I try to manage my breathing and appear in control. “I’m counting on that.”
He’s going to make me suffer, but in the absolute best way.
An hour later, we pack the few things we brought to the beach and head back toward the house. I feed Aarabelle and get her ready for her nap. She’s exhausted, and after her oh-so-healthy breakfast, getting her to eat lunch was not fun. Once everything’s cleaned up and I get her settled, I’m not sure what to do.
Do I go and look for him? I mean, he alluded to what we’d be doing. Then I feel awkward because I’m not sure if this is normal. I feel like a horny teenager worrying about having sex all over again. I’ve never had an adult relationship where you date.
“Trying to avoid me?” Liam says and I leap out of my skin.
“What is with all of you? Do they train every one of you to scare the shit out of people? Fucking hell.” I try to calm my heart, but it’s been almost a year since he died . . . it’s been a year.
It’s a year.
Today.
And I didn’t even realize it. It’s been one year today since Aaron died.
I look at Liam with tears building. I’m here on vacation with Liam—making love, having fun, and I didn’t realize it’s the anniversary of my husband’s death.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?” he asks concerned.
“Liam,” I say with my hand on his arm. “I don’t know . . . I mean . . . today is a year. Today makes one year since he died.” I look up with despair. I’m an awful person. I mean, I didn’t even know. I didn’t think about it or him. Yes, he hurt me, but still. Shouldn’t I be in Pennsylvania? I suddenly want to vomit.
Liam stands there and doesn’t say a word. Guilt for two men becomes too much for me. I’m standing here on vacation with my boyfriend crying over my dead husband. The day after we had sex for the first time. Oh my God. I’m going to lose it.
“I need a minute,” I say and rush down the stairs.
There are no answers here to ease my mind. Nothing is right and yet nothing is wrong. I made my peace with Aaron. I made my choice with Liam, but at this moment, my two worlds are colliding and nothing fits.
I burst through the door onto the beach and fall to my knees. I’m more upset that I forgot. I don’t know what the protocol on mourning is, but shouldn’t I have remembered?
I think about the note I found with the apology. Maybe he was sorry about the affair. Maybe he was sorry he married me and was unhappy. Even though I don’t think that. Sure, we had hard times—all marriages do—but we had a lot of happy. We had laughs, love, and we had a family. I take this time here on the beach to forgive him and forgive myself. If I go off his letter, he wanted me to be free and to love again. I want that too.
And I have that.
I look toward the ocean and there are three wild horses trotting along the water. I’ve never seen the horses when I’ve been on the beach. They’re majestic and the three of them move a little slower for a moment.
The dark brown horse seems to be in charge as it leads the pack. There’s a light tan horse who’s in between the two darker horses. The other horse pushes past and is almost black. It’s the tallest of the three. It moves in front and the tan horse perks up.
I sit and watch them and can’t help but feel for the tan horse. I decide it’s a she. She has two male horses vying to lead her. But she’s wild and doesn’t want to be led. Again, I decide all of this. She wants to love, but feels torn between the two horses. When I’ve written their entire story in my mind, the dark brown horse turns and leaves her.
“I’m sorry too, Aaron. You left me.”
The two horses run in the opposite direction and I feel like somehow he just answered me.
Standing, I brush the sand off my legs and decide to find Liam. He deserves an explanation. When I turn, I see him standing a few feet behind me. His arms are at his sides and his eyes are sad.
“Liam,” I say as a plea.
He puts his hand up and then pinches the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t realize it either. I didn’t fucking remember.” He steps forward.
“I’m sorry I ran out like that. It’s not your fault. I felt like I was an awful person. Here I am,” I walk toward him, “Happy and in love. Falling asleep in your arms and wanting to be there again. It’s overwhelming all on its own. And then when I realized what today is, I felt this pang of guilt. But I choose you, Liam. I want to be in your arms. I want to be here with you. It’s you who has my heart.”
His eyes meet mine and he pulls me against him. Neither of us speaks and I wonder if he saw the horses. The symmetry between those three horses and myself spoke volumes to me. One of them would always have to be alone. They had to make choices about who should lead and who she should follow. But I don’t have to choose because one left, leaving my path clear.
I vow to myself to enjoy the rest of our trip together. To allow myself the break from the life that awaits me when I’m home. Liam is who I want to spend my time with. He’s who I love. I look forward to him calling, coming over, and he gives me everything I need. Liam and I may have been friends but I can’t help but wonder if this was how it was always meant to be.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Liam’s hot breath is against my ear. I curl into a ball and want desperately to be asleep.
“It’s still dark out,” I grumble. I open one eye and want to slap him for waking me. Last night we spent our time just the three of us holed up in the living room. We played with Aarabelle and then he held me for hours.
We didn’t speak about what the day had held. I think each of us needed to process it on our own. A year changed a lot for me. I learned a lot about life, love, grief, and that there are no real answers for any of it. Love can hurt and heal. Aaron hurt me deeper than I knew was possible, but Liam showed me it’s okay to forgive. Grief ate at me, formed pockets of guilt and anger so deep I didn’t think I’d find a way out, but I did. There are still times I’m angry, but I won’t let it define me. Each day I have to choose the life I want to live.
“I’m going to go for my run, but then I thought maybe we could exercise together,” his voice penetrates deep into my core.
God, his voice is sexy.
“What did you have in mind?”
His lips glide over my ear and he pulls my hair back exposing my neck. He gently bites the skin there and I moan. Slowly, his tongue slides across the skin he just nipped. “Maybe some cardio?” he suggests. “Or stretching . . .” he says as he bites another sensitive area.
“I . . .” My voice is breathless when his hand snakes across my chest. “I . . .” I can’t get the words out.
Liam’s hand squeezes my breast as his mouth explores my neck and ear. “You what?” he breathes the words into my ear.
His fingers pull at my nipples and my ass rocks against him. I’m already wet. I want him so bad. “I want you,” I say in a voice that even I don’t recognize. I’m needy and begging for him, though he’s barely touched me.
“How bad?”
I moan as his hand finds my other breast. I try to roll over, but his body keeps me where I am. Completely at his mercy.
“How bad do you want me, Natalie?”
“More than my next breath.”
His hand dips lower and he pushes my legs apart. When his finger finds my clit, I moan out in ecstasy. He pushes and swirls while I lay panting. My hand reaches back and I push his shorts and underwear off. I want to lead this one.
My hand wraps around his dick and I pump him up and down as he swells beneath my touch.
“I want to do something,” I say as he continues to insert a finger inside.
“Do anything you want,” he offers.
I sit up and take my top off. Liam’s eyes shine in the low light entering from the moon. Morning, my ass.
I pull his pants off and he shifts on the bed. Leaning down, I wrap my lips around his cock. Liam groans and his fingers tangle in my hair.
“Holy
fuck,” he moans.
My mouth glides up and down his length as I focus on every breath hitch and sound he makes. I focus on taking him deep and know he must enjoy it based on how his hand tightens in my hair. I slide back up and then take him deeper, and Liam moans again.
“Natalie, you need to stop.” He pulls me and flips me on my back. “I’m going to fucking drive you insane.”
I have no doubt.
He pulls my legs over his shoulders and wastes no time. Liam’s mouth is on me in a moment and my head falls back. He licks and devours me. There’s no finesse. It’s savage and feels incredible. His finger enters me and he pumps inside of me, twisting his hand while his mouth sucks at my clit.
“I’m gonna come,” I say as he takes me higher.
He doesn’t relent and slips another finger inside that moves at the same pace as his tongue. My breathing is erratic and I’m growing closer to release. I can taste it. I need it. Liam sucks harder and I fall apart. I squirm and pant as he continues to draw everything I have.
“So fucking gorgeous,” he says and slowly climbs his way up my body.
My hand grips his neck and I pull his mouth to mine. Our tongues meld together and he slips inside me.
“Oh,” I break apart as he pushes deep and waits. “Move. Please, move,” I beg as he rests fully seated inside of me.
He waits with eyes closed as if he’s memorizing this feeling. I’m full and want him to take me.
“I want to live inside of you,” he says and then pulls back. “You’re made for me.” He continues to talk as he pushes deeper than before. Liam slides back and forth as he fills my heart and my body. “I want to love you all day.”
My eyes close as I savor the sensations of him inside of me. When I look up, I rest my hands against his face. “You already do,” I say softly. “You love me all day.” He slows his pace but continues to move as I tell him how I feel. “You give me so much without even knowing it. You healed me. You gave me the strength to be the woman I once was.” Liam’s eyes stay locked on mine as he pours himself into me and I pour my heart out to him. “You showed me how to love again. So you do love me all day, and I love you.”
We both stare at each other as we make love. A tear falls from my eyes as we both fall over the edge together without saying a word. Liam holds me against him as I cry, overcome with love and happiness. This is a moment I’ll never forget. It’s the moment I realized just how deeply in love I am with Liam Dempsey.
“Hey, can you head into the conference room?” Mark asks. It’s my first day back to work after our vacation. There were piles of papers on my desk and I saw on the calendar that Jackson is flying in again.
“Sure.”
“Thanks,” he replies, already gone.
I’m assuming something is going on because everyone is running around like lunatics. I grab my notebook and try not to notice the weird looks I’m getting. I wonder if I’m getting fired.
“What’s going on?” I ask as soon as I enter the door.
“There’s an issue with an account. Jackson is on his way here and then we’re heading out. It’ll be me, Jackson, and three other guys,” Mark says, still looking at a paper.
“Where are you guys headed?”
“Overseas,” he answers quickly and seems extremely distracted.
“Okay . . .” I trail off feeling a little out of the loop. “Did I screw something up?”
Mark’s head snaps up. “No, not at all. This is fairly normal. Our overseas accounts are always a little strange. This account is in Dubai and the Navy wants us to provide asset protection. They want us to come out and see what’s going on firsthand and give them an assessment on what we can do to ensure it doesn’t get fucked up. Muff wants to make sure you can handle the office while I’m gone.”
“I’m sure I can.”
“Okay, we’ll be out of reach most of the time, so you’ll have to be able to figure out anything while we’re away. I wanted to give you these files before I leave in a few days. Plus, go over a few of the financial things.”
It says a lot to me that they want me to handle the office in their absence. It doesn’t make sense why they’ll be unreachable, but far be it from me to understand everything that goes on here.
Mike knocks, “Charlie’s on the line for you, Twilight.”
Mark looks over at me, “I need to take this. We’re leaving in a day or two, but I’ll shoot you an email with everything in case things are hectic beforehand.”
“Okay,” I stand awkwardly and head out of the room. Mark is usually a pretty calm guy but he seems keyed up. I hope he’s being honest and that I didn’t do something wrong. I handled the Dubai account and made sure they had the manpower they requested.
Heading back to my office, I see I have a missed call from Aaron’s mom. It’s the first time I’ve heard from her in a year. She cut me and Aarabelle off completely, and no matter how many times I’ve tried, she never reciprocates.
I sent out Aarabelle’s birthday invitations the other day. Maybe she’s going to come.
I dial her number and someone picks up.
“Patti?” I ask.
“Lee,” she says my name with a sigh. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been an awful mother-in-law. I should’ve called. It’s just been so hard,” Patti starts to ramble and my heart aches for her.
“There are no guidelines on grief. I wish you would’ve let me grieve with you, but I understand.” I want to ease her mind. It’s a hard place to be and I can’t begrudge how she chose to live with it.
“I got the invitation with her photo. She looks so much like him.”
“She does,” I agree.
“How are you doing?”
We chat and catch up. She tells me she wants to come out for her birthday party and would love to talk again. I’ve missed her. She was like a mother to me since I was sixteen.
“Are you happy?” The question stops me short. I want to be honest with her, but I worry she’s going to hate me.
“I am. There’s a lot that’s happened in the past year, but I’m moving on. I don’t have any other choice.” I choose not to tell her too much. She doesn’t need to know about Aaron’s affair. I decide to let her memory of her son stay unsullied.
“I’m glad for you. I think he’d be happy too.” Patti sniffles but holds it together. “I’ll let you get back to work and I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
We disconnect the call and I sit back in my chair. I’ve got a lot to be thankful for.
The rest of the day passes without any issues. I go over all the files Mark emails over. Reanell texts me and asks me to meet her for lunch. She’s been so busy with the command side of the team that we haven’t seen much of each other. I’m excited to get to spend a little girl time with her, and since everyone in the office is nuts, no one will miss me.
I pull up to our favorite restaurant that serves breakfast all day. Citrus always has a wait, but we’re good friends with the owner. I called her and let her know we’d be coming, so she saved us a place at the bar.
“Hey, sexy mama,” Reanell says as she finds me on my stool.
“I’ve missed you!” I exclaim and pull her into a hug.
She hugs me tight and we act as if it’s been years rather than a week or two. “How’s everything? Vacation seems to have agreed with you.”
“Yeah, it was great.” I smile thinking about the time with Liam. It really was great. I know Reanell well enough to see the wheels turning in her head. I give it five seconds before she goes from chewing on her nail to berating me.
“Seriously? That’s all I get?”
Or maybe less.
I laugh and grab my drink, giving me a few extra seconds and also giving her frustration a little nudge. “I’m happy, Rea. He makes me feel like I can do anything.”
“I’m happy. How are you with the whole SEAL thing and the thing with Aaron?”
She’s the first person to bring it up. She’s also the only person who watched me
go a little crazy and shred his shit.
The truth is . . . I’m not sure how to handle either issue. Aaron isn’t here, so I can’t get answers from him. Liam is a SEAL, so I can’t do anything about that either. My choices aren’t really favorable.
“They are what they are.”
“You are a liar.” Reanell laughs and puts her head on her hand. “It’s me. No need to fool me.”
“I can’t do anything about either. I’m still upset about the affair. I was pregnant and he slept with someone else. We’d been trying to have Aarabelle for so long and I know it took a toll on us, but still,” I pause as it all comes boiling back up. “I can’t even pinpoint when things might’ve happened.”
The hair on the back of my neck stands. I can’t explain what has my senses heightened, but I look around, trying to see if I’m being watched.
“What is it?” Rea asks and looks around too.
“I don’t know, I just got a weird feeling.” I look around again but I don’t recognize anyone.
We enjoy our lunch and I tell her about Aarabelle’s birthday party. She laughs and tells me I’m going overboard, but knows there’s no stopping me. I want to celebrate where we’ve come in a year. Aara may not know the life she’s had isn’t exactly sunshine and roses, but she’s had a life filled with love.
“I gotta get back to work,” I say and put a ten-dollar bill down. “The guys are all leaving and I need to make sure everything is in order.”
“First, you’re going to sit here and tell me about the sex.” She crosses her arms and waits expectantly.
I thought I’d gotten away with it, but apparently not.
“I really don’t have to tell you anything.” My smile fades almost immediately when I look at the end of the bar and Brittany is sitting there. “I’m leaving,” I inform her and start to grab my bag.
“Why?” Rea looks and sees her.
Brittany looks over and stands.
Anger flows through my veins. I walk over to her and she averts her eyes. “Don’t look away. Are you following me?”
“Following you? No!” she says and goes to gather her things. “I swear, I don’t want to cause trouble.”
Consolation (Consolation Duet #1) Page 20
