“Wonderful,” Nick answers for the both of us. “Can’t wait for our trip to the Bahamas next,” he says, referring to yet another trip Nick is planning after the winter holidays.
“Wonderful.” His father looks directly at me with a smile. “Nick informs me you’re living together now.” I mentally prepared for this line of questioning, but didn’t expect it so soon into the conversation.
Giving his father a pleasant smile, I say, “Yes, it’s true. His apartment is closer to my work, making the commute much easier.”
“Plus, having our own place gives us more privacy,” Nick comments, lifting our entwined hands up to kiss the back of my palm.
Regina’s brow arches high and I brace myself for her retort. “You’re still working?”
“Yes. I love my job very much.”
“What is it you do again?”
“I’m a physical therapist, specializing in sports injuries. I help injured athletes recover so they can return to doing what they love most.”
“Was Nick one of your patients?” I know from the manner in which she asked, she wants to know if I had been sleeping with him during his therapy.
Nick looks like he’s about to answer, but I quickly cut him off, feeling the need to answer myself. “Yes, he began as one of my patients. However, he refused to oblige to my guidelines during the first few visits so I had him transferred to another therapist by the second week. I refused to allow him to waste my time.”
Nick’s mother looks surprised by my response as she turns to look at Nick for confirmation.
“She did,” he laughs out. “It only made me chase after her. We started dating a month later,” he explains.
The conversation comes to an end as the waiter arrives to take our dinner order. The rest of the evening is spent discussing our trip and all the different places we should visit next. The smile on my face is one full of nervousness. Here they are discussing situations which should take place years from now, yet I have no clue as to what will happen tomorrow. Nick and I are still trying to adjust to sharing a roof.
Dinner ends and I’m so distracted in my thoughts that I’m faintly startled when Nick’s father pats my hand. “I’m glad to see the both of you so happy,” he comments. “Can I be hopeful we will be hearing wedding bells in the near future? Regina and I are not getting any younger and would love some grandchildren to spoil.”
The question has my heart halting then erratically beating back to life. Since the pregnancy scare, I’ve been meticulous about taking my pill every morning. As much as I would have welcomed a child had there been one conceived that night, it is clear it wasn’t meant to be. I thus returned to my original plan, adamant I would never become my mother. But to ensure that would mean I would never have children.
The discussion of marriage has only been brought up once, when Nick and I were in Italy and watched a couple walking the streets after their ceremony. He’d seen a future with me being a housewife with half a dozen children running around. My vision was the opposite: a relationship we would continue to build without any children. Just Nick and I. Always. The conversation escalated into an argument, leaving us silent for the remainder of the afternoon. I have been cautiously avoiding the subject since then. It’s too soon to be discussing forever just yet.
“We haven’t actually discussed the subject,” Nick lies to his father. The resentment is clear in his eyes as he briefly glances at me after answering. I can already feel the guilty tears welling in my eyes. The familiar dread of discussing the subject is arising.
“Soon, maybe?” his father questions, sounding hopeful.
His question makes me feel trapped, as if the room is closing in around me.
“If you’ll please excuse me.” Nick’s eyes go wide with worry as he stands with me. “I’m not leaving. I promise. I just need some air, Nick,” I reassure him. He gives me a nod of understanding before I walk away from the table, making my way towards the back of the room where I have spotted a set of French doors. Once outside, the brisk cool air surrounds me, allowing me to breathe as I wrap myself in my arms.
My mind is racing with visions of my mother. Screaming at me, berating me. Always drinking to shut out the world. My nightmare. I envision my children’s frightened faces as I scream in the middle of the night. I see myself failing to keep Nick happy, and at some point leaving for someone who isn’t damaged or broken. These are the reasons why I choose to not surrender.
My mind is completely distracted by my wayward thoughts that I’m unaware there is someone at my side.
“You have every reason to be frightened.” Regina’s voice startles me back to reality. Turning to face her, she stares directly in front of her, out into the lights of the city. “Marriage is a serious commitment. It shouldn’t be taken lightly.”
“I know.”
“Do you think you’re ready for it?” Her expression is blank as she asks the question, slightly terrifying me.
“No,” I truthfully answer. “I never plan on marrying. I tried telling Nick so he wouldn’t waste his time on me, but he refuses to listen.”
“It doesn’t surprise me.”
She continues to look out onto the city in silence for the next few minutes, my eyes following her direction.
“The first night we met, I was expecting the typical imbecile who wanted nothing more than publicity from my son. However, you proved me wrong. I believe that is why I like you so much, Taylor. It’s a quality I value in you.” I’m surprised by the admission. “You could care less about what he has, but care more about who he is. I didn’t quite see it in your eyes that evening, but it’s clear tonight. You love him.”
“I do.”
“But you’re scared?”
I keep silent, somehow fearful to admit she’s correct.
“I do have to apologize for that evening. My actions were uncalled for, but I don’t regret them.” In my mind, I’m painting her as the cruel and evil bitch she once proved herself to be, until she continues to explain. “They showed me how much Nick truly cares for you. You had already captivated his heart by that evening, which is why I ask you don’t let your fears make your decisions. Everyone deserves happiness. Including you.”
Those are her last words before she steps forward to surprise me once more when she hugs me. She releases me and turns to reenter the restaurant, leaving me alone on the balcony with my thoughts. Minutes pass and I’m soon following her same steps to return to our table where I find Nick looking anxious to know the reason why I had disappeared.
“Are you alright?” he apprehensively asks.
I kiss him to take the worry from his mind. “I’m fine,” I say then give him a reassuring smile.
As we say our goodbyes to his parents, his mother hugs me and comments into my ear, “Listen to your heart.”
Nick assures his parents he will keep in touch before we depart for the evening. The drive to his apartment is made in silence, but it allows me the time I need to compose the speech I plan on delivering. The ping of the elevator I’ve become familiar with over the last four months announces I have mere minutes to gather my wits.
Stepping inside his apartment, Nick goes straight to the living room, seating himself on his couch and tossing his head back. He lets out a large sigh. I recognize the frustration I may have caused by leaving the table earlier tonight. Taking the leaded steps over to his sitting form, I reach down and remove my shoes before I straddle his lap so I’m face to face with him. Placing my hands on his shoulders, he lifts his head up; his bright blue eyes stare back at me, searching for what to say.
Instead, it is I who speaks.
“I haven’t seen my mother since the day I left her. I haven’t thought much about her, and to be honest, I still resent her for everything she did.” His head slightly jerks back, stunned by my declaration. “I know you’ve told me your mother can be cruel sometimes, but regardless of her actions, she has never done anything so cruel to make you believe she doesn’t love you
.”
Nodding his head in agreement, he says, “True.”
“You know how I sometimes still get nightmares?” He nods his head, but keeps silent. Taking his face between my palms, I continue. “When I said I never wanted to have kids, it wasn’t because I’m too selfish to be a mother. I just don’t want my children to have to endure what you do when you pull me from my dreams. My nightmares now consist of me becoming my mother.”
“Taylor, that would never happen,” he grimly replies.
Feeling the pain in his words, I try to reassure him. “I want to believe it, but until I know for certain, I want to wait. I may not want kids today, or maybe tomorrow. However, maybe in time I will. Right now I just want to enjoy us.” Leaning down, I follow my words with a kiss.
We end our kiss by leaning our foreheads against each other’s. Nick’s hands grip my waist. I can feel his internal struggle as he says, “I love you so much, Taylor. So damn much I would do anything for you. But sometimes you make me feel like it’s not enough.” His declaration has my heart shattering in pieces inside my chest.
“Without you, I would still be the girl riddled with nightmares, refusing to trust anyone. I never knew what it was to love until I met you. Every day that passes is another day my love for you grows deeper. Stronger. To a point where I can’t imagine a day without it.”
“Enough to spend the rest of your life with me?” His question stuns me into silence. Would this be considered a proposal? “I’m not asking you to marry me, because I know you’d just say no, but I am asking you to spend the rest of your life with me. I love you, and I can’t imagine spending another day without you.”
“I can’t either,” I confess. I truly can’t. He makes me . . . feel. He’s done it from the beginning. He’s the clarity I’ve been searching for to guide me to the light. Until now, my life never felt complete.
Nick lets out a reassured breath.
“But—” I pause as I choose my next words carefully. “What if I wanted to marry you?”
He grins, tugging me forward so our faces are mere inches apart. “I’d be an idiot to tell you no,” he declares before closing the gap between our lips.
“HAPPY ANNIVERSARY,” NICK’S sleep filled voice murmurs into my ear. Moaning my satisfaction in return, I snuggle deeper into the covers to savor the last minutes we’ll have before we truly have to rise. The warmth of his arms and body has always been my sleep advocate, which makes it harder every day to get up.
“I’m surprised you remembered,” I mumble into his chest.
He stiffens, and when I lift my chin up to look into his eyes, he looks shocked. It makes me giggle. Of course he remembers. In the last ten years he’s never forgotten. After all, it was he that suggested we wed in the Bahamas exactly one year from the day we met at his very first appointment.
The ceremony was simple and intimate, merely a handful were in presence. Katie stood as my maid of honor, his brother was his best man, and his parents were witnesses.
Nick stood across from me as we declared our love to one another and became man and wife. It was perfect in my eyes. I still ask the stars above how I got so lucky.
Rolling our bodies, my legs willingly fall open as he hovers above me. I can already feel what will most likely be my first anniversary present of the day. He nuzzles the stubble of his five o’clock shadow against my neck, slowly torturing my senses.
“How can I ever forget the day you left me chasing after you for the first time?” he asks, laughing as I remember that very same day. “I don’t think anything has changed since then,” he adds.
The comment dampers my mood as I recall my only defense when we disagree. I do still walk away to avoid any confrontation with Nick, leaving the argument without a resolution and forcing Nick to chase me in order to come to a resolution. Bad habits don’t die easily and this one is still living strong.
“But I do love the result when I’ve caught you,” he continues.
My smile returns, along with all the memories of those results. Makeup sex with Nick has and will most likely always be worth fighting for. Our relationship still hits bumps in the road every now and then, but finding mutual ground has made our love for one another stronger. There isn’t a day that passes he doesn’t give me a reason to love him more.
The grinding of his hips lets me know just how happy he is to have me in his life, and sparking the desire I feel for him on a daily basis. His lips trailing kisses down my neck further ignites those desires. Wrapping my leg around his waist, I pull him harder to me, earning me a moan which vibrates against the nipple now in Nick’s mouth. We’ve only just begun our teasing and I’m already pulsating from head to toe. Reaching between our bodies, my hands are struggling to push Nick’s boxers down when I hear the stomping of little footsteps. Seconds later, our door is thrown open and a burst of giggles is heard.
“How is it possible they wake up so damn early?” he groans into my neck.
My giggle echoes those that were heard only moments ago.
“Daddy is kissing Mommy again!” is shouted right before I answer Nick. “It’s because they have your energy,” I laugh out before gently shoving Nick off and adjusting my tank top Nick had managed to pull down to get to his prize. The boys have already climbed up into the bed and are shoving themselves between the two of us.
“Why do you guys always have to be in the middle? Daddy wants to be next to Mommy sometimes,” he whines, sounding like his sons when they don’t get their way.
“No!” one stubbornly shouts, while the other responds with, “She’s our mommy!”
“She was mine first,” he argues, adding a wink as I laugh at his response. “What time is their nap?” Nick asks from the other end of the bed, now wagging his brows.
“No naps! No naps!” they chant, making us both groan. Nap times can sometimes be a struggle in our home.
“Nobody ever said having twins was going to be fun,” I sarcastically reply.
The boys will be six soon and from the moment they arrived, they’ve been a handful, but Nick has been there from the moment that little stick turned blue. I don’t regret one day that I agreed to Nick’s request to have a baby. We were just surprised we were blessed with two. The day of our first ultrasound, when they’d delivered the news, I knew then my life would never be the same again. And from this day forward, it would only get more hectic as I present Nick with his anniversary present.
From my side, I watch as the boys both climb onto Nick, playfully wrestling with him, producing a bout of giggles to boom throughout the room. Every morning I look forward to this, regardless of how exhausted I feel when I open my eyes lately. Minutes later, all three are in a tangle in the middle of the bed, leaving me practically pushed to the edge. Nick’s eyes are looking in my direction, desperately pleading for help.
“Emmitt, Ethan, I think Daddy has had enough. You win.” They both throw their arms high into the air in triumph as Nick tosses himself back onto the bed, arms spread wide as his chest rises and falls as he pants for breath.
The boys look every bit still full of energy when they turn to me. “Mommy, are Grandma and Grandpa still coming today?”
“Of course,” I happily answer. “But not until much later this afternoon,” I inform them, earning me two little pouts.
At their suggestion, Nick’s parents will be taking the twins so he and I can have the evening alone. “Now run along and go wash up and meet Julia for breakfast.”
With little protest, they do as ordered. Nick follows closely behind them to help the boys with their task. The ping of a text message alerts itself on my phone, as it does every morning. I’ve come to depend on those alerts from Nick.
I love you.—Nick
Normally I would reply with something as simple as I love you more, but today I decided to change it up.
I’m pregnant.—Taylor
With a wide grin, I push send on my phone. Nick’s familiar footsteps can be heard making their way back into o
ur bedroom, as I’d expected. The click of the door is heard and I turn to face his wide eyes. With a grin, he crawls back onto the bed and hovers above me.
“Really?” His voice cracks from disbelief and joy. I nod my head. The shock lingers on his face for a couple more seconds before he widely smiles down at me.
“I believe we have some unfinished business, Mrs. Hunter,” Nick seductively growls into my ear, making me laugh. The sound of being called the same name I’d taunted him with from the beginning always makes me smile.
“Nick, the boys,” I remind him.
“They’ll be fine with Julia.” The husky tone he uses sends shivers down my spine.
“I thought you were too exhausted from wrestling this morning,” I tease, tilting my head so he can trail more kisses along my neck.
“I’m never too exhausted to wrestle with you.”
His hands are already working their magic and disrobing us both. Once we are both naked, his lips return to kissing their way down my stomach. He stops at my abdomen, his eyes intensely studying it. My fingers reach up to run through his hair as he lifts his head to look up to me.
“Are you sure?” he asks again, as if still unable to believe my news. We’ve only been trying for a little over a month. Because it took months to conceive the boys, we thought it would take just as long this time. I nod my head in answer. “I’ve got some strong little swimmers,” he brags.
“I hope your strong little swimmers give me a girl this time so we can be done,” I laugh out.
His eye grow serious before he looks back down to my stomach and places a kiss against my skin. “Boy or girl, I’m happy you’re in there.” His words melt my heart.
“Our life is about to get a little crazier.”
“But you trust me, right?” he asks with his usual wicked grin.
I’ve come to learn that nothing in life comes as expected. You have to believe in trust, but most of all, you have to believe in the ones you love.
“Of course,” I happily reply, believing with every ounce inside of me that Nick will not fail to be by my side every step of the way. From the very first moment he asked me to trust him, I have, and without a doubt will continue doing so until my very last breath.
Clarity Page 23
