by Colleen Vanderlinden
Published by Peitho Press
Kalkaska, Michigan, 2017
©2017 Colleen Vanderlinden
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, email the author at [email protected].
Contents
More Books by Colleen Vanderlinden
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Epilogue
Note from Colleen
More Books
by Colleen Vanderlinden
The Copper Falls Series
Shadow Witch Rising
Shadow Sworn
Light’s Shadow
The Exile Series
Exile
Riven
The Hidden Series
Book One: Lost Girl
Book Two: Broken
Book Three: Home
Book Four: Strife
Book Five: Nether
Hidden Series Novellas
Forever Night
Earth Bound Demons of Christmas Past
Hidden: Soulhunter Series
Guardian
Betrayer
Zealot
The StrikeForce Series
A New Day
One More Day
Darkest Day
Day’s End
Contemporary Romance
Written as Ella Linden
Paradise Bay
Between the Lines
One More Time Imperfect
* * *
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Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
— Sarah Williams
Prologue
December, 1871
Migisi sat on the pile of furs and rugs in her cozy little cottage, watching Claire sleep. They were both exhausted. The last three nights, those surrounding the full moon, they had been up all night, suffering along with Luc.
In the past year, Luc’s curse had been unpredictable. Some months, he seemed almost normal, and the coming of the full moon was nothing more than an inconvenience. Those full moon nights, he would pace back and forth as his bear through the woods near her cottage. He never went far, but that in itself was more proof that he was in control. Those months, he barely said a word to her at all.
But the last three months had been exhausting for all involved. Luc’s curse was making him unpredictable, angry, and violent. Migisi looked down at her forearm, and the bloodstained bandage in which she’d wrapped it. She had been too slow, and he had been too full of rage or insanity, or perhaps both, to stop himself. It had only been out of fear of what might happen to her daughter that Migisi had ignored the blood spilling from her torn flesh as she fended him off yet again. Claire had wailed, cringing back in fear, and Migisi had struggled to focus amid the noise and pain. And fear. She did not try to pretend anymore. She was afraid of Luc, too.
And how sick was it that those mornings after the most violent episodes, once he had shifted back to his human form, Migisi reveled in the fact that he spoke to her, that he apologized? Those mornings, for just a little while, he was hers. She would take the violence for those few moments of peace, to have him look at her, speak her name. For just a while, she was not invisible. If it took his guilt to get to that, she would take it.
She did not know whether it was Shadow or her own sick soul that was to blame for that.
The Catholic missionaries who she’d lived amongst in her youth had often spoken of sin and penance. She had listened politely and then laughed it off. At the time, flush in the power of the Light, she had thought them fools. What could she, blessed by Light, embraced by it, nurtured by it, ever do to earn the need to repent?
And yet, here she was, forsaken and abandoned by the Light, hated by the only man she had ever loved. Living in conflict over Luc’s presence in her life. Every time he came to her, she thrilled in his nearness, just as she feared that this would be the night she slipped, the night she failed.
The night he took her life. Or, worse, her daughter’s. The last night had been too close, too frightening.
She watched her daughter sleep, and tears welled in her eyes. She had brought this upon herself. She had been susceptible to Shadow, had embraced it at the worst possible moment… and had cursed them both forever. But her daughter, her sweet, beautiful Claire, who Luc had delivered with his own two hands, had not asked for any of it.
She deserved so much better. She deserved a life free of the madness that surrounded Migisi and Luc.
Migisi buried her face in her arms. Light give her the strength to do what was right, just one more time.
Chapter One
Sophie sat on a folded blanket on the floor in her cottage. Her eyes were closed, and yet, she sensed everything. She could hear the fire crackling in the fireplace in front of her, feel the warmth that radiated from it. She heard the wind howling through the pines along the winding gravel driveway that led to her home, the occasional chirp of a cardinal in the pines’ swaying boughs.
She heard more. Unthinkable as it was, she could hear the roar of the falls, a bear in a nearby den breathing in its winter slumber. Sometimes, if she sat long enough, she swore she could hear the very trees nearby growing. With her eyes closed, she could see more clearly. She could see the magic that suffused everything around her. She could see the spells woven by the previous generations of witches who had called this land home, spells that would ward and protect the land and its inhabitants from evil. Even now, even with Shadow flowing through her, Sophie could feel the strength of those spells, woven of Light.
She could still see it, still sense it. It was like being on the other side of an invisible wall. All she wanted was to reach out and touch it, feel it just one more time flowing through her, but she may as well have been an entire galaxy away.
She gave her head a little shake and fell back into the meditative state she’d been training herself to inhabit. In this state, she could see exactly what Shadow was doing. Just now, Shadow was not doing much of anything.
In the last few weeks, as she’d been forced to accept that she lived in Shadow now, she’d sat with it, learned from it. Mostly, she wanted to know how to keep it from corrupting everything around her. What she knew, so far, was that if she focused, if she tried with everything she had, she could make Shadow be
still. When Shadow was still, it didn’t destroy the Light-imbued nature around her cabin. It didn’t cause the rage and madness she’d seen when Marshall had held this magic. It just… was.
What she hadn’t expected was to see so much more than she could before. She’d always been able to see the way spells worked, the way magic wove itself around her intention. But with the vast amount of Shadow magic she’d stolen from Marshall, it was as if now, she saw everything.
She saw that every living thing was suffused with Light. And Shadow spent all of its time trying to gain ground, trying to put out the light. But while Light was a natural, free-flowing magic, Shadow had to be controlled, caged, commanded.
It explained, maybe, why those who were of the Shadow were so full of rage. Having Shadow inside her was like fighting a never-ending battle with herself, one she knew she would not win forever. And if she were ever forced to admit it, Sophie would swear that Shadow hated her. Just as the Light had loved her, rescued her, Shadow hated her. It wanted her destruction.
She could accept that she’d lost things she could never get back. Light, of course. The ability to nurture plants and animals, to make the things she had once so easily created with the help of her magic. Thankfully, she had gotten the knack of cooking without the Light, but most of it was tasteless, nourishment without joy.
And she’d lost Calder. At the thought of him, Sophie gave up and opened her eyes. He’d kept coming around, even after everything. On Christmas eve, he’d sat with her, talked to her, and, to her confusion, kissed her. At the time, she’d chalked it up to nostalgia, something he would get over once the holidays were past. But he still came around even though she’d refused to let him in again. She found firewood, split and stacked outside her front door, almost every morning. Her mail carried up from the mailbox.
She didn’t understand him. She’d broken his heart, turned away from him, spurned him over and over again, and he kept coming back. He said he loved her, and she told him it was misplaced gratitude, for the fact that his curse was finally gone.
Because that was what it was, she told herself. How could he still love her after what she’d done, after she’d let him catch her with another man, after so many in their small town had been hurt or killed because of her?
Sophie pushed herself up off of the floor and picked up the blanket. She glanced at Migisi’s journals, stacked on the coffee table near the sofa. She’d looked through them all hundreds of times, hoping for an answer, something, anything that would be of use. In the end, it had been Migisi’s own words that had given Sophie the ability to destroy Calder’s curse once and for all. With it, she’d also destroyed the initial curse, the one that had made it so that being around Luc had slowly but surely turned Migisi to the Shadow.
She’d spent so much time hating Migisi for the way everything had turned out. But feeling Shadow now, knowing the amount of power Marshall had held… she could see how Migisi had succumbed. She hadn’t known she was under attack. She hadn’t known that Luc had been spelled into kissing another woman. She hadn’t known that all of it, every single sick act, had been orchestrated by the warlock who wanted Migisi for himself, who had promised a lost love that he would dedicate his life to eradicating the Light.
Sophie sat down and pulled one of Migisi’s journals onto her lap. This had been the final one, and Migisi’s handwriting had become messy, scrawling. It had given Sophie the clues for how to destroy Calder’s curse. She’d been so intent on the time on finding answers, she’d bulldozed her way through everything else in the journal.
Most importantly, the details about Migisi’s daughter. Not a child she’d had with Luc, of course. A man of God, Migisi had written, a man of the Light. And her daughter, Claire, had been born of the Light. Of course, Sophie had known that Migisi must have had a child at some point, one that had survived. The children she’d made with Luc hadn’t survived. Claire, the daughter of Migisi and an unnamed holy man, would be Sophie’s great-great-grandmother.
Sophie thought about that. Two lovers, one of Light, one of Shadow, created a child of Light. Was that because Light was stronger?
Or was it that there was still a sliver of Light left in Migisi, her true nature, and it had come forth in her daughter? Sophie hoped with everything in her that it was the second, but if there was even a chance of that, Sophie didn’t feel it. There was no Light left in her. Even a sliver would have kept her goats, Merlin, Gandalf, and Dumbledore, with her. Familiars all. And they had fled the moment she became Shadow. They had protected her from Marshall for as long as they could. Eventually, there had been nothing left to protect.
There were so many questions about the final days of Migisi's life. What had happened to her daughter? What had happened to Luc’s son, who he’d had with a woman he’d married after Migisi had cursed him? And why were reports of their deaths so varied? Some stated they’d died separately, in different ways. Some said they’d died together. All she knew was that they’d died on the same day. That had to be more than a coincidence.
Sophie set the book aside with a roll of her eyes. As if she didn’t have enough to think about. What did it matter how Migisi had spent her final days? For all Sophie knew, she and Luc had ended up killing each other. It would be a fitting end to what had clearly been a passionate, disastrous relationship.
There was a knock at Sophie’s door, and she sensed him immediately, just as she always did. Speaking of passionate, disastrous relationships…
“Not now, Calder,” she muttered, not getting up from her seat on the couch. She knew he could hear her just fine with his sensitive shifter hearing.
“It’s a gorgeous day, Sophie. Come on out. Let’s run,” he said, and she shook her head.
“I’d rather not. You should run, though.”
“It’s a lot more fun running with you,” he said, and she hated the blush that crept to her face. They’d had a few memorable runs, when Sophie had taken Calder’s curse and was suffering from the madness it had brought her. She vividly remembered making love to him on the ground in the woods behind her house, wild with need, mad with lust, a hunger that never seemed sated.
“I miss you,” he said, more quietly, and her heart broke a little.
“You should go,” Sophie answered. “There’s nothing here for you. I can’t be what you need anymore, and I don’t know how to be this thing I am now. I have absolutely nothing to give you.”
“All I want is you. We have shit to work through. We can’t do that if you won’t even be in the same house as me.”
“Maybe that’s a hint that it’s time to move on.”
He laughed, low, deep, a rumble that she swore she could feel down to her bones. “We both know that’s not gonna happen.”
Sophie bit her lip and closed her eyes, hating herself for what she was about to say to him, but needing him away from her. She corrupted him, too, made him full of rage and madness, just by being so strong in Shadow. The last thing she wanted was for him to hurt someone. He’d never forgive himself. So she took a breath. “I’ve already had a stalker, Calder. I didn’t like it any better when it was Marshall hanging around outside my door all the time.”
Her words were met with silence.
He stood on her front porch in silence for a few more moments, and then she heard his heavy footsteps as he walked down the stairs and away from her.
If he was smart at all, he would stay away.
Calder drove down the highway toward town. If he couldn’t pry Sophie out of her house, he could at least get some things done. He had two cars he was working on, and another that should be arriving in the next few days. Now that his curse was gone, for real, he was able to work again. It was strange to not have to use work as a way to try to keep his curse in check. Before, he’d found that if he kept busy, he could keep the curse under control a bit. At least, that had worked for a while, until the curse had progressed more, just as it had with his father.
Now, his work was a welcome distraction f
rom a completely different problem. One with dark eyes, a mass of dark, curly hair, and a body that fit so perfectly with his he’d swear they’d been made for each other. He wouldn’t lie, what Sophie had just said to him hurt like a bitch. Part of it was because he’d had the same thought, that it was creepy to keep hanging around her house when she didn’t want to see him. But he wanted to make sure she was okay, that she wouldn’t get cold, that she didn’t have to go out for her mail if she didn’t want to.
That she wouldn’t spend the rest of her days alone. She’d told him, one night, as they’d held each other, what it had been like when Marshall had started stalking her, how her parents, her young husband, had all met suspicious ends, and then there had been no one between her and Marshall. How her house had become both a safe haven and a prison.
It was happening for her all over again, except that now, the thing Sophie feared most was herself, and her house was the thing keeping everyone else safe from her. Or so she thought. Calder couldn’t imagine that Sophie would ever allow her Shadow magic to hurt someone. He knew it affected her surroundings. He knew it affected those who came into contact with her. When he was near her, his bear raged, angry, frightened, ready to fight. He could only take her in small doses before being forced to retreat. He knew she was trying to protect him and everyone else.
And as much as he hated it, he had to admit that he had no idea how to help her do that. If he could barely be around her for twenty minutes without feeling like he was going to burst out of his skin if he didn’t fight something, what could he possibly expect to do for her?
He hadn’t planned on stopping in, but Calder found himself pulling his truck into one of the parking spots in front of his friend Bryce’s studio. Bryce taught everything from martial arts to yoga, and he practically lived at the studio. At least, he had before his fiancee, Layla, had been hurt. Now, he kept more reasonable hours, and his non-work time was dedicated to being by Layla’s side.
Light's Shadow (Copper Falls Book 3) Page 1
