Then from out of nowhere Cody stepped up to her. She blinked the surprise away, not sure if he was there to apologize or to criticize her some more. He removed his cowboy hat and without looking up and in front of all these cowboys, he said, “Sunny, I owe you an apology. I was wrong about you.” His eyes came up to hers. “You’re one fine hand. And you showed this hand that size or gender doesn’t matter. It’s what’s inside here that counts.” He thumped his heart with his thumb. “You surely have what it takes and much more to make that ranch of yours into something special. Good luck with it, Sunny.” He extended his hand toward her and offered her a timid smile.
Sunny shook his hand and gave him her best smile. “Thank you, Cody. Coming from you that means a lot.”
Finally she’d earned Cody’s and the other ranchers’ respect. Funny thing was, it didn’t feel as good as she’d thought it would.
* * *
Later that evening, exhausted from their long hectic day, Emmett and Minnie had gone to bed early. Jed and Sunny sat in front of the warm fireplace. His gaze slid to her, sitting with her eyes closed and her hands clasped on her middle, slowly rocking.
His admiration and respect for her grew more and more each day. She was the most amazing woman he’d ever known. The whole time she’d been at the Flying W Ranch, she’d worked right alongside the men, never once complaining about the grueling chores she’d been given. And she’d done them just as well as, if not better than, the men.
Today, watching her ride that bucking bull and untamed horse, roping that heifer in record time, running the skijoring course with ease and handling the men with grace when they deserved none, he’d realized that somewhere in the middle of it all, his admiration and respect for Sunny had turned to love. He could no longer deny it. He was deeply, hopelessly in love with the little spitfire from up the mountain.
His gaze trailed over her profile.
A yellow-red glow from the rising flames lit up her face, and her lashes brushed against her cheeks. She looked so peaceful. So beautiful.
Sunny opened her eyes and looked at him. He wanted to look away, but felt powerless to do so. “Thank you for today.”
“For what?” His voice came out low and broken, but she didn’t seem to notice. If she did, she didn’t say anything.
“For throwing the bull riding and untamed horse events.”
Surprise belted him like an outlaw robbing the bank. “What? “I—I—” he sputtered. How did she know? He’d tried to hide it best as he could.
“No sense in even trying to deny it. I noticed what you did.”
His heart raced. The idea of her being angry at him ate a hole in his gut. “Sunny, I didn’t do it because I didn’t think you were capable of winning. I did it—”
She leaned forward and placed her fingertips over his lips. He wanted to kiss the tips of those fingers one by one. Even more so, he wanted to kiss her lips with his own, but the time wasn’t right. If it ever would be.
She removed her fingers from his lips and settled her hand on the arm of her rocker where for him it was much safer anyway. Not as tempting to hold and to kiss each finger. “I’m not angry, Jed. It’s one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. I only want to know why you would do that when that money would have brought you closer to your dream of owning your own place. Why would any man sacrifice his own dream for someone else’s?”
He knew why, but he just shrugged. There was no way he could tell her it was because he was in love with her. Nor could he tell her that he wanted her for his wife and why that could never be.
Her hand rested on his arm. A warm tingling sensation rose up it and landed in his heart. He needed to move away but his heart kept him there with her. Jed was powerless to deny his feelings, but he knew the One who could help him, so he silently prayed. God, have mercy on me was all he could manage, though.
Chapter Ten
Sunny sat on her bed and re-counted her money. With the wages she’d earned over nearly two months, along with her small savings and the earnings from today’s competition, she had enough to go home. Home. While she enjoyed living with her aunt and uncle, she couldn’t wait to go back to the only home she’d ever known. Only this time her motivation was different. Strange how much it had changed even over the past twenty-four hours. Now it had nothing to do with proving herself to anyone. She was doing it for herself. For her love of ranching and that land. The only problem standing between her and doing that, though, was a handsome cowboy named Jedidiah Cooper.
Somewhere during her stay here she’d fallen deeply in love with him. She knew exactly when it had happened but at that time she’d refused to let him into her heart for fear he was like the men in her past. That fear had only gotten worse the day Jed had told her he wanted his own spread. The instant she’d heard that, her guard had come up, and she’d built a wall around her heart.
After today that wall no longer existed and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. Or how he felt about her.
Confusion grappled with her heart as she pondered the situation. Did his throwing the events and tossing away the earnings mean he really did care for her? Or was it some trick to get to her? To her ranch. She pinched her eyes shut and shook her head, hoping to rid herself of the mounting frustration.
She hated feeling this way about him, but she couldn’t shake the past. She had loved Duke Graham. Or at least she’d thought she had until he had crushed her heart. It had taken a long time for her to get over him. She had thought Duke was a good person, too. But she’d been dead wrong. Even her pa had been fooled by the man.
Were Uncle Emmett and Aunt Minnie fooled, too? No! No! She shook her head again. Jed was different. Their conversation at the hunting cabin slipped into her mind and how he’d said he wanted to buy his own place so that he could prove to his father that he was as good as his brothers. He even had a place in mind. Somewhere on the Troublesome.
Duke had had no such ambition. His only goal was to marry Sunny so he could get his hands on her ranch.
Sunny stood and paced the floor. Long and hard, she pondered out the whole thing. How Jed had stood up for her many a time when Duke hadn’t. How Jed helped her and never once made her feel inferior. How he had thrown two of the competition events so she could get first place and have a real shot at her dream. And how he behaved even when he thought no one was looking.
She stopped pacing. The decision was made—settled in her head and heart. Jed was worth the risk. Tomorrow she would tell him she loved him. She had to before she left for home.
Dressed in her flannel nightgown, she crawled into bed but couldn’t sleep. She lit the oil lamp on her nightstand, leaned her pillow against the wall and picked up her Bible. It fell open to Psalm 138, and verse 8 snagged her attention. The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me... She closed her eyes and smiled. God was giving her the go-ahead and she knew it. She prayed for His guidance, for the words to speak and for the perfect opportunity.
She woke up hours later with her Bible still draped across her chest. Darkness filled her room. She lit the lamp, and with her stomach buzzing about as if hundreds of bees were inside it, she dressed quickly, taking extra care in her appearance, and headed down to the barn. She could hardly wait to talk to Jed. She only hoped it turned out the way she wished it would and that the morning went by quick. Her nerves couldn’t take too much more waiting and neither could her stomach.
To keep her mind occupied, she went about doing chores, praying the whole time.
“We missed you at breakfast this morning.”
Sunny froze at the sound of Jed’s voice. The time had come for her to tell him she loved him. She closed her eyes and breathed one more soft prayer while she finished hooking up the horses to the tongue of the sled. Putting on her bravest smile, she stood to face him.
Jed stood only feet away with his bluebird eyes fixed on her.
Her heart leaped about like a frisky rabbit and her legs threatened to send her to the groun
d. Before that happened she slid around the rack and hopped onto the sled. Knowing the other men wouldn’t show up for some time yet, she drew in a long breath, crossed her ankles and swung her legs back and forth as fast as her nerves were traveling, then blurted out, “Jed, I’m leaving.”
* * *
“When?” The question was barely audible. Jed cleared his throat and tried again, fighting desperately to sound as if his heart wasn’t about to yank him forward. “When are you going?” He waited, dreading her answer.
Her gaze dropped to her lap before coming up to him again. “Day after tomorrow.”
He hadn’t thought his heart could hurt this bad, but it did. It felt as if someone was taking it apart bit by torturous bit. Jed wanted to beg Sunny to stay, but he couldn’t, and he knew it. He respected Emmett and couldn’t bear telling the man who had shown such gracious loyalty to him that he’d fallen in love with his niece. Couldn’t bear to see the disapproval on Emmett’s face.
A man he’d come to love more than his own father.
A man who treated Jed with respect and never compared him to anyone else.
A man who believed in him enough that he’d given him not only a job of rank, but had allowed Jed to be a part of his family.
“Jed?”
At the sound of Sunny’s voice coming from directly in front of him, he peered down at her. The urge to yank her into his arms and kiss her with all the love he had for her drove into him. As he battled not to, he gazed into her eyes without really seeing them or the softness or tenderness in them. Who was he kidding? He noticed it all. There was something different in those big brown orbs. Something he’d glimpsed now and again but didn’t know what it was.
She looked all around and then her gaze stuck onto his. “I can’t leave without telling you how I feel. I love you, Jed. I’ve tried not to, but I do. And I can’t lie to myself about it anymore. I love you. There. I said it.”
Jed’s blood stopped flowing. No. No, it hadn’t. It pounded in his ears loud, strong and fast. Sunny loved him? Had she really just said those words?
“Jed?” Her eyes searched his. “Please say something.”
In one heartbeat he closed the short distance between them and cupped her face. His lips captured hers, never wanting to let them go. Let her go. He continued to kiss her and hold her and only pulled back when it was necessary to breathe.
“Does this mean you love me, too?” Her breathless whisper yanked him back to reality. His hands fell to his sides and she very nearly fell without him holding her up. Confusion coursed through her gorgeous eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I—” He raised his hat and shoved his hand through his damp hair before replacing it. “I love you, too, Sunny.”
Her face brightened.
“But nothing can ever come of it,” he hastened to add.
Sadness replaced the brightness. “What? Why not? If I love you and you love me...”
He didn’t want to tell her what Emmett had told them. Didn’t feel right about doing that. “I don’t have enough money saved yet to buy my own spread. And until I do, I can’t even consider having a relationship with you or anyone else.”
“But, Jed, if you and I were to marry, you would have your own spread.”
“No!” He not only shocked her with his harsh response but himself, as well. “I have to do this on my own, Sunshine. I have to prove to my father that I’m just as good as my brothers are. That I’m equally as capable of making my way in this world and providing a comfortable living for my wife and children.”
“Jed.” She laid her hand on his arm.
He wanted to snatch her hand up, hold it against his chest and never let go of it, but that wasn’t fair to her to keep holding on when nothing could ever come of it.
“I completely understand how you feel.” When she looked at him, there was a soft trust in her eyes that called to his soul. “I wanted to prove myself, too. To all those men and to all those ranchers at the competition. But once I did it, once I beat them at their own game, I can’t explain it, but I really didn’t feel no different than before. It’s like I’ve come to realize it wasn’t about them at all. It was about me. I needed to learn I was all right no matter what they thought. That what I do or what they think of me don’t make me who I am.”
She paused, still looking up at him. “Don’t you see this isn’t about your pa and whether or not he approves of you. You gotta be all right with yourself first. ’Cause if your pa never does approve of you and you don’t let that go, you’ll be miserable the rest of your life. Trust me, I know that one.” The smile she sent him was definitely one of understanding and not judgment.
“You know what else?”
He couldn’t wait to hear this one.
“I don’t mean to sound like a preacher but I’m finally seeing that I cared more about man’s opinion than God’s. Not no more. Not since God and I had a long talk the other night. I now know I don’t have to prove myself to anyone anymore. Because God’s already pleased with me and that’s enough.”
Jed thought long and hard about what Sunny had said. The very thing that drove her all those years drove him, too. Only she wanted to prove to herself and to everyone else around her that though she was small and a woman, she was more than capable of doing everything they did. Whereas he wanted to prove to his father he was as worthy of his father’s approval as his brothers were. All his life he’d struggled to gain his father’s approval above anything else. Even above his Heavenly Father’s approval. Jed slammed his eyes shut. Dear Lord, what have I done?
* * *
Sunny hadn’t meant to hurt Jed, only to help him. Maybe she’d gone too far in telling him what she had. The fear of losing him yanked the breath right out of her. God, help me here? An idea dropped into her mind. Doing it would be the biggest risk she’d ever taken yet. But Jed was worth it. “Jed?”
His eyes slowly opened and torment filled them.
Not caring what he thought, she pulled him to her and ran her hands up and down his back in hopes of soothing his hurt. He let her and even seemed to respond to her if the muscles relaxing under her hands were any indication. That gave her a little bit of peace. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she whispered so as to not break the moment between them.
Jed pulled back and that moment left anyway.
“Sunny, I—”
Sunny quickly pressed her fingers to his lips. “Please, let me finish, okay?”
He nodded, so she removed her fingers.
“Because I know how important it is for you to earn your pa’s respect and to prove not only to him but to yourself that you can, I have a proposition for you.”
One brow spiked on his manly forehead, then dipped. “What kind of proposition?”
“I want to sell you my ranch. At a fair price, of course,” she said, hoping her offering would give them both what they wanted. If not, in one single second, she just may have very well given up her whole future and the one thing that meant more to her than anything else. With the exception of Jed, that was.
Jed blinked and blinked again. “No, Sunny. I can’t let you do that. Thank you for the kind offer, but I can’t accept it. I have to do this on my own. You understand. I know you do.”
Oh, she understood all right and her love for him grew even stronger. He had just proven what she already figured out to be true. He didn’t want her for her ranch. Without thinking it through, she pulled his face down to hers and kissed him long and tenderly, allowing her mouth to show her love and gratitude, but most of all her respect for him.
He didn’t pull away even though she felt his surprise. Instead his lips moved with hers, melting into them with their softness. Contentment streamed into her, knowing they would be together somehow. How? That, she didn’t know. But she had faith in Jed, and even more now in God, and that was enough.
* * *
Reluctantly Jed stopped the kiss but continued to hold her. No one had ever loved him like Sunny did. No one had e
ver believed in him like she did. She had proven that just now by offering him the one thing that meant the most to her—her family’s ranch. The love he had for her rose another notch.
There was no way he would let this woman slip from his life. She meant more to him than anything else in this world—even earning his father’s respect. While he still wanted to buy a place of his own, he would even put that aside and move to her place just to be with her forever. Together they could restore it to its former glory.
Before he would ask her to marry him, though, he needed to talk to Emmett. He shifted her back and whispered against her lips, “I love you, Sunshine.” He kissed her until he found himself holding her up.
He needed to have that talk with Emmett as soon as possible. “We need to hurry and get chores finished. I have something important I need to do.”
She frowned and tilted her head. “What’s that?”
He tapped her on the end of her nose. “You’ll find out soon enough.” With those words he unwound the lines, hoisted her onto the sled, hopped on beside her and gave the reins a quick slap on the horses’ rumps. “Let’s go, boys. And make it snappy.”
Later on after the feeding was finished, Jed searched for Emmett and found him in his office. Jed’s insides were shaking like a sailboat in a storm and his turbulent emotions were right there riding on the rough seas with it. Thoughts of marrying Sunny rocked him one direction, and trepidation and fear of losing Emmett’s respect tossed him the other way. He reminded himself over and over again of Sunny’s words about all of that as he stepped inside the room. “Emmett. We need to talk.”
Emmett removed the spectacles from his face and placed them on top of the open ledger. “What’s on your mind, son?”
Son? Whew. Did he have to call him that? Gathering the courage he needed, he looked Emmett square in the eye and said, “Emmett, I know you warned us about Sunny, and I know you will have to fire me now because of what I’m about to say, but it can’t be helped. I’ve fallen in love with your niece.”
Jed braced himself for Emmett’s reaction, knowing his worst fears in life were about to be realized.
Colorado Courtship Page 21
