“That’s ridiculous. Staying away from you on purpose would mean that I’m giving you that kind of thought.” She set her shoulders back, a position of self-assurance, confidence. “I’m not.”
Moving closer, not touching her, he whispered beside her ear, “You are.” Leaning back he stared into her face. “I can see your pulse beating rapidly. If I brushed your nipples beneath that blazer, would they be hard?”
Groaning, she glanced over his shoulder, ensuring the faculty parking lot was still vacant. Control. She needed to keep control. No way could she allow this to get out of hand like the library encounter. She couldn’t let this man think he had a chance with her, another roll in the sack. Nope, she was going to have to disabuse him of those thoughts. It wasn’t going to happen. Couldn’t happen.
Pushing against his chest for space, she said, “Look, Chris, this isn’t going to happen. You,” she pointed at him with her free hand, “me.” Touching her chest, she shook her head.
“Why not?” He growled.
“It was great for the one night. Hell, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I’m not a one night stand type of woman and I sure am not a two-nighter girl.”
He frowned and grabbed her shoulders. “Is that all you think I want from you?”
There was something in his voice, an offense as if she had wounded him somehow. Shaking off the guilt weighing on her heart, she stared into his eyes. “Isn’t it? You got a good fuck and now you want seconds.”
Dropping his hands as if she’d burned him, he turned away. She watched him run his hands through his thick, dark hair. His shoulders drew up then dropped.
Turning back to her, his eyes had become a combination of sapphire and pearls that sparkled in the early evening light. “You might have been a good fuck… but I want more than that from you. I want more talks, dinners, dancing or maybe cup of coffee on my back porch at sunrise.” He closed the gap between them. “Days that turn into weeks. Hopefully, those weeks would become years.”
Oh, shit. No. No. No. No. Her mind screamed. Her heart even began to make an about face. She couldn’t go down this road with another man. Not after her rat, bastard of an ex. If she gave Chris what he asked for, he’d eventually find fault with her too and leave her. Then where would she be?
This had to end. His words were making her hope, wish and dream for things not meant for her to have.
Nothing set a man straight like bold honesty. She knew it would hurt her, open old wounds to say the words but she had to get them out. “You don’t want me, Chris.”
“Why not?”
“I told you when we were together that I was damaged goods.”
His brows formed a deep V above the bridge of his nose. “In what way?”
Taking a deep breath, she spoke the words she hadn’t repeated in almost three years. The words that had slowly deteriorated her marriage when told to her by her gynecologist. “I have premature ovarian failure. No explanation why I have it. I just do. I take medication to help with additional risks. However, I’ll never birth children.”
Cupping her face between his large, strong hands, he said, “You think this is supposed to deter me? Make me not want you?”
His touch was warm, comforting. His compassionate gaze made her heart desire something more than her unpretentious life she had begun to build for herself since Doug. Feeling her throat tighten with emotions of sadness, longing and fear, she knew she couldn’t let her heart lead. She’d gotten over the lost of her ex, but if she allowed Chris further into her heart and he walked away for more fertile pastures, it would destroy her.
No other choice but to save herself, she pushed him away. “Tell me you never want to have kids of your own. That you don’t dream about a family. Every man does. I sure as hell used to.” Before he could answer, she rushed on. “You were cheated of a family with your first wife, I won’t pretend for a moment I’ll be enough.”
Shifting away, she gave him her back as she jammed her key in the lock and turned it.
“Listen, Amber…” Chris touched her.
Shaking his hand off, she shoved her door open and looked at him. “I can’t do this, Chris. I simply can’t. Don’t make me yearn for something only to have you wake up one day and snatch it all away.”
She saw his lips move. She wasn’t sure if he was going to deny her words or what, she couldn’t stick around to find out. Getting in her car, she tossed her case into the vacant seat. Quickly flipping the ignition, she put the car in gear. She didn’t allow herself to look at his face as she placed the car in reverse and secured her seatbelt at the same time.
As she rushed from the parking lot, praying no students would pop out of nowhere into her path, she couldn’t help but glance in her rearview mirror.
Chris still stood where she had left him, arms akimbo as his hands rested on his hips staring at her retreating vehicle. The sight of him made her heart ache and her body pulse. She wanted those strong arms around her. Wanted the things he had said about coffee and early mornings, but they weren’t for her. He couldn’t want them with her.
Dangerous, her mind reminded her. Chris Manning was a danger to her heart and the future of her sanity.
It was just best not to go down that road.
~YH~
Chris watched the taillights of Amber’s car pulling onto the main road and had to restrain himself from the compelling urge to run her down. He’d heard her words and seen the hurt in her heart reflecting in the deep chocolate of her eyes. And he knew in the very fiber of his being that she was fighting hard, not only against him, but against herself to protect her heart. Her very soul.
But, he cared about her. Not just the physical part of her that turned him inside out with craving, but the sweet caring, sensitive side of her that made her Amber. He most desired to heal the scared, wounded part of her that made her run like hell away from him. Away from what they could have.
However, he was patient. He would prove to her that nothing else mattered but what they could have. Neither one of their exes may have truly realized what they had in order to battle against all obstacles for it, but he did. He sure as hell did.
Amber would soon discover how strongly he was willing to fight.
Hearing one of the team members call him from the side gym door, he turned and walked to the building. Tonight was game night, but tomorrow was a whole new ballgame.
His angel better watch out, because he was designing a game plan with her in mind. He didn’t intend to lose, either.
~YH~
“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on? Or do I have to tell you what I already know?” Carol asked Amber as they shared a large bucket of fries at the small bowling alley.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Amber looked around at the Sunday night bowlers filling up the four lanes.
Carol tapped the back of Amber’s hand with a thick greasy fry. “Hey, there, little lady.” When Amber turned back to face her, Carol continued. “Remember I’m in love. And people in love know the look of someone else drowning in the same emotion.”
“Misery loves company, huh?” Amber idly picked up a fry and began dipping it repeatedly in the ketchup.
“So, you admit it.” Carol aimed an accusing potato spear at her.
“I’m not admitting anything.” Amber popped the drenched food into her mouth.
Waving the French fry back and forth in front of her, Carol said, “Don’t you try and take it back now. Besides, I already know who the other half is in your life.” She ate the fry.
That declaration gave Amber pause. Had Carol seen her and Chris that day in the library? Maybe in the parking lot? Or worse, did Mr. Wilks, her pseudo-landlord tell the town about Christmas Eve when Chris didn’t leave until morning? “How do you know?”
“Chris—”
“What did he tell you?” she cut Carol off, whispering as she leaned across the table.
Silently, Carol reached for another greasy stick and began e
ating it slowly.
Amber was on edge, waiting in expectation for Carol to continue.
“Carol,” she called out, not able to take the suspense any longer.
Smiling around her last bite, Carol swallowed then spoke. “First off, I told you before, Chris and I’ve known each other all of our lives with the exception of him going away to college. Then he married a woman who hated Yorkshire. But then she passed away and—”
“Just tell me how you found out.”
“One day I arrived early because I wanted to get the stage set up for my first class and when I was walking down your hall, I saw him enter your classroom. I thought this was strange since I didn’t know Chris knew you and in all our years of teaching, he has never been one of the first to arrive at school.” Carol paused to grab another fry, waving it in the air as she continued to speak. “When I got to your room, I peeped in the door window. I don’t know what I expected to see…maybe you and him getting it on.”
Amber’s gasp broke into Carol’s words.
“Don’t sound shocked, girl, even though Chris didn’t say you two have been intimate…like I said before, I know the signs.” She nipped the tip of the potato. “Anyway, I was shocked to see him writing a sweet note to you on the board. That night I called him up and asked him to have dinner with me and Bob.”
She remembered that note clearly. The words on the board were sweet and intimate. Without going into detail they brought memories to her of their one night together on Christmas Eve. A large part of her had hated erasing it before her students walked in and started drilling her about the lines.
It amazed her that even though she was trying hard to push him away, Chris was tenacious and still kept coming back stronger.
When Carol stopped talking, Amber sat across from her waiting for her to finish. After four French fries disappeared in the other woman's mouth, Amber feared her friend would never continue. “And?” Amber prompted her.
Looking perplexed Carol asked, “And, what?”
“Carol, what did Chris say at dinner?”
“That’s not for me to say. But I will tell you that Chris never gives his feelings lightly. So, if he’s got a heartthrob…or any other throb for you. You better watch out because he never does anything half measure.”
You could say that again. Amber remembered the night they spent together and all the things he had done to her and with her up to the last minute of their parting.
“So, where are you two headed, Amber?”
Amber flopped back in her seat. “Nowhere.”
Pushing the basket of fries away, it was Carol’s turn to lean over the table. “What?”
“Listen, Carol. I’ve been hurt before. I was married to a man who found pleasure in controlling and belittling me until my final humiliation of him showing up from the war with a pregnant girlfriend. I don’t think I’m ready to commit myself to another relationship right now.”
“Is that all, sugar? I thought you were saying something. That’s all the more reason you want to get back out there.”
Appalled at the other woman’s lack of sensitivity, Amber turned away from her to the bowlers as she spoke. “Maybe you don’t know what it’s like to trust someone with your heart then to have them whittle it down to nothing.”
Carol’s hand gripped Amber’s shoulder and pushed her around to face her. When Amber’s gaze returned to hers Carol said, “My ex beat me for six years, called me names that I will never forget and spit on me. But, you know what? The day I finally found a way to get away from him, I ran as fast as I could and I thought I would never allow myself to be vulnerable like that again.”
“Then you know how I feel.” Amber dropped her eyes and stared at the edge of the table.
“Yeah, I do. But, the thing that’s different between us is I left because I wanted to live, not die.”
Carol’s words annoyed her. “I’m not trying to die,” Amber mumbled.
Reaching over, Carol grabbed her hand and squeezed. “Then live, sugar. Prove to that son of a bitch ex-husband of yours that he didn’t beat you. I’d love for it to be with Chris because he’s a wonderful man, but I can’t make that choice for you.”
There was nothing else for Amber to say. She knew she had a lot of thinking to do tonight. She gave Carol a hug and thanked her friend for her honesty.
~YH~
“Okay, Sara, that’s all for today. You’re doing great.” Amber assisted the sandy blonde fifteen-year-old in collecting her stuff and placed it in her book bag.
“Thanks, Ms. Malcolm.” Sara pushed the small desk chair combo across the tile floor, causing an ear piercing scrape to flood the room.
Amber winced.
Noticing her teacher’s look, Sara apologized. “Sorry, Ms. Malcolm.”
She gave the teenager a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve squeaked plenty of desks when I was in school.” She shrugged. “You just can’t fight karma.”
Sara snickered.
“Here’s your bus pass. Just review those flash cards we made of the dates and information and I’ll see you next week.”
Sara fiddled with the slip of paper in her hand and shuffled her feet from left to right. “Do you think I’m going to pass the test, Ms. Malcolm?”
Sitting on the corner of her desk to lower her eye level to the girl’s, Amber spoke in a patient voice. “Remember it’s not a pass or fail, it's just a measure of how well you’ve retained the information taught to you during the year.” She watched her student chew nervously on the corner of her bottom lip then grinned at Sara. Amber handed Sara her bag and led the girl to the door. “The answer is yes, I think you’ll do fine. Your comprehension skills are excellent and once you’ve mastered the mnemonic structures you and I designed, you’ll breeze through the history and social studies section.”
Relief showered across the teenager's face as she nodded and left the classroom to catch the activity bus.
Sighing, Amber turned around and sat at her desk to grade the multiple-choice quizzes from the three blocks she taught that day. After an hour, she locked them and her grading book in her bottom drawer, collected the rest of her papers and her purse then left.
Amber walked in the direction of the office with the clacking of her heels echoing down the vacant halls. Staff, faculty and students were all gone for the day. She spotted the night-time janitor going into a room down the opposite end of the corridor and waved at him. She wanted to check her box before she headed home. She had been running late this morning. After awaking from another erotic dream involving her and Chris, she’d gotten the genius idea of going to the town gym before school started to burn off some of the sexually frustrated energy. Not thinking clearly, she’d put on her aerobic outfit, hastily grabbed a dress out of the closet, tossed toiletries and shoes in her gym bag and headed out of the bungalow.
Throwing herself fully in the workout, she had misjudged her time. After she had showered and begun to dress, she realized she’d forgotten several items at home. So fresh-faced she rushed to school and started her day.
When she entered the office, it was dark, all the staff long gone. A soft light from the late afternoon sky filled the room with enough light for her to see her way to the boxes. Pulling the mail out, she flipped through the papers and memos, scanning them for importance. At the bottom of the stack, she found a small white envelope with her name scrawled across the front.
Stepping to the high counter, she laid down the stuff she carried and opened the envelope, removing the slip of paper inside.
Last night I dreamt I held you in my arms, gloved in your wet warmth. I smelled the savory aroma of your heady musk.
Last night I dreamt I held you in my arms, feeling your sweat. I heard you moan.
She paused in her reading as the words caused her arousal from the morning to return in full force. Flashes of the fantasy played in her mind, visions of her and Chris making love. Even in her thoughts, it was more than about sex. It was about her be
ing with him.
Over the weeks, she had worked hard at avoiding him and he had let her. Never approaching her, but neither was he silent. He sent flowers to her bungalow. Left messages on the board in her classroom. Just three days ago, she found a slip of paper stuck under one of her windshield wiper blades telling her to listen to the radio. That night she’d gone home and immediately turned on the radio. Feeling ridiculous for listening for hours and hearing nothing, she reached over to turn it off, then heard his dedication. The disc jockey simply said, from Chris to Amber and began playing Open Arms by Journey.
Chris slowly and meticulously wore down her defenses.
She looked around to see Chris standing in the office doorway. Amber watched him close it behind him.
The atmosphere became thick with expectation, causing her heart rate to accelerate.
“Hello, Chris.” She was the first to speak.
He took a step toward her and began reciting the remainder of the words on the paper in her hand. “Last night I dreamt I held you in my arms, smiling at me. I made you laugh. You looked at me with love in your eyes. I was yours and you were mine. Then I knew you dreamt of me too.”
“I do.” She closed the gap between them, bringing her body in contact with his. “I tried to fight it, believing that I needed to be alone to prove my independence.”
“Amber—”
Stopping his words with a touch of her hand to his mouth, she continued, “Now, I know that’s not the case. I started to think about how I’d never felt freer than when I’m with you. In your arms.” Tracing his firm lips, she whispered, “Put your arms around me, Chris, and tell me that even though I’ve been a fool, you still want me.”
Seizing her in a bear hug, Chris lowered his mouth to hers. “Want you? I’m falling in love with you.”
Her heart missed a beat as she gazed at him. “But-but children.”
“There’s always adoption. Surrogacy. Whatever you decide. When we desire. Just know I want you above everything else.”
A Naughty Little Christmas (Cowboys, Cops, and Kilts: 8 Seasonally Seductive Romances from Bestselling Authors) Page 49
