For a fleeting moment I thought I would see him again soon, but then reality hit me in an overpowering wave. I wouldn’t see him again, because he was before me now. Somehow, he had been repressed in this body, in this warped minded creature that was Morven’s puppet. Everything about him was different except, for the eyes. It didn’t matter if those eyes were angry, they were the closest I would get to him.
“Look at me,” I gasped and snapped my gaze up to Zale’s, staring into his eyes. For a moment the pupils widened in surprise, but then they narrowed again.
I was right, they were his and I felt the tears spill slowly over as I looked into their warm darkness. I felt enveloped in them and let the emotions I had held at bay for so long run over. My heart, however twisted and weird as it seemed, yearned for the warrior in front of me. I looked into his eyes and knew I loved him. I had loved him as he used to be and loved him as he was. In my mind, I could see the recurring dream and Patrick was there, waiting to walk beside me on the shores of eternity.
I could go with him, even if he would only exist in memory.
In that moment something changed, I felt it just before I saw it. Somehow, the dagger had moved back from my throat a fraction of a centimeter, and I tore my gaze away from the brown depths, to watch as it disappeared and thudded onto the packed dirt. My heart still throbbed heavily, wondering what was happening until I looked back up at Zale. His face was closer than it had been before, and I had less than a moment to realize what was going to happen before his lips were on mine.
Sparks flew immediately on impact; he was kissing me with a deep passion and firm, strong lips. I was baffled and didn’t know what to do or think. This was a kiss like nothing I had ever experienced before. Cautiously, I kissed him back and when I did, he groaned softly and pulled my body up against his. My every curve was matched to his hard muscle; the feeling was wonderful and dangerous at the same time.
His hands flexed and grasped me harder with each pressing of his lips. My hands automatically reached around his neck and locked behind his head, but as the kiss went on my fingers found his hair. I pulled him down harder toward me as if we weren’t close enough; he groaned softly and locked his hand in my hair.
As if our minds were connected, our lips slowed at the same time. His arms relaxed slightly and the hand that had been locked in my hair slid down my shoulder to my back. I moved my arms to their original position around his neck and eased away from his lips. I was desperate for air, and from the sound of him, he could use some too.
In the rippling light, I looked up at him as his head bowed down over me. Everything seemed to dim and he was all I could see. I smiled softly while I tried to catch my breath, and he returned the expression. His chest heaved against mine. A slight blush crept over my cheeks and I looked down at his chest. He chuckled gently and I realized how different this short laugh was compared to the ones I had heard a few minutes ago.
I was at a loss for words and didn’t know what to say or do. I was confused and not sure I should have let him kiss me like that. Was it wrong to kiss him the way I did when I had been looking into his eyes like they were Patrick’s? Had I been thinking that that kiss was from Patrick?
No, you knew it was him. That had been clear, and yet why had it felt right?
Zale leaned his head in again for a kiss. I let him move his lips against mine, gently testing how different it was from the kisses Patrick had given me. Those kisses had always ended with smiles as Patrick couldn’t keep his lips loose while he kissed me, but Zale didn’t kiss that way. He was serious and gentle, as he covered and uncovered my lips over and over again. Our bodies molded together, until I felt the blood of his wounds on my shirt.
“Zale,” I pulled back; he looked perplexed. “I need to get you some bandages.” He shook his head vehemently, no.
“I’m fine,” he grunted and leaned his head down to mine again.
I placed my hand on his lips to stop him and a scowl erupted on his forehead. “Your blood is getting all over me. It won’t do me any good if you bleed to death.” This rewarded me a quick sly grin, and then it fell back into seriousness.
“Fine, do with me what you will.” He let me go slowly, as though he regretted it. It wasn’t until he was no longer touching me that I realized how close we had really been. Without his arms around me now, I felt cold and unsteady.
I cleared my throat, “Let me go get some bandages.” He nodded and I walked away. I knew the little adjoining room that held all of the weapons, had a couple of blankets and sheets. I remembered when Patrick told me how he used to stay down here after practicing with his weapons.
I returned a few moments later with more than I had meant to grab. A wishful thought had entered my mind while I was gathering the sheet that I would strip into bandages, and I wondered if he would agree to it.
He let me get to work without saying anything. He stood tall and strong, looking down on me while I wiped away the blood on his chest and set about wrapping the wounds. I did his chest first, then his arms, followed by his back. Quietly, I wrapped the bandages around his body, and I blushed every time I had to reach behind his back to wrap the roll around his broad chest. Once, I flicked my gaze to his and noticed he found me amusing; which only made me all the more embarrassed.
“You’re all finished,” I said softly and he didn’t respond.
Instead his finger crept under my chin and he whispered quietly against my lips, his breath brushing against my cheek, “Not yet.”
He kissed me once more carefully, then hard and suffocating, and back to soft again. By the time he was done moving his lips with mine, I was slightly dizzy and worried about how easily I was attracted to him.
“Would you stay here while you heal?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“If you stay with me,” his deep voice rang in my heart.
I bit my lip and stared at his bandaged chest as he held me close. “I can’t stay here with you, but I can stay on the island.”
“Why not?” he asked, sounding frustrated but also curious.
“Because Shaylee is here and she can’t know about us.” I said, nervous that the truth would be too much and he would turn back into the monster I had seen in Lathmor. “No one can ever know about us,” I added.
It was quiet for some time and I noticed Zale was holding his breath. I waited patiently, hoping he would stay as he was. His eyes remained clear and the mask of the warrior was far from his face. His jaw tightened and he breathed deeply, as though trying to control whatever anger was coursing through him.
“I’ll stay,” he finally said, his voice firm and controlled.
“Thank you,” I sighed in relief, and leaned in automatically to rest my head against his broad chest. He held me close, his arms forming a cage and his cheek resting against my head.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and touched my neck where moments ago the blade had rested. “For this.” His fingers came away damp and he bent to hand me a strip of unused cloth. I pressed it against the small cut and winced.
“Never again,” he said, and placed his forehead against mine. “I don’t know how to explain it to you. I’ll try, maybe tomorrow when I have time to think about it. But the anger and violence, it’s not all me. It what’s inside me.”
His chest heaved as he tried to grasp for the right words to explain what it was that made him the warrior. I held my breath, not sure if I wanted to hear it all. Some part of me wanted to keep it all separate. To never have to think about what had really just happened and that it was done by him.
“His voice rings in my head, and it’s as though I can’t think for myself when he commands me to do his bidding,” he continued and I knew exactly who he was talking about. “I just wish there was some way you could understand me.”
“I do,” I said and laid my head upon his chest. “More than you know.” His arms tightened behind my back, but I felt his shoulders relax as though relieved.
He didn’t realize what I knew abo
ut him, how what he was living through was what I feared most. I couldn’t accept the fact he was completely under Morven’s power. I couldn’t because, my own future loomed to close and the thought of it was scarier than anything I had ever experienced. If I ever became what I had seen on Lathmor, then there would be no turning back.
We stood for a moment and then broke apart and went about setting up a place for him to sleep. It consisted of three heavy quilts and a sheet along with a soft pillow. We sat down together and he took my hand. I tried to ignore the dried blood on his dark pants that I knew wasn’t his own. The image of when I had last seen him entered my mind again, how could this person beside me do that?
“Where does that lead to?” he asked, startling me, we hadn’t spoken for at least fifteen minutes. I looked to where he was staring and saw the small opening where I had gotten the blankets; Patrick’s armory.
“It’s just a room full of weapons, that’s all.” I was short with him and he glanced back wondering what was wrong. “You can look around it later, I know you enjoy weapons. But right now, you need to rest.” His face cleared, but his eyebrows were still furrowed.
Doing as he was told, he lay down on the makeshift bed, his gaze telling me what was on his mind. I blushed and turned to leave.
“Lissie,” his voice was like a calling from within.
“Yes?” I turned and looked back down at him.
“Come here,” he grinned. “I’m uncomfortable.”
I knew he was faking but went to him anyway. I knelt down my face close to his and kissed him squarely on the mouth with a little more passion than I had intended. I drew back gently and bit my lip.
“Feel better?” I asked.
“No,” he said, and I laughed softly.
“Then you’ll just have to suffer.” I leaned in again and pecked him quickly on the lips. “I’ll be back when I can, and please promise me you won’t leave here.”
“Only if you kiss me once more,” he grinned devilishly. I obeyed, and as I kissed him I wondered if it was the right thing to be doing. Only hours ago I had seen him killing Lathmorians; the merfolk I was supposed to be an ally to.
“Bye,” I said softly against his lips and he grunted in obvious disappointment. A small bubble of happiness erupted in my stomach, and for some reason I had the feeling I was going to be hurt by him. I was falling in love fast and a part of me thought it was going to be a crash landing.
21. Covering
I couldn’t help but smile as I walked back to the cabin. It had been so long since I had felt loved and wanted. It was such a beautiful feeling, and yet my heart was hesitant. It pumped in a rhythm and I could almost hear it asking me, Patrick?… Zale?…Patrick?…Zale? I didn’t know the answer just yet and right now, I didn’t really care. For too long I had resisted what I felt for Zale, I had always pushed it away. But there were two sides to him. I had seen the monster, the creature that cut down the Lathmorians, and the one who had pushed the knife up against my throat, yet I couldn’t bring myself to believe that was really him. There was something in him that was two-faced. I could feel it. Or you want to feel it.
I made it to the spiral staircase and walked up the planks of wood leading to the house and wrestled with the unsettling thoughts. What I had seen and what I had done, didn’t seem to mix. I couldn’t put the two together.
Pushing aside the wooden door, I entered the cabin and went upstairs to check on Shaylee. She was in the same position I had left her, her arm cradled across her chest. Just looking at the wound, made the feelings of regret flood through me once more. He wasn’t the one who had cut her, but it was all the same thing. I knew he would have killed her if he’d had the chance.
A shiver ran down my spine as I made my way back down the stairs and sat on the bench before the fire. The weight in my heart was still there, as much as I tried to ignore the feeling, Patrick’s presence still spoke from the walls and the furniture. I smoothed my hand over wood remembering how his fingers used to pick delicately as he carved. It was as if he was here with me now, the strong hands guiding my little knife as I carved whichever creature he had in mind. But it was all a blur, so very different from what I had just experienced in the cave. At the very thought of Zale’s kiss, I felt the heat rise in my cheeks and I touched my lips, remembering what had so recently been pressed against them.
The sky outside the window began to lighten as the sun peeked over the window sill. And when my head drooped, I drifted off; my last thought running through the forefront of my mind, What have you gotten yourself into?
_______________
The pounding of footsteps on the stairs outside made me jolt awake. My heart raced as I pulled the dagger out from its sheath. Listening carefully, the footsteps belonged to more than one person and they were coming quickly. I darted behind the wooden counter in the kitchen and waited. I had confidence in being able to throw the dagger with accuracy, and after last night’s adventure, I wasn’t afraid to cause harm in self-defense anymore.
The door squeaked with a loud groan, but no one appeared in the doorway. From my hiding place, I saw the hand that pushed the door open and waited; part of me wondered if I should dash up the stairs and defend Shaylee from there. My heart thundered in my chest while I waited for what seemed like days until a soft whisper reached my ears.
“Shaylee?” The voice asked and relief swept through me when I recognized it.
“She’s safe,” I said, and crawled out of my hiding place and into full view. The sun was casting shadows through the room, that changed with each shift from the clouds up above.
Pushing the groaning door all the way open, Tunder entered the cabin, followed by Kryssa and Elik. Their dark garb was in tatters. Elik had a rip running from his shoulder to his wrist; the cloth fell away to reveal a bandaged gash. Dark stains covered their clothing and I noticed Kryssa moved with a definitive limp on her left side. Their leader was no better, his face had a cut along his chin and the black fabric of his shirt was hacked with slits. All of their skin was clean from the swim over, but that did nothing to remove the worry and fatigue from their faces.
“She’s upstairs,” I said and Tunder passed by me without delay.
An awkward silence followed in which we all looked at one another, taking in our varied appearances and wounds.
“Well, we made it.” I said, uncomfortably, unsure of what else to do to break the silence.
Elik inhaled deeply, his chest expanding, “We did. You can probably put that away now, though.” He nodded his head toward my hand and I realized I still had the dagger tightly in my grasp. I sheathed it quickly, slightly embarrassed of the blood that was still on the blade. They didn’t need to know it was my own.
“Are,” I licked my dry lips, afraid to say the words, “are Nixie and Daggin okay?”
“Their fine,” Kryssa assured me quickly, her voice was weak. “Father wanted them to stay and help with the—the—dead.” She stuttered and I saw a shiver run down her spine. We were all a little more knowledgeable of the dangers of this war today.
Without ceremony, Tunder and Shaylee came down the stairs and stood beside us. Her injured arm was bent against her stomach, but she was more relaxed than the night before. With Tunder by her side, her worries had disappeared and the confidant princess had returned.
It remained silent in the cabin as Tunder turned his eyes on me. I knew what was coming next. It was time for me to lie like I never had before. Zale depended on me to protect him, even though he didn’t know it. We both depended on the lies I was about to tell, for if the truth came out, we would both cease to exist. In my mind I could see the fight that would take place in the cave. I didn’t know if Zale was strong enough to fight all four of them at the same time, and I didn’t know what I would do. I couldn’t harm them, but I would never let them touch him. With a heavy swallow, I met Tunder’s gaze.
“How did you know?” He asked, his gaze hard as he looked at me, scrutinizing me, as though I were crimin
al. Which if I told him the truth, was the only way he was going to see me.
“I can’t tell you that.” I said softly and waited for the coming onslaught.
Tunder’s eyes narrowed, “Why not?”
“Just can’t,” I shrugged my shoulder, as though it didn’t matter. Elik shook his head as if he had known all along that this was going to be a problem, while a small crease appeared between Kryssa’s eyebrows.
“But you can trust us,” she said, confused.
I didn’t reply because I could see this was hurting her. She considered me her best friend, as did I, but this was a line I had to draw. I wished I could tell her the truth, but it just wasn’t possible.
“You told me you were just coming back here and found out about the attack on your way in.” Shaylee said, her voice shaky. I detected the accusation in her tone, but her eyes were desperate, wanting to believe it was the truth.
I shook my head, “I couldn’t tell you the real reason, just like I can’t tell all of you now. You needed rest and I lied to help put your mind at ease.” I gestured toward her arm, but that didn’t seem to satisfy her. She turned her gaze out the window, staring blankly.
“Lissie,” Tunder’s sharp voice broke the silence. “I need to know, now.”
My eyes reached his and I could see the frustration in them. He was trying to control the anger radiating off of him, but I knew it wasn’t solely at me. Shaylee’s words from last night had given me a glimpse into their lack of knowledge and the frustrations of what was happening in the war. More than anything, it was the vulnerability that made Tunder angry. I could see the desperation in his eyes as he tried to get me to reveal my source. I took a deep breath,
Ripples (DROPLETS Trilogy Book 2) Page 22
