by Elle Thorpe
“Hey, baby,” one of the women called out. “Looking good today.”
I tried to edge around the men, ignoring the fact that Randall stuck a foot out in an attempt to trip me. He and his friends sniggered, watching me as I passed.
The woman across the walkway pouted at the lack of attention. “Baby. You didn’t even notice what I did with my hair.”
Randall turned to his friends and raised one eyebrow, the two of them egging him on with taunts about his missus being high maintenance.
She shoved her hands on her hips, waiting for his reply. When it came, it obviously wasn’t what she’d been expecting.
“Why the hell would I care? It’s only good for hanging on to while you suck my dick.”
I kept jogging, but the small size of the yard meant I still heard and saw every word of their shouted conversation.
The woman’s mouth dropped open. “You don’t talk to me like that. You wish I’d suck your puny cock.” Some of the other women roared with laughter, a few of them making tiny dick gestures.
Randall stuck his middle finger up at her. “Whatever, bitch. Don’t fucking need you anyway.”
He’d picked the wrong woman to tangle with. That much was clear. She was faster and wittier than he was. “Nah, baby. You don’t need me. You got your boys, right? They suck that dick real good?”
I fought back my amusement, keeping my head down, eyes glued to the cement while I pounded over it. I liked a woman who could put a moron in his place.
Her boy on this side was floundering, searching for a way to save face. “We got a hot new blonde bitch over here. The new teacher is fine, baby! Not a crusty old…”
I didn’t even hear the rest of their argument. My fingers clenched into fists, and it was a struggle to keep my pace even. What I really wanted to do was put on a burst of speed, fly across the courtyard, and ram my fist straight into this guy’s mouth for talking about Mae like that.
But that would only end with me making enemies or locked in solitary. Which would also mean not seeing Mae when she came in to teach. As it was, that guard Pritchard glanced in my direction from his position in the corner of the yard, talking to two other men in uniform. His gaze raked over me, hard and calculating, and I knew exactly what he was looking for. He hated the connection between me and Mae. Hated he didn’t know exactly what it was. I knew his type. Complete control freaks who went into this line of work because they got off on telling grown men what to do.
I wouldn’t give him what he wanted. So I let Randall run his mouth about Mae. I let him talk it up, let him make his prison wife jealous, all while letting it build inside me. Because the anger was easier than the guilt. Mae wouldn’t have been here at all if not for me.
I’d thought of nothing but her for the past twenty-four hours and the feel of her against my chest when we’d been in that tiny bathroom together. I needed more of that. It was what I’d clung to as I’d lain awake in my bed last night, listening to the sounds of the other prisoners around me and trying to forget where I was.
It wasn’t safe for her to be here. But at the same time, there was nothing I could do about it. I knew how determined she was. It was a miracle she was on my side at all. I doubted anybody else was. I’d called my mother to let her know where I was, and all she’d done was laugh. “Guess you aren’t really all that much better than us after all.”
I’d hung up without responding. I’d never thought I was better than them. My mom with her drinking and drug habit. My sister who’d been hell-bent on going down the same path. I’d just wanted to make something of myself. School was never my thing, but I’d wanted more than the life my mother had lived, crabby and aged well beyond her years by substance abuse. Beaten down and abused by the men in her life.
After dropping out of school, I’d looked for apprenticeships in a kitchen, but all I’d been able to find was dishwashing jobs. I’d been set to take one, ready and willing to work my way up from the bottom when the landscaping job had fallen in my lap. The father of a kid I’d gone to school with needed some grunt work done. He’d offered me more money than the dishwashing job, and so I’d taken it. Because to a kid from Saint View who didn’t have a cent to his name, even a few dollars above minimum wage seemed like a better bet than chasing some stupid dream of being a world-famous chef.
So I’d let the dream go, never to mention it again.
Except to Mae.
I didn’t know what it was about her. She’d just always been easy to talk to in a way that nobody else was. Jayela hadn’t been one to ask about my hopes and dreams. She was too practical for that, focusing only on what was right in front of her. But Mae had asked. Mae had watched me with interest and listened when I spoke. She read between the lines, hearing the words I wasn’t saying, and fought for more.
I’d been blinded by how hard I’d fallen for her sister, even though in hindsight, Jayela had been right. The two of us didn’t work. Had things been different, and we’d stayed together, we would have destroyed each other.
I’d never seen what was right there in front of me. I’d never noticed that Mae was nothing like Jayela. Not even a little bit.
I noticed now.
Jayela would have looked at the evidence and declared me guilty. Mae looked past that to the man I truly was.
She saw me. It was a heady feeling, that knowledge. One I wasn’t sure I’d ever experienced in my life.
I ran past Pritchard and tried not to make eye contact with him, though he stared at me like he could read my thoughts. And even though I knew he couldn’t, I pushed the thoughts of Mae away, wanting to save them for myself. Instead, I found myself wondering if the man had ever even been in a fight, because his nose was so impossibly straight, I doubted it had ever been broken.
He laughed at something one of the other guards said, ignoring the hollering from the female prisoners trying to get his attention. It was as if their catcalling was complete background noise to him. The man had to be used to it. He probably had women throwing themselves at him at all hours of the day, and a different woman in his bed every night.
I shook my head as I ran past, making sure he didn’t see me watching him. I didn’t need to be wondering about a guard. I shouldn’t even be thinking about Mae. She wasn’t mine to think of. All I needed to be doing was praying she had some way of getting me a good lawyer.
20
Mae
Mae
My first night at the women’s prison went a little bit differently to my first night at the men’s. For starters, there was no sinfully hot guard to greet me in the reception area. There was actually nobody to greet me at all, since it was after hours and anyone on a reception shift would have left at five. But my swipe card worked, as did the pin code Rowe had given me during my last shift. So I wandered along, looking for someone to help me or for a door marked as the schoolroom, butterflies rioting around my belly at the thought I may find the prisoners before I found the employees.
But a few steps farther down the hallway, a door to my left was marked with a single word: Infirmary. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that while there would be patients inside, there would also be staff who would hopefully be kind enough to point me in the right direction. I knocked timidly on the door, cringing at the sounds of a woman’s moans of pain from the other side.
But the head that popped out from behind the blue surgical curtain was sunny, with the brightest smile I’d possibly ever seen. Her hair was the deepest of auburns, and freckles dusted her pale skin.
“Well, you aren’t a sick prisoner, are you?” She pushed back on the bed frame, which sent the black stool she was sitting on rolling across the linoleum floor. Her maroon surgical scrubs hung loosely on her frame, and she pulled latex gloves from her hands, dropping them in a trash can to her left as she stood. “Should I be concerned, or do you come in peace?” She cocked her head to one side, studying me.
I shook my head. “I’m Mae. New teacher? I’m supposed to start here tonight
, but I’m not really sure where I’m supposed to be.”
The woman rolled her eyes. “And yet you managed to get all the way back here? Unbelievable. I’m sure Thad was supposed to meet you, but he’s probably asleep in the guard’s room. It’s been a quiet night—”
The prisoner’s moan of pain cut the nurse off, and we both looked over. The woman in the bed didn’t wear the ugly orange jumpsuits the prisoners did. Her frail shoulders were covered by a flimsy hospital gown that slipped to one side, exposing her aged and wrinkled skin. Her lined face contorted in pain, but when it cleared, she focused on me. “Are you from the church?” she rasped. Hope lit up her gaze.
“Uh, no. Sorry. I’m the new teacher…” I glanced at the nurse beside me, but she gazed at her patient, her face somber.
A tear slipped from the old woman’s eye. “Are they coming soon, Perry? They will come, won’t they?”
Perry edged around the bed and took the woman’s slender hand. It was clear even to me that this woman was at the end of her life. She seemed barely a shell, frail enough to fly away on the back of a gentle breeze should someone open a window. But it was the depth of sorrow in her watery blue eyes that made my heart ache. She didn’t look like a woman who had committed crimes. She could have been someone’s grandmother, wasting away in an infirmary bed.
I swallowed hard, a ball of emotion rising in my throat.
Perry squeezed the woman’s fingers. But she didn’t make her any promises. “Just try to rest, okay? You need sleep.”
The patient closed her eyes, her lids as thin as rice paper. Perry stood and steered me out into the hallway with a heavy sigh.
“She’s dying?” I asked quietly, walking slowly away.
Perry nodded. “Soon, I suspect. A week or two, maybe. Terminal cancer. Diagnosed a few months back.”
“They don’t release terminal inmates so they can be with family when they pass?” I was well aware that some of these women were truly bad people. But I suspected a lot weren’t. They were just ordinary women who had made bad choices or been pushed into bad situations in order to survive. Nothing was ever as black-and-white as good and bad. Most people fell somewhere in the middle.
“Sometimes. But not this time.” Perry’s gaze hardened. “It makes me mad. Myra didn’t even try for early parole. She knew it wouldn’t be granted. She’s tried many times in the past, and each one was denied. All she wants now is for a priest to come and bless her before she dies. To confess her sins and pass away, knowing that in the eyes of her church she’s been forgiven.” She gave me a sidelong glance. “Are you religious?”
I shook my head. “No. But my best friend and her family are. Strict Catholics.”
Perry nodded. “You understand how important religion is to some people then.”
I nodded. I did. And though I didn’t share Tori and Will’s beliefs, I respected them. “There’s no priest coming for Myra, is there?”
Perry shook her head. “No. The warden won’t allow it.”
“Surely that’s her right?”
“I don’t know. I believe so, but I also know there’s a lot of things that should happen around here but don’t.” She straightened her shoulders and plastered on a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “But at least you’re here now. We haven’t had a teacher in so long, there was probably cobwebs and dust over every inch of your room. I know they cleaned it out for you already, though, because one of the prisoners ended up with me after cutting her arm in the process. Something about a loose metal frame on the chalkboard. Wound was completely gross, even for me. So watch out for that.” The woman widened her eyes. “Oh!” She stuck her hand in my direction. “I’m Perry, by the way. Night nurse.”
I already liked her. I took her hand, squeezing it. “Pleasure. Do you work every night?”
She turned down another corridor, and I fell in line beside her.
“Monday through Friday, same as you, right? Last teacher didn’t work weekends anyway.”
I nodded. “I’m only in the women’s prison some nights, though. I’m teaching a high school GED class at the men’s prison as well.”
Perry looked me over and grimaced. “How did that go?”
I smiled, thinking about my two students, surprised I truly did see them that way. During the two hours I’d had with them, I hadn’t treated them as prisoners. Just men wanting to better themselves. The same way Perry obviously saw her inmates simply as patients. “There’s one student I like quite a lot. He worked hard last night. I can see potential in him. The other wasn’t quite as diligent, but at least he showed up, right? There wasn’t much other interest. That was a little disappointing.”
“Wait until word gets around about how beautiful you are. I bet that class fills right up. I’m sure Pritchard will have a conniption about that.”
I scrunched up my face involuntarily.
Perry laughed. “Girl, don’t tell me you’re one of those women who can’t take a compliment?”
I grinned at her. “It’s not one of my superpowers. But thank you.” Even though compliment uncomfortableness wasn’t really the reason for the face, it was better to let her think that than explain that the mention of Rowe had me feeling weird. A strange mixture of attraction, annoyance, and intrigue. I wasn’t about to tell this woman that. She obviously knew him and had no alliances to me. I didn’t want it getting back to Rowe that I’d been affected by the mere mention of his name.
Perry stopped outside a closed door. “Anyway. This is your classroom. Good luck.”
“I survived the men. I’m sure this will be a walk in the park.”
Even as I said it, I realized I was probably tempting fate. It was a rookie teacher error. If ever you looked at your new class list and thought, no sweat, great class! You could be sure that come the first day back, every one of those gorgeous students will have turned into complete monsters over the summer. You just didn’t ever say something would be easy when it came to teaching.
Perry confirmed it when she patted me on the arm. “Don’t underestimate them. They may not have the brawn the men do, but they’re smarter. Some of them are downright wily. If they like you, they’ll be your best friends. But if they don’t…”
I sucked in a deep breath. “I better make them like me then, huh?”
The inside of the classroom was not much different to the classroom I had on the men’s side. A mostly empty space, with a dozen or so scratched-up, old-school-style desks with the lids that lifted. There was none of the technology I was used to from teaching at a fancy private elementary school. All I had was a faded black chalkboard that had a 4-foot-high penis, complete with hairy balls, artfully drawn on it.
I sighed and picked up the eraser, readying to remove the image, when I remembered Perry’s words. I needed to make them like me. So instead, I put the eraser down and retrieved a discarded stub of chalk. I poked my tongue out the corner of my mouth as I worked, adding to the rude picture, feeling pretty amused with myself.
“Is this part of the lesson? I didn’t come prepared for drawing, I’m afraid.”
I turned at the interruption and gazed upon the middle-aged woman who had just entered the room. She was slim beneath her prison-issue jumpsuit, her long hair pulled back in a simple low ponytail. She didn’t move with confidence exactly, but her stride did have the determination of someone who knew exactly what she wanted. She took the seat closest to the teacher’s desk in the front row and peered up at the huge penis drawing that I’d added a smiley face to, as well as arms holding a little sign that said, “Welcome to High School Ed.”
“He’s friendly-looking.”
My gaze met hers, and we both burst into laughter.
Without really thinking about it, I held my hand out for her to shake. “I’m Mae.”
She stared down at my hand and smiled before she took it, shaking it gently, her eyes going misty.
I ducked my head so I could see her face better. “Hey. Are you okay?”
She
brushed at a welling tear with the back of her hand and gave a nervous little laugh. “Of course. I’m sorry. It’s just been a while…”
“Since somebody shook your hand?”
“Since somebody showed kindness without expecting anything in return.”
That hit me in the gut. And told me that I really had underestimated this place. If a handshake could bring this woman to tears, how awful was it in here? I shuddered to think.
I put a hand on her shoulder. “In my classroom? You’re just the student. I don’t care what you did on the outside. I just want to help make you a better person on the inside.”
The woman gave me a watery smile. “I’m Selina by the way.”
“It’s lovely to meet you, Selina. I think we’ll get on just fine.” I peered at my watch, then over at the door. “Do you think anyone else is coming? It’s only two minutes until I’m supposed to begin.”
“Oh, I’m sure they’ll all turn up at the last moment. But can I ask you something while we’re alone?”
“Of course. About the curriculum?”
Selina bit her lip. “No. I was just wondering… I heard outside on the yard that you worked at the men’s prison, too. My son-in-law works there.”
I froze. “Rowe? I mean Pritchard?” He was the only one I’d met who was young enough to have a mother-in-law this age.
“Oh no. Colt McCaffrey?”
“I’m sorry. I haven’t met him yet.”
“Oh. Okay. It’s just that it’s his birthday tomorrow. I was kind of hoping you might pass on happy birthday message from me.” She stared down at the desk and shrugged. “It’s silly. I mean, he and my daughter and her other partners are really good about coming to visit me. I’ll see them on the weekend. But I hate knowing he’s just over there, and I can’t even give him a hug.”
The door crashed open, and a dozen rowdy women stormed the room, yelling and laughing, one skipping around the desks like she actually was one of my first graders. Another took one look at me and barked. Like she thought she was actually a dog, she barked at me some more before sitting on one of the desks in the back. Another let her gaze run over me, taking in my professional pantsuit, and made a loud joke about the new teacher being a fancy pants.
