet you locked her in there.’

  ‘Actually, it was your friend Ike who did that.’

  ‘At your direction.’ She turned to the others. ‘Sissy could die out there. Do you really want to be responsible for that?’

  ‘She could die if we don’t risk our lives,’ Lucas said. ‘She’s the one who chose to defy us. I say she’s on her own. Once she finds out what that’s like, she’ll come back.’

  ‘Katherine’s right.’ Jessica pulled her cap down over her hair. ‘I vote that we go looking for her.’

  ‘Me too,’ Wyatt said.

  ‘I didn’t realize we were taking a vote.’ Lucas stroked his chin in the same way Kit had seen Weaver do. ‘I thought we agreed that the risk is too great to attempt it.’

  ‘The risk is too great if we don’t,’ Kit said. ‘If Sissy dies or is killed, even injured, do you want the attention it’s going to bring to this compound?’

  ‘I see your point.’ He walked across the room toward the dartboard. ‘If it hadn’t been for him, we wouldn’t have to deal with this.’

  ‘This isn’t about him right now,’ Kit said, unable to control her voice. ‘It’s about trying to save that girl.’

  ‘In that case, how about this?’ He rubbed his hands together as if he had come up with the perfect solution. ‘Let those of you who feel compelled to do so go looking for Sissy. Those who agree with me that the risk is too great, you stay here with me and the rest of us.’

  ‘Jessica,’ Kit said. ‘Are you with me?’

  She nodded. ‘I’m sorry, Lucas, but I can’t just leave Sissy out there.’

  ‘Who else?’ Kit asked. No one moved. Wyatt stared at the ground. Ike and Lucas exchanged glances. ‘No one?’ Kit asked. ‘Fine. Let’s go, Jessica.’

  ‘Wait.’ Ike rose to his feet. ‘Your ankle.’

  ‘No,’ Lucas said. ‘She has free will. They both do.’

  Kit left before they could discuss it. Jessica sprinted ahead of her. The air outside felt frozen, the way the basement had. Kit limped to the cooler. The door stood open. Sissy hadn’t made the escape on her own. Straight behind them was fallow land. No sign of anyone. Kit wanted to head there anyway but then turned to her right, toward the road that led to the farm of the woman Lucas had tried to make Kit kill. She choked back tears. That was what he had hoped would result from the fire. He wanted Sissy dead too. At the very least, he wanted to punish her because, in spite of his words, it wasn’t the group she was defying. It was Lucas himself.

  ‘Where would you go if you were trying to get out of this place?’ Kit asked Jessica.

  ‘That way.’ She pointed in the direction of the freeway several miles away. ‘That’s where Sissy would head. I can’t believe Wyatt and Theo didn’t have the balls to stand up to Lucas.’

  With Jessica’s help, she might find Sissy and make it to the Mexican restaurant. After that, she would call for help, and that would be the end of Lucas’s compound.

  ‘I’m sure Ike will come,’ Kit said. ‘Do you mind if I hang on to you? My ankle is killing me.’

  Jessica offered her arm. ‘He won’t come. None of them will.’

  They made it to the road, and Kit tried to ignore the shooting pain that now traveled up her leg. She could take care of that once she was out of here. ‘What are they afraid of?’

  ‘It’s not fear,’ Jessica said. ‘And don’t kid yourself. I
ke isn’t going to help us.’

  ‘I think he will.’

  She shook her head. ‘He’s not very bright. At the camp where we met, Lucas was the smart one, and Ike was the strong one. Brute strength. That’s the only reason he’s here.’

  ‘But it’s not all he is,’ Kit said. ‘People aren’t just one thing. Ike’s smart. He just doesn’t know it. His mother beat and abandoned him. That’s why he ended up at the camp.’

  Jessica stopped. ‘Ike never talks about his mother.’

  ‘What about you?’ Kit asked as they made their way along the edge of the single-lane road. ‘How did you end up there?’

  ‘Kind of similar to Ike.’ Her voice trailed off. Jessica stopped and covered her face with her hands as if trying to drive away an image in her brain.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Kit was stunned. If this were true, Richard had no idea. It might even explain why Sarah had kept Jessica away from him. ‘Your mom harmed you?’

  ‘Doesn’t matter now.’ She pointed toward a haze of lights. ‘Freeway’s not that far from here. I’ll bet Sissy got picked up by a motorist.’

  ‘No, please,’ Kit said. ‘Tell me what happened to you.’

  ‘You’ve heard the story a hundred times.’

  ‘I haven’t heard your story, Jessica.’ She glanced toward the lights. ‘Tell me while we walk.’

  ‘I don’t know. Lucas is going to be pissed.’ She already looked defeated.

  ‘You’re not changing your mind, are you?’ Kit asked.

  ‘It’s just that the farther away we get away from the compound, I start to remember what it was like before, back in one freaking apartment and one freaking boyfriend after another.’

  ‘Your mother?’ This was the last thing Kit would have guessed. But kids didn’t run away without a reason. ‘Oh, Jessica,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘No need for that.’ She turned and faced Kit. ‘And no matter what happens, I am not going back where I came from.’

  ‘No one’s trying to make you,’ Kit said, hoping she didn’t sound as shocked and sad and angry as she did. ‘As Lucas always says, you have free will.’

  ‘That’s what he says, but I’ve never crossed him before. He knew Sissy was afraid of the cooler, and that’s where he put her. He knows I’d rather die than go back to my selfish bitch of a mother.’

  Kit still couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but she didn’t doubt Jessica.

  ‘Lucas is not going to send you back,’ Kit said. ‘You could tell people where he is and destroy the whole operation.’

  ‘The video he has of me would get me arrested,’ Jessica told her. ‘I stole from the church. It’s like you setting that fire. You do anything that threatens the compound, and Lucas makes sure you’re too busy defending yourself to the law to go tattling on him.’

  ‘Why would you even want to stay here?’ Kit asked.

  She lifted her head and met Kit’s eyes. ‘Because it’s better than where I was.’

  ‘But maybe there are places better than this. Safer places.’

  ‘How would we know where to find them?’

  ‘Let’s try. The Mexican restaurant can’t be far away. That’s probably where Sissy would stop.’

  ‘You’re trying to leave, aren’t you?’ Jessica’s eyes widened, and she stepped back. ‘You’re trying to make me leave with you.’

  ‘I just want you to think about your options. That’s all.’

  ‘Why do you care about my options?’ she demanded. ‘You’d better give me a good answer, or I’m heading back right now, and you can rot out here.’

  ‘Because that’s what you want to do anyway,’ Kit said. ‘You’re afraid of Lucas and what you think he can do to you.’

  ‘Believe what you want.’ Jessica lifted the hood of her jacket higher and pulled it down over her cap.

  ‘Fine,’ Kit said. ‘You go running back, but the next time you misbehave, ask yourself who will stand up for you.’

  ‘Lucas will.’ She turned in the direction they had come from, and Kit knew she had lost her. ‘He was my first friend. The first friend in my life.’

  ‘And you met him at the Weasel’s camp?’ Kit asked.

  ‘Lucas knew I didn’t belong there, but he protected me. He didn’t bother me, and he didn’t let anyone else come near me. One night, when I was in a terrible place, freezing and maybe even dying, he brought me a blanket.’ She bit her lip, and Kit fought every impulse to tell her who she really was. But she couldn’t. Jessica was too fragile.

  ‘Back up for a minute,’ Kit said. ‘If you didn’t belong, why were you sent there?’

  ‘Doesn’t matter now. I’m heading back to the house.’

  ‘It does matter,’ Kit told her. ‘I’m not going back with you, but before you leave, please tell me the truth.’

  ‘Tell you the truth about what?’ She took on the tough persona again, and now Kit understood why. ‘In a way, what we share in the group is functional insanity. I’m aware of that. It might even be what binds us. And we are bound, you know. When one of the others is hurt, I feel it. It started in the camp. When the Weasel gave one of us a Bleeds – that’s a punishment – he gave the same to everyone.’

  ‘I understand your connections,’ Kit said. ‘But don’t you see? If you get out of here, you can help the others.’

  ‘You’re the one who doesn’t see.’ Jessica turned. ‘Come with me or don’t. I don’t care either way. Free will and all.’

  From not far away, Kit heard a moan as soft as the wind.

  ‘What’s that?’ she asked.

  ‘What’s what?’ Jessica said.

  Kit heard it again, louder, and ran in the direction from where it had come. Before her, on a tree stump, partially clothed in a long gray sweatshirt and not much else, sat Sissy, her blond hair like pale feathers around her face.

  ‘She’s here,’ Kit shouted to Jessica, and they both ran up to the girl. ‘Come on,’ Kit said. ‘Get up, Sissy. We’ll get you out of here.’

  Sissy looked up at her, and her eyes rolled back into her head.

  ‘Get up,’ Kit said.

  No response.

  ‘Get up,’ Jessica echoed, and struck Sissy across the face.

  ‘Bitch.’ Finally, she seemed to jerk to life. ‘Leave me alone. Let me die.’

  ‘You’re not dying, Sissy.’ Kit put out her hand. ‘It’s going to be OK now. We’re going to leave the compound.’

  She moaned. ‘I want my people.’

  ‘We’ll find them,’ Jessica said. ‘Sissy, we’re going back.’

  ‘You can’t return her to that monster,’ Kit told Jessica.

  ‘She’s too sick to risk it.’ Jessica held out her arm, and Sissy grabbed it.

  ‘I want Theo,’ she said.

  ‘He’s back at the compound,’ Jessica said in a gentle voice. ‘Let’s go back. We can talk about this later.’ She glanced over at Kit. ‘It’s the only way.’

  ‘Good luck, then.’ Kit turned and started in the other direction.

  A few steps, and her ankle turned. Pain shot through her, and she almost went down.

  Jessica stopped and looked back at her, and for a moment Kit thought she was going to leave her there. ‘Come on,’ Jessica finally said. ‘There’s only one place we’re going this morning, and that’s the closest one.’

  They walked slowly, Sissy without a word, Jessica humming as if as much for her own comfort as theirs.

  Most of the compound members had stepped outside for their arrival.

  Ike ran forward.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Sissy. I was going to come looking for you if you didn’t get back this morning.’

  Sissy looked back at Kit and pleaded with her eyes.

  ‘She needs some time alone,’ Kit said.

  ‘Sissy.’ Lucas headed from the front door, an expression of joy pasted to his face. ‘She was lost and has been found. All has been forgiven.’

  Sissy walked past him, into the living room. They all fo
llowed. Then they watched as she dug into the broken cake box and scraped a few remaining pieces into her mouth.

  Lucas tried to approach her again, but she pulled away.

  ‘Tell us,’ he asked her. ‘What happened to you?’

  She shook her head and white-blond curls fell over her eyes.

  ‘Please speak to us.’ His voice held that little-boy appeal Kit was sure Sissy heard.

  But no. The girl didn’t even look up. It was as if she could no longer hear, no longer speak. Maybe both.

  TWENTY-TWO

  That night, after watching Sissy act so strangely, Ike couldn’t settle down. They had come here so they wouldn’t be hurt any longer, yet Sissy had been harmed and could have been killed. Lucas seemed to have forgotten about it as he moved around the kitchen. He had sent Wyatt, Theo, and a couple of the other guys out for more pizza because it was clear Sissy wouldn’t be able to cook for them. For the first time since they had lived here together, everyone would have enough to eat.

  Theo acted as if he didn’t even remember what he had done in the shower with Sissy, but that was his way. Ike knew better.

  At the counter, Lucas removed a shotgun shell from the bottom of the stack and put it on top.

  ‘Come on, Ike,’ he said. ‘Play Jenga with me.’

  Ike’s stomach rumbled. He didn’t have the coordination for it tonight. Not the mental strength either. ‘I heard that some guy built one more than forty levels.’

  ‘I’m not asking about history, friend,’ Lucas said. ‘I asked if you wanted to play.’

  He was wearing a new jacket, a bulky khaki that seemed to pull him closer to the ground.

  Ike stared at the shells and their uncertain structure. It said so much about this place, more than he wanted to deal with right now. ‘That guy was playing the real game,’ he said. ‘He wasn’t using shotgun shells.’

  ‘It appears you’re avoiding my invitation.’ Lucas turned away from the counter and went to his favorite lawn chair by the stove. ‘Come sit, Ike. We need to talk.’ He patted the hassock.

  ‘What’s up?’ Ike settled on the floor beside the broken-down hassock the way he had earlier when they were trying to figure out what to do about Sissy.