by Alexis Gold
He stood there, staring at himself in the mirror on the back wall of the bar, thinking that he had never looked worse in his life, and wondering when he was ever going to get a good night’s sleep again. He hadn’t slept well since the last day he had seen Naomi. Her light blue eyes and sweet sunny smile filled his mind. Her dark curls, her mahogany skin. The curves and lines of her body. The way she smelled like spring blossoms, the way she tasted so good to him. The sound of her laugh. The feel of her in his arms.
He tipped the glass of scotch back and let the old liquor roll over his tongue, warming him on the inside, wishing that he could pour it straight into his heart to ease the pain and melt the ice that had formed all through it. He hadn’t felt anything in it at all since the last moment he had seen her before she vanished.
“Also, the crystal must be Lalique, and I have a whole set of that which I’ve chosen, so don’t worry about that. We’ll just tuck your mother’s crystal into the hutch with her china. It’s going to be so beautiful! I can’t wait to show it all to you. It’s going to be all over the house. I just love the way it looks. I was thinking we could take down a lot of what you and Phillip have up now and just put the Lalique crystal in each room, so there’s a continuance… you know, some flow to décor. I think it will be tasteful. I have selected all of my favorite pieces for the house and especially the dining room. There won’t be any place in our home without it!” she went on and on, unaware that he was not listening to her.
Jonathon was standing at the bar with his glass of scotch halfway to his mouth, his thoughts drowning him in everything about Naomi. He was reliving a memory of making love to her in a hotel downtown one night; they had gone out to dinner and taken a sunset cruise, and then spent the night in a penthouse suite overlooking the city. They had made love for hours, touching and tasting each other, losing themselves in the electric currents and fire that they felt for one another, and when she had finally fallen asleep in his arms, he had kissed her forehead and watched her as she drifted away peacefully.
It had only been a couple of weeks before the announcement his father forced him into. It was that night, as she lay there in his arms, dreaming happily, snuggled against him, that he realized that there was no place in his heart where she did not reign. The newspapers had it wrong. He knew that night that he had fallen in love with her. It had nearly broken his heart in two when he realized it, lying there beside her, holding her to him, gazing at her in her slumber.
He had kissed her softly on the lips, and whispered to her against their fleshy curve, ‘I love you…’ but she had been dreaming and she hadn’t heard him. He didn’t know how he would ever tell her and he didn’t know how she would feel about it, or react if he did tell her, and he just wasn’t willing to risk losing her because of the depth of his feeling. He shook his head at the irony. He had found his queen, but it wasn’t the woman who was talking nonstop on his speakerphone.
It was a woman who he had fallen for without realizing it. A woman of strength and beauty, a woman who had grace and determination, a woman who had turned on everything in him, from his mind and soul to his heart and his body, and he had let her go, like the most miserable fool in the world, he had let her go. He knew he had no choice, his father did not make bluffs; his father made promises, and it was more important to him to save her and everything she had always worked so hard for, than to keep her and risk her never speaking to him again for what his father was ready to do to her.
He swallowed the remainder of the whiskey in his glass, along with the lump in his throat, as he tried to hold back hot tears that stung at his eyes. There was no woman in the world like her, and he had known many women, but there was none like Naomi, and there never would be in his life again.
Susan prattled on, and Jonathon poured himself another drink and walked over to the sofa where he and Naomi had first made love, and where they had touched each other so many times after that first explosion of passion. He closed his eyes and saw her in his mind. Her body was connected to his as he filled her deeply, his hands on her hips as she rode him ardently, her breasts as they swayed and moved with her rhythm – the long locks of her black curls hung to her nipples, and her sweet beautiful face as she orgasmed. Her moans were soft and breathless when she came. He grew hard thinking about it.
In his mind he reached for her, pulling her to him and kissing her full soft lips, tasting her as he flooded her with his own orgasm, and he moaned quietly, wishing with everything in him that he had never let her go.
* * *
“…so I told them that of course that would be fine and they could come over after we get back from the honeymoon. Oh! Jonathon, we really have to talk about the honeymoon. I know we said the Caribbean, but I think I want to add some stops in Europe onto that, you know, sort of make it a really long extended trip. I want to go to Ireland first, and then we can just stop wherever we want to along the way.
"I can’t wait for the honeymoon! I am going to make love with you in so many places! You’ll love it, you’ll see. I know you’ve been kind of out of sorts lately, but you’ll see what a great time we will have. It’ll be the best thing you’ve ever done. I promise. You’ll fall in love with me on our honeymoon, and we will be so happy!” she went on and he snapped his eyes open and stared at his desk.
The honeymoon. He hadn’t even thought about it. She’d been talking about the wedding so much that he just tuned her out every time she brought it up. He had never once let his thoughts go to the honeymoon, but as she said it, as she spoke the words and talked about her plans for traveling over the globe, he realized that there was going to be a serious problem.
The last thing in the world that he wanted or was willing to do was to go on an extended trip with her anywhere, least of all so far from home, and have her constantly pulling at him and trying to kiss him and seduce him. He knew without a shred of doubt that there was no way he would ever be able to spend time with her like that and not be able to escape her. He launched himself off of the sofa and headed straight for his desk.
“Susan—" he had to interrupt her to get her to stop talking. It didn’t work the first time. He leaned closer to the phone. “SUSAN!” he snapped sharply.
There was suddenly silence on the line. It was the first time she had stopped talking since he had lifted the receiver off the cradle.
“Yes?” she asked curiously.
“We are not going on a honeymoon. I have too much going on here at the office to handle and I can’t take time like that off work to go traipsing around the globe. If you want to take a trip, I welcome you to do it. Take off, go anywhere you want to and I will gladly pay for it, it will be my gift to you, but I have to stay here and handle things at the office.” He told her firmly. He was not going to budge on it.
She gasped in horror. “What? No! Jonathon! I want a honeymoon, and you are going to give me one! I want a proper one! I want us to consummate our marriage in our bed in every destination we go to! How can you even think of such a ridiculous notion; not going on a honeymoon. Why that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard! No. We are going on a honeymoon. There is nothing to discuss about that except talking about where I want to go. I can’t believe you even brought it up!” she sounded furious with him, and somehow simultaneously hurt.
He looked down at the phone and narrowed his eyes. “Susan, I’m going to say this one more time, and then I am not going to discuss it with you again. I am not going on a honeymoon with you. Do not think that marriage gives you the right to tell me what to do. There is not going to be a honeymoon for me. I am staying here, and I am working, and that will be the end of that. You are welcome to go on a honeymoon by yourself. You are welcome to go wherever you want to go for as long as you want to go, but I am not going to be with you for any part of it. Furthermore, when you do move into the house after the wedding, you will be staying in your own room and I will be staying in my own room.
"I do not wish to consummate this marriage with you at any ti
me, ever. It’s not going to happen, so stop asking about it, stop talking about it, and just let it go. I want you less now than I ever did, if that’s even possible. We are not going to be intimate at any time in the future.”
There was silence again on the other line for a long moment and he heard her sniffle and gasp, and he knew that she was crying. “Jonathon, surely you can’t mean that!” she asked in horror. “Of course we’ll be intimate! We’re getting married! I’ll be your wife!”
“You will be my wife on paper, because I am being forced into this marriage, and you know damn well that I am not marrying you for love, but because our fathers demanded it. I am not in love with you and I don’t want to marry you. I am not going to be your husband except on paper, and that’s it. If we both work at it, perhaps we can be friends, but don’t expect any more than that. Ever.” He snapped at her coldly. He hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, but there was something in her voice and in her words that told him that she was sure she could change his mind about how he felt about her, and that somehow, in her mind, their future was a real marriage of lovers and friends. He knew he would have to be harsh with her to get her to see reality.
She was silent again for a long moment and then she spoke solemnly. “I don’t care, as long as you are mine. As long as you marry me. We can figure all of it out, but I have to have you.” She stated flatly. “I love you, I want you, and I can make you fall in love with me.”
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You haven’t been able to make me fall in love with you our whole lives. I don’t know why you think you can now. If you had any dignity at all, you would bow out of this marriage and find someone who actually wants you, because it isn’t me.”
Susan sounded as if she was filled with confidence. “It will happen. You’ll see. You’ll fall in love with me someday, and then we will be lovers, and we will be happily married. It will happen.”
“I have to go, Susan, please don’t call me back the rest of the week.” He said shortly, and then he placed the receiver back on the phone and walked to the window, wondering how he had let his life get so far out of his control.
***
Naomi had settled into her new job comfortably, and she discovered that it was an excellent way to distract herself from thinking about Jonathon. Justin was kind and helpful, and he gave her all of the space that she needed to do her work without too much intervention on his part, which she greatly appreciated.
One of the biggest reliefs she found was that Justin was gay, and in him she found a new friend and confidant, though she said nothing about Jonathon whatsoever. She had forbidden herself from thinking about him or speaking his name. She had begun the difficult and lengthy process of falling out of love with him, or at least trying to make herself let go of him.
Every time he came to her mind in any way, she pushed him out and made herself think of something else or someone else. She was trying to focus on all the good in her life, and letting him have any time at all in her mind was of no help to her whatsoever, so keeping him from her mind during the waking hours of the day was an enormous struggle for her, but she was doing it, one step at a time.
It was the dark hours of the night when she was alone in her bed that gave her the most heartache. She could not keep him out of her dreams, out of her heart, and it was torture for her. She woke every morning tired and sad. Andrea suggested that she take up yoga or meditation right before bed so that she could sleep more peacefully, and she tried it. She tried everything she could think of to get him out of her mind and heart, but it was a losing battle. He was so deeply lodged in her heart that she realized it was going to take eternity to get him out.
The small moments of peace and happiness that she found at Jupiter began to build; from her first day when there were flowers and balloons waiting for her at her desk to welcome her, and it was her one happiness that day, to the more frequent laughs and smiles she shared with her co-workers, and the pride she was able to have in herself for the work she was doing and each little success that came to her.
She became stronger as days passed, and her confidence began to return, though her heart was going to take the rest of her life to heal.
***
Jonathon was discussing the final details of closing his business deal with Anthony Bryan who had finally agreed to the deal that Jonathon and Naomi had offered him when they met with him shortly after she had been hired.
Anthony was seated in Jonathon’s office, smiling and signing the last of the paperwork when he looked up at Jonathon. “I’m glad you were patient with me, and understanding. It took me a long time to decide that this was the best possible choice for me and for my company. I’m glad to do this with you, but it took me a while to think it over carefully, and you waited. Thank you for that.” He said genuinely, looking at Jonathon.
Jonathon nodded. “Well, I didn’t want to push you into anything that wasn’t the right fit for you.” He answered.
Anthony eyed him carefully and nodded. “Yes, the right fit can be the most important aspect.” He paused a moment and took a breath, his eyes steady on Jonathon’s. “I was surprised to learn that Naomi had left here and gone to Jupiter Inc. I understand that she’s doing quite well over there. I’ll be honest with you, I talked with her before I made my mind up to be here with you, and she urged me to come here and keep my business with you. She didn’t want to steal me away from you. I don’t know if you knew that about her.”
The mention of her name was like a tidal wave inside him that clenched everything in him tightly. He hadn’t bothered to find out where she had gone, because he knew that he would be too tempted to go to her, and he could not risk his father destroying her life. He had no idea she was at Jupiter.
He tried to breathe and appear calm as he looked back at Anthony. “I didn’t know that. Thank you for telling me.”
Anthony smiled and nodded. “She’s quite a remarkable young woman. I don’t know how you ever let her go. I certainly wouldn’t have, no matter what.” He said, and Jonathon got the distinct impression that Anthony might not be talking about business.
“She is indeed a remarkable young woman, but sometimes circumstances are beyond our control.” Jonathon said quietly. His mind was on her again, as it was so often day and night.
Anthony shook his hand and left, congratulating him on his upcoming wedding as he walked out of the door. “I hope you find some happiness with the choices you’ve made. You know, we only get to go through this life once, and anytime we can make the right choices for ourselves, we should.” With that parting comment, he walked out of the door and closed it behind him, leaving Jonathon with his thoughts, which Jonathon felt was an utterly cruel thing to do.
He walked to the wall of windows in his office and looked down over the city; teeming with life and chaos and organization and pollution. Everyone in it was living their own life, their paths criss-crossing and intersecting, their lives touching one another’s for years at a time, or sometimes for brief seconds. She stayed on his mind, and Anthony’s parting words haunted Jonathon’s mind, echoing back and forth as though they were waiting for him to pluck them from the space there in his head and hold tight to them.
‘We only get to go through this life once…’ Anthony had said. Jonathon knew that he was right of course, but Jonathon could see no way around the choices he had been making, and he could not get rid of the cold, hard feeling in his core that he had been making all of the wrong choices from the moment he let his father force him into the marriage from hell.
As he stood there, he came to grips with the fact that he may have agreed to the wedding in order to save Naomi, but he had seen the pain that he had caused her in the doing of it, and he had just learned from Anthony that she was doing quite well at Jupiter. It made him realize that his father’s reach might not be as far as he insinuated, and that perhaps she was doing so well that his father could not destroy what she had worked so hard to build.
He clenched his ja
w then, determined to begin making the right changes instead of all of the wrong ones, and he knew that the first change he had to make would begin with his father. Jonathon left the window and walked out of his office, heading one floor up to his father’s office. He did not announce himself. He walked straight past his father’s secretary and through the door into Phillip’s office.
Phillip looked up from his desk to his son, his expression calm. “I’m in the middle of something here. You should have asked for an opening in my schedule today.” .
Jonathon walked over to the front of his father’s desk and looked down at him. “I’m not marrying Susan. You do whatever you need to do to me; disinherit me and fire me, but do not go after Naomi. This is my choice. I love her. I want her more than I have ever wanted any woman in my life, and we shared a passion that I’m not sure you could ever understand. I let you take that away from me, and I let you hurt her and me, and I’m not going to let you do that anymore.”
Phillip’s eyes opened wide.
“You and mom had a beautiful marriage. You were in love and you were so happy. In fact, I can’t remember a time when you two weren’t laughing and close. I remember you holding her hand all the time, I remember you kissing her so often. I remember knowing that she was the most important person in the world to you, and when she passed away I thought you were going to die right along with her.” He spoke gently about his mother and his parent’s marriage.
His father’s eyes were wetted with tears.
“I grew up knowing what real love was between a man and a woman, and you showed me that, because you had it. You lived it. You were lucky enough to find that. Well, I found that same kind of deep, real, strong love, and you made me make a choice that took that love away from me, all because you are so hell bent on me marrying your best friend’s daughter to merge families and merge your business.
"Well, I’m not a business transaction. I am your son. I am your only son, and I would think that you would want my happiness above all else. I would think that you would want a love for me like you had.” He shook his head as his heart beat wildly in him. He had never spoken to his father the blunt and honest way that he was at that moment.
