I didn’t want to share too many details, because every moment in that relationship was a reminder of how blind I’d been. “Long story short, he wanted what he couldn’t have. When we were together, he pushed me away, and when I left, he was desperate to get me back. We went back and forth like that for a couple of years, before I got sick of it and finally walked away.”
“In other words, you saw the best in someone, took them at face value, and you regret it?” Dustin asked.
I stared at him, and the painful simplicity of his words reverberated in my skull. “I guess.”
“Don’t. Rather, I know I can’t stop you from feeling what you feel, but it’s not your fault he took advantage of who you are.”
I wanted so badly to accept what Dustin was saying, but it wasn’t that simple.
Fourteen
Phillip
With Dustin and Adrienne gone, my house was empty. The way it should be. The way it had been for years. The way I wanted it, because it was saf—
I cut the thought off before it could finish forming. Sundays were tinkering and housework days. I had people to take care of the lawn and landscaping, but I left the rest for me, to give me something to do with my time.
The pool could probably use cleaning. A glance through the patio doors and I saw afterimages of last night, sitting by the water with Dustin and Adrienne, the mood saying as much as our words.
I used to see ghosts of Jodie out there. How many years had it taken me before I could use the pool again? Leaving it empty, avoiding it at first because the past hurt too much, and then because the habit was there.
It didn’t seem right that the first time I cleaned and filled it in years was shortly after Dustin said you have a pool? Wicked.
The overlapping memories gnawed at me, and I turned away.
Wandering through the living room brought back more of last night. Not just the sex, though… the last time I’d been with more than one person at once was before I got married.
I raked my fingers through my hair, yanking and trying to physically extract the memories. Since that wasn’t practical, I needed to do something else. I grabbed my phone and called Cole.
No answer. Right. Adrienne said something about them going off the grid. I didn’t want to leave a startling message, but I needed to convey the point. “Hey, it’s Phillip. Long time, no talk. I understand you know Adrienne. When you get back, you need to hook her up with a doorbell cam. She’s fine, just a precaution.”
That was disturbingly fragmented and weird, but it would have to do. Now she was taken care of, and I could stop worrying about her.
Because losing her would hurt too much.
The thought punched me in the gut and knocked the wind from me. That wasn’t right. I barely knew her.
But that was a lie too. I hadn’t known her for long, but I knew she wasn’t anything like Jodie, the way I originally thought. I knew she was honest, talented, and sexy.
But I also knew I was leaving her behind. Her. Dustin. That wasn’t the same as losing someone. I was choosing to follow a different career path. One where I could be teaching more. Helping people like Adrienne—
Really, I’d never met anyone like Adrienne.
And that wasn’t helping.
I headed into basement, where I was painting one wall of what used to be the family room with a large mural of whatever struck my fancy. Used to be because I didn’t do family anymore. I didn’t do attachments. It might work for other people, but it wasn’t the risk to me.
It hurt too much to lose the love of my life once. I couldn’t do it again.
The admission squeezed the breath from my lungs, and I slid to the floor, back against the cold concrete wall.
I didn’t like that thought, not at all.
Leaving now, before things got worse was definitely the right thing to do.
Fifteen
Dustin
I didn’t like dropping Addie at her apartment Sunday morning. Not only was yesterday a blast, but I was still concerned about her ex. She assured me she wouldn’t be spending much time at her place today, and that Graham would be back, and she had a plan to make things safer.
It wasn’t a great answer, but she wouldn’t let me argue.
I could sit outside her apartment, see if Sean came back. How much like him did that make me?
While I was making her promise to call me if there were any issues at all, my sister called.
Addie headed inside. When I was sure she was safe, I listened to the voicemail from Daria. “I need a huge favor. Joe was supposed to take the girls for the week while I’m in Atlanta. He was called out of town at the last minute.” Her disdain was obvious, even in the message. “They’re set during the day with school and the babysitter, but I need someone to watch them at night. Can they stay with you?”
I rolled my eyes. Not at her—I adored Daria, and my nieces. But her ex-husband... apparently the world was filled with asshole ex’s. Would I be one now if I’d gotten married? Probably best I never had to find out.
I called her back.
Did my Student Body President, Voted Most Likely to Succeed sister hate going through high school with the same name as a cartoon character who was her opposite? Quite.
Did her divorce teach her to appreciate Cartoon Daria’s level of cynicism? Without question.
“Got your message,” I said when she answered. “It’s no problem, of course.”
“Thank you. My flight is in a few hours. Can you pick them up today?” Daria worked for an angel investor firm, and did a specialized kind of on-boarding. She spent a lot of time at client sites making sure they were structured and prepared to take in the investment and use it appropriately.
“Be there in fifteen.” I talked to her a bit longer, making sure she was all right and getting an extensive list of instructions that I registered enough so I wouldn’t be surprised when she emailed me the exact same thing.
When I got to Daria’s house, Harmony answered the door. She was wearing a pink tutu skirt over a nightgown, and she threw her arms around my legs. “Uncle Dustin. Yay.”
I ruffled her hair. “I hear we’re having a sleepover at my place.”
“Because Daddy’s a dickhead.” She grabbed my hand, tugged me into the living room, and grabbed a tablet off the coffee table. “Come see what I want for my birthday.”
I’d correct her on the first statement, Daria would want me to, but Harmony wasn’t wrong. And I’d remind her again that her sixth birthday wasn’t for three more months, but she’d been planning since the day after her fifth, and wouldn’t be dissuaded. I would, however, talk her down from another plan to rent a real castle, if it came up. “Show me.”
Harmony scrolled through screens. “Alana says she doesn’t want to go to your house. She says it smells like boy.”
I had no idea what that meant.
“I did not.” Alana’s voice came from behind me. She was twelve.
Daria had worked to put Joe through college, and they’d never intended to have a second child. Harmony was a graduation celebration baby. I was pretty sure the pregnancy had been Joe’s way to try to keep the marriage together, but I’d never say that. Daria loved both girls dearly, and so did I.
“Don’t be liar,” Alana said
“I’m not a liar, you’re a liar,” Harmony screamed.
“Enough.” I put an edge in my voice to make it boom. I’d spoil these girls from here to the moon and back, but that didn’t mean I let them get away with bickering. “I don’t care if it was or wasn’t said.”
“Girls, go put your bags in Dustin’s car.” Daria joined Alana in the doorway.
Alana scowled and lightly stomped her foot.
“Now,” Daria said.
Both girls rushed off.
“What does that mean? My house smells like a boy.” I asked Daria.
She smiled through the exhaustion lining her face. “I don’t know. Lay off the Axe?”
I scoffed with exag
gerated offense. “It’s not Axe. It’s whatever was on sale and had a store brand on it.”
“Yeah, right, Lady Killer. As if you own anything store brand. Thank you so much for doing this at the last minute.”
“You know it’s never an issue. Everything all right? Harmony told me Daddy was a dickhead.”
Daria’s smile wilted in a long sigh. “I wish you’d corrected her.”
“What makes you think I didn’t?”
“She got it from Alana. Joe was supposed to be at her swim meet next week, and now he won’t make it. He sent her a new sweater as an apology. Pink.”
I winced.
“Yeah.” Daria tugged her ponytail forward and chewed on the end. “Harmony co-opted it the instant it hit the floor, and Princess Garibaldi is wearing it now.”
I snickered at the name. “Tell me that’s a bear.”
“It’s a duck. I can’t believe you let them watch Babylon 5.” She didn’t sound upset.
“I can’t believe you haven’t yet. They need to be introduced to the classics early.”
Daria shook her head. “I emailed you the list for while I’m gone. Let me know if you have any questions. Don’t forget swim practice is at six tomorrow morning, and if you feed them pizza for breakfast, at least make sure they take a multi-vitamin with it.”
I’d done that once, when Alana was seven, and Daria had never let me live it down. “I’ve got it, I promise.”
“Let’s go.” Harmony was back, grabbing my hand and yanking me toward the door.
Daria crouched to five-year-old height. “Give me hugs.”
Both girls hugged and kissed her, they said their goodbyes, and we were on our way.
I totally had this. No problem.
Sixteen
Adrienne
Sunday afternoon, Cole showed up with a toolbox, a peephole, and a doorbell camera. When I asked him why, he told me a mutual friend had called, and that Graham wanted me to go stay with the three of them for a while.
Phillip. “Uh, that wouldn’t work for any of us,” I said.
“I figured that would be your answer, based on what Phillip told me. But you’re always welcome, and since you’re going to refuse and be stubborn, this is security.”
“It’s not stubbornness, it’s...” I sighed. “I don’t have permission from building management to install any of this stuff.
Cole finished measuring out the spot in the door for the lens, and grabbed a cordless drill. “I took care of it. I also made Graham stay home, so call him while I’m doing this.”
I didn’t want any of this to spiral because of me. Now Cole was giving up his evening and Graham was worried. I could be upset at Phillip for not backing off when I asked him to, but this was all on me still, for staying with the wrong guy for so long.
I dialed Graham, assured him I was fine, and promised him he’d be the first person I called if anything like yesterday morning happened again.
“Adrienne.” Graham’s voice was hard as we wrapped up the call.
“Yeah?”
“I know why you haven’t called the police, but next time don’t make me hear this from some guy Cole used to work with. Call me. Track me down. I don’t care what I’m doing, I’d rather you interrupt than the alternative.”
I was grateful he stayed away from details. My mind was already providing me with plenty of what could happen next if Sean proved to be a bigger problem, and I was doing my best not to fall into that panic, since I still had to live in my apartment. “I promise.”
After I hung up with Graham, I tried not to hover while Cole finished up the installation. He gave me a quick tutorial on how to use the doorbell cam, told me the footage was uploading to the cloud, to a server where he could access it if needed, and made me promise to call the police if Sean came back.
“I’m not leaving you here alone, if you don’t promise,” Cole said.
“Okay, I promise.”
He left and I locked everything behind him, checked the new camera many times, and wedged a chair under the front door. Then, for good measure, I stacked my muffin tins and baking pans on the chair.
Anyone wanting to come in would either need my permission, or struggle then make a lot of noise.
I made myself comfortable on the couch. I left the curtains drawn tight and the lights off, and found the tamest, happiest movie I could.
Now that I was home, alone with my brain, there was nothing to do but think, and that would be dangerous.
I bounced between wondering if every voice, creak, and car engine I heard was Sean, and falling into memories of yesterday with Dustin and Phillip.
Maybe I was the kind of person who could do casual sex. Last night was... wow and I really wanted to do that again, but this crap with Sean was a stark reminder that I was not relationship-ready.
I couldn’t even sleep in my own apartment without worrying that my last serious guy might want to do more than just talk next time.
Sleep came in bursts all night. I’d doze off on the couch only to be woken up by a door slamming somewhere or a siren or the current movie ending and silence settling into the apartment.
When the clock passed five, I deemed it late—early?— enough to give up on trying to sleep, and get ready for work.
Taking a shower was nerve-racking for the same reasons sleep had been.
The text waiting for me from Luna made me smile and was a relief. Breakfast? Loading Java?
I’m in. And more than happy for the excuse to leave my apartment. I would’ve left early anyway, but now I had a destination.
I reached the coffee shop to find Luna already there with Sonya. I waved, grabbed an iced tea and a chocolate croissant, and joined them, dropping into the chair Luna nudged in my direction.
We exchanged a polite round of good morning, and I picked at my breakfast.
“You okay?” Luna asked.
I assumed her question was related to why Cole stopped by last night, and I didn’t want to get into it. Sonya was kind, but too many people already knew about the mistake that was my ex-husband. “I’m good.”
“She said as though she wasn’t really, and she didn’t want to talk about it.”
I smiled at Sonya’s narration. “No, really. I’m good. It was a good weekend. Just not super interesting.”
Sonya studied me. “I’ve never said this before, but you’re a really bad liar.”
Luna smacked her arm lightly.
“I got laid, it was really hot, and my ex-husband is probably stalking me.” The truth fell out without my permission.
“Nice. That’s what I’m talking about.” Sonya high-fived me. “Except the stalking thing. Boo.”
“I’m so excited to find out the results of last week’s beta.” Luna’s exclamation came out of nowhere.
I stared at her, grateful for the change in subject, but wondering if it could’ve been more subtle.
Sonya raised her brows. “New topic then. Me too, Luna. As you know, the results will confirm for us whether or not we can move into the next phase as planned.” Her delivery was a weird combination of wooden and exaggerated.
“Who talks like that?” I asked through my laugh.
“Every character I’ve ever written. Or hopefully not.” Sonya’s incensed tone was exaggerated. “Seriously though, I get it. You don’t know me, I don’t know you, Adrienne’s weekend is off-limits.”
“No. Just anything that reminds me of my ex.”
Sonya seemed to relax. “I get that. I tuck my trauma away too. But since we’re talking work…” She leaned in. “You didn’t hear it from me, but Judith is talking to new investors.” Her voice was low.
“Are we short on funds?” I kept my question soft, but concern budded inside. I’d been assured the company was well-funded enough that it would be solvent for quite a while even without a revenue stream… And I already loved it here, even though it had been less than a week.
“Unlikely.” Luna didn’t sound worried, but then aga
in, she rarely did. “But more money means more staff and more in-game niftiness sooner rather than later.”
“Ooh, we have an art insider now.” Sonya grinned.
Luna clucked. “We had an insider before. No one is a stranger at Aces.”
“Not the same.” Sonya turned to me. “Adrienne understands why it’s super important we know what cute new outfits are coming, and she’ll make sure my orc looks adorably sub.”
“I don’t know… What’s in it for me if I tell?” I teased.
Luna scrunched up her nose in thought. “Free wi-fi?”
“Ooh, I know.” Sonya raised her had. “You can ship any NPC you want with any other, and I’ll make it happen.”
Something occurred to me. “We have a lot of power, don’t we?” Not just the three of us, but this entire company. I knew we were shaping a different direction in gaming, but at this moment is struck home exactly what that meant.
“Isn’t it perfect?” Luna asked.
It really was.
We chatted some more while we ate, and pretended to grumble when it was time to cross the street to start the day. With the men I’d had filthy sex with this weekend. Who I was supposed to act perfectly normal around, because they weren’t boyfriends, they were friends. Did the light touches go away? Get more intense? Those were there from the start. What about the flirting? The inappropriate innuendo?
I didn’t want to lose any of that.
It was a lot easier to say causal sex is cool before I had to consider the details outside the bedroom.
I couldn’t ignore my nerves as I approached our office. How was this supposed to work?
“Five things you look for in an adult toy store, during a zombie apocalypse?” Phillip’s question drifted into the hallway.
The absurdity of the question calmed me a little. I walked into the room to find them at their desks, chairs turned so they faced each other.
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