Instead, he said, “I wonder if I might take you for a walk this afternoon.”
“Would this evening be all right? I have other plans for this afternoon. I mean, helping Mother with dinner.” She didn’t want him thinking she was seeing another man—but she was seeing another man. It’s just that the other man was Luke, and he didn’t count, but Mr. Bingham wouldn’t know that, and . . . this was too complicated.
“How about seven o’clock?” He didn’t seem suspicious. That was a relief.
“Seven is perfect. Thank you, Mr. Bingham. I’ll see you then.”
He gave her a nod and then disappeared into the line of people wending their way outside. Meredith paused for a moment, not wanting to look like she was chasing after him, even though she knew her mother and father would be waiting for her on the lawn—and probably wondering what was going on.
“I just knew you’d hit it off.” Cissie grabbed Meredith’s arm and gave it a hug. “Alex couldn’t stop talking about you last night. All the way home, it was ‘Miss Atwell this’ and ‘Miss Atwell that.’ At least he’d found something else to talk about by breakfast this morning, but I was about to bop him over the head before we finally unhitched the buggy after the party.”
“Oh, I doubt he mentioned me that often,” Meredith said. Her friend had always been prone to exaggeration, but it was flattering.
“I’m serious. He’s definitely interested. Jonathan told me he’s never seen Alex so taken with anyone before.” Cissie gave Meredith’s arm another squeeze. “Do you like him? Do you think that maybe . . .”
“I really don’t know what I think,” Meredith said. “We’ve only just met, and I can’t possibly form an opinion that fast.” She could, however, feel butterflies in her stomach when she thought about him. “I’m sorry, Cissie, but I need to go. Luke’s coming over for Sunday dinner, and I need to help my mother.”
“Luke’s coming over? Not Alex?”
“Mr. Bingham is coming over at seven. And you know Luke needs a good meal from time to time, what with his mother being bedridden and all.”
“True.” Cissie nodded, then grinned. “I’ll want to hear everything. What he said, what you said, how he looked—”
“You know what Luke looks like,” Meredith teased.
“You goose—I mean Alex, and yes, I know what he looks like too, but I mean, what he looks like when he looks at you. You must come over tomorrow and tell me about every single minute you spend together.”
“I’ll try,” Meredith said, not willing to make more of a promise than that. There were some things that were meant to be secrets, and if this was the start of a relationship, she and Mr. Bingham would have secrets of their own to keep. Of course, she supposed that by that point, she’d be calling him Alex.
She liked that name quite a bit.
Chapter Four
“Of course it’s all right that Luke is coming to dinner. Be sure to get down a basket and we’ll send some things home to his mother, too.” Jemima bustled around the kitchen as she spoke, her skirts swirling. “We have some cake left over from the party, and I have a loaf of fresh bread here I’m sure she could use. And get a crock for this soup.”
Meredith did as her mother asked, then set the table. Even when times were lean, they always brought out their nice dishes for Sunday, and made the meal an event. Sometimes they’d eaten nothing fancier than beans and brown bread, but the dishes seemed to make up the difference.
A knock on the back door pulled Meredith from placing the napkins, and she opened it to find Luke on the other side. She’d thought he would come right after church, but now it looked like they’d be eating first and then having their talk afterwards. She supposed that was all right, but she’d wanted to unburden herself right away, and having to wait would be difficult.
“Thanks again for inviting me,” he said, pulling off his hat as he stepped into the house. “Mrs. Atwell, I found these along the way.” He held out a bunch of yellow wildflowers.
“Aren’t those nice?” Jemima took them and turned to fetch a vase from the cupboard, then set the whole arrangement in the center of the table. “They add a nice bit of color.”
Jesse and Cora had left early that morning, as had Leander and Kizzie, so it was just Meredith and Luke at the table with her parents. It was a welcome change from the chaos of the house the night before. She’d enjoyed the party, but nothing made her happier than spending time with those closest to her.
Luke ate a hearty meal, but Meredith only picked at hers. The butterflies in her stomach had turned into lead weights. She could hardly wait until she could excuse herself from the table. As soon as the dishes were stacked and the water to wash them was on to boil, she grabbed Luke’s hand and dragged him outside.
“What’s all the rush?” he asked with a chuckle as soon as they were out of earshot of the house.
“Don’t you have any idea how badly I’ve needed to talk to you? You’re my best friend—I need your advice.”
He leaned on the fence that surrounded the property and rested his foot on the bottom rail. “What’s going on?”
Now that the moment had come, Meredith wasn’t entirely sure where to start. “Well, you remember Mr. Bingham.”
“Of course. He’s a hard one to forget. A fancy suit and a lot of bravado.”
“He’s more than that,” Meredith protested. “He’s smart and attentive, and he’s . . . well, he’s interested in me.”
Luke turned to face her. “What do you mean, he’s interested in you?”
Meredith felt heat coming to her cheeks. “When we were outside on the porch last night, he said . . . he said he’d like to get to know me better. As in, to get ready for courtship.”
“But . . .” Luke shook his head. “I’m not quite sure what to say to that, Meredith. I always thought . . .”
When he didn’t go on, Meredith prompted him. “What?”
“I just always thought that you and I would get married someday.”
Meredith couldn’t possibly have been more surprised. His words hit her chest like she’d been kicked by the cow. “Us? Luke, are you crazy?”
“Apparently I am.” The muscles in his jaw worked, and she could tell that he was struggling not to say even more.
“I don’t mean to be harsh. I just never thought of us that way. You’re my best friend, a brother, someone I can always talk to. I assumed you felt the same way.”
Luke shook his head again. “Funny how two people can see the same thing in such different ways. I’m in love with you, Meredith. I have been pretty much since the first day we met. There was something about you that just spoke to something in me, and I thought that someday, it would all come together. Maybe I should have talked to you about it, huh? Made sure we were on the same page?”
Meredith leaned on the fence and buried her face in her folded arms. This was horrible. This was absolutely horrible. How much time had Luke wasted on her when he could have been out with other girls, girls who could return his feelings? She felt sick inside knowing that she could never give him what he wanted. All they could ever be was friends, and this conversation might change that too. Everything would be awkward between them now.
“I’m sorry, Meredith. Maybe I should have held my tongue.” He touched her back, much the same as he had so often over the years, but now it held more meaning. “I’m happy for you—I really am. If Mr. Bingham is the right man for you, I’ll wish you well.”
Meredith lifted her head, her eyes now wet with tears. “I don’t want you to be in love with me, Luke. Can’t we go back and change that somehow? You deserve someone sweet, someone who will take care of you, someone who’s not nearly as independent as I am.”
He chuckled. “Your independence is one of the things I love most about you. Don’t you remember your first day in school here when we were nine? You corrected the teacher when he said that John Hancock wrote the Declaration of Independence. Here you were, this tiny little thing, standing up to a person
twice your height and three times your weight, and you didn’t have a speck of fear. That’s what did it for me.”
Meredith shook her head. “That’s what did it for you? I think you fall in love just a bit too easily.”
“It is easy when it’s with the right person.” He gazed across the meadow, looking reflective. “I know I’m not the handsomest man you’ve ever met, or the most dashing, but you know I’m dependable. In fact, you know me better than just about anyone else in this world. You would never have a reason to doubt me or my commitment to you. Please just consider it, Meredith.”
Her heart felt like it would break clean in two. She could marry him—of course she could. He’d take excellent care of her, although they’d never be rich. He’d make her laugh. He’d bring her flowers. They’d be happy working alongside each other and spending time together … but she didn’t love him, and she believed they both deserved to have a marriage filled with love.
“I wish I could change my feelings,” she said. “If I could, I’d fall in love with you right this instant. You’re a good man, Luke, a wonderful man, and I know you’d take the very best care of me. But we’re destined to be friends, and I just don’t think either of us would be content with that.”
“Love grows from friendship,” he replied, turning to face her. She could see the frustration in his eyes, and the sorrow. “The very best marriages are built on friendship.”
“I know they are, but there has to be something more. You may feel that for me, but I can’t return it.” How could she explain it in a way that he’d understand? “I should be in love with you—I have every reason to be. You are handsome, regardless of what you think of yourself, and you’re smart and kind, and I’m actually the stupidest girl alive not to be falling into your arms right now. But something’s holding me back, and I don’t know why.”
He nodded after a long moment. “I can’t try to make you feel something you don’t feel. Does this Mr. Bingham have that special something you’re looking for?”
Meredith felt her cheeks go warm at the mention of the name. That in itself was a positive sign. “I don’t know for sure, but I think maybe he does.”
Luke nodded again. “Just take it slowly, all right? We really don’t know anything about him except that he’s a friend of Jonathan’s, and friends can hide things from each other.”
“Do you think there’s something for me to be concerned about?” Meredith asked.
“Well, I don’t know about that. Maybe I’m just jealous. But I do ask that you be careful, all right?” Luke reached out and took her hand. “And you know that I’ll always be here for you if you need a friend.”
“I’ll always need you, Luke. Please don’t think that I’m going to throw you away. You’re far too dear to me for that.”
He didn’t reply, but gave another nod.
“And in the meantime, what about finding yourself a girl? I know Cissie’s always thought you were quite the catch,” Meredith teased. “Edward hasn’t made anything official yet.”
Luke laughed, throwing back his head. “Cissie? Oh, she’s a sweet girl and all, but she’s the one I always thought of as a sister. No, I won’t be courting Cissie.”
“Well, who, then? You said Lucinda wasn’t for you.”
He lifted her chin with his finger. “I’ve just lost the girl I thought I was going to marry. You need to give me at least a few more minutes before you start expecting me to chase after someone else.”
His tone was light, but the words cut her to the quick. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just trying to make myself feel less guilty by finding you someone else as soon as possible.”
“It will happen in its own due time. Now, I’d better get going. Your mother said she had a basket for me to take home?”
“That’s right. Let’s go get it.”
Meredith threw a few extra things into the basket before she handed it to Luke—some apples, a bit of butter, half a pie. Nothing she did would ease the ache she felt in her chest, though, and she wished she knew of some way to make it disappear entirely.
Chapter Five
Meredith must have curled her hair three times before she was finally satisfied with it. There wasn’t anything wrong with it, necessarily, but she felt fidgety and dissatisfied with everything. She’d thought that talking to Luke would give her some clarity of mind, but instead, all it had done was confuse her more.
She’d had no idea he was in love with her. She’d thought they were just friends, very good friends. Looking back, she felt utterly ridiculous, though. He’d never taken another girl to a dance or on a sleigh ride, and she’d never paused to wonder why. If she had been a good friend to him, surely she would have noticed that and asked him about it.
But that was one of her biggest failings. She was, by her own admission, self-centered. She’d grown up a little spoiled, a lot of that stemming from the fact that her throat had nearly been cut. Her parents had been deeply upset by that event, as was perfectly natural, and that had made them treat her a little differently from her brother and sister. Her birthday party was evidence of that—Kizzie and Jesse had never had such big parties thrown for them.
And Meredith had never stopped to think about that until now. She’d always just taken it for granted.
She sat down on the chair in front of her mirror and studied her reflection. How many times had she overlooked someone else’s feelings because she simply never thought to consider them? She wasn’t the only person in the world, but she certainly behaved as though she thought she was. If she’d taken even one moment to look into Luke’s eyes, she would have seen it, and she could have spared him years of planning and dreaming about something that was never going to happen.
When she heard Mr. Bingham’s voice downstairs, she dabbed at her cheeks, which had been damp ever since Luke’s confession, and headed downstairs. Her blue dress wasn’t as elegant as her red one, but she thought she looked rather well in it. Hopefully Mr. Bingham would think so too and wouldn’t notice her puffy eyes.
He was standing at the base of the stairs when she descended, and he looked up with appreciation. “Good evening, Miss Atwell.”
“Good evening to you, Mr. Bingham.” She reached his side and smiled. “Where are we going on our walk?”
“Well, you know this area much better than I do. I thought I’d let you be our guide.”
“I can do that.” She told her parents good-bye, then led Mr. Bingham out the front door and down the lane.
“How are you liking Salina, Mr. Bingham?” she asked as they walked.
“Very well, although I believe it’s time you started calling me Alex.” He turned and flashed her a grin. “After all, I did announce my intentions concerning you last night.”
“That’s true.” She smiled a little to herself. “And how are you liking Lane University?”
“Again, very well. I think I’ll like it all the better when I’m through, however. I’m almost finished, and then I’ll be taking a position in my father’s firm in Topeka.” He reached out and pulled a leaf off a tree as they passed, then twirled it between his fingers. “I dislike talking about money, but I feel you should know my position. My grandfather is a very wealthy man, made so by the shipping business. The position he’s offered me will give me a healthy income, one that would more than adequately provide for a house and a family.”
“I dislike talking about money too, but it’s foolish not to do it,” Meredith replied. “Money, or the lack of it, creates expectations, and people should know what those expectations are.”
“Exactly. And because I’ve indicated my interest in you . . . well, let’s be blunt. You’d have a large home, a generous clothing budget—everything you could want. And if that makes me a little more attractive to you, I don’t mind sharing the information.”
“You’re already attractive,” she replied, then wished the ground would swallow her up. How had she let that slip out of her mouth? “I mean . . . well . . .”
He grinned again. “I know perfectly well what you mean, and I won’t tease you about it. Much.”
“How long are you visiting with the Camerons?” she asked, trying desperately to change the subject.
“Just until tomorrow morning. I’ll be coming this way again in a month, though—as I said, I’ll be going home to Topeka, and Salina is right in my path.”
She raised her eyebrow. “Perhaps you’ve been studying a different map than I have, Mr. Bingham, but Salina is on the other side of Topeka from Lane University. By quite a long distance—a hundred miles or so.”
“It all depends on your objectives, doesn’t it?” He reached out, took her hand, and threaded it through the crook of his elbow. “And if my objective is coming to see you, I’d say that Salina is right where it’s supposed to be.”
Meredith couldn’t believe that he’d take a two-hundred-mile round-trip detour just to see her. “Surely there are other girls a little closer to home.”
“Of course there are, but none of them are you.”
She had no reply to that whatsoever, so instead, she asked him some naïve questions about the shipping business.
She had led him in a large rectangle, guiding him down cross streets and back up until they reached the Atwell property again. “Here we are,” she said, motioning toward the house. The sun had set, but it wasn’t fully dark yet.
“May we sit on your porch for a few minutes?” Alex asked. “I realize it’s getting late, but I haven’t quite had my fill of you.”
“I guess that would be all right,” Meredith replied. “But you’d best not stay long or my father will come out and demand to know your reasons for being here.”
“And what if I told him?” Alex said, giving her a rakish smile. “How would he feel if he knew I was here to win away the heart of his youngest daughter?”
“He’d probably shoot you before you could say another word,” she retorted.
Meredith's Mistake (Grandma's Wedding Quilts Book 4) Page 3
