by Ryan Field
Chapter Fourteen
* * *
When Jim’s parents came home on Monday, he sat them down in the kitchen and told them everything. Telling them the absolute truth was the only way he could justify his decisions…and his actions that summer. He was sorry he’d already created so much distance because of his fears. He also knew it had to be done now that Cain knew the truth. It wouldn’t happen right away, but Cain would eventually tell everyone that his best friend had been sleeping with his closeted gay father. Cain would use this story to his advantage, and twist it around to get sympathy when he needed it. It was in Cain’s nature; this wouldn’t change. When the story came out, Helen and Radcliff would be devastated Jim hadn’t told them first. But more than that, Jim was tired of lying to his parents, sneaking around behind their backs with one of their friends.
He began with his graduation party, how he’d met Len that night without planning it, and the events that had transpired after that. His father listened to the part about Jim having an affair with Len Mayfield without saying a word. At one point he stood up, clenched his fists, and then he went to another part of the house where he could be alone before Jim had a chance to say anything else. In Radcliff’s world, this scandalous affair would have to be analyzed and accepted with time.
Helen sat there with wide eyes, hanging onto every word Jim said, as if trying hard to understand. The corners of her lips turned down and remained that way. She kept fidgeting with the corner of a placemat, folding it back and forth. Jim didn’t go into details about Len: he skimmed the surface, especially the part about the way he’d cheated on Len with Chase.
Helen finally sat back and shook her head in amazement. “I don’t know what to say. Len Mayfield? I mean we all knew Janice Mayfield was playing around with that tennis instructor. But Len Mayfield, and you? I don’t even know how to react to this. I would never have guessed Len was gay.”
Jim’s head tilted to the side. “You knew about Mrs. Mayfield and the tennis instructor?” He thought all this had been a huge secret that only Len and his wife knew.
Helen rolled her eyes. “She wasn’t exactly discreet about it, Jim. And he’s not the first. That woman has been playing around on the side for years. We thought Len just turned a blind eye. We all felt sorry for him. No one ever would have guessed that he was gay. I mean he walked around in that cowboy hat all the time. Why I’ve even seen him spit on the sidewalk and I thought he was vulgar.” She stopped speaking and her eyes widened. “That’s where I saw that cowboy hat I found in your bedroom this summer. It was Len Mayfield’s.”
Jim frowned. He’d never seen Len spit on the sidewalk. “Yes. It belonged to Len.”
“Oh my God, I think I need a drink.”
This is when Jim knew he’d said enough. He stood up and walked to where his mother was sitting. He hugged her and said, “I’m sorry. I had to tell you because I’m sure Cain will talk about it eventually. I’m sure there will be whispers. I’ve called a friend and I’m going to LA tomorrow to start a job he offered me before graduation. I think it’s best that I leave Dallas.” If he could have left for LA that night he would have.
Helen stood up. “I couldn’t care less what people think. Give me some credit. What about law school? Your father is going to be very disappointed. He’s had heart set on you joining the firm one day.”
Jim shrugged. “I never wanted to be a lawyer. I’m not cut out for it. And I don’t want to spend the rest of my life doing something I hate. Besides, I need to leave now and it’s not just because of what happened with Len. I need a fresh start. I’ll talk to dad later tonight and try to explain. I hope he can forgive me.”
“This relationship you and Len were having,” she said. “It’s over now?”
“It’s finished,” Jim said.
Helen hugged him again. “Your father needs time,” she said. “He’ll come around. I’m pretty sure he’s not going to be playing golf with Len Mayfield anymore. But he loves you, Jim. And to be honest, I think moving to LA is probably the best thing for you right now. I hate to see you go. And I will miss you. But you’re doing what is best for you and I want you to go with a clear head and my blessing.”
*****
Jim spent the night packing his bags and organizing his things. There were still things he hadn’t unpacked from Princeton. That summer he’d grown accustomed to living out of suitcases: he knew deep down he wouldn’t be there long. His friend in LA told him he could stay in his guest house in West Hollywood until he found a place of his own. According to his friend, they wanted him to start the new job at the public relations firm immediately, which was fine with Jim. The less time he had to think about what had happened with Len Mayfield that summer the happier he would be.
At midnight, he knocked on the door of his father’s home office. He didn’t want to leave Dallas without clearing things up with his father first and he wasn’t sure he’d see him in the morning. His father was at his desk working on something for the law firm. He glanced up and Jim and said, “Your mother told me everything tonight while you were upstairs packing. I have to admit it took guts to be this honest.”
“I had to tell you the truth,” Jim said.
“I’m not happy, but I’m glad you did.”
Jim sat down in a chair across from him. “You know about law school?” This part wasn’t hard for Jim to talk about. Even though he hadn’t made it official all summer, it was time to stop making excuses to his father and come clean.
“Yes, I know,” his father said. “I’m not thrilled with your decision. But I’m not going to try to stop you either. You have our own life to live and I know when to step back.”
“I’m sorry about everything,” Jim said. “I didn’t plan on what happened with Len. Neither one of us planned it.”
Radcliff made a face and clenched his fists.
“It’s not all Len’s fault either,” Jim said. “I just want you to know that. He’s a good man.”
“I’d rather not talk about Len Mayfield right now,” Radcliff said. “I hope I never have to see Len or his ridiculous wife again.”
Jim frowned. There was no use pushing the issue. “I understand.”
They talked about Jim’s move to LA and Jim explained it wasn’t something sudden. He wanted his father to know he wasn’t flighty and irresponsible; his father’s opinion of him still mattered. “I’ve been thinking about doing this since the job was offered to me. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything but I didn’t want to make an announcement until I knew for sure. I knew how disappointed you’d be, dad.”
“I understand,” his father said. He even cracked a small smile.
“Then you’re not mad at me?”
“Of course I’m not mad at you. I only want what’s best for you.” He frowned and rubbed his jaw. “I don’t understand all this business with Len Mayfield. I could wring his neck, frankly. But I’m not mad at you.”
“Don’t blame Len,” Jim said. “We both knew what we were doing.”
“That’s easier said than done,” his father said.
They talked about where Jim would be living and what his job would be like. Although his father didn’t open champagne in celebration, he stopped frowning when Jim told him the name of the public relations firm where he would be working. His father had heard of it. He knew it wasn’t a shabby establishment. He even went so far as to say he’d heard it was one of the most impressive firms on the west coast. He had a client who was heavily invested in technology stocks, and his client had mentioned this same firm handled a lot of the well-known technology accounts in Silicon Valley. Before Jim went to bed that night, his father stood up, hugged him, and handed him a check that would tide him over until his first paycheck.
*****
In the morning, Jim left Dallas with the sullen image of his mother and father standing in the driveway waving at the back of his car. He prayed Cain would be discreet and not talk about what had happened, at least not too soon. On his way to the
interstate, he passed by the Mayfield house, wishing he could knock on the door and patch things up with Cain. He hated leaving with so many things yet to be said. He tried to imagine how he would feel if he’d found out Cain had been sleeping with his father. But that didn’t work out well at all. When he thought about his father in bed with Cain Mayfield he almost starting laughing out loud.
He took his time driving to LA. He arrived there on a Saturday afternoon and started his new job on a Monday morning. In less than a month, he found a great house to rent not far from Sunset Drive. Best of all, when the lease was up his landlord said he would give Jim the option of buying the house if he wanted to. It had been a rental property for many years; it needed a great deal of work. But the owner was ready to sell to anyone willing to make him a good offer. And Jim got excited when he thought about the renovations he could do to the house. Living alone had its advantages: he could do as he pleased without answering to anyone, and now he could run his dildos through the dishwasher instead of washing them by hand.
Jim spoke with his mother and father often; he told them he loved his new job and said he wanted them to make plans to come to LA for Thanksgiving. He wanted them to see where he was living, and he didn’t want to go back to Dallas so soon. They told him what was going on in their lives. They said they were thinking about selling the house Jim had grown up in and moving into a modern loft in downtown Dallas. Even though they didn’t go into any details about Len and Janice Mayfield, they let Jim know in subtle ways their social life had changed since the previous summer. Jim’s parents had a new set of friends; most of them lived in Dallas. And that was all they said about Len Mayfield and his wife. Jim didn’t ask for anything else. They only spoke about positive things in their lives and how they couldn’t wait to see each other again, which made Jim smile and look forward to the future.
During one phone conversation after Jim’s father hung up, Helen asked, “Have you been seeing anyone in LA?”
“Mom.”
“I’m curious,” she said. “I want to know what’s happening in your life.” Then she hesitated for a moment. “I want you to feel free to talk about things, just in case you get into another situation like the one with Len and his wife. I worry about your judgment.”
Oh Lord. Now she thought he was hot for all older married guys. “Things are calm now. I promise.”
“You’d talk to me if they weren’t okay?”
Though he was surprised his mother would ask this, he knew she was trying to express interest in his life as a gay man. She was letting him know, without saying it aloud, she wanted to know everything that was happening to him…as if he were straight. This made him smile; he felt blessed to have a mother this wonderful. “I’ve been too busy to have much of a social life,” Jim said. “There has been a lot of travel back and forth to Cupertino with work. But I’ve made a few good friends here. We’re all single and we all have a lot in common.” Jim didn’t tell her that he hadn’t been with a man since he’d left Dallas. His last lover had been Chase. He wasn’t interested in meeting another man right now.
He didn’t tell his mother this either: each night when he went to bed, right before he closed his eyes, he thought about Len Mayfield and said a small prayer hoping Len was happy and doing well.
Chapter Fifteen
* * *
Almost one year to the day since he’d last traveled to Dallas by plane, Jim met his mother at the airport. It was Memorial Day weekend and Jim’s mother and father had invited him home to celebrate his father’s fiftieth birthday. His father’s milestone birthday wasn’t a large party or a huge event; just Jim and his mother. Jim’s father had been having mixed emotions about turning fifty and didn’t want to make a big thing of it. Jim’s mother said he was going through mid-life crisis…to the point where he’d bought himself a brand new bright red Corvette.
Instead of taking Jim back to the house where he’d grown up, Helen drove him to a five thousand square foot loft she and Jim’s father had purchased that winter. She parked next to a red Corvette in an indoor garage; she frowned and told Jim they’d paid forty thousand dollars extra to own their parking spaces. She gestured to the Corvette and said, “There’s your father’s mid-life crisis. I suppose it’s better than him having an affair. And to be honest, I kind of enjoy driving it, too. I actually learned how to drive a manual transmission. We have fun on the weekends taking road trips.”
Jim smiled. He never would have guessed his father would have been the type to drive a Corvette, let alone a red one with a manual transmission. He kissed his mother and said, “I have a friend in LA who thinks it’s very sexy when a woman in a short skirt drives a stick shift.”
Helen’s face turned red and she laughed. “Well, my short skirt days were over about fifteen years ago.” Before she climbed out of the car she poked his ribs and said, “C’mon. Let’s go inside and have lunch. You look like skin and bones.”
Jim had changed a little since he’d last seen them at Christmastime. They’d flown to LA to spend the holidays with him, partly because the Dallas house had been upside down from packing for the move and partly because Jim still didn’t want to go home to Dallas. He didn’t want to run into Len, or anyone in the Mayfield family. Since he’d last seen his parents, he’d begun a new workout regimen that built his muscles and thinned his body fat. Though he’d never been overweight, his clothes were loose and his stomach had those ridges he’d always wanted. He had a natural tan just from being outdoors in LA and he’d lightened his hair a little. They weren’t obvious changes that people who saw him daily would notice. But people who hadn’t seen him in a while would definitely take stock and wonder for a moment.
When they went up to the new loft, Jim’s father hugged him and gave him the grand tour. The main living space was an open floor plan, with exposed brick and modern black leather furniture. Jim followed his father with his mouth open and his hand on his chest. This was nothing like the conservative home where he’d grown up. Where were the tall Greek columns and Asian vases? This was the complete opposite of everything he’d ever known about his parents and it made him smile. Returning to Dallas, with all these changes, wasn’t as hard as he’d thought it would be. There was nothing in the loft that reminded him even remotely of Len Mayfield or what had happened the previous summer.
When they went out for the birthday dinner that night, to a small restaurant in Dallas where his father was certain they wouldn’t run into anyone they knew that would acknowledge his birthday, Jim’s mother tipped the waiter to bring a small cake out after dinner, with one tiny candle. When Jim’s father saw the waiter approach with the cake, headed directly for their table, he frowned for a moment. But Jim’s mother thought fast and said, “I know you didn’t want anything elaborate, but you can’t deny me one little cake and one candle. Is that too much to ask?” Jim and his father exchanged glances and shrugged. Though Jim could see his father wasn’t thrilled about the cake or the candle, he smiled and kissed Helen on the cheek. “That was very thoughtful, dear. Thank you. But if you start to sing happy birthday in front of all these strangers, I’m getting up and I’m leaving.”
Helen knew better: they didn’t sing or make a fuss. After Jim’s father blew out the candle and made a wish, Helen cut the cake and served it. Jim told her he only wanted a small piece because he didn’t want to ruin his high protein diet. But she cut him a large slice anyway and he decided it would be much better to just smile, eat what he could, and say thank you.
During coffee, Jim’s father asked, “So how do you like the new loft?”
“I love it,” Jim said. “I would love something like that in LA.” He’d just purchased the home he’d been renting. He had a lot of renovations to do. The electric range in the kitchen, with knobs and dials, was about twenty years older than he was.
“We’ve never been happier,” said Helen. “Some of our friends are doing the same thing after they saw us make the decision to sell the house. When you get older
you start to want more freedom and you don’t get that with a big house, a ranch with tons of property, and stables. We can come and go as we please now without worrying about landscapers or pool people or horses.”
While Jim’s father started to tell him about what some of their friends were doing, Jim wondered what had happened to Len Mayfield and his wife. Jim didn’t dare ask. Though his parents had accepted his lifestyle and supported his decisions, he knew how they felt about what had happened with Len Mayfield. He was certain his mother and father had stopped all communication with Len and Janice after he’d left Dallas. And there was no reason to upset them that night.
So Jim told them a little about some of the renovations he was planning for his house in LA. He also told them he’d just adopted a new puppy, a Labrador-poodle mix he’d named Clinger. When his mother asked why he’d named the dog Clinger, he smiled and said, “Because he clings to me everywhere I go. I didn’t name him for the first two weeks I had him. I wanted to give him a name that fit with his personality. When I realized that he never leaves my side, I figured Clinger would be the perfect name.”
Helen loved dogs. It was only recently they hadn’t had them. Jim had grown up with dogs, cats, fish, and rabbits around the house, not to mention the horses. Jim realized the magnitude of the life-change must have been hard for her at times. “Where is he now?” Helen asked. “Why didn’t you bring him?”
