“Yeah, we never had a picnic before.” Thomas beamed. He was still eating his sandwich, but he was almost done.
“Oh, finally did something they haven’t done before but I have,” Danny playfully cheered, pumping a fist in the air.
“You went on a picnic before?” Luke asked with wide eyes. It wasn’t surprising that he was stunned. Usually, when they did something outside with the boys, the pleasure was new for Danny, while the boys had done it at least once.
“Oh, yeah. Nick took me on a picnic before.”
The boys turned their attention to Nicole and asked her a ton of questions about the picnic she had taken their aunt on. She smiled and answered what she could, but they were hard to keep up with. She loved their excitement and enthusiasm.
“How come Nick made you a picnic, Dane? Is it because you live together?” Luke innocently inquired.
Danny laughed and looked at Nicole who, only now, realized they had never really explained their relationship to the boys. Hell, she knew Adam would never do it. She wasn’t sure if it was her place to explain, but if it came up in the right way, she knew Danny would tell all.
“I just wanted to do something nice for Danny,” Nicole replied.
The brothers accepted that with shrugs and turned their attention back to their food. Luke finished first and ran off with Haydn to play fetch with a ball. As soon as Danny was done, she joined him. Thomas, on the other hand, finished and curled up against Nicole to take a nap. She held him close and ran her hand through his downy hair. A soft smile settled on her face.
“I want one of these,” Nicole whispered with a light laugh. She held Thomas close and enjoyed listening to him breathe.
She tried to shake the feeling, but it was impossible with the little boy resting on her. She had never felt the tug as much as she did now. She supposed she’d brought it on herself, thinking about kids earlier. She glanced at Danny. I wonder if she’d want a boy or a girl. Would she want to adopt or have one of us get pregnant? I can't see Danny being pregnant.
Now, she wasn’t ruling out that Danny might want to get pregnant. After all, her love enjoyed describing herself as a housewife, which no one would think if they saw her. Danny might want to go through a pregnancy. Nicole couldn’t see it; Danny with a swollen belly escaped her mind’s eye.
“I would like that.” She smiled.
Chuckling, she pictured a whole “honey, I’m home,” afternoon. Of course, it was already something they did, but she tried to add a pregnant Danny to the vision. She attempted to add a baby, too. Then, she tried to shake away the thoughts. They were years away from a child. She was still in school, and Danny did not have a steady income. Although, she imagined Danny would be a great stay-at-home mom.
“I don’t need to be thinking about this.” She hummed aloud, hoping to take her mind off her current thoughts.
Thankfully, Haydn charged over and she was able to focus her attention on him. Haydn whined for a treat, which she gave him. He slurped up some water and charged back to Danny and Luke. Their laughter filled the air again, competing with a few birds. After fifteen minutes, Thomas awoke with fully charged batteries and joined the fray. Nicole played a little, but mostly watched. She supplied drinks and snacks to them whenever they came back to the blanket. They all picked up the area when it was time to go.
“We got this, Chem. Just cool out,” Danny said, as Nicole moved to throw out their trash. Danny took the bag to the nearest trashcan.
Danny carried the folded blanket, while Luke took charge of the empty basket. Thomas had Haydn’s leash, and Nicole had Thomas’ hand. They walked back to the house to find Adam leaning against his car, which was parked in front of their house, shaded by a tree.
“Dad!” Both boys grinned.
Luke put the basket down, while Thomas passed Haydn’s leash to Nicole. The brothers charged Adam, who crouched down to hug them. They laughed and began rattling off about their day in the park. Danny and Nicole watched the scene as Adam led the boys to the car.
“Wait!” Luke turned around and ran back to hug them. He looked up at them with shining eyes. “Thank you for a great picnic.” His little brother followed his lead.
“Yeah, thanks.” Thomas gave a massive grin.
“We’ll do it again sometime soon.” Smiling, Nicole rubbed their backs. She thought picnics with Danny and her nephews could easily become her favorite way to spend time outside.
The boys nodded and it seemed like they were gone in the blink of an eye. Thanks to Adam, they saw the boys almost every weekend, now. But he still made sure to get them at six on the dot and barely allowed them a minute to say goodbye. There were only so many times they could blame his wife and those times had passed. Now, it was time to blame his cowardice.
“Let’s go cuddle on the couch.” Danny grinned, undoubtedly trying to lift Nicole’s spirits.
Nicole smiled a bit and shrugged. “That does sound like the perfect way to end the day.”
They walked inside, and Danny took a shower while Nicole fixed some snacks. When Danny was done, Nicole went to take a shower and they met on the couch. A movie played on television, but Danny fell asleep with her head in Nicole’s lap, worn out. Nicole zoned out, listening to Danny’s light breathing and staring at the framed picture sitting on the coffee table.
The photograph was possibly the only baby picture of Danny in existence. She had taken it from her mother, Christine, who had kept a shoebox of keepsakes from Danny’s childhood. Nicole couldn’t understand how anyone could keep an entire childhood in a shoebox and think that meant something, but she didn’t understand Christine at all.
Christine had tried to do the impossible, forsake Danny and keep her close. It had worked as well as one might expect. She had thrown her daughter away to please her husband. She still didn’t want to admit the ghastly decision, but she was now trying to build something with Danny. Is it only because she’s certain her husband won’t leave her now? Nicole didn’t know the whole story, but little by little, Danny was telling her about Christine. Every new bit of information troubled Nicole a little bit more. She didn’t understand how Danny managed to survive that household.
“Not that it would ever come up, but I can’t see Mommy throwing me away to save her marriage,” Nicole muttered. “But, then again, I am Mommy’s only child.” Christine had three others before Danny.
“She wouldn’t throw you away if she had a dozen kids,” Danny assured her with a yawn.
Nicole glanced down at Danny. “When did you wake up?”
“As soon as the credits started rolling. Movies are getting so boring now. Why are you thinking about my mother?”
Squinting a bit as she eyed Danny, Nicole couldn’t help wondering if her beloved was suddenly psychic. “How’d you know I was thinking of your mother?”
Danny wiggled a bit, popping a couple of joints in her neck. “Because you’re trying to figure out how someone could throw away a child to save their marriage. One of the many things my mother has done. So, why are you thinking of her?”
Nicole smiled a bit. “I was admiring your baby picture and she popped into my mind. Have you spoken to her recently?”
A snort escaped Danny, and she stretched as she yawned again. “She’s been calling, but I haven’t been in the mood to talk to her. It takes a lot of work to wade through the bullshit. I try, but it’s so Goddamn hard.”
“Well, let’s not think about that. We still have a couple of hours before we need to go to bed.”
“We should have a light dinner. Want me to heat up that pasta from last night?”
“Yes, please.”
Danny walked into the kitchen, and Nicole took the time alone to try to get her mind right. She hated being unable to get babies off of her mind today. But, looking at the baby picture of a red-skinned, curly-haired, almost blond Danny made her think about holding such a child to her chest, singing a lullaby. The way her body melted at the thought, she knew she was a lost cause. Her b
iological clock was about to explode before she turned thirty.
“I can’t jump the gun like this. I have to get married first, and I have to let Danny get settled, whatever that means. So, stop thinking about this,” Nicole ordered herself in a low growl.
She shook it off enough to enjoy dinner. Danny ended up playing with Haydn before they both took him for his nighttime walk. Once their little man was tucked away in his crate, they retreated to their bedroom.
Danny was in bed first, mostly because she had fewer bedtime ablutions compared to Nicole. In fact, Nicole was the one that put lotion on Danny every couple of days, because Danny would just let her skin go dry. If Nicole tried to lotion her every day, Danny would complain about being babied. Nicole also had to remind Danny to floss, no matter how much she complained about it.
“Today was great. Had a lot of fun with the boys.” Danny smiled, as Nicole lay down next to her.
Nicole wasn’t sure where her response to this came from, but she blamed her Goddamn, overactive ovaries. She rolled over onto Danny and gave her a sexy smirk. Danny’s arms automatically went around her, as Nicole said the least sexy thing possible.
“How about we practice making one of our own?” Nicole purred, gently grinding against her lover’s leg. As soon as the words left her mouth, she felt horrified. She thought Danny might see right through her forehead into her mind and know exactly what had been on her mind all day.
Danny did give her a tilted look and, for a long moment of silence, Nicole was sure her heart would beat right out of her chest. She wasn’t sure about Danny’s stance on children now, but she knew the suggestion, in the past, hadn’t garnered much of a positive reaction. She hoped she hadn’t accidentally blurted her way out of making love with Danny.
“Practice does make perfect,” Danny replied with a sexy smirk before going in for a kiss.
She smiled against Danny’s lips and opened her mouth to receive her lover. Internally, she breathed a sigh of relief and decided that full sentences were done for the rest of the night. She limited her vocabulary to moaning, crying out, and occasionally screaming Danny’s name to the heavens.
***
The night was quiet, except for Danny’s heavy breathing. Nicole would have to move Danny off of her stomach if she didn’t roll over on her own, not because of the breathing, but because she wanted Danny to hold her in her sleep. Of course, she had to fall asleep for that to happen, but her mind wasn’t ready to turn off just yet.
She was still stuck on the idea of having a baby with Danny. If that was her heart’s desire, she realized she’d have to do something to move their relationship forward. She didn’t want to think about it that way, because the last time she pushed Danny, they had almost broken up and Danny had been hit by a car.
It wasn’t about shoving anything on Danny, especially not after they had made such great progress. They had gone on dates and trips, getting closer and gaining a better understanding of each other. They had also gained a better understanding of what they wanted from their relationship. It made her confident that one day she and Danny would have a family together.
Yes, these six months had made them stronger, but now they needed more. She needed to do something to remind Danny that she was endgame for her. She had taken to letting Danny come with her on business trips, mixing business and pleasure. Danny understood what that meant, but it had been a while since they had done that.
What’s there to do? Nicole stared off into the darkness, as if it had the answers. Unless the occasional passing car and floating headlights were answers, the nighttime had nothing. She really didn’t know what to do beyond what they were already doing. She had known Danny for as long as her longest relationship had lasted. She felt like she had done everything with Danny as she had with other lovers, and more. She never imagined marriage or fantasized kids with another lover. Between meeting her family and their vacations, she wasn’t sure what was left. Wait, she hasn’t met my whole family, and she hasn’t done one of the things that I love to do.
There was still her father’s side of her family. They’d probably receive Danny similarly to how her mother’s side had. Her mother’s family liked Danny and had, albeit playfully, encouraged her to marry Danny. Of course, there had been a few hiccups, like when her grandfather embarrassed them at Thanksgiving. Benito misunderstood why Danny proclaimed she wouldn’t see her family for the holiday. Thankfully, her girlfriend and grandfather worked it out and came out stronger than before. I should let Danny meet my other cousins and aunts and uncles. It’s been a while, anyway. We should go camping.
Glancing at her lover, Nicole knew Danny would go, even though Danny had, admittedly, never gone camping. Danny had gone skiing with her, even though she was fairly certain she wouldn’t be able to do it with her knee and leg. Danny liked to try things, even things she didn’t think she could do. Besides, Danny seemed to be of the mind that camping was easier compared to being homeless.
Nicole didn’t like to think about Danny being homeless, but she was slowly accepting that part her lover’s life. She hated that homelessness probably had been the better choice for Danny, instead of living at her parents’ house. She refused to even think of that place as Danny’s home. No place that held tortures in the walls, blood in the floorboards, and screams in its memories could be home. The few things she knew and continued learning about her lover helped her accept Danny’s vagabond lifestyle, because she could see how much Danny was improving. Is that her way of moving us forward? Opening a little more each day? Nicole mused.
Danny groaned and moved a bit. She turned onto her side and reached for Nicole. Unable to stop it, a smile settled on Nicole’s face as she moved closer to her beloved, tingling at the feel of their naked skin touching once more. Danny wrapped her up in her arms and held her close without waking up. She put her hand over Danny’s, which was over her heart.
“I love you so much,” Nicole whispered and brought Danny’s hand to her lips. She placed a gentle kiss to those long fingers and closed her eyes.
She dreamed of camping, instead of babies, which cemented things for her. She’d put together a camping trip for them and her family. Danny would meet some of her favorite cousins and hopefully things would go well. If nothing else, she’d be able to share a well-loved tradition with her beloved. Maybe they’d be able to carry on the tradition if Danny enjoyed herself.
Chapter Two
DANE SAT ON THE sofa in the living room, staring at a blank piece of paper. Her pen hovered above the page, never moving. Silence hummed through the air. It was like it invaded her, conquering every part of her, and stalling her until unwanted thoughts edged their way into her brain. She was supposed to be composing a new song, but nothing came to mind. There used to be a time when music dominated her brain, drowning out anything else. Times had changed, though, and now she had something else that stayed on her mind, proving change was often good.
Her brain was stuck on thinking about Nicole, who had been acting strangely since their picnic with Luke and Thomas. Nicole had gotten lost in watching them play, and she’d appeared so peaceful while holding Thomas. Dane could guess what played through Nicole’s mind, as it had come up a couple of times. Dane tried not to think about it, even though she’d had a rather nice dream about it not too long ago.
Nicole had stated she didn’t want children until after she got married, and she had also claimed that if Dane didn’t want children, she was all right with that. Dane imagined Nicole would go along with that, but resent the hell out of her and would inevitably leave or throw Dane out, as it were, since it was Nicole’s house. She wouldn’t blame Nicole.
Dane still wasn’t sure about her opinion on children. She liked the few kids she knew, but she doubted that qualified her to do anything beyond play with them. Yes, Nicole had faith in her, which was probably one of the reasons Nicole allowed that to play through her mind. She was fine with her nephews, because she only had them for a few hours and almost always
with Nicole around. Dane also enjoyed playing around with Nicole’s young cousins, but she was with them even less than with her nephews and plenty of adults were around.
“I don’t think anyone in their right mind would trust me alone with kids,” she muttered.
She had no idea what she’d do if Nicole weren’t there. She assumed it was all common sense, but that had failed her many times in her life. She was pretty sure her common sense meter was broken and it probably had a lot to do with her own really crappy childhood. She had already displayed remnants of her shitty childhood, lack of common sense, and antisocial behavior to Nicole. She didn’t want to do that to a child. A child wouldn’t know how to handle or process her mess-ups. She didn’t want to risk that. She didn’t want to ruin a child as her parents had ruined her. The cycle needed to end.
Despite that thinking, Dane wasn’t totally opposed to the idea of having children. She hadn’t thought she’d be able to take care of Haydn and she was doing fine with him. She had never yelled at him, despite his mistakes, but that could be because he couldn’t talk. Of course, her nephews could talk and she never hollered at them, either. But, they were polite and relatively well behaved. She was sure that came from good parenting, despite their mother being an asshole. Could I be good at parenting? I mean, if Adam can do it, it can’t be too hard, can it? Somehow, she doubted that logic.
She conceded she had healed some, and she thanked Nicole for that. It felt good to be Dane for the first time in her life without the aid of alcohol and narcotics. Maybe someday I will want a kid, but I want to be sure I can do it on every level possible. I want to be able to take care of Nick on every level possible. Need to get her to understand that. She needed Nicole to realize she wasn’t ready for more than what they had. She hated that she had no idea if she’d ever be ready. Hell, I don’t even know if I know what ready is.
She dismissed the thoughts as Nicole came into the living room, easing down next to her. A smile settled on Dane’s face, as Nicole moved Dane’s legs onto her lap and began massaging her lame leg. Nicole smiled back, and her eyes drifted to Dane’s baby picture. Dane could practically see her lover’s thoughts.
First Degree Burns Page 2
