Chapter Two
In the end, it took almost a week to convince Mason that we could survive without him. Adams State College wasn't too far away and he had agreed only on the condition that we call him whenever we needed him, he came home on the weekends, and our neighbor Oliver Gates checked in on us once a day to make sure we weren't doing anything we weren't supposed to.
For the most part, it didn't surprise me that he made the right choice. Jackson had been pretty adamant that our parents would have wanted him to stay in school and I had agreed with him. I also agreed that we were old enough to take care of ourselves. What did surprise me was that most of his hesitation came from his worrying over me. Me. Seriously? I was a few months from eighteen, so that just didn't make any sense to me. It made me feel confined, caged in a way that I wasn't accustomed to, and I didn't like it.
School was beginning to sort of make me feel the same way. It seemed like there were always eyes on me. Watching me, judging me, waiting for something to happen. It was stifling and most days I left there in a hurry, trying to suppress the feeling of tearing out my hair or screaming like a banshee.
October came, and with it, the air began to turn cold and the wind began to blow all of the leaves off of the trees. I was sitting on a picnic table outside for lunch when the first snow flakes began to fall. I was alone. I'd been spending a lot of time that way, but today, it was mostly because I was the only one stupid enough to sit outside in the cold frigid air.
Somewhere inside the school my friends were huddled together, eating and laughing, probably not even wondering where I was. Somewhere inside the school my brother was probably working in the library, skipping lunch because his education was so much more important to him. He was on the fast track to a scholarship and I couldn't help wishing that it was him graduating this year instead of me. At least he had a plan, at least he knew what he wanted to do when he left this place. I had no clue. The future should be an empty canvas for me. An adventure waiting to happen, a story waiting to be written. I'm sure that's how most people saw it.
I sighed, my breath fogging out in front of me and I rubbed my bare hands together to warm them. Pulling my cell phone out of my backpack, I checked the time right quick. I still had twenty minutes left for lunch. I laid my backpack on the bench and laid down on top of the table, letting the soft snow flakes melt on the heated skin of my face.
Against my better judgment, I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling of the cool moisture running down my cheeks. I had become so emotionally numb inside that it felt amazing to actually feel something physically. I tried to let my mind wander and create stories, scenes, fantasies like it used to, but it stayed stubbornly blissfully blank.
In those moments there was nothing to worry about, no questions to answer, no guilt dragging me into the ground. It was just me. So relaxing, so rejuvenating, these simple pleasures that I had taken for granted so many times before. What had I been doing with my time? With my life? It just seemed like none of it was important anymore.
Sometime during those first few moments I fell asleep. I didn't dream, I wasn't out long enough for that, but I knew I had slept because one minute I was thinking that life was almost peaceful laying there under the soft snowfall and the next I was cold, wet, and the sound of a bell ringing off in the distance alerted me that lunch was over.
"Crap!"
I sat up quickly and grabbed my bag off of the bench. The snow had really started to fall and I had to brush a layer of white powder off of myself and my backpack. I slipped in my rush to get inside the building and almost fell. Instead, my bag dropped, spilling my books out onto the wet ground.
"Crap!" I shouted again.
I was so busy scrambling to pick everything up, I didn't notice that someone was walking down the sidewalk toward me until I knocked right into them. This time, I did fall. So did the person I ran into.
"Ouch!"
"I am so sorry!" I exclaimed, jumping back to my feet so I could help the person up. When I saw who it was, I dropped my hand back down to my side.
"You should watch where you're going," Piper mumbled.
I hadn't seen her since the funeral. Or if I had, I had ignored her. "You saw me too," I spat back rudely.
"Whatever," she said before slowly pulling herself to her feet.
There was something off about her. I wasn't concerned, and I totally didn't want her to think that I was, but I couldn't help my curiosity so the question just sort of spewed out, "are you sick or something? You look like crap."
She glared at me. "I'm fine." We stood there awkwardly for a moment before she pushed passed me and started walking back down the sidewalk throwing a scared look over her shoulder.
"Hey, wait!" I called after her, "are you ditching?"
Her eyes narrowed even more and she hurried back toward me. "Why don't you just announce it to the whole school, I'm not sure they heard you in the office," she said sarcastically.
"Whatever," I mimicked her, rolling my eyes. I turned and started back for the school, but a few seconds later, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Evie, wait."
I turned, annoyed and was going to say something that wasn't going to be very nice, but there was something in her eyes that stopped me. She was chewing on her lower lip, something I did when I was nervous, and I couldn't help noticing that her lips were super dry and cracked. Her eyes were bloodshot, she was wickedly pale, and there were dark circles under her eyes.
"What?" I asked cautiously.
She rubbed her face with palm of hand and pushed her greasy hair back off of her forehead. "I just..." she took a deep breath and exhaled, lowering her arms to her sides, "how's Jackson?" She stopped chewing on her lip and began chewing on one of her finger nails. It was painted black with pink polka dots on it.
When I realized what she was asking, I cursed under my breath, I couldn't help it. "Seriously?" I shook my head, too furious to say anything else, I spun around on my heel and took a few more steps before turning back toward her. "Here's a question, how's your new boyfriend? Oh I'm sorry, I didn't catch his name when I saw him at our parent's funeral."
She swallowed like she was fighting back tears and took a deep breath. When she brought her hand back up to hair, it was shaking. "You don't understand. It's not... I mean... Alex isn't... shit."
I laughed bitterly, "what? It's not what?"
"Nothing, never mind." She licked her dry lips and turned, jogging toward the parking lot.
I stood watching her until she was no longer in my view. Then, when I started shivering, I remembered that it was snowing and I was super late for class and I trudged the last few feet to the front door of the school. The halls were empty and my shoes made that squeaky wet sound as I hurried toward my class.
"At least you didn't get detention."
I glared at Jane and pulled my hair up into a pony tail. The snow had soaked through my hat and I knew that I was a mess. "Yeah, I guess so."
My math teacher, Mrs. Seely, hadn't been very happy about my tardiness and had made me stand in front of the class the whole hour working out equations on the board. My head was aching, my brain was tired, and my feet were cold and wet. I could only be thankful that this day was finally over and I could go home.
Landon snuck up behind me and kissed the side of my neck. "I really wish you wouldn't do that!" I snapped at him, moving away.
He threw his arms up. "Whoa, sorry I wanted to kiss my girlfriend. I won't let it happen again." He began walking away and guilt flared up inside of me.
"Landon, wait..." but it was too late, he was already high fiving one of his friends halfway down the hall. "I'm sorry," I finished lamely, with Jane the only one around to hear me.
"It will get better. Just give it some time."
I smiled at her and slammed my locker shut. "Yeah, maybe."
Jane walked with me, in silence, down the hall toward the front door of the school. I hadn't really been spending much time with Emma and I wo
ndered idly where she had been and what she had been up to. The three of us used to be inseparable.
"I could come over," she offered, "if you want me to."
I smiled at her. "Maybe tomorrow. I'm just really tired."
She nodded, "okay."
It was easy with Jane. She was mostly quiet and when I was around her I didn't feel like she was going to judge me. There was nothing she expected from me. I found myself wondering if she had always been this way and I just hadn't noticed or if it, along with my personality, had changed.
We walked to the parking lot and then went our separate ways since we had parked on opposite ends. Jackson was already waiting by the car when I walked up. He took one look at me and laughed. "Want to talk about it?"
I punched him playfully in the arm. "Not really."
I threw my backpack in the backseat and climbed behind the wheel. I was already seat belted in before he even got inside the car. My head was throbbing and I rubbed absently at my temples, wishing he would just hurry up.
"Long day?" He prodded when we were finally pulling out of the parking lot and heading home.
"Yeah, something like that," I mumbled.
It had stopped snowing, but the roads were wet, proof that it had at least attempted to cover our little town. Thinking about the snow made me think about Piper. I had tried to push her from my mind all afternoon, but I hadn't been very successful at it. She had just looked so lost. It sort of made me feel bad that I had been so mean to her. A quick glance at my brother beside me though, brought all of my anger back and I bit my lip mulling things over in my head.
The shrill ringing from Jackson's pocket, had me jumping in my seat. He laughed at me, pulling out the phone and looking at the display. He frowned at whatever it was he saw and sent the caller to voicemail.
"Who was that?"
He cleared his throat, "Piper."
I opened my mouth to tell him about my encounter with her, but when I saw the brooding frown on his face, I thought better of it. "Oh," was all I said instead.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the seat. A few seconds later and his phone was ringing again. Without even looking at it this time, he sent the call to voicemail. Then he turned and looked out his window. I wondered what he was thinking about.
"Is there anything you want to talk about?" I figured it was the big sister thing to say. Even though I knew he would say no and I sort of didn't want to talk to him about Piper anyways.
He shook his head, not taking his eyes away from the scenery rushing passed us. "Not really."
I nodded, relieved, and then groaned when his phone rang again. This time he turned it off and shoved it back into his pocket. "I'm so over this day," he mumbled.
I laughed, "I'm right there with you."
He turned in his seat so that he was facing me. "Are you okay, Evie?" When I just stared blankly at him he smiled. "I mean really okay, about everything."
I closed my eyes, but only briefly, aware that I was driving. "I don't know."
"You can tell me anything, you know."
I smiled and reached blindly for his hand. When he wrapped his warm fingers around my cool ones I sighed. "I know. It's just that I don't really know what to say. I'm not at all sure how I am feeling and why I'm not really feeling anything at all."
He nodded. "It sucks. Life isn't fair."
"It's not, you're right. Sometimes I find myself wondering what the point of it is really."
He frowned, "what do you mean?"
I shrugged and pulled my hand back to place on the steering wheel. "Life." I ran one hand through my hair, forgetting it was pulled back, and then pulled the holder out, shaking the long curls loose and massaging my scalp. "What's the point of it? Clearly nothing really happens for a reason."
"Sure it does," he answered.
I turned and looked him in the eyes. "Really, Jack? You seriously believe that?" When he nodded, I laughed cruelly, "what was the purpose of mom and dad dying? What was the fucking point of that?"
He straightened back up and looked out his window again. "I don't have all the answers Evie, but I have faith."
"Screw faith."
"You can't mean that. Mom and dad wouldn't have wanted you..."
"Screw what they would have wanted Jack!" I screamed. "They aren't here anymore. You don't know what they would have wanted."
He shook his head but didn't say anything. I pulled into our driveway and turned off the car but neither of us moved to get out of it. I leaned my head back against the head rest and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry," I whispered.
"I'm worried about you Evie."
I snorted, "don't be."
"There are so many things to look forward to, you have to have faith."
He sounded so sincere, I opened my eyes and looked over at him. There was a very intense expression on his face and I busted out laughing, I couldn't help it. He rolled his eyes, but when I couldn't stop laughing, it made him laugh too. We were both having a hard time catching our breath we were laughing so hard.
Knock. Knock.
I jumped so hard the seat belt dug into my shoulder and my heart felt like it was in my throat. Naturally when I turned and we saw that it was Mr. Gates, probably come to check on us, Jackson started laughing even harder.
"Shut up, Jack," I mumbled.
"Dude, you should have seen your face, you were totally freaked out!"
I rolled my eyes, grabbed the keys from the ignition and got out of the car. Oliver Gates was probably at least seventy years old. He was bald on top of his head, with pure white tufts of hair on the sides and backs. He always seemed to be frowning and when I was little he used to scare me, but he was nice enough and I knew Mason appreciated him for agreeing to sort of keep an eye on us.
"Didn't mean to frighten you, Evelyn," he said after I retrieved my backpack from the back seat of the car.
"It's fine Mr. Gates, it was just a really long day."
Jackson got out of the car, finally, and smiled over at the older guy. "What's the haps Ollie?"
My brother was such a dork! I swear, we my have the same dark chestnut hair and hazel eyes, but that was where the similarities ended. Not only was he almost six foot tall next to my puny five foot four, he was brutally optimistic and had a personality that people gravitated towards. Even during my good days, I wasn't that charming.
Mr. Gates smiled and followed us toward the house. "I'm great Jackson, it's a beautiful day."
I looked at the darkening sky, the pools of waters from the melted snow, and the mud that it had caused and raised my brows, "beautiful? You've got to be kidding."
He laughed, "oh no, Evelyn, when you get to be as old as I am, you realize that every day is a beautiful day. A blessing just to be alive."
Ugh, I think I am going to be sick! Jackson actually started laughing again and patted me, roughly, on my back causing me to fall forward slightly. I spun around ready to swing, but he had moved back, putting Mr. Gates between us and was holding his arms up in front of himself in surrender.
"Evie has been contemplating the meaning of life today, Ollie. Maybe you can explain it to her."
I glared at my brother and Mr. Gates grunted. "Life is a precious gift, girl, one to be cherished, not taken for granted."
I nodded, not really feeling the need to get into it with him. "I think I'm going to go change my clothes." I was still a little damp and just wanted to change into sweats and a t-shirt and veg out for a little while. "Why don't you tell Jack all about life and he can share it with me later."
I laughed to myself at the look on Jackson's face. For all of his joking and humor, he knew as well as I did, that once you got him started, Mr. Gates was talker. He'd probably go over the meaning of life for the next few hours. Serves him right, I thought, as I escaped into the privacy of my bedroom.
We lived in one of those houses higher up in the mountains than the rest of the town. Secluded kind of, with Mr. Gates on one side of us and a rich fam
ily that had the house on the other side of us and used it as a summer vacation home. It was a ranch style house so everything was on one level.
My bedroom was on the back side of the house and I loved the three large windows on the back wall of my room. They looked out into the forest, and it wasn't an odd occurrence to see deer, rabbits and other wildlife running around outside. What was an odd occurrence was to turn on my light and see Landon standing outside by one of them.
After the initial shock, I hurried over and opened the window to let him in. "What are you doing here?" I whispered, afraid that Mr. Gates would hear me.
Instead of smiling, he climbed inside and sat down on the edge of my bed. When he looked up at me, he was frowning. "We need to talk."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Do we have to do this right now?"
He threw up his arms, "when is good for you, Evie? I'm so sorry to interrupt whatever it is you were about to do."
His voice was starting to rise in his agitation and I hurried to my door, pressing my ear against it to see if anyone had noticed. "Fine, but you need to be quiet. If Mason finds out you were here he would freak out." I wasn't sure that was totally true, I was almost eighteen after all, but I also didn't want to test my theory. Not now anyways. Not when this whole new living arrangement was so new.
Landon sighed and patted the bed next to him, "come here."
Feeling like I didn't really have another option, I sunk down next to him. He reached out to take my hand and I let him. I was waiting for him to start, I had a feeling I knew what was coming and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I didn't know what I wanted. He just sat there holding my hand, though, almost like he wasn't sure what to say.
"Look, Landon, I know that things have been... different. I'm sorry. It's just that I don't know where I am. I am not sure who I am anymore." The silence was killing me and I felt like I needed to say something.
The Willows Page 2
