by Jana Janeway
“Usually,” she said sarcastically, “though some people have accidents.”
He scoffed in response, and because of the oddness of the conversation. “Yeah, um, ditto.”
“So then, sometimes, while in the throes of. . . you know, passion, one might have an accident and release the little guys?”
He coughed a laugh. “It’s been known to happen. It takes concentration to control it.”
“Have you ever lost control?”
He laughed again, amused by her curiosity. “Why are you so interested in this?”
“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “It’s just. . . so very different from anything I’ve ever known.”
“That’s ‘cause you’ve only ever known Humans.” He kissed her hair affectionately before answering her previous question. “And, yes, I have. In my younger years,” he added, for pride’s sake. “It’s a discipline that needs to be. . . fine tuned.”
“Sorry, is that a sore spot for Mengliad men?” She guessed that it was, if the tone he’d used was any indication.
“It can be. For me, not so much.”
“Okay, so, if that can be controlled,” she mused, “then, theoretically, there would be no need for birth control, right?”
“Depends on how much control the man has over it.”
“I meant for us, since you don’t seem to have any problem with it.”
“Correct,” he said with unquestionable confidence. “We wouldn’t need to worry about that.”
“Completely sure of that, are you?”
He laughed at her teasing, pulling her tighter against him. “Let’s just say, many a lonely night flying solo has allowed me much practice.”
“Yeah, well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore,” she assured him. “I could do that a hundred times a day, every day! I don’t see how Mengliads get anything done! All I want to do is that, again and again, until I’m so exhausted I can’t see straight!”
“That good, huh?” Though thrilled with the compliment, he was quick to temper his inflating ego. “Too much of a good thing often breeds boredom. In most relationships, eventually, your enthusiasm for intimacy wanes. With us, it probably won’t as much, because we have Chimie.”
“The Chimie is what connects us, right?” she asked, becoming serious as well.
“Yes.” He rested his chin on her shoulder, waiting for her to continue, hoping she would on her own without his prompting her to.
“Sometimes, I can feel you pretty strongly,” she said after a few moments, distracted by her thoughts. “Other times, I can hardly at all. Why is that?”
“Because we haven’t become one yet.”
“Do you mean by that, what I think you mean?” she asked.
“Probably. What do you think I mean?”
“Actual sexual intercourse.” She blushed as she said the words, though why she was, after what they had just shared with each other, she didn’t quite get.
He kissed her shoulder, nuzzling to soothe her unease. “Then, yes. When that happens, our connection will be strongest.”
“Always?” she asked, “or just while we’re. . . connected?”
“Always,” he answered, “though the connection won’t always be of a sexual nature, just like it isn’t now. Only while being intimate, is it of an intimate nature. Other times, it will be whatever it needs to be. If you’re sad, scared, frustrated. . . I will be able to tell, and be able to be there for you.”
“And vice versa? Since I’m feeling it, too?”
“Exactly.” When she relaxed against him, he sighed contentedly. “That was the most fantastic experience of my life.”
Her smile grew wider. “For me, too.”
“I’m so glad you enjoyed it. By the way you were panicking, I was starting to think that I was going to have to stop.”
“I just took your advice, and stopped thinking so much about it. I found something else to focus on.”
“And what was that?” he asked curiously.
“Your breathing, and the movement of your hand. You were working in a pattern,” she informed him, as if he didn’t know.
“Yeah.” Glancing down, he groaned as he caught sight of his watch. “They’ll be back soon.”
She nodded, realizing the time as well. “Bibi will know, won’t she? About what we just did? You said she is fairly intuitive.”
“Yeah, she is, and yes, she will probably be able to sense it. Does that bother you?”
“Only in that I don’t want to cause her any more pain.”
“I don’t either,” he insisted, “but I’m not going to hide my love for you. It’s too strong to, anyway, but I also shouldn’t have to.”
“I’m not asking you to.” Tucking her hand up under his shirt, she rested it on his bare chest, over his heart. “Just, around Bibi, we should try to keep from flaunting it.”
“It means a lot to you, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, it does.”
Placing his hand on hers, the material separating their skin, his expression turned solemn. “You were hurt before, weren’t you?”
“Is it that obvious?” Though the question was somewhat rhetorical, he nodded in answer anyway. “Yeah, I was hurt before.” The pain from the experience she was referring to was heavy in her tone. “And that was without the added emotions of this Chimie thing. What she’s going through is worse, and must feel like utter hell.”
“I’ll try to restrain myself when around her,” he said, conceding to her wishes. “Can I ask what happened? With you getting hurt before?”
“Not today. It’s a long story, and we don’t have much time left.” She draped her legs over his, just short of climbing into his lap. “Beside, I’m on too much of a high right now, and I don’t want to come down yet.”
“Fair enough.” He slid his hand up, resting it on her thigh. “There’s only one thing that would make this moment more perfect than it already is.”
She sighed, feeling both frustrated and guilty. “I know what you want me to say, Craddock, but I’m just. . . not ready to yet.”
“You already feel it, Jessica,” he said, teetering between desperation and trying to convince her. “I know you do. Is it so hard to say the words?”
“If you can feel how I feel,” she countered, “why is it so important to hear me say it?”
Without answering the question, he asked one of his own instead. “Are you afraid to say it?”
“A little,” she admitted after a long, silent pause.
“Why?”
“It has to do with being hurt before,” she explained vaguely, “and I don’t want to discuss that right now.”
“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.” He hadn’t meant to pressure her, but he had done exactly that, his desires taking precedence over hers. “And you don’t ever have to say the words, if you don’t want to. As long as you feel it, I’m the luckiest man on the planet.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that. . . I’m not ready to.”
“What needs to happen, for you to be ready to?” he asked curiously, carefully, not wanting to upset her further.
“I’m not exactly sure. But when it happens, I’ll know.”
“Damn,” he whispered suddenly, “they’re coming back.”
Looking out into the parking lot, Jessica saw Bibi and Josiah in the distance, prompting her to shift positions as she began to leave his lap. Before she could, however, he quickly raked his fingers into her hair, bringing her to him, his lips seeking hers in a just-short-of-passionate kiss.
Breaking it seconds later, he spoke with whispered urgency, as if rushing to get out all he had to say before his friends arrived at and climbed into the vehicle. “I know you’re scared—hell, I am, too—but just so you know, I would never hurt you, and maybe you’ve heard those words before, but I mean them! I love you, Jessica. Whatever happens from here. . . any problems, any obstacles, we will get through them. You’re the woman I’m meant t
o spend the rest of my life with. I’m sure of it, but if you need proof of that, just tell me what you need from me, and I’ll do it.”
She glanced out the windshield, to see where Bibi and Josiah were, to see if she had enough time in which to answer. “I don’t need you to prove your love for me, Craddock, I just need more time. I just need you to try and understand that.”
“You can have all the time in the world,” he whispered. “And even if not fully, I do understand.”
“Thank you,” she whispered back, quickly moving to the seat beside him, just as the front passenger door opened. Even though she was expecting it, she startled.
As Bibi looked inside, her attention landing on the two occupants of the backseat, she froze. Josiah, without concern or awareness, opened his door and plopped into his seat behind the wheel.
“We got the car charger, and a bunch of extra minutes,” he said casually, unbagging the newly purchased items, “and they let us activate the thing, even though they were kinda being stupid about it at first.”
Sighing as she dropped her gaze and head, Bibi sat heavily in her seat, occupying herself with the simple tasks of closing her door and latching her seatbelt as Josiah continued rambling.
“We had to show them that it was an 800 number, and then they would only do it if they dialed it! Like they thought we were gonna call China or something!” He scoffed as he plugged the charger into the cigarette lighter, then the phone into the opposite end. Turning sideways to better face Craddock, he extended the phone towards him as far as it would reach.
“Wow, cord’s a little short, huh?” Craddock avoided looking at Bibi, forcing his tone to sound upbeat. “Have to sit on the dash like one of those bobble-head dogs, near about, just to use it while it’s plugged in!”
Josiah laughed, but he was the only one who did, as Craddock inched to the edge of his seat and took the phone from his outstretched hand. Pulling Marcy’s phone from his pocket, he located the call history in the menu, found the last incoming call, then punched the number into the new phone and hit send. Marcy answered almost instantly.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Craddock. . .”
Chapter Thirty-One
Even through the dodgy wireless connection, Craddock could tell something was bothering her. He could hear it in her tone. “Marcy? Are you okay?” The answer came in the form of a huffing sound, which just furthered his suspicions.
“Does your new cell have speakerphone?”
He scowled, feeling a mixture of concern and curiosity. “Probably. Why?”
“Put us on it,” she requested of him, then added in explanation of the word ‘us’, “Jeramey’s here, too.”
“‘Kay.” He pulled the phone away from his ear, searching for the button to that function as he informed the others in the car, “She wants me to put her and Jeramey on speaker.”
“Is something wrong?” Jessica asked worriedly, but Craddock only shrugged in response as he located the shiny backlit icon he was looking for and pressed it.
“‘Kay, you’re on speaker.” He held the phone up so the others could listen in.
“Okay,” Marcy began with a heavy, troubled sigh, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is, we have the rendezvous location set up.”
When she paused, Craddock asked, “Okay, and the bad news?”
“The Purists have canceled the meeting to negotiate.”
That was bad news in and of itself, but Craddock was of the impression that there was a lot more to it than that alone.
“Why?” he pressed, keeping his voice neutral, mostly for Jessica’s sake. He was starting to question the intelligence of conducting the call on speakerphone at all.
“They think Jessica might be lying about being pregnant.” Marcy sighed again, but with more exasperation than before. “Because Lilith,” she went on, “performed the test, and they now know she’s been working for us.”
“But I didn’t lie about anything!” Jessica shot back defensively. “I didn’t know what she was doing! What she was planning!”
“They don’t care. They only care that they were lied to, and that you were involved.”
“Okay, so, what does that mean for us now?” Craddock asked, moving the conversation forward. “Now what do we do?”
“We’re not sure yet. Fake a new set of tests?” There was uncertainty in her offered suggestion.
“Unless they examine her themselves, I doubt they’ll ever believe she is,” Jeramey chimed in, attempting to be helpful, though what he contributed definitely wasn’t.
“Yeah, but what’s the alternative? Have sex right now and hope I get pregnant?”
Craddock laughed, assuming Jessica was joking. “The backseat’s big enough.”
“Well, why not?” Josiah interjected his thoughts with his typical cluelessness. “You guys are a couple now, right?”
Suddenly, mental images of him and Jessica having sex in the car, and of a screaming newborn in his arms, caused Craddock to panic. “I was joking, Joe!”
Only when Josiah threw an odd look back at him did Craddock realize just how extreme his reaction was.
“Whoa, wait. . . you guys are really a couple?” Jeramey asked, somewhat interrupting. “I thought that was just on paper!”
Too late to take back the over-the-top, bordering on terrified response to Josiah’s idle comment, Craddock went for the next best thing. Utter calmness. “Well, we are,” he stole a glance at Jessica, “but that doesn’t mean I want to jump into fatherhood here.”
“Even if you did get pregnant right now,” Bibi offered hesitantly, “you wouldn’t be far enough along for them to buy it. They think you’re a couple months along right now, at least.”
No one voiced the opinion out loud, but everyone was pretty much thinking the same thing. While her motives were probably tainted by her feelings for Craddock, Bibi’s words were sage. The fact that they were, while she was immersed in gut-wrenching heartbreak, spoke volumes.
“Bibi’s right.” Marcy spoke with authority, leaving no room for debate. “Let’s not do anything rash here, okay? Don’t go trying to knock her up.”
“Hadn’t planned on it,” Craddock muttered, almost inaudibly, as he glared at the back of Josiah’s head.
But it wasn’t like he was mad at Josiah, either. That was just Josiah. Just how he was. A bit dim, though not at all stupid, and always speaking without thinking. It wasn’t even Josiah who had started all the baby talk. He’d just added to it. It was more Jessica’s comment that picked up the subject, and he couldn’t very well be mad at her. Her suggestion was more rhetorical than anything else, anyway.
By the expression she was directing at him, she seemed to be mad at him, though. Or, at the very least, hurt.
“You don’t want kids?” she asked, and the determination was made. She wasn’t angry, she was disheartened.
Flustered by the question and subject matter, not wanting to upset her further, wishing to hell he didn’t have an audience, Craddock stammered his answer. “Well, yeah, I guess. . . I mean, eventually. . . But, right now? I don’t—I’m not sure—”
“Guys!” Marcy snapped, interrupting his nervous babbling, gaining everyone’s attention. “No getting pregnant right now, okay? It won’t solve anything, and might possibly cause more problems further down the line! Just give us time to think, okay?”
Inwardly, Craddock was relieved, but then a sliver of guilt wedged in at seeing Jessica look so down. “Yeah, okay,” he mumbled, then asked, only slightly more intelligibly, “So, what happens now?”
“Now, we meet. We’re relocating you guys together this time, to throw the Purists off. They’re expecting you four to split up. If you don’t, it will make it harder for them to find you, and buy us more time.”
“Time for what?” Jessica scowled when Marcy seemed reluctant to answer, and when she heard the sounds of whispered debate between her and Jeramey she couldn’t make out.
“That�
��s something I’m not at liberty to discuss with you, Jess,” she finally replied. “I’m sorry.”
In an attempt to ease Jessica’s agitation over the evasive answer, Craddock wrapped his arm around her, but she only shrugged away from him and threw herself back into her seat, her arms then crossing in front of her as she sighed angrily.
“Jess?” Marcy called out, sounding concerned. Jessica just rolled her eyes and turned her gaze out the window.
“She’s. . . upset right now,” Craddock answered for her, when it was obvious she wasn’t going to. His eyes left her locked and rigid form, returning to the phone.
“With me?” Marcy asked, confused.
“And with me,” he answered.
“And with me,” Bibi added guiltily.
“And probably with me, too,” Josiah said, wincing with guilt. “I wasn’t very nice to her before.”
“Why weren’t you nice to her before?” Marcy asked. “What did you do?”
Sheepishly, he admitted, “I yelled at her, ‘cause I was mad that she was taking Craddock away from me.”
“Joe. . .” Craddock sighed, caught between frustration and compassion. “She’s not taking me away from you. There’s room for both of you guys in my life, ya’know!”
Josiah just shrugged in response.
“I’m not upset with any one person,” Jessica groused, irritated with the conversation that was taking place as if she wasn’t right there listening. “I’m upset because you people won’t tell me stuff! This is my life, and you people are acting as if I don’t even get a say in it! Or as if I don’t have the right to know what’s going to happen with it! I’m not your property! Or your scientific plaything! I’m a person, dammit!”
Sympathetically, Craddock placed his hand on her knee, meeting her eyes when she glared over at him. “Telling you everything all at once would only overwhelm you.”
“I’m a grown woman, Craddock! I should be the one to decide what I can and can’t handle!”
Sighing, he dropped his head in surrender. “You’re right. Just tell her, Marcy.”
