It wasn’t hard to learn the basics, and by the time the end of the first period, she knew the basic concept of the game. There were a few calls she would have to learn more about – the difference between a slash and a spear being a big one – but she would get the hand of it. She had to.
One thing she did notice was the constant booing, every time Brandon Thorpe made a save.
“No, that has never happened before,” Katella told her sister.
“All because people automatically assume he killed Papa,” she muttered under her breath. “Don’t they realize that if I thought he actually killed my grandfather, he wouldn’t be playing for the team anymore?”
Katella opened her mouth as if to say something then appeared to think better of it, and closed it. Normally, Seraphina would have asked what her sister wanted to tell her, but she was too distracted by the fan’s reactions to Brandon Thorpe. Yes, the guy was kind of a douche, but that didn’t mean he actually killed her grandfather. If douchebaggery went hand-in-hand with murder, she would have to call the police and report a slew of ex-boyfriends. The weird thing was, if a player like Alec Schumacher or Kyle Underwood or Matt Peters or anyone else on the team cleared the puck during a power play or attempted to score, the crowd cheered. It was only Brandon’s interaction that prompted the booing.
Seraphina didn’t understand; wasn’t a sports team a unit? Didn’t fans support each and every player when they were on the ice, no matter what went on in their personal life? In essence, the fans here cheered for the team as a whole, but individualized Thorpe, as though he wasn’t actually the Gulls’ number one goalie. What hypocrisy.
And yet, Brandon played as though he couldn’t even hear the booing. He blocked those shots she felt certain would go in. He skated out to retrieve a stray puck when she was certain the opposing player would reach it before he did. He would angle his body in a way she wouldn’t have even thought could block a shot. He caught the puck, stopped it, and the rebounds he let bounce off his knees or his chest were minimal at best.
“Brandon Thorpe is a real beast,” her sister murmured under her breath.
“Has he always been this way?” Seraphina asked. Katella had been to every game since starting to date Matt. Maybe she didn’t know him, exactly, but she watched him play.
“Not when Papa first got him,” Katella said. “I think his confidence has grown throughout the last two years. It really sucks we didn’t make playoffs last year. I think we could have gone all the way.”
“I just don’t understand why the people keep booing him. I’m sure if it was at any other point in Thorpe’s career, they would have been ecstatic to have him on the team.”
Katella shrugged. “People have different values, Sera,” she said. “Even so, it’s remarkable how well he’s playing, despite all the heckling.”
By the time the period ended, the score was still zero to zero, and people were booing Brandon Thorpe out of the rink.
“Neither team has scored, and a big part of that is because of Thorpe,” Seraphina continued, her arms continuing to gesture profusely. “If we were winning, do you still think everyone would be booing?”
“Probably,” Katella said. “Hey, I’m not saying I agree with it, but this is how people are. They don’t know what they want and nothing you do is going to satisfy them. If you keep Thorpe in, they’re going to boo. If you take him out and put our second in and we lose, they’re going to be upset. The only thing you could get away with is pull Thorpe and hope our second can fend them off.”
“You mean I should actually pull Thorpe?” Seraphina asked, surprised. The thought had never crossed her mind.
“That’s your decision, hon,” Katella replied. “But let me tell you this: I’ve been to every home game for the past two years including preseason games and I’ve never heard it this loud, even with the stadium being almost sold out and the team fighting for a playoff spot. I don’t want to go all dramatic, but if you keep Thorpe in, it is possible that riots could break out.”
Seraphina let everything her sister said sink in. She didn’t want a riot to break out as her first official night as the Gulls’ owner. But she didn’t think she should have to pull Thorpe either. Her mind clouded over with insecurity and doubt and she couldn’t help but wonder, for the millionth time in the past two weeks, why her grandfather thought it was a good idea to leave her in charge of a sports team. She didn’t know what she was doing, and now that she had to make a major decision that would upset people no matter what, she honestly had no idea what to do. She was in a crossroads of what she felt was right and what she felt she should do. Normally, she would just go with her gut, but that seemed to have dire consequences if Katella was right and a riot could break out. But for whatever reason, pulling Thorpe didn’t sit well with her.
Maybe Henry Wayne, would help her decide. Without saying anything to her sister, Seraphina pounced out of her seat and headed down the stairs. Security let her through without incident and she managed to reach the head coach of the Gulls before he went into the locker room.
“Henry!” She suddenly clamped her mouth shut as her entire face turned red. When Henry turned to look at her, she gave him a sheepish smile. “Oh, I’m sorry, should I be addressing you as Mr. Wayne or Wayne or…”
“You can address me however you want Sera,” he said, smiling so the skin around his grey eyes crinkled. “Really, you’re thinking too much about this. Weigh the pros and cons but ultimately, go with your gut. That’s what your grandfather always did, and it seemed to work for him.” He cocked his head to the side, crossing his arms over his chest. “Is everything okay? I have to get into the locker room and grill the guys about their playing, but you seem… What do you need?”
“I…” Seraphina let her voice trail off, and before she could stop herself, she felt tears begin to accumulate in her eyes without really knowing why. Henry waited patiently while the young woman got a hold of herself and her emotions. “I’m sorry. I feel a little overwhelmed right now. But I don’t know what to do. About the goalie situation. Surely I wasn’t the only one who heard the fans booing every time Thorpe made a save.”
“You weren’t,” Henry agreed.
“Well, what do we do?” She sounded more anxious than she wanted to, but the more she felt like she was losing control, the more her voice started to rise. “I mean, what can we do? How’s our second?”
“Miller?” Henry raised his brow and pursed his lips, taking a moment to think about it. “He’s not as good as Thorpe.”
“No one’s as good as Thorpe,” Seraphina muttered under her breath.
“You’re right,” Henry said. “What do you think we should do?”
Biting her bottom lip, Seraphina tried to weigh the pros and the cons of the decision, as Henry had suggested. People kept telling her that running a hockey team was like running a business, and sometimes, as the boss, she’d have to make tough decisions that won’t be liked by many people. But she’d have to do right for the company. Because the company always came first.
Right?
“For the sake of the franchise, we’ll have to pull him,” Seraphina said. “We can’t have our fans boo against us. Against Thorpe, I should say.”
Henry looked like he was about to say something, but thought better of it. Instead, he pressed his lips together and nod his head once in assent. “You’re the boss,” he said, before turning and heading into the locker room.
What was good for the franchise didn’t actually feel like a good decision. As Seraphina headed back to her seat, instead of feeling like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, she felt as though more had been added to her already heavy load. It didn’t feel right. Didn’t the right decision, no matter how disagreeable it was, always feel right?
“So?” Katella asked once Seraphina took her seat. “What’d you do?”
“I decided to pull Thorpe,” Seraphina said, “but for whatever reason, I really don’t feel good about it.”
&nbs
p; “That’s not a good sign,” Katella murmured.
Katella and her signs. But even Seraphina agreed that she probably shouldn’t be feeling this. But she couldn’t do anything about it now. Instead, she leaned back, tried to get comfortable, and opted to see how the second period went.
It didn’t go well.
Poor Sam Miller surely had heart, but he wasn’t as experienced as Brandon Thorpe was, and Miller’s nervousness at suddenly being thrust into the spotlight with an enormous amount of pressure on him. Because even though it wasn’t the actual season, surely he heard the audience booing which meant he had to step it up or else it’d be easier to start booing him too. And while they didn’t actually boo him, they weren’t really cheering for him either. Due to the fact that he let in four goals, two of which happened to be power play goals.
Seraphina watched as Matt Peters got into another fight, and then, twelve minutes later, the rookie defenseman Michael Thompson got into a fight which prompted Phoenix getting the second power play. Thompson definitely needed to build up some more muscle on his lithe frame, but he was tall, at six foot one, with sandy blond hair and blue eyes. He seemed green, having skipped the American Hockey League thanks to her grandfather wanting to sign him after watching him play for a local league, but he was fast and an amazing defenseman. And he was only eighteen. At least that was what Katella had informed her in the two minutes he had to sit out for the fight.
“They probably took a shot at his inexperience,” Katella guessed.
On the bright side, Alec Schumacher managed to score a goal a minute after Phoenix scored for the second time. But thanks to Mike’s fight, the team seemed to burn out and it wasn’t long before Phoenix was in the lead, four to zero.
Throughout the period, Seraphina’s eyes drifted down to where Brandon Thorpe was. Even though she didn’t know him that well, she could tell just how upset he was. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were colder than they normally were, but he still looked passive, like even though he was upset, it still didn’t bother him that he should be playing and he wasn’t. That even Seraphina Hanson gave in and persecuted him despite saying that she believed he didn’t do it.
By the time the second period ended, she could tell the players looked dejected and hopeless. Thorpe’s shoulders were the only ones that weren’t sagging as they headed into the locker room, and Seraphina wasn’t sure if it was because he hadn’t played and therefore wasn’t tired or if he was just completely upset that it was impossible for him to loosen up a bit.
This couldn’t go on.
Sure, the crowd hadn’t really booed – save for the penalties the refs called against the Gulls, but that was only to be expected – up until the buzzer rang, ending the second period, and the scoreboard reading four to one, with Phoenix in the lead.
“I made the wrong decision,” Seraphina said, along with the buzzer’s mocking tone.
“You didn’t have a choice, Sera,” Katella said, reaching out to squeeze her sister’s hand. “But you can make it right.”
“That’d be like admitting I made a mistake,” Seraphina said, turning to Katella. “Didn’t Papa make a decision and see it through, no matter what?”
“Yeah, but when Papa made the wrong decision, he always took responsibility for that decision and he always corrected it.” Katella squeezed Seraphina’s hand again, as though she were silently telling her sister what Seraphina might want to consider doing, and raised her brow in order to emphasize her point.
Sighing through her nose, Seraphina stood up. “I have to make this right,” she said more to herself than to her sister, and without another word, headed back down to the staircase and then into the Gulls’ hallway.
Each footstep she took heading to the locker caused her to get more and more furious. Furious with the fans for being so judgmental and hypocritical. Furious with the players for giving up on themselves. Furious with Thorpe for being so calm in such a tense situation (although that degree of anger probably stemmed from a slight touch of envy which Seraphina would never admit aloud). But more than all of that, Seraphina was furious at herself. How could so easily let the fans’ reactions sway her decision? How could she lose her resolve because she was afraid of what people would think of her? Because that was why she pulled Thorpe. Yes, she honestly believed it might help the franchise, and without the fans, there was no way a team could thrive. But Seraphina was worried that this first major decision that she had to make in regards to her team – her team – would ultimately be like a first impression, one that people would associate her with for the rest of her life.
And even though she did what she thought people would think was right, she made the wrong one. Which meant she made the wrong decision. But she could fix it. And yeah, people would probably think that she was some kind of flip-flopper, but right now, she was past the point of caring. She was going to make this right, and that was that.
Seraphina walked into the Gulls’ locker room. The different thoughts that probably should have run through her head such as maybe now wasn’t an appropriate time to give a pep talk and to apologize and perhaps it was even more inappropriate since she was a young woman going into a men’s locker room and her presence might make players uncomfortable, considering there might be things going on in there that she didn’t want to see or be exposed to, actually never even made it to her consciousness. Her mind was too focused, and she knew that until she got everything off of her chest, she would continue to brim with frustration.
People exclaimed, some called Seraphina out, but for the most part, the majority of the Gulls just stared at Seraphina as she pushed opened the doors and went over to Henry, who was in the middle of giving the players his own lecture. He stopped when he saw Seraphina, but he didn’t snap at her or admonish her for coming in. In fact, he cleared his throat and gave her the floor.
“Let me start off by saying that this, indirectly, is my fault,” she began. It was abrupt and straight to the point, because Seraphina couldn’t waste time with some flurry preamble. She couldn’t explain it, but even though she couldn’t see Brandon Thorpe, she could feel his eyes on her. “I decided Henry should pull Thorpe, and even though the fans seemed less upset now, the scoreboard says that we’re being fucked. You guys have given up. And the third period hasn’t even started yet.” She proceeded to look into an individual player’s eyes, hoping they would see that she meant what she said. “I know it’s hard, but you can’t let them dictate how you play. Don’t listen to them. Focus on the game, because even though this is a first game for preseason, I want us to play our absolute best whether that means we scrimmages or we play in the postseason. I have faith in you. All of you. Which means that Henry, if he feels it, will put in Thorpe.” Suddenly, Seraphina found him, sitting among his players on the bench. He actually looked surprised at what she said. “If I learned anything from my grandfather, it’s that we stick together, no matter what. People, even our fans, aren’t going to be happy with the decision. But I have faith in you. Now you guys need to have faith in your teammates and in yourselves.”
Suddenly, Seraphina realized she was out of breath. She paused in order to catch it, and when she realized she had nothing more to say, she proceeded to turn red. “Okay, that’s all,” she said. And with that, she rushed out as fast as she had entered.
“Well?” Katella asked once Seraphina sat back down.
“I fixed this,” she replied. “No matter what happens, I did the right thing. And that’s what matters.”
The third period wasn’t brilliant on the Gulls’ part. The Phoenix Panthers maintained their three goal lead and the fans booed more and more every time Thorpe made a save, and she royally fucked up by making that first decision, but it didn’t matter. Seraphina knew with every fiber in her being that she made the right decision in the end.
Maybe she would get the hang of this sooner or later.
11. To Emma, dancing was her life.
Some people said that in a metaphorical sort
of sense. Maybe they took dance classes at their gym or as a performing art class requirement. Maybe they went to the club on the weekend. Maybe they danced when they got ready for school in the morning or in their car on the way to work. Maybe they danced in an aisle of the supermarket or at frat parties. Some people danced to forget or to shake off all the stress they had accumulated over any given period of time.
Emma danced to live. She danced because she had to. She couldn’t control it. Her heart beat purely for the moment when her body was moving in a fluid motion, expressing feelings she couldn’t put into words. Her entire body was tense, focused. She was in complete control in that moment. And nothing phased her. It was also a place for her to escape, whether that was from life or love or school or friends. She lost herself in the music, in the motion of her body, and in that moment, her thoughts were nonexistent. In fact, Emma didn’t think that if she actually tried to think, it would be possible.
When Emma said that dancing was her life, she meant it. She couldn’t be sure that it would be like this forever. If and when she got married and had children, things would change. But for right now, she focused her effort and energy into this activity she had been doing since she was young, since her mother left. Maybe psychologically, she wanted to hold onto something stable after being abandoned. Probably she also wanted to escape the feelings of being abandoned by one of the few people who were supposed to love her, to stay with her no matter what. It gave her something to direct her hurt and sorrow and anger into that was constructive and healthy.
She danced through elementary school and middle school, even missing her promotion dance in order to star in a recital. She took dance in high school and made the varsity team her freshman year. Junior year she was captain over forty students, including eight seniors. Her senior year, she began choreographing her team. She got a scholarship studying dance at multiple schools but she chose University of California, Irvine only because she wanted to stay close to home, close to her father.
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