by Elle Casey
“How can a person as stupid as you are possibly be a doctor?” she asks. She sounds angry.
“You don’t have a gun?” Having her point tissues at me instead of a nine millimeter is a little bit of a let down. Did I read that wrong? Was she really here to show me something stupid and not kill me? Talk about an overreaction. Now I’m worried about losing my license to practice medicine.
“No, I don’t have a gun. What do I look like? A criminal?”
I take in her ridiculous outfit and plastic purse, along with the hat and the swollen lips. She looks like a drugged out amateur tranny reject from the wrong side of the tracks. Now I’m not worried about my license anymore. I acted completely rationally. Anyone in my shoes would have moved to defend himself.
“Do you want me to be honest?” I ask.
She sighs. “No. Lie to me.”
I do a quick re-evaluation. Now that I know she’s not here to kill me and I can see the real girl underneath the costume, I realize she doesn’t look as dangerous as I originally thought. “You look … mostly harmless.”
She tries to get up, but it’s a struggle. She rolls sideways and the chair goes too. Her personal items fall to the floor like droppings left behind by a goat.
She ends up on her hands and knees, and I have to look away before my imagination has me there behind her with my pants down. How she can be sexy even with all that stuff on, I have no idea, but it is what it is.
She brings my attention back with a loud thump. Her purse is now on my desk, in all its shiny pink glory. She’s looking at the wall behind me, the ceiling, and the floor … anywhere but at me. It’s obvious she’s uncomfortable, and my heart goes out to her. Anyone who would wear that outfit just to see me must be desperate.
“So … that’s quite a get-up you’re wearing,” I say as a form of peace offering.
“Shut up.” She grabs the wad of tissues she held up before and unwraps something from it. An item spills out onto my desk blotter. She turns around to get her chair back on its feet so she can sit down.
I stare at the thing she brought for me to see, and my heart pounds painfully behind my ribs.
What. The. Fuck.
Recognition dawns. It’s that goddamn ring!
“What in the hell is that doing here?” I’m furious that this bad luck omen has followed me all the way from that fucking fountain to here at my place of work, my sanctuary from all that craziness. I have a security system, goddammit! How did this happen?!
“I found it.” She’s the picture of innocence.
I’m so pissed, I can’t think of what to say. Obviously she’s trying to be a good samaritan, returning a lost article, but she doesn’t understand; I don’t want this fucking thing. It’s a giant, expensive, painful reminder of how lost I am, how screwed up my world is, how empty my existence is, how I’ve gotten it wrong more often than I’ve gotten it right. I need to move on from this life, but this ring won’t let me!
She sighs, probably growing impatient with my inner monologue.
“What … I don’t … this isn’t …” I can’t get a single sentence out. How did she even find this thing? Does she swim in fountains? Steal the money from them? And how did she know it was mine? Did she see me throw it in with Jeremy?
I growl with frustration, running my hand through my hair. The headache is back. Fuck me senseless.
She smiles. “You know, that’s exactly what I thought when I found it.”
“You say you found it?” Hope sparks in my heart and starts a tiny flame. Finders keepers, losers weepers, right?
“Yep. In a fountain. Not far from here, actually.” She tilts her head like a confused dog would and stares at me intensely. “Did you put it there?”
“I don’t want it.” I grab the thing and shove it back into her tissues, holding it out at her. “Take it back.” From the looks of her, she could use it. I’m certain she’ll want it now that she knows she has my permission to keep it. My confidence soars. I’m almost home free.
She shakes her head emphatically, dashing my hopes into the dirt. “No, it’s yours. I looked it up. You bought it, so it’s yours, not mine.”
“You looked it up?” What? How is that even possible? She’s lying. She has to be. She actually saw Jeremy do it and then she followed us. She just doesn’t want me to know she’s a stalker.
“Yes,” she assures me, “with the laser-etching on the stone. Cartier has a record.”
A flash of memory arrives, a phone call that Veronica screened for me... Cartier called here. Were they calling for her?
“A record?” I ask, not sure I understand. Hoping I don’t understand. “Cartier? They gave out my name to you?”
“You don’t have to say it like that. Like I’m some kind of maniac.”
I drink in her appearance, from the top of her frizzy bird’s nest hairdo to the tip of her nineteen sixties go-go boots. She must be kidding.
“Fine,” she says, her tone going bitchy, “I see your point, but this isn’t what I normally dress like.”
Then she disappears under the desk.
I have no idea what she’d doing down there, but I waste no time in remedying my little problem. I scrunch up the tissues and throw the whole thing into her purse as it rests on my desk. The ring disappears into its depths. I swear I can sense the sun coming out from behind dark clouds as it falls from view.
“No, of course not,” I say, covering up my tracks with conversation, “normally you dress like a hippy who’s an hour late to a peace rally.”
I yank my hand away from her purse at the exact moment that she stands up and points a tampon at me.
“Hey!” she yells. “Watch it, bud! That’s just plain rude and totally uncalled for.”
The relief I experience at putting that ring back in her purse is like being high on drugs. Seratonin molecules are coursing through my circulatory system, making me feel as though I’m floating on air. My feet are barely touching the ground right now.
I cross my arms over my chest, feeling supremely confident. Now I’m in the mood to tease her, not just because she’s going to deliver me from the evil the ring represents, but because she’s kind of cute when she’s mad.
“Totally uncalled for?” I arch an eyebrow at her. “I’ve met you four times, and three of those times you’ve run smack into me without looking where you’re going.”
She barks out a laugh. “Ha! That’s called projection, buddy. It ain’t me, it’s you. Don’t try to put your shit on me. You’re the one who thinks he’s soooo important he doesn’t have to look where he’s going, even when he’s in a crowd of people in the middle of New York City!”
I point to the door, afraid she’s going to find out what I did with the ring. Besides, she obviously doesn’t share my feelings; I think she’s cute, and she thinks I’m an arrogant asshole.
“Get out,” I order.
“Gladly!” She takes her purse and spins around.
“And don’t ever come back here!” I say loudly, hoping to intimidate her into wanting to leave fast so I can lock the doors behind her and that ring asap. I follow her as she leaves my office.
“As if! You wish!”
She storms through the lobby and yanks the doors open, helping them to slam shut behind her as she exits.
I turn to a stunned Veronica and motion with my finger to my lips. “Shhhh … make sure that door is locked.”
She nods and gets up, testing the handles. They always lock automatically, but I don’t want to take any chances.
I let out the breath I’ve been holding. “Do not let that woman in here again, under any circumstances.”
Veronica puts her hand on her chest. “Wow, did she … what did she do?”
“Nothing. She’s just not who she says she is, and I don’t want to see her or anything she might try to give me in here again.”
“She tried to give you something?”
I hate that I’ve given so much information away. “Just keep her awa
y, got it?”
She backs up a step, annoyed with me. “Yes, I’ve got it.”
I leave the lobby and shut myself up in my office, hoping my blood pressure will calm down soon. I feel like I just ran a four-minute mile.
I’m at my desk for less than five minutes when Veronica’s voice comes over the intercom.
“She’s baaaaack,” she says, evil laughter in her voice.
I push the intercom button. “Do not let her in.”
“I heard you the first three times,” she says, cutting off the intercom.
From inside my office I can’t hear anything. A little while later, I press the intercom button.
“Is she gone?”
“Yes. I called security and they escorted her out.”
Picturing Leah Betty or whoever she is being led away by two gorillas makes me feel guilty. But she asked for it, trying to force something on me I don’t want. Hopefully now she has the lay of the land and she’ll go trade that ring in for something she can use. Like a new wardrobe maybe.
I go back to my files, determined to get out of the office before seven. Eventually, a smile takes over my face and won’t go away. Imagine the balls on that girl, coming in here dressed up like a rapper of all things. Where would she get that idea from? She might be crazy, but she has my respect. And very possibly my admiration. I’ll bet she’s fun as hell when she’s on her meds.
Chapter Forty-Nine
JANA AND I SET ASIDE half a day to find Jeremy so we can discuss Cassie’s future with him and get him to sign the guardianship papers, but so far, we’ve come up empty.
“What about the brownstone?” Jana asks as we crawl the streets of Manhattan in her Audi. Cassie’s asleep in the back, thankfully. She may be tiny, but she has powerful lungs. I’m not sure if she fell asleep at her regular time or if she collapsed in exhaustion. Apparently, she hates riding in cars.
“I checked there before you picked me up,” I say. “He hasn’t been there since I found him the other night. The place is stale.”
“He’s not at his old apartment, so what’s next?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. As far as I know he’s not seeing anyone that he’d be staying with.”
“No way,” Jana shakes her head, “Laura is still fully alive in his mind. He’d consider it cheating to be with another woman.”
“All his friends have disappeared.” Jeremy always had more friends than I did. He says it’s because I’m too driven, too competitive. I say it’s because I never had any time to fool around; I was always too busy studying and then working. But all the friends we thought Jeremy had turns out were just there for the good times, not the bad. Not that I blame them; Jeremy has pushed everyone past the limits of common decency.
“Even Danny?” Jana asks. Danny and Jeremy were friends starting in first grade.
“Yeah, even Danny. I talked to him last night. He said Jeremy’s a total downer. Showed up at his house wasted, and the kids saw him falling all over the place, breaking things, mumbling about death and other bullshit. Danny had to tell him to leave. His wife was pissed.”
Jana’s face twists up in pain. “I hate to imagine him sleeping on the street somewhere.”
“I doubt he’s doing that, but wherever he is, it probably isn’t much better.”
Jana stops at a light and looks at me. “What should we do?”
“I’m going to hire a private investigator to track him down. He’s probably still using his credit cards. Anyone with access to those records can figure out where he’s staying, where he’s drinking.”
“What will we do when we find him, though?”
“Get him into a treatment facility of some sort, before he ends up in jail or worse.”
“Or worse.” Jana shakes her head as tears well up in her eyes. “Who would have thought his life would come to this?” She glances over her shoulder at Cassie. “Why can’t he see her and get out of his rut?”
“He’s in too much pain. It’s blinding him. Making him numb.” I stare out the window, wondering what it would be like to love someone so much that it destroys you when they leave. When Hilary left me it was a relief. I just cannot comprehend that kind of connection, but I know it’s real. At least for some people.
“What about the guardianship?” Jana pulls forward as the light turns green.
“Robinson says if Jeremy can’t be found, the court can go through the process of appointing you as guardian without his permission.”
There’s a long pause in the conversation, and I think we’re moving on to other subjects when Jana surprises me.
“I want us both to be guardians,” she says, glancing over at me. “I can’t do this alone.”
“You never mentioned that before.” I’m stalling. I had no idea she felt this way, and while I appreciate what she’s going through, I’m not sure I’m in a position to be that person for her or Cassie. I’ve never even owned a pet, let alone acted as a father to a child. I break out in a cold sweat just imagining it.
“I know, but I was thinking about your upcoming babysitting this weekend, and I thought it might be better if we took turns with her to some degree. Give her two parents or role models or whatever. I need to get out of the house more, get a job…” Her hands squeeze the steering wheel over and over. “I love Cassie, I really do. It’s just that I’m so tired all the time and I don’t get any interaction with adults anymore. I was going to wait until I was at least thirty-five and married before I had any kids.”
Seeing her so stressed out makes me feel bad. And selfish. I’ve been allowed to live my life exactly as I’ve wanted, but ever since Laura died, Jana’s life has been derailed. I need to find a way to do what she’s asking, even though I’m probably the least qualified person in Manhattan for the job.
“If you need me to, I’ll do it. Just relax. We’ll figure this out together.” In the back of my mind I’m picturing Jeremy getting his shit together and taking his child back soon, even though I know in my heart it isn’t very likely to happen.
I take a deep breath in and let it out. One day at a time, isn’t that how the saying goes?
“Are you sure?” she asks, pulling into a parking garage near my condo. “You’ve never had to be a parent before.”
Her reminder of how unqualified I am stings. “Are you kidding?” I give her my parking card so she can get past the barricade. “I’ve been parenting our brother for years.”
She smiles for the first time all morning. “And you’ve done such a great job.”
Ouch. I can always count on my sister to be real, at least.
“You’re lucky we’re all grown up now,” I say, reaching out and poking her in the ribs.
“I’m kidding. His bull … you-know-what … is no reflection on you and all the things you’ve done for him.”
I sigh as she guides the car into the second space reserved for my unit. “Maybe, maybe not.” Whether I could have done better by him is haunting me more often these days. I’ve never doubted myself so much before now.
She shuts off the engine and puts her hand on my arm, pulling me back into the moment. “Seriously. I was only kidding. He’s in a tailspin but none of it’s on you. It’s just the way life worked out. He was never good at handling tragedy. When mom died and then dad … it took him forever to get over it.”
“And he had Laura then.”
“Yeah. He had his rock. Now his rock is gone and he’s just floating out there in the ether.”
“And I thought I was lost.”
I freeze, realizing I’ve revealed too much, hating that I said that to her. The last thing I need is anyone feeling sorry for me, especially Jana. She’s already worried about too much as it is.
“You? Lost?” My sister laughs as she opens her door. “You’re about as found as a person can get, brother of mine.”
I smile so she won’t see how much I disagree with that statement. “True, so true. Ready for lunch? I had sushi delivered.”
“Sushi? S
ay no more. Just point me to my plate.”
Jana gets Cassie out of her carseat while I get her bag of stuff from the trunk. I have no idea why a ten pound baby requires twenty pounds of shit, but Jana says every bit of it is necessary.
“You can change a diaper while I’m here,” Jana says, placing the sleeping baby gently to her shoulder. She sounds way too happy about the idea. “Practice for your slumber party.”
I laugh, pretending like it’s no big deal, but inside I’m more worried than I’ll ever admit. I’ve got forty-eight hours of feeding, crying, pooping, peeing, and God knows what else ahead of me.
Jesus. What did I agree to? Am I crazy? I’m a surgeon, not a father-figure. Put a face in front of me that needs to be made to look ten years younger, and I won’t bat an eyelash. But a helpless baby? A whole weekend? Fuck me. I’m in so much trouble.
I follow my sister to the elevators and try to focus on other things. For example, crazy women who show up at my office dressed like rappers. I really want to tell my sister about her, but I refrain. After hearing about my semi-stalkerish good samaritan, Jana might worry about leaving the baby with me, and I know how badly she needs to get out into the adult world, even if it’s just for a weekend.
I keep my Shay Dee anecdote to myself, but even though I’m going through the motions of getting the sushi out and putting together bowls of soy sauce and wasabi, I can only think of one thing: Her.
Who is this woman really who came to me looking one step above homeless, trying to give me back a ring worth half a million bucks? Where is she from? What’s her story? And why does she keep turning up in my life? Is it just the ring or is it something else?
Laura used to say that finding Jeremy was part of her destiny. I always laughed at her when she said that, but now I’m wondering if there might be something to her theories.
Chapter Fifty
AFTER ESCORTING JANA AND CASSIE back down to the car and seeing them off, I go back up to my condo and lie down on the couch. I can’t remember the last time I did something like this — take an afternoon off and then be on the couch when I could be working. It feels strange. Not entirely unpleasant, but still, not quite right. Laura used to tease me and say that I have no idea how to relax, and I used to laugh her comments off. Now I’m wondering if she wasn’t some sort of angel, put on this earth to bring us all messages before she had to leave.
