by Amy Sedaris
1 small head red cabbage, shredded
1 cup carrots, grated
Whisk together:
1 cup mayonnaise
½ cup white vinegar
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon celery seed
Salt and pepper to taste
Pour over cabbage mixture and mix well. Allow a short time to marinate.
WHITE BEAN SOUP
2 cups of dried white beans
8 cups of water
1 chopped onion
1 crushed garlic clove
2 diced carrots
½ cup of chopped celery
1 can of chopped peeled tomatoes (like a cup)
½ can of tomato paste (small)
½ tsp. sugar to taste
Salt and pepper to taste
Handful of chopped fresh flat parsley
First wash your white beans really well and cover with 8 cups of hot water for 2 hours.
Sauté your onion, garlic, carrots, and celery in oil. Add the tomato paste, chopped tomato, sugar, and salt and pepper.
Add all the beans and water that they were soaking in and let simmer for 2 hours, covered. In the last half hour add some of the parsley and then when the soup is to be served add the other half to garnish the top.
LENTIL SOUP
About 2 cups of lentils
1 onion, chopped
Celery, chopped
2 carrots, diced
2 garlic cloves, crushed
3 T of tomato paste
Olive oil
1 bay leaf
About 6 cups of water
¼ cup of vinegar
Salt and pepper
Soak your lentils overnight.
Gently sauté onion, garlic, carrots, and chopped celery in some olive oil.
Add your lentils and bay leaf, water, tomato paste. Reduce heat and simmer for 1 hour or until the lentils are soft.
Stir in the vinegar and salt and pepper to taste.
CUCUMBER, TOMATO, ONION SALAD
Cucumber
Tomato
Red or white onion
Salt and pepper
Olive oil
Eyeball it all.
SPLIT PEA SOUP
When I make this soup, I get the ham bone by asking a deli employee if I can have it at the end of the night, because they just toss them.
1½ cup of dried peas
Ham bone from the deli
1 chopped onion
1½ T of butter
1 T of flour
1 cup of milk
½ cup of white wine
Optional: salt pork (about 2 inches)
Soak your dried peas overnight.
Take your deli ham bone and about 2 quarts of water and put them in a large soup pot.
Add the chopped onion and salt pork, if you chose to use it, and bring all to a boil. Let simmer until the peas are soft, about 1½ hours (partially covered). Remove the ham bone and salt pork.
Take ½ of this mixture and put it in a blender. After it is blended add back to pea mixture. Pour in your white wine (note: The only reason I blend ½ the soup mixture is because it always spills out of my blender when I do this and I hate the mess, but it works with only ½ being blended so I stuck with it).
Make your cream sauce by melting the butter, adding the flour and then adding your milk. Stir until thick. Add this sauce to the pea soup and stir. Salt and pepper to taste.
And you can pick the ham off the bone and add it to the soup as well.
Tip: A leaf of lettuce dropped into a pot absorbs the grease from the top of the soup. Remove the lettuce and throw it away before serving.
AVGOLEMONO SOUPA (EGG AND LEMON SOUP)
Chicken, Onion, Celery, Orzo, Eggs, Lemon, White pepper, Salt
Boil a chicken with an onion and some celery and salt and pepper.
When chicken is done move it to another area.
You need about 6 cups of chicken stock so use the broth from the boiled chicken and discard the celery and onion and enhance it the best way you know how to get a good stock.
Bring stock to a boil and add about 1/3 cup of orzo. Stir until stock returns to a slow boil and cover and cook for 20 minutes until the rice is tender.
Beat 4 whole eggs until really fluffy. I use my blender. Gradually, through the top of the blender add the juice of 2 lemons.
Remove the broth from the burner. When it has cooled off a little, take 2 cups of the broth and add it to the egg and lemon mixture, still beating or blending.
Very slowly and gradually add that mixture to the orzo and broth mixture, stirring vigorously. Add some white pepper and salt. Keep stirring until it looks a little thick and frothy.
You have to serve this soup immediately and you have to be careful that the eggs don’t curdle when you add the egg mixture to the broth. You can prevent this by making sure that the broth has cooled off a little before you add the egg mixture back into the broth. Sometimes I have thrown a few ice cubes in. Serve this soup with hot bread and with the chicken you set aside.
You can pick the chicken off the bone and drizzle a little olive oil, oregano, and lemon on it and put it in the oven long enough to get hot and serve that on the side. This soup can be difficult to make. It’s inconsistent. It doesn’t reheat so it has to be prepared before serving. Only the stock can be prepared beforehand. Some people use flour or cornstarch to thicken it but if you do it right you don’t have to.
NEW ZEALAND COCKLES AND RAZOR CLAMS
½ pound New Zealand cockles
3 pieces razor clams
2 T garlic, sliced
1 T soybean oil
½ C white wine
2 lemon wedges
2 T butter
¼ C navy beans, cooked
1 T parsley, chiffonade
½ t kosher salt
1/8 t black pepper
Whole flat-leaf parsley leaves for garnish
Rinse the cockles and razor clams under cold water to clean.
Sauté the garlic in the soybean oil until light brown. Add all your clams carefully, away from flames. Add white wine (also away from flames) and cover pan. When all clams and razors are steamed open, remove with a slotted spoon and set aside, cover with a towel to keep warm. Using the remaining clam broth, add butter, navy beans, salt, and pepper. Reduce until viscous. At very last minute add parsley chiffonade and the juice from two lemon wedges and taste, once again, for salt and pepper.
Place all clams and razors on a plate. Swirl clam broth, beans and parsley and pour over pile of clams. Garnish with parsley leaves. Serve with sliced baguette.
Courtesy of Mary Redding.
LONG NECK RITA
Large can of limeade
½ can of tequila
¼ can of Cointreau
Bottle of beer
Mix in a pitcher and add beer.
Pour in blender with ice.
Trust me, it’s the best margarita, it’s very mellow feeling, you’ll feel even.
LONG NECK STEW
Take 2 pounds of boneless, cubed stew meat. Coat in seasoned flour. Shake off excess flour and put aside.
In a pot, melt 1 tablespoon of butter and sauté a cup of sliced onions. Remove the onions, add 1 tablespoon of butter and brown the meat. Add 1 bottle of dark beer, 1 pressed garlic clove. Cover and simmer for 2 and half hours.
Spotlight On...
RUM PUNCH DAZZLER
1 12-oz. can lemonade, frozen concentrate
1 12-oz. can limeade, frozen concentrate
1 pint rum
Fill with 7UP to top
Add ring mold for ice before serving. Use a 9" ring mold filled with water or 7UP and maraschino cherries and freeze. Serve with punch bowl and ladle.
GENERAL RULE FOR PUNCHES
It’s better to use a ring mold of ice instead of individual ice cubes. It will prevent your punch from getting watered down.
Punches
SANGRIA
Chop up whatever fruit you have: apples, melons, ora
nges, limes, peaches, grapes, strawberries, pineapple, pears.
Eyeball all the ingredients: banana liqueur, brandy, Cointreau, coconut rum if you have, a little sugar, red wine.
Add all into a pitcher and pour over ice. Just keep adding more wine when it gets low.
JUAN CARLITO’S MOJITOS
In a mortar and pestle, mix:
7–10 mint leaves
1 tsp. sugar
Squeeze of lime
Crush to a pulp.
Fill glass to ¾ with:
Crushed ice
Add:
Pulp
Juice from 3 limes
2 shots rum (preferably aged Cuban rum smuggled from DR or elsewhere in the Caribbean)
2 tbsp. sugar, or to taste
Stir well until sugar dissolves.
Add a sprig of mint and a splash of seltzer water.
SHAGGY D.A.
Black rum
Spicy ginger ale
Mix in a tall glass, on the rocks. Serve with a straw. Garnish with a lemon.
PATIO PUNCH
1-¼ cups sugar
2-½ cups banana, mashed
2-½ cups pineapple with juice, crushed
2 cups orange juice
2 T lime juice
15 maraschino cherries
Pinch salt
4 quarts ginger ale
Mix all ingredients in blender, except for ginger ale, until frothy. Freeze in ice cube trays. Place in punch bowl and pour ginger ale over cubes, or 2 cubes per eight-ounce glass. Add rum and more ginger ale.
Courtesy of Jeanette Pope.
ICED CITRUS TEA
8 tea bags steeped in
1 quart boiled water
1 6-ounce can limeade, frozen concentrate
1 6-ounce can lemonade,
frozen concentrate
1 6-ounce can orange juice, frozen concentrate
1 cup sugar
Add these ingredients to a one-gallon jar. Fill to top with ice cold water and mix well. Garnish with lemon, lime, and orange rings.
Courtesy of Alice Wells.
BLOODY CLAMMY MARY
Add equal parts clam juice and tomato juice and then add vodka. Serve on the rocks (see page 131).
1. Take off any rings or bracelets. Put on cotton or nylon gloves, most snags happen while you are putting the pantyhose on. Get comfortably seated.
2. Start by putting both hands into the hose and giving them a gentle stretch.
3. Gather the leg up to the toe area by pulling the pantyhose over your hand.
4. Put your toes into the toe pocket and begin gently pulling hose up toward your knee. If you are applying knee-highs, you’re done. Put your toes into the toe pocket and begin gently pulling hose up toward your knee.
EYE BURRITO
A soothing eye compress for tired eyes.
Directions:
Fill the foot of an old pair of pantyhose with a bag of lima beans, lentils, or barley. Or popcorn kernels, dimes, or kitty litter. Cut and tie. Double the hose over the whole thing with the other foot and tie a knot.
Decorate the front with felt eye cutouts. You can keep it in the freezer in the summer. Lean back with the eye burrito over your eyes and take a five-minute siesta. The weight of the burrito will rejuvinate your eye sockets.
NOTE: You can extend the shape and make a neck burrito as well. For ching-chong eye burrito, use mung beans.
BATH SACHET
Directions:
Fill the foot of an old pair of pantyhose with fresh herbs like parsley, sage, rosemary, or thyme. Tie securely over your bath spigot and fill the tub with a soothing infusion. Soak (yourself) for 20 minutes.
5. Repeat this on your other leg, being careful to not get the legs of hose twisted.
6. Keep pulling and gently stretching, alternating legs, until you wiggle the hose up to about mid-thigh.
PANTYHOSE PLANT HANGER
2 pairs of pantyhose
potted plant
Directions:
1. Tie the 2 pairs of pantyhose together at the crotch, making a decorative knot. Lay flat on the floor with each leg spread separate.
2. Place potted plant on top of center knot.
3. Lift all 4 legs over the top of the plant, twisting the 2 adjacent legs over each other once.
4. Tie a decorative knot at the toes of each leg.
7. Now stand up. Continue alternating legs and pulling the hose until they are all the way up. Don’t worry if they seem to be riding low because the next step is going to fix that.
8. Change from cotton gloves to rubber or latex dishwashing type gloves. Starting at your toes you are going to smooth the hose upward to your waist until they are perfectly positioned and as comfortable as they can be.
MINI HOSE PLANT HANGER
5″ X 5″ scrap of leftover pantyhose
soda cap
pinch of soil
mini plant
Directions:
1. Plant mini plant in the soda cap using soil. Set aside.
2. Make 4 cuts on the pantyhose from each edge toward the center. Avoid cutting the piece entirely in half.
3. Tie the center of pantyhose into a decorative knot.
4. Place soda cap on the knot and follow directions from step three for the regular-size pantyhose plant hanger.
PANTYHOSE SCREENS
5 to 10 pairs of pantyhose in assorted colors
an assortment of sturdy rings (we used inexpensive wooden embroidery hoops)
a wooden dowel & pipe cleaners cut into 4″ pieces
Directions:
1. Cut pantyhose in half through the crotch, separating the legs.
2. Fill each leg with an assortment of rings.
3. Working from the bottom up, stretch the hose over the rings and secure by wrapping with a piece of pipe cleaner.
4. Attach each leg to the wooden dowel allowing them to overlap slightly.
5. Hang in a window or a doorway and enjoy.
Greek Dress Directions
Use black fabric of your choice. Choose a sleeveless dress pattern in your size with a bodice that you like. Cut out bodice and neck and sleeve facing. Sew darts and stitch facings to bodice. To make skirt cut out a rectangle of fabric 25" by 3 times your waist size. Fold in half with right sides together and sew 25" sides together using ½" seam and leaving 7" opening for zipper. Gather waistline until it matches waist measurement of bodice. Stitch to bodice with 7" opening in center back. Sew zipper into center back of dress. Hem skirt to desired length. Trim waistline with golden Greek trim.
Needle Wallet
Cut out two rectangles of felt with pinking shears. Appliqué a design on one of them. Stitch down the middle and fold.
Make your own bathmat or decorate your own towels using rick rack and pom-poms.
Leslie Snake
Cut out a spiral snake-like shape from paper. Place over a bandana with spiral shape in the center and cut out. Cut another matching snake spiral from calico fabric. Stitch with right-sides together leaving a 3" opening near head and another near tail for turning and stuffing. Turn right-side out and stuff. Blind stitch openings shut. Stitch on eyes and tongue.
Felt Discs
Cut out two identical circles of felt. Crazy stitch them together with a cotton ball between them. “Crazy stitch” is only for people who don’t know how to sew.
Bookends
Take two bricks and cover them with sticky shelf paper. Do it the way you would wrap a present the size of a brick.
Alaska Salt Map
Directions:
1. In a bowl, combine the flour, salt, and water. Set aside.
2. Trace an outline of Alaska on the board.
3. Apply a thin layer of dough (¼" to ½" thick) over the outline.
4. Allow to dry 15 to 20 minutes depending on humidity and altitude.
5. Continue adding layers to your project. Build on areas of higher elevation, making sure that Mt. McKinley is the highest peak. Allow drying time between each
application.
6. Paint the map white and decorate.
1 cup of flour
½ cup of salt
½ cup of water map of Alaska
white paint
wood board
fish, deer, oil or any appropriate decorations for Alaska
Fake Cakes
10-inch frosting knife (don’t try it without one)
8 to 10-inch by 4-inch round Styrofoam cake form (You can use a hatbox, scraps of Styrofoam, or any kind of cake-shaped cardboard box.)
2 cups ultra-lightweight spackling
1 cup dry plaster of Paris
3 tablespoons water (plus more)
Glossy latex paint
Set your timer for 15 minutes. (The frosting will begin to set in about 15 minutes, so you need to work fast.)
Mix all ingredients but water with the frosting knife in a small bucket or something you can toss afterwards.
Start with 3 tablespoons of water and continue adding more water until you get the right consistency. The frosting should be light and fluffy but not too wet and blobby.
Frost it good and heavy and get as creative as you can in 15 minutes. Do the sides first.
Let your cake dry overnight and paint it with a glossy latex paint.
Here are a few suggestions on color:
Brown is for chocolate.
Yellow is for lemon.
Green is for pistachio.
Cream is for French vanilla.
You can add cut excelsior to the wet paint for toasted coconut. I used a brown magic marker on the marshmallows so they would look toasted and to secure the marshmallows onto the cake I used toupee tape.
This cake is a great gift for anybody—diabetics and dieters alike will eat it up. Put it in a cake box or leave it on a windowsill and fool your friends.
P.S. Hatboxes make great places to hide cakes.
Slammin’ Screen Door Earring Tree
Make a screen door frame from balsa wood and attach a scrap of screening you might find laying around in the garage. Or just take a piece out of a screen next time you see a screen door. (They won’t get mad.) Attach the door at the bottom to something secure, like another flat piece of balsa wood. Keep your earrings organized by hanging them in pairs on the door.
