by Alexis Gold
“Yes. The dignity I had with him is completely gone,” she admitted miserably.
“And you can’t hurt any worse than you do now, right?” he continued.
“Right,” she agreed.
“Then what are you going to lose by saying it to him? And more importantly, there’s the chance that you won’t gain anything at all, but on the other side of that… what is there that you could gain if you did gain anything at all?” He was gentle as he spoke.
She thought about it. There would be something to gain. “You know, Liam, I guess you’re right. Even if it was just friendship, even if there was no romance and he just… and he just forgave me for what I did and we were able to be friends; that would be something,” she thought wistfully.
“You would be hurt a lot less and you’d feel a lot better than you do now, wouldn’t you?” he asked.
She knew he was right. She sighed. “You’re right about all of that,” she replied softly. “I don’t think he’s going to tell me that he loves me back, but maybe there is some shred of a chance that he might forgive me and maybe we could be friends. I really don’t have anything more to lose with him,” she said quietly.
Liam smiled and she could hear it through the phone. “Then are you going to tell him?”
“Yes,” she said thoughtfully and sadly. “I’ll tell him when I get back. For now I’m just going to try to find some kind of peace here, and see if I can’t make some of this pain go away. I need to try to find myself again somehow.” She laughed a little in a shallow way, “Maybe Ava was right and I need to find an Italian lover to distract me and help me get over Alexander.”
Liam laughed a little with her. “Perhaps… but, what if you got a hold of Alexander while you were there? Call him and tell him…” he pushed a little more.
Mia shook her head and looked down at the pebbles around her feet, running her fingers over them and plucking a few of them up, setting them back down again. “No, I don’t think I can do that. I don’t want to face him until I get home. I don’t think I have the strength for it right now. I need to be here and be alone and not think of him or have to deal with any of it. I’ll call him when I get home and talk to him.”
“Hmmm.” Liam hummed softly again. “I guess so.” He seemed to want to switch gears in the conversation then. “So where are you staying? What’s it like? Are there good people there to take care of you?” he asked hopefully.
She laughed a little and turned to look over her shoulder at the village as it rose up across the hillside. “It’s an amazing place. It’s an ancient village and the place where I’m staying is right on the beach. It’s a charming little old bed and breakfast. I’ll email you the address so you have it and you’ll know where I am in case anything happens to me. I should have done that before. Anyway, there’s a really sweet old couple who are running it, and they have a restaurant. It’s a lovely little place, and I think it’s just what I need. The old woman who owns it is bent on introducing me to some guy named Paolo tonight when we have dinner. She is really nice. She knew right away that I’m trying to get over someone and she just decided to take it upon herself to help me through it, so she’s setting me up with a local village guy. We’ll see how it goes.”
Liam laughed with her. “You’re already adopted by an Italian Mama? You’re going to be fine. Trust me. If she likes you like that already, you are going to be just fine.” He laughed a little more. “Good luck on your date tonight, my dear. I wish I was there with you.”
Mia nodded sincerely. “I wish you were here with me too, this would be so much fun with you here.”
“Well, maybe next time. This time you are there on your own and you need to heal, so focus on that, enjoy the food, the wine, the beach, the people, your little village, and especially this guy Paolo if he’s nice, and you better keep me posted. Email me to let me know where you are and what’s going on. I want all of the details. Okay?” he insisted.
She laughed again. “I’ll do it. I love you, Liam, thank you for being such a good friend.”
“Good? What do you mean good? I’m your best friend!” he teased her. They said goodbye and she hung up her phone feeling better and stronger. She watched the waves rolling in still, and the colors of everything around her began to change as the sun started to set. A half moon started to rise up out of the sea, watching her with a little half smile, and she knew that Liam was right. When she got back to New York, she was going to tell Alexander how she felt, because she had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Even if they could just be friends, it would be something, and something was better than the misery she was in.
She pushed herself up from the stony beach and walked back to the bed and breakfast. It was almost time for dinner and she needed to freshen herself up for her dinner with Paolo, Marco, and Isabella.
Two hours later, she was walked out onto the balcony where dinner would be served. Marco greeted her and kissed her cheeks; one kiss on each side of her face as he embraced her lightly. He smiled at her and turned to introduce her to a tall handsome young man who was standing nearby. Paolo had big dark eyes, olive toned skin, and he looked fit and healthy. His black hair was curled loosely around his face, giving him a sort of boyish look, but one that was only hinted at, as if he had outgrown it but it wasn’t fully gone. He gave her a broad smile and reached to embrace her, kissing her cheeks just as Marco had done moments before.
She reminded herself that the Italian culture was a much warmer one that the culture of personal space that was so prevalent in New York. She smiled up at him and introduced herself.
“Ciao, I’m Mia,” she said with a sweet smile.
He smiled back and reached for her hand, lifting it to his lips to kiss it. “Ciao bella,” he said with a wink. “I’m very happy to meet you, but I’m sorry that my English is not very good.” He shrugged and looked at her with a sheepish smile.
He was cute, she thought, and he might be a fun distraction for her while she was there. Isabella may know what she was talking about after all. “Your English is really good!” she told him with a grin. “I just wish I spoke more Italian, but maybe you can teach me some Italian, and I can teach you some English,” she suggested, and he nodded enthusiastically.
“I would love that!” he told her with a grin.
They sat down to dinner and the four of them talked about where she was from and what New York was like, and they answered her questions about the village and its history, and the way of their lives there beside the sea, nestled into the mountain. They told her all of the best places to go along the coast and Paolo offered to take her out on his boat to see the coastline from the water, which he told her was infinitely better than seeing it from the shore. She agreed and they ate and drank long into the night, taking their time getting to know each other, and for the first time since she had set foot in Italy, she became so engrossed in what she was doing and who she was with that she forgot about Alexander for a short time, and she found some of the peace that she was looking for.
He returned to her thoughts as she was getting ready for bed, and as her head sunk down into the pillow, he was again in her mind and in her dreams, until the bright warm Italian sunshine woke her up in the morning and she remembered that Paolo was going to take her out on the sea in his boat.
The Final Chapter
Paolo was ready and waiting for her as soon as she finished her breakfast with Marco and Isabella. He looked good in his loose white button up shirt and his jeans, and as she went to him and kissed his cheeks in greeting, she knew that she was going to have a fun day, and that perhaps there was a chance that she might be able to get another few hours of peace when Alexander wasn’t on her mind.
He took her out into his boat and they pushed off from the shore where several of his friends were. All of them looked at her appreciatively and spoke to him in Italian, and she could see that they were teasing him and congratulating him on getting such a pretty lady into his boat. He took the teasing well,
laughing with them, and waved them off.
Mia tilted her head and looked at him curiously as they drifted further from the men on the shore. “What did they say when we were leaving?” she asked lightly.
He blushed and looked down with a grin on his face as he steered the boat into the waves. “Oh… they say I am too lucky to have such a beautiful woman with me, and that I better bring you back.”
She laughed and he shook his head in mirth. He took her all around the coastal area, showing her the little villages that dotted the shoreline, from the island of Capri to Amalfi and Ravello, and then they stopped at a little hidden cove where they went ashore to the beach and had a picnic lunch that Marco and Isabella had sent with her for the two of them.
They shared wine from a bottle together and ate. He sat beside her and watched her now and then.
“Isabella tells me that you are recovering from a broken heart,” he said softly, and his eyes took in hers carefully.
She sighed and picked up a stone from the ground near her where she sat, holding the hot rock in her hand and feeling its smoothness in her palm. “Kind of. I guess so,” she said quietly.
He nodded. “I know what that feels like. I had a broken heart too, last year. I was in love, but the girl left, and I had to take the time to get over her. It was difficult to do. I am sorry that you are hurt. I am sorry that there is a man out in the world who would let you go! You are a beautiful woman, and I like you; you are very sweet, but I do not think that maybe this is the right time for you to try to find love with another man. Do you?” he asked, looking at her as if he already knew the answer.
She thought about it. She wasn’t entirely sure that it was the right time, but she didn’t know if there was ever going to be a right time; she was fairly sure that she would always love Alexander, and that there wouldn’t be a time when she was over him.
“I guess I don’t know,” she answered in confusion, her smile faltering slightly. He saw it, and he nodded slowly.
“You still love this man?” he asked hesitantly.
Mia nodded. “I do. I think I’m always going to love him.”
He smiled a little and looked out to the sea. “This heartbreak is a new one for you?” he asked, glancing back at her.
“Yes,” she said simply, setting the hot stone back down on the ground in the sunshine where she had picked it up.
He pursed his lips and shook his head. “This is not the right time for you to be with another man, then. It would only leave you feeling empty and hurt more, and I do not want to be the man that makes you feel that way,” he said with a wistful sigh.
Paolo reached for her hand and took it in his, giving her a warm smile. “I wish that it was the right time for you; you are a beautiful woman and I would love to make love with you and spend time together with you while you are here, but I think that it would be best if you were friends with me while you are here on this trip. Perhaps someday if you come back and you are alone, it may be more, but for this time, I think we will be friends. Yes?” he gave her a gentle grin.
She felt her heart soften and warm toward him, and she was suddenly filled with gratefulness for him, and for Isabella and Marco, good friends from strangers in a strange land; something she had never expected that was exactly what she needed. She grinned back at him and squeezed her fingers around his.
“I think that’s very kind and very wise of you, Paolo, and it means a lot to me. Thank you so much,” she told him.
He laughed lightly and looked at her closely, “Grazie mille…” he told her. Then he looked up as if he was concentrating and trying to think hard and he said, “A million thanks?” as if he was working out the English translation of what he had taught her.
Mia laughed with him and nodded. “Grazie mille, mi amico?” she asked, wondering if that was how she would say it.
He nodded. “A million thanks my friend. Yes! Very good!” he told her happily.
They enjoyed their day out on the beach and the sea, and he took her back to Positano in the late afternoon, hugging her and kissing her cheeks as she said goodbye to him. He waved off the other men at the small boat dock and they laughed lightly as she headed back to the bed and breakfast.
She took a long nap, and for the first time in a long time, she didn’t dream of Alexander; she dreamed instead of the sea, and of new places and people, and when she woke for dinner, she was more relaxed than she had been in weeks.
Mia spent the following day exploring the village and all the shops and winding streets and staircases that seemed to go ever upward, vanishing her and reappearing there; it was as if the entire mountainside was one big treasure box filled with secrets and hidden delights. She loved it, and she found a little more of herself there as her day passed.
Marco and Isabella were a little disappointed that she was not going forward with any kind of romance with Paolo, but they were pleased that she was friends with him, and that she was feeling a little better bit by bit. They fussed over her and took good care of her, and she basked in the glow of their affection and attention.
Her third day there, she was lying in a chair on the beach just outside of the bed and breakfast, reading a book. The sun was warm and bright and she laid the book on her chest and pulled her sun hat down low over her face, and she fell asleep. In her dreams, Alexander was talking to her, but she couldn’t quite understand what it was that he was saying to her, try though she might.
She asked him over and over again to repeat his words, and she felt as if she could try to focus just a little more, she would be able to hear what it was that he was saying to her. She opened her eyes and saw his looking back at her. She wondered at the strange dream and blinked and tried to rub her eyes to wake up fully, because she could still see him before her.
“Mia…” his voice was soft and she looked at him and rubbed her face.
“I’ve got to wake up!” she said quietly to herself.
“Mia… I’m here,” he said, reaching for her hand, and it wasn’t until his fingers closed around hers that she realized that he was really there, sitting on the edge of her lounge chair, holding her hand, looking into her eyes.
She sat bolt upright in the chair and yanked her hand away from his, staring at him with wide eyes as she gasped. “What? What… What are you doing here? How did you get here? How did you even know where I was?” she fumbled through a few of the thousand questions ricocheting around in her mind.
He bit his lip and looked at her patiently for a moment as she tried to breathe again and calm down.
“It’s not too complicated, actually. Liam called me and told me that you and I needed to talk. He said that you had come to Italy and that you had fallen in love with me and were trying to get over me while you were here. So I got on a plane and came over, and luckily, Liam knew where you were staying.” He looked at her with a half-smile and his eyes searched hers intently.
She gasped again, horrified that her friend, her best friend, had betrayed her so completely and gone behind her back to tell Alexander where she was and how she felt about him. She was appalled and stunned.
Mia hurriedly pushed herself up from the chair she was in and took a few steps back. “You can’t be here! How are you even here? This… this isn’t happening. Damn Liam! I can’t believe he told you that. He never should have told you that! He never should have told you anything!”
Her heart felt like it would break all over again as she gazed at him and a huge tidal wave of pain washed over her. She had told Liam about Emily. Liam knew that Alexander had moved on and that he had a new girlfriend. She was horrified that Liam would tell Alexander anything, knowing even just that. She had promised him that she would talk to Alexander when she got back to the states, not while she was still trying to nurse her aching heart and find herself while she was in Italy.
He stood up and tried to take a few steps toward her. She backed away a little more and shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re here! What on earth are you do
ing here? Why did you come all of the way over here?” she asked in confusion and frustration. How was she ever going to get over him if he was standing right in front of her in the one place in the world she had come to recover from him?
Alexander walked to her swiftly and clamped his hands on her shoulders and suddenly memories of him in the restaurant came flooding back to her and she felt heat rise up in her. She couldn’t let him get close to her again. He was with another woman, and he was only going to hurt her again if she stayed anywhere near him.
Her heart ached horribly and she looked up at him with utter sadness in her eyes as tears fell and she shook her head. “No! No… Alexander, I can’t do this with you! I just can’t! This hurts too much! I was going to talk with you when I get back to New York, but I just don’t have the strength for this now!”
She pulled away from him and began to walk quickly down the beach toward the gate for the bed and breakfast. She had to get away from him. She couldn’t believe that he was there at all. She was nothing short of confounded that he had ever flown all the way to Italy, let alone gone to all of the trouble to find her. She couldn’t begin to wrap her mind around the fact that he was there. She couldn’t understand why he was there and she didn’t know if she even really wanted to know why he was there. She was certain that she couldn’t take it.
She knew she needed more time, she needed more space away from him to recover and heal. She was almost at the gate, tears streaming down her face and blinding her, when she felt two strong hands on her shoulders again. Her body was stopped in mid-step and he turned her around to face him.
Mia looked up into his intense eyes and the firm set of his face, and she felt her stomach tangle in confusion and uncertainty. She tried to breathe, but everything in her locked up.
“I did not fly all the way over here just to have you walk away from me,” he told her seriously.
She shook her head as more tears cascaded down her cheeks. “What are you doing here? What did you come here for?” she whispered miserably.
