by L. Wilder
“It will be ready, Mr. Yates. You know I wouldn’t let the kids down.”
“I know. I know. I’m just ready to get things started. Thanks for everything you do, Ms. Parker,” he said as he walked out of my office. My mind started reeling as reality set in. The project was my chance to make a real difference. I needed to stop acting like a foolish teenager and pull my shit together. I couldn’t afford to screw it up.
I knew firsthand how difficult being raised in the foster system could be. After my parents died when I was six, my older brother and I were put into foster care. Unfortunately, we were separated, and our foster families couldn’t have been more different. Tony was placed with a family that already included four other foster kids, and their backgrounds were nothing like ours. He was surrounded by troubled teens and rebellion during his most formative years. Sadly, it became difficult for us to keep in contact as the turmoil took its toll and engulfed his home life.
My foster life wasn’t filled with chaos and anarchy, though. Mine was… lonely. I was placed with a kind couple named Tom and Wendy who hadn’t been able to have children of their own. They were nice, but not nice enough to take on my brother. In the beginning, after relentless pleading, they let him visit on several occasions, giving me vague hopes we could be reunited. When that didn’t happen, I pulled away from their love. I didn’t want a new family. I had a family, and I wanted them back.
I wasn’t willing to just give up on being with my brother. He was too important to me. Through the years, I’d done everything in my power to keep in touch with him, but things changed and he started pulling away. He was always keeping secrets from me, and it worried me. I could see the angst in his eyes, but he wouldn’t talk about it. When I asked him why he was pushing me away, he told me it was for my own protection. I tried to understand why he was doing it, but it still hurt. There was nothing I could do to help him, but there was no way I was going to lose him completely. Even if I didn’t get to see him very often, I made sure to keep in touch through emails and phone calls, reminding him every chance I got that I would always be there for him.
Being without him, I retreated into myself and spent most of my time alone growing up. It wasn’t until I started visiting the local community center that I finally started coming out of my shell. I met some of the other foster kids in town, and we created our very own sanctuary there. We would meet to hang out and play basketball or talk through things if we were in a tough spot. It was a place where we felt safe. We didn’t feel judged or inadequate. We weren’t outsiders there. We belonged.
That community center helped me learn how to deal with my anger and pain and turn it into something positive. Watching the older kids mentor the younger children helped me realize what I wanted to do with my life. I’d been working with the foster care system for the past eight years, and I’d devoted my life to making things better for those kids. Ever since I could remember, I’d wanted to find a way to make a difference, and I thought building a Youth Center would be a great way to help. I knew how much the community center where I had grown up had affected me, and it was important to me to make sure that these local kids had that support, too.
The center had to provide a stimulating environment for kids of all ages. I knew it needed to have a wide range of programs, activities, camps, and special events for the kids throughout the year. They needed to have a place to feel safe and spend time with their friends. It had taken a lot of work and fundraising, but I’d finally gotten it approved. Our Downtown Youth Center would have classrooms, a fitness center, a large auditorium, and a gymnasium with basketball courts. We would be able to offer activities and classes for the kids and their foster parents. I’d worked hard to make this project a possibility, and I wanted it to be perfect.
Once I had completed all the details, I placed several ads with all of our specs and projected budget. I encouraged any contractors that might be interested to contact me about submitting their bids, and the inquiries quickly began to fill my inbox. After reading through several offers, one in particular caught my attention. I wasn’t sure what made his email stand out, but something pulled me to ask him for more information.
He and I spent the next few hours emailing back and forth. At first, the emails primarily consisted of contractor inquires and references, but then they grew increasingly more personal. I even found myself wondering if he was flirting with me a little. He was charming and funny, and I admit, I loved the attention. My imagination ran wild with possibilities of what the rugged, charismatic construction worker might have looked like. With every email, my mind tried to piece together my fantasy man. Our little online routine progressed just like that for several days. I still continued to look into the other offers, but his remained at the top of my list. After all, he had great references, and his proposal was below the budget. And… okay, there was something about seeing his name in my inbox that always made my heart skip a beat. I just couldn’t resist.
I had gotten completely wrapped up in the fantasy, and I just didn’t know what I was thinking. The Youth Center had been my dream for so long, but suddenly the charming stranger had taken over my every thought. He was like a drug, each message leaving me craving more. I found myself compulsively checking my inbox, looking for my fix. He had me hooked. Over the next week, the number of messages increased as the conversations became more addictive. I knew I should’ve stopped messaging him. He was a potential employee, and no good could come from it. But I couldn’t stop myself. The truth was… I didn’t want to.
It was easy to get lost in the fascination of some mysterious man, but it was more than that. I felt like I was getting to know him through his emails. His interest… his hobbies… even what he wanted in the future. This Kane Blackwood was no simple man. He was passionate about his work, and he was proud of the success he’d had at SF Construction. Kane was not afraid of hard work. It was one of the things I found most endearing about him. When he told me that he was a member of a motorcycle club, I was immediately intrigued. There was something about that secret world that I found appealing. As crazy as it sounded, the idea of having a group of brothers that had your back, of having a family that you could always turn to, made me envy him. When he first mentioned his motorcycle, I found myself fantasizing about what it would be like to ride with him. I had never been on one before, but the thought of it excited me, giving me goosebumps all over. Everything about him excited me, and truthfully, that scared me a little. The more we talked the more he seemed to be genuinely interested in me. That made me feel… well… wanted.
Honestly, the whole thing was the ideal situation for me. I’d always kept men at an arm’s length, even if I really liked them. It was an unfortunate side effect from my solitary childhood. I didn’t let my guard down easily, so romantic relationships had always been a struggle. My little online infatuation was the perfect mix of intimacy and self-preservation. I got the affection I craved without the danger of having to be truly vulnerable. The anonymity of being online gave me the safety net I needed to be confident and flirty… brazen even. I allowed myself to open up for the first time in forever and engage in a little harmless fun. He had a way with words, and it was hot. I didn’t want it to end.
We continued down that path for almost two weeks, messaging back and forth every chance we got. As Neil started to remind me of our deadlines, though, I began to get nervous. I was going to have to actually meet Kane soon and get the ball rolling on the Youth Center. No more hiding behind my computer. I had to show him the location of the building site, and I needed to discuss the blueprints with him.
Neil had started prowling around just outside of my office, glancing in my direction like he knew something was going on. I shook my head and tried to focus on the task at hand. I pulled up my email, and after explaining Neil’s demands, I asked Kane if he could meet me at the site on Thursday. I had to get things started and fast. Time was up. As soon as I hit send, my heart started to race. What if I had been wrong about ever
ything? What if he was some kind of serial killer? Or a fat, balding old man with a boner for younger women? I had been so stupid, but there was no turning back. I had no plan B. When his response popped up on my computer screen, however, all my doubts quickly disappeared.
May 1, 2015
2:45 p.m.
Kane Blackwood
SF Construction
Morning All-Star,
So Thursday’s my lucky day, huh? Just tell me where and when, and I’m in. Don’t worry about your presentation. I’ll make sure I’m ready; you just make sure you’re ready. I’m going to need you all day to get this done right.
* * *
BUTTERFLIES AND FEAR raced through me as I read his words. I smiled to myself when I saw the new nickname he had for me. I still don’t know what had possessed me to tell him that silly story. I’d nearly died of embarrassment the day I tried my hand at baseball. I never forgot the expression on the coach’s face as my ball crashed through the front windshield of his car. He was furious. It didn’t matter that I had actually hit the ball for the first time; he was too busy freaking out about his car. I never was able to hit the ball like that again, and eventually I gave it up altogether. Sports were just not my thing.
* * *
Chapter 2
Guardrail
‡
“HOW’S OUR LITTLE project going? Have you found out anything we can use?” Maverick asked.
“I know she isn’t frightened of the club life like she should be, if that’s any indication of how much she talks to her brother,” I told him as I took a drink of my beer.
“You think she has any idea what he’s been up to?” he asked.
“No. Nothing has come up on any of the feeds. He hasn’t been to her house, and there hasn’t been any communication between them through her phone or email. The prospects are still rotating shifts, and none of them have seen any sign of him.”
As Vice President of Satan’s Fury, it was up to me to find Tony, the lowlife motherfucker that stole a fifty thousand dollar shipment from the club. Because he’d been a long-standing leader of one of the street gangs in town, he’d gotten a unanimous vote at the table for the drug distribution. He was a professional, but in the end, he’d decided he could fuck us on our money. Surprisingly, the asshole actually thought he’d be able to get away with it.
He’d forgotten that Satan’s Fury owned the whole damn town. Because drugs were an unavoidable reality in the outer east and west side of our territory, we negotiated which gangs could run product and where. It was the best way for us to keep control of what drugs were sold in our area. We’d allowed Tony and his minions to distribute our product, same as the other little set on the west side. We used them out of necessity. Our product kept us in control of the territory. They did the distribution, and we took our cut… a large cut.
Nobody in the clubhouse talked to anyone about anything, so we were caught off guard when Tony managed to manipulate Maverick’s girl, Hailey, to get information about the club. It cut deep. Maverick had it bad for Hailey, and no matter how many times she’d come and gone, he was always there for her. Hell, he didn’t even realize she’d gotten hooked on junk until it got bad, and even after that it took an overdose for him to finally be able to cut her off. Although we all knew he would never share club business, the whole situation had us all on edge.
The last time she called Maverick begging for money, he’d tried putting her off by telling her he was going on a run and wouldn’t be back for a week. Unfortunately, Hailey’s decision to give Tony that little tidbit of information had given him a five-day jump that nobody saw coming, and it had cost us… big. We’d come home early only to find that Tony and his crew had taken off with our money, and Hailey was nowhere to be found. It was a shit ton of fuckery.
They had to be found… all of them. We knew Tony was hiding, and we had eyes everywhere. It was only a matter of time before we found him. We started with their families. Unfortunately, none of them kept any strong family ties that we could pull intel from. They had kids like kittens, and too many baby’s mamas to count. Since we decided that cutting the head off the snake was our best option, Maverick, our Sergeant of Arms, and I have spent weeks searching for information on Tony’s whereabouts. When we came across the name of his sister, we both agreed she was our best lead.
“Has she said anything about Tony? Do you think she knows where he is?” Maverick asked.
“Nothing yet, but she’s opening up more every day. If she does know anything or he contacts her, I’ll get her to talk,” I told him confidently. I could tell she was beginning to trust me. A part of me felt guilty about misleading her, but in the end, I knew I didn’t have a choice.
“You’ll find him. Once you put your mind to something, there’s no stopping you,” Maverick told me as his hand slapped against my back. “That’s why the Pres put you on this.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to find him, and he’ll pay for fucking with the club,” I told him as I slammed my empty beer bottle down on the counter. “He will slip up, and I’ll be there waiting when he does.”
From what I could tell, Allie hadn’t spent a lot of time with her brother recently. They’d both been in the foster care system, but growing up in separate homes had made them completely different people. She’d made a life for herself, while Tony fell deep into drugs, alcohol, and gang life. I’d been able to retrieve several emails he’d sent her over the past few years. It was obvious that Tony did what he could to keep his sister from his lifestyle, but whenever he got down on his luck, she was always the first one he’d reach out to. She always remained loyal to him. Even when she knew his life was spinning out of control, she was there when he tried to contact her. Her love for her brother never wavered, and I respected her for that.
He’d royally fucked up this time, and something in my gut told me that he’d try to contact her. Just like he always had, he’d come running to her when the shit hit the fan. I needed to get in contact with her, so when I saw the ad in the paper, I knew I had my in. I’d known that she worked for Child Services, but I didn’t realize that she was so invested in making things better for those kids. I had to admit, I liked that about her. It was one thing to work with them every day, but this was more than an ordinary house visit. This would help a lot of kids all at once, and she’d come up with the entire plan herself.
“If she knows something, you’ll get it out of her,” Maverick told me with confidence. “Just be patient.”
“Yeah, but it may be harder than I thought.”
“Why’s that?”
“It’s… I don’t know, man. She’s just not what I expected,” I confessed. “Hell, I don’t know how to explain it.”
“I get it, brother. I’ve seen her picture. She’s a hot ass. I can see why you might get a little distracted,” he snickered.
“It’s not that. She’s just… different,” I told him. “I thought she’d be some kind of stuck up bitch. Hell, you’ve seen her… all dressed up in that fancy shit, business suits and high heels. I wasn’t expecting her to be so… whatever. It doesn’t matter. If she knows something about Tony, I’ll get it out of her.”
“Ha, wait a minute… sounds like she’s getting to you, brother,” Maverick prodded.
“Maybe, but it’s just a job. Finding out where that dickhead ran off to is my only focus,” I told him, but I knew it wasn’t that easy. I was a selfish bastard, and I wanted it all. Ultimately, I knew I had to deal with Tony, but Allie definitely had me thinking. I found myself in an impossible situation, and I had no idea if I could make it work.
“Whatever you say, man. Just be careful with all that. Remember, her brother is walking dead… nothing is going to change that. If you need any help, you know where to find me,” Maverick offered.
Maverick was a good man, one you could depend on. Unfortunately, he had a hard time believing that. He was still carrying around a lot of guilt from the shit that’d gone down over the past few months, bu
t he never let that get in the way of the club. He was a brother that you could always depend on.
“Thanks, man,” I responded.
“Hey, you never know… maybe this thing with her will work out. I’ve seen crazier things happen.”
“Good things like her don’t happen to me, brother,” I told him, shaking my head. He patted my back as he turned to leave. As I watched him walk out of the bar, my mind drifted back to Allie. I found myself wondering if Maverick could be right. Was there a way that I could actually have her? Without thinking, I pulled out my phone to see if she had responded to my last email. I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face when I saw her name.
May 1, 2015
3:15
Allison Parker
Department of Children’s Services
All-Star?? Really? You’re going to pay for that one, mister. :)
Looking forward to Thursday. I’ll bring the coffee.
* * *
THE GIRL WAS getting to me. I knew that she was becoming a real distraction, and I needed to focus on her lowlife brother. There was one problem though… I couldn’t stop my finger from hitting the reply button.
May 1, 2015
3:30
Kane Blackwood
SF Construction
I’ll take mine however you like yours, All-Star.
See you Thursday.
* * *
May 1, 2015
4:25
Allison Parker
Department of Children’s Services
How do you do that? You give me a crazy nickname, and I’m sitting here smiling like a goof. I think you’re getting to me.
