by Beth Wynne
I didn’t want to believe she’d been trying to play me, even though the facts were there. She couldn’t even tell you that her real name was Sarah. I winced at that thought. I would find her, pull the full truth from her in whatever way I needed and find out once and for all exactly what her deal was. The only thing I knew for certain was that she wasn’t with Denver.
I came back home to find Louise’s car parked in the driveway. Not often, but sometimes I regretted giving Louise a set of keys and the codes to my home. I really just wanted to be alone, to figure out a plan on how to find Bella.
I wandered into my own kitchen, the smell of food enveloped me and my stomach gurgled in appreciation. Guess I’m hungry now. After a ping, Louise removed a plastic container from the microwave with a curse. Shortly after there was a plate of steaming hot potatoes, chicken, vegetables, and gravy on the table. A glass of milk beside it as she stared at me from another chair. “Eat.” She demanded.
“How long have you been here?” I said between mouthfuls. This tasted good - better by far than anything Louise made, then I spotted the caterer’s name on the side of the discarded plastic containers in the sink. She always was looking out for me.
“I visited Barney today,” she said, coming straight to the point and getting my instant attention. “Had a very interesting conversation, so we did.”
“Ye don’t normally do prison visits.” I said as I forced myself to keep eating calmly. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s fine. Gave me a bit of info on that Ryan guy.”
That got my full attention. I had asked Nev to make contact, but he hadn’t got back to me yet. I couldn’t pretend or hide my interest: I needed to know any information that might tell me something more about Bella.
“Thought you’d want to hear.” She smiled smugly, “He’s confirmed that Ryan is quite the loner actually, avoids the McCauley’s as much as everyone else. Barney was shocked when I told him that Ryan had been linked to them, he reckons that guy is about as far away from gang material as you could get.”
A glimmer of hope sprang within me. It wasn’t much, but at least it proved one thing that Bella had said to be true: her brother wasn’t working for the McCauley’s.
She waited as she watched the cogs go around in my head, then she ruined my moment. “And how long do you reckon Ryan’s going to stay neutral once he finds out his sister’s missing?”
“Did you follow up with the work on the Enniskillen links Bella… Sarah had mentioned to you?”
“Yeah, I went there this morning… got speaking to a woman, Toni, who said Sarah had lived with her.” Louise’s face dropped, looking uneasy she said. “Toni told me a few things. They met when Toni responded to an ad about sharing a flat. Sarah was trying to get back on her feet, just out of hospital…” her eyes flicked to me and then away again. She didn’t think I’d like to hear this.
“Go on.”
“When Toni first met her, Sarah… Bella was recovering after her boyfriend had beaten her so badly that she had ended up in ICU.”
“What?” a cold anger slid through me. She had said he’d beaten her, but not that he hospitalized her.
“It gets worse,” she said, “Bella had been six months pregnant at the time.”
The revelation sank in. No wonder she was trying to hide so much. “And the baby?” I said, wondering where the kid would be. Louise looked at her hands and just shook her head.
No! How could so much have happened to the woman I loved, and I didn’t even realize. Her evasion made sense now. I was disgusted with myself: I’d thrown her out at a time she needed somewhere safe. Denver had preyed on her and I pushed away.
Where the fuck was she now?
Chapter 28
Jake
Louise played with her phone as I continued to eat. She dialled a number again, I didn’t have to ask which one. When she shot up from the table I knew Bella had finally answered the continual calls. I grabbed the phone off Louise, a bit harder than I really should have, but that didn’t matter right now - Bella was alive and talking on the other end of the line.
"Where are you?" It came out sounding harder than I had planned, and as the phone went silent I thought she might have hung up. I tried again, willing my voice to be softer, "Bella, are you OK?"
"I'm fine." she said defiantly, "I only answered 'cos I'm fed up of Louise ringing me every ten minutes."
"Are you sure?" I coaxed. She didn't sound like she was under duress, but I needed to hear more of her sweet voice.
She sighed, "Yes, Jake, I'm absolutely fine. Do you have such a high opinion of yourself that you think I'd fall to pieces after you threw me out of your house?"
She was angry, and angry meant that she felt something to me. Angry also meant that she was unlikely to be in immediate danger… I hoped.
"Where are you?" I said, as softly as I could.
"Far enough away that you won't have to see me again." Damn. "Look, I know you think I'm involved with the McCauley’s and that I was trying to spy for them, but I'm not."
"I know." It came so easily to my lips and I knew in my heart that I could trust her with my deepest secrets.
The confession surprised her and I heard the slight stutter in her voice. "Y..you know?"
"Yes, baby, I know. I know you're not a rat, it just took me a while." My pacing had taken me upstairs and I found myself in my bedroom. I looked at the bed, remembering how small and fragile she'd looked as she lay sleeping. "Where are you now?"
"I needed to clear my head. I thought I could come back to Londonderry and live, but it just looks like there are too many ghosts there for me."
No, no, no. You have to come back. "Can I see you?"
I held my breath, I could hear the hesitation as she Umm-ed and Ah-ed before giving her response. I would go to the ends of the earth to see that smile again, and kill everything in my way to get there if I had to.
"Please, baby, I'm sorry for how things were last time we spoke."
"What if I say no, will you hunt me down anyway?"
"Probably." I answered honestly. "But please, can we meet just once. If you want out after that, then I'll honour your request." It killed me to say it, but if she truly wanted nothing more to do with me, I would let her go. I just wouldn't fight fair. The time without her felt like a vacuum and even now, just speaking on the phone, felt better, but still kind of hollow. I needed her by my side, close enough to protect, close enough touch and close enough for her to know she was mine. "I can come and get you if you just let me know where you are, pet."
"I'll meet you." Relief flooded through me, "But it's on my terms."
"Anything you say, babe." God, I sounded soft. But I didn't care: Bella was alive, safe (apparently), and had agreed to meet me.
She agreed to meet later that evening, insisting on meeting at the local bus depot. I didn't like that, I wanted to collect her myself - I would have taken the Jaguar. She deserved so much more than a bus.
As I went to leave the room, I caught my reflection and did a double take. It was me, I just didn't recognise the silly smile plastered all over my face. My Bella was coming back home.
I would bring her here, she'd be safe here. I'll have Louise organise catering so she could pop in for five minutes. I saw how the two of them were together in spite of the events.
When I came back downstairs Louise was curled up on a sofa watching what appeared to be a reality TV show. The television was on, but she just stared at it blankly, biting her nails. Suspicious eyes turned to watch me as I lifted the remote from her side and went to the sports channels. I winked at her as she waited impatiently for me to speak.
"Well?" she asked, unable to wait any longer.
The laugh that erupted from me took even me by surprise, "Guess who's got himself a date tonight!?"
Seconds later her tiny framed launched itself on me in a massive bear hug. "I'm so happy for yous, Jake. You're an idiot - don't fuck this up."
What if I did fuc
k it up, and she left? Bella had managed to out maneuver my best guys, they still couldn't hunt her down. If she wanted to disappear again, she could.
I have one chance with her and I need to make it count: I can't let her walk out of my life again.
Chapter 29
Bella
I arrived into the depot early, about an hour earlier than I said I'd meet Jake. Even at that I knew the second I had been seen. I didn't recognise the man, but he recognised me, even under my baseball cap and hoodie. He carried on drinking his coffee and slowly, so slowly, reached for his phone. I should have got an earlier bus. I kept telling myself that it was pride that had brought me here - to prove to Jake Anderson once and for all that I wasn't a snitch, and to tell him to stay the hell away from me. Honestly, I thought I had just had about enough of men and their arrogance to last a lifetime
I didn't even fool myself, though. I knew there was only one reason I'd came back - pride be damned, I came back to see Jake again. I felt his pull over me when we spoke on the phone... and I wanted to come running back in the hopes he would take me in those huge arms and shelter me from all the pain I’ve been running from for most of my life. Heat pooled within me as we had spoken, "Baby," he'd called me. He probably called everyone woman he'd fucked that, but it felt divine. I wanted to be his.
The bus journey hadn't been that long, but long enough for my mind to wander over the times I had met Jake: in the office, at my home, at Windsor house, on his sofa, in his bed… I relieved the sensation of his hot breath against my skin, his smouldering eyes watching my every move, and I nearly melted into the seat as I remembered how he had filled me completely, taking me right to the brink.
The sensible part of my head continuously scolded me for even considering coming back here, that it would be a death wish; and it may well lead to my death, I thought. But every fiber of my body needed to be near him.
I scraped together enough change and decided to buy a tea to drink as I waited for Jake. With the way his little friend was watching me, I knew Jake would be here soon.
I was about to pay for my drink at the counter when I felt him approach from behind. I saw his reflection in polished steel around the kiosk. He sat down at the table where I'd been, apparently waiting for me. That was… well, I wasn't expecting him to do that. I'd have thought he'd arrive in and sling me over his shoulder.
A faint smile played on his lips as he watched me walk back to the table. Heat scorched out of me as his eyes appraised me: he was looking me over to see if I’d been hurt, but after a few seconds the intensity of his stare changed and I saw a glint of a raw hunger within him. my core responded unbidden.
"Hey." was all he said as I sat down beside him.
"Hey, you." I grinned.
"Are ye ready to go?" He stood as I nodded, lifting my rucksack to carry it for me. God, he really was being on his best behaviour. "I thought we could get something to eat at me house, if that's alright with ye?"
"Sure." I said, amused at the thought of him in a pinny. "Have you been slaving away at a hot stove all evening then?"
"Awh, darlin' I'll cook ye something special another time, I've arranged a nice meal for tonight."
I floated out of the bus depot and five minutes later he was driving me to his home. I recognised this car as the other one I’d seen in his double garage when I walked out of his place that last time… and once again shook away the feeling of rejection I’d felt that day.
"Are ye regretting meeting me?" he said lightly, pretending not to be watching me from the corner of his eye. I opened my mouth to respond but he spoke again. "I know I'm not great with words, like. But ye've no reason to regret this. I'll keep ye safe and sound, and if ye want to leave, I'll get ye back to wherever ye want to be."
I sat, dumbfounded, which he took as an invitation to carry on talking.
"I like ye, Bella. And that's all there is to it. Ye've got under my skin and ye wrecked my head when ye disappeared." he shook his head as he continued to drive, "but I know why ye left and why ye did what ye did - same as me, I suppose, ye do what ye have to. I respect that."
I blinked as the road went blurry and a solitary tear escaped. "Awh, now, don't be crying Babe, I don't want to make ye sad." The indicator clicked and he pulled into the side of the road. Once he was parked he turned his body to face me, taking my hand into both of his. "Are ye alright?" he asked softly. "Do ye want to go back?" his eyes looked down at my hand as she stroked it. I sensed hesitation in him, he wanted me to stay - he wanted me? My heart soared and I dared to believe that he could actually feel for me.
"No." I said, his eye searching mine for answers. "No, I don't want to go back anywhere - I want to go with you." He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it softly, closing his eyes as his warm lips touched my skin. When they opened the spark was there.
"Well then, I'll get us back home. I hope you're hungry."
Louise greeted me with a bone crushing hug as soon as I went into Jake's home. I was glad to see her, really, but part of me had hoped we'd be spending the time together without anyone else. "I needed to see you with my own eyes to believe you were safe." She said as she held me out and looked over my body. Did I really appear that defenseless? "I'm not staying, but I need to speak with Jake here before I go."
I went to the bathroom and when I came into the kitchen Jake was pouring me a glass of wine. "Here," he offered, "Ye don't normally have wine with this but sure, we're not yer average people."
On the table were two steaming bowls of stew and I recognised exactly why he'd chose this - that's what we'd ate the night we were at his father's home. As soon as it touched my lips I remembered the depth of flavour and the comforting hug the dish gave me the last time. It tasted exactly same, meaning he had ordered this especially for us, for tonight.
He fidgeted awkwardly and then sat his glass down on the table. "We've got about five minutes. I'm sorry about this - but dad's found out you're here and he's coming over." He saw my reaction and reached his hand over the table to touch me. "I can make him leave quickly, but I couldn't stop him coming over in the first place." Regret filled his eyes, "I didn't want him to come and I don’t know how he found out.”
My stomach sank and my hunger disappeared. Carrick would not approve of my being here: when I was taken to see him last time, he’d been friendly enough but I knew there was granite beneath.
Car lights lit the kitchen as three or four cars drove around the side of the house. “He won’t believe me.” I whispered. “This was such a bad idea.”
Chapter 30
Bella
Jake all but lifted me from the chair, kissing me deeply on the lips. “Don’t worry, pet, let me take care of my da.” The kiss, our first since he’d thrown me out of his house, melted my fears away. I believed him: he would keep me safe. His expression serious: I could happily drown in those blue eyes. Could he be the strength to my weakness? My reverie was broken by a knock on the back door, which, apparently was unlocked as I heard people step inside.
“We’re in here, da.” Jake said, giving me a cheeky wink.
Carrick appeared through the door, his presence filling the room. “I see you were eating.” He said flatly. “I do hope we’re not intruding.” Glumly, I looked along the row of men that had accompanied Carrick; I counted four of them. Two of the younger men positioned themselves around the room, one standing beside each of the two exits from the kitchen diner: one blocked my escape out of the house, the other blocking my way towards the hall. I was trapped.
“Not at all, da.” Jake said lightly, “Do ye want a cup a’ tea?” He looked around to the others, “Lads?” Each one shook a solemn head, no.
“We were visiting a friend of ours, Barney, today.” Carrick started. “He says he knows your brother.” I thought I might throw up, I wanted to hide behind the huge mass of Jake and pretend I wasn’t in the room.
When I didn’t respond, Carrick looked to Jake, “What’s wrong with your friend, son?” he
raised his eyebrows at me expectantly. “You are Ryan White’s sister aren’t you?” I nodded like a child and I felt my eyes starting to burn. Don’t cry!
My mother’s words floated through my brain, “Never let the bastards see you cry.” I swallowed hard and straightened my back. If I was in trouble with the mafia, crying was not going to help. I hear Jake’s feet shift underneath the table.
“Yes, Ryan’s my brother. He’s doing time for getting into a bit of trouble.” Keeping it short and sticking to the facts couldn’t hurt, right? “He got into drugs and ran up a huge debt. The McCauley’s called in the debt and he couldn’t pay with money - so they made him work it off and he got caught the first time.” Carrick smiled grimly, he’d already knew all this. “Ryan’s not involved with the McCauley’s now. He’s clean now, thank God, and serving his time as quietly as he can.” I looked him straight in the eye. “He’s not working for them and neither am I.”
