A slow wicked smile spread across his face. “Oh, baby, you are not wrong.”
What did that mean?
She was afraid to ask.
Chapter 12
Two hours later, Carter sat in the corner of his sectional with his computer on his lap, pretending to be interested in the screen. The truth was, he hadn’t logged in to the damn thing yet.
Instead, he had listened intently while Brooke moved around in his home, taking a shower and puttering around in his guest room. She had pulled a few things out of some boxes, but left the rest.
She reappeared at the entrance to the family room with her beautiful hair hanging in long, damp curls and clean clothes on. He knew for a fact she didn’t have much to wear because he’d personally unloaded her car. She would lose her shit if he suggested taking her shopping, so he kept his mouth closed on that subject for now.
Her jeans were worn, but they looked comfortable. They were also too big on her frame. As usual. What he really wanted to know was if she had lost weight or if she intentionally hid behind baggy clothes. She wore a T-shirt today. Navy. Plain. Also too big. And tennis shoes. Old but cleaner than the ones he’d seen her working in.
“You find everything you need?” he asked, sitting up straighter.
She had reverted to not meeting his gaze again. One step forward, two steps back. Probably given the time to think, she’d talked herself into retreating. She fiddled with the hem of her shirt as she came farther into the room. “Yes, thank you.”
He needed to find a way to reach her, get her to open up and toss him a bone. “Come here,” he requested, half commanded. He watched her closely as she approached. Her hands were shaking, and she tucked her fingers under the edge of her shirt and gripped the hem.
It was too soon to attempt this, but he’d been dying to know how she might react to other types of submission since their earlier conversation. She thought she needed to be struck with an object. It was possible she was wrong.
He had no doubt she was submissive. That had been apparent from the moment he met her. But could he channel that into something that felt good instead of whatever horror existed in her past?
When she was about two feet from him, she stopped. He rounded his body to sit facing her and shut his laptop, setting it aside. He reached out a hand. “Give me your hand.” He put an intentional commanding lift in his voice. Just enough to test the waters.
She willingly obeyed, reaching out with one hand. “What are you doing?”
“Trying something.” He was sitting. She was standing. He considered this for a moment and decided to let this awkward Dom/sub position remain for now. “Look at me.” It wasn’t a stretch since she liked to keep her head bowed and he was beneath her. It might play in his favor.
She met his gaze, her lips curling into her mouth.
“I told you earlier about other types of D/s. I’m going to give you a taste.”
Her brow furrowed. “Now?”
He smiled. “We already started about two minutes ago.”
She flinched, glancing away from him.
“Eyes on mine.”
She jerked her gaze back.
He slid his hand to more fully encompass hers until his thumb lay on her pulse point. “Strapping a submissive to a cross or a spider web or a spanking bench in order to inflict some level of pain isn’t the only way to practice D/s.”
“I know.” She tugged on her hand.
He held it tighter and reached to grab her other hand, pulling her a few inches closer until she stood between his legs. “Intellectually perhaps, but I want you to experience it.”
“I’m not having sex with you, Carter.”
He smiled. “You’ve made that perfectly clear a few times. I’m not suggesting we have sex. As I’ve said before, you’re gonna have to ask me to have sex with you,” he teased, hoping to lighten the mood around the subject. He shook her hands at her sides.
Her cheeks turned red. She looked away again and took a step backward.
He held her steady, not releasing her hands. “Don’t back up. Eyes on mine.”
She hesitated.
“Brooke, look at me,” he repeated with more force.
She swallowed but did as he demanded. “Will you let go of me? I feel…weird when you’re touching me. I can’t…think right.”
Thank you, God. He shook his head. “Nope. I like you a little off-balance.”
She licked her lips. Full. Pink. Sexy. Her heartrate sped up under his thumb.
“Are there any marks on you from last night?”
“No.”
He lifted a brow. “You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
“If there were, would you tell me?”
She gave a slight smile. “No.”
He smiled back. “Figured.” He continued to hold her gaze for a moment and then tugged on her wrists. “Lower to your knees.”
She flinched, hesitating. She would do that a lot. He needed to take things slow and give her that play. It was to be expected. Finally, she slid to the floor in front of him.
His cock jumped to attention at the simple move. This was going to be hard. For him. His instinct was to push her because he knew she had a deeply submissive side that could easily be tapped into. But she didn’t know that. And she had secrets. He would be an ass to push her beyond a small taste right now. Just enough to plant the seed. Make her think.
She shivered.
He released her hands. “Clasp your hands behind your back, baby.” His words were gentle. Controlled. Soft.
She complied, but her form was too slouched.
“I like your head tipped toward the floor, but straighten your spine and pull your shoulders back.”
She took shallow breaths as she followed his directions.
He set a hand on her head and stroked her hair. “This is the basic pose of a submissive. I’m sure you’ve seen it at the club.”
“Yes.”
“It puts you in a frame of mind. Centers you in a way.”
She dipped her head farther, her hair completely blocking his view of her face.
“The next time we do this, I’m going to pin your hair back. It’s allowing you to hide.”
She might have flinched slightly but otherwise said nothing.
He smoothed his hand down to her shoulder and set his other one on the opposite shoulder. When she didn’t try to shake free, he let his thumbs lightly stroke the soft skin at her neck. “Relax.”
She released a slow breath. Good.
“Submission can be as simple as this right here. It’s liberating in a way to assume a position under someone else’s control. To do as they say. It doesn’t have to be more. For many people, all it takes is to consciously turn their care over to another for a while. Can you feel it?”
“I think so,” she whispered.
He kept stroking her skin as she relaxed further under his care. The shift in the air was palpable.
“Spread your knees a few inches.”
She stiffened a bit, but then inched them out.
“Is the carpet enough under them? Or are you uncomfortable?”
“It’s enough.”
“If I expected to keep you in this position for long, I would put a pillow under your knees.” He smoothed his hands down her arms and gently rubbed the skin of her biceps. Besides her face and her neck, no other part of her was exposed for him to touch. He’d give anything to have her naked before him like this. Not today. But one day. Please, God.
“Keep your shoulders back,” he commanded when she leaned forward.
She pulled them back on a sharp inhale.
He pushed again, testing her. “With your arms behind you, your spine straight, and your shoulders back, your chest is forced higher. Can you feel that?”
“Yes,” she murmured. She shuddered again.
“Spread your knees a little more.”
Her movement was negligible, but she did it.
“Feel the vulnerability?”
<
br /> “Yes.”
He rubbed her arms with his thumbs. “There’s nothing sexier than a submissive on her knees.”
She chuckled and not in a good way. “Whatever.”
He released her arm with one hand and lifted her chin. “You doubt me?”
She shrugged. “No one has ever accused me of being sexy, so yes.”
“Then they’re all blind. It’s my lucky day.”
She winced. “It’s intentional. I don’t like attention.”
He slid his hand around to the back of her neck under her hair. “I don’t doubt that. You do hide behind baggy clothes. But you can’t hide your gorgeous hair or your porcelain skin or your full lips. Nor can you hide your demeanor. Your essence. I see you.”
She flinched.
“I see you, Brooke.”
Now she looked away.
He leaned closer. “I see you.”
She held her breath. Her pulse picked up, her chest rising and falling.
“I have a question. One I’ve been curious about for a while.” He squeezed her neck, massaging it gently until she rolled her head into his touch subconsciously. One more point for team Carter. He cleared his throat. “Do you buy your clothes too big on purpose, or did you lose weight recently?”
She hesitated, biting her lip before responding. “I’ve actually gained weight recently.”
His eyes shot wider. “Well, let’s improve on that.”
“I’d rather not. It’s intentional too.”
“Being underweight?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have an eating disorder?”
“No.”
He closed his eyes as he figured out one more piece of her. And then he couldn’t stop from leaning his forehead closer until it touched hers. “You think men won’t look at you if you’re too skinny.” It wasn’t a question. And she didn’t answer.
He read her so well. It was unnerving. Like he was clairvoyant. It was also a relief in a way, as twisted as that was. She didn’t have to tell him things. He guessed them. With incredible accuracy. Was she such an open book that others had always seen through her façade too?
His lips were inches from hers. She’d never been this close to being kissed. Half of her wanted him to kiss her. More than half actually. She wanted to throw caution to the wind and feel the softness of his lips against hers.
His fingers were massaging her neck with the perfect amount of pressure. No one had ever touched her so tenderly either.
Nineteen things were happening to her body all at once, assaulting her with an abundance of sensation. Her breasts felt heavy, which was saying something since they were not large in the first place. She was also aware of her nipples. They were hard points against her bra.
But the most disturbing thing of all was the space between her legs. A warm tingling had started when he told her to spread her knees, and in the last few moments wetness had leaked into her panties. It scared her. It was foreign. She wasn’t sure she liked it. And she was way too embarrassed to say anything.
She really should have educated herself better on this subject. The truth was, she never intended to be in a position like this in her lifetime, so it hadn’t mattered. She’d overheard other women talk about arousal and how their men made them feel—most often in public restrooms of all places—but she had simply walked away and blocked out the possibility for herself.
Until now. Until Carter. Oh, yeah. She was scared to death of these feelings.
“I can feel your pulse picking up,” he whispered. His eyes closed, and he ran his nose up the side of her face and across her forehead.
She gasped.
He smiled, his eyes still closed. “Yeah, that’s what I want to hear.”
A flush crept high on her face.
He tipped her head back toward the floor with his hand on her neck. And then he surprised her by leaning back, no part of him touching her. “Concentrate on what you’re feeling. Focus on your position. Your breasts are high and tight even though they’re hidden from sight. It doesn’t matter because you know it. I don’t need to see it. You can feel your nipples stiffening as I speak.”
Oh God.
“You’re in this position because I told you. That’s submission. It’s powerful. It’s relaxing while at the same time invigorating. You probably can’t decide if you’d rather take a nap or go for a run.”
He was so right.
“Your hands clasped behind your back open you up to me even though you have on baggy clothes. Your knees are wide enough for me to slide a hand over your pussy if I wanted.” Every word struck a chord.
Silence. She took deep breaths in the silence. Her panties were definitely wet now. She was close to squirming. She should not have let this happen. It snuck up on her.
“It’s normal, you know. Perfectly normal. Many people experience submission this way. Following my directions and listening to my voice is enough command to put you in a subspace without the pain.
“Not that I’m implying there’s anything wrong with enjoying a whip or a paddle or even a hand on your bottom. I’m just pointing out there are other ways to submit that might give you the same results without the physical release of being struck by a whip.”
She held still, absorbing his words. Even though she wasn’t sure she fully understood, she was lured by the tone of his voice.
He leaned forward again, not touching her but closing the distance. “That release you got from Faith’s whip, was it not similar to the release you feel right now?”
She pondered that concept. He was right and he was also wrong. Every time Faith’s whip landed on Brooke’s back or thighs or butt, another piece of her stress flew away from her body.
But what she felt at the moment was different. The buildup was the same. She felt similar to how she had felt before Faith started swinging the whip. She thought about how Faith had taken control, secured her to the chains, and whispered in her ear.
Carter had instead commanded her to her knees and secured her hands at her back with an imaginary bond. But then he’d spoken to her in the same fashion. Reassuring her. Complimenting her. Praising her. The problem was she wanted the whip now. The part that would let her fly away, taking her pain with it.
“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
She opened up to him. “I feel the spell of submission, but now I want the release from the contact.”
“Exactly.”
She lifted her gaze to question him with her eyes.
He smiled. “Close your eyes.”
She did as he asked.
“What if the release was sexual in nature instead of physical? What if I pinched your nipples right now instead of striking your bottom?”
She gasped. She could actually feel him doing just that.
“What if I cupped your pussy and pressed my hand against your wet heat?” His voice was deeper now. Gravelly. Aroused?
She wasn’t sure how she felt about that, but at the same time she could almost feel his palm pressing against her sex, and it made her jump.
“I think you’re getting it.” He leaned closer. “What if instead of spanking your bottom hard enough for you to let go of your pain, I thrust my cock into you until you came so hard you got a better high than from any paddle?”
Her sex spasmed, freaking her out so badly she jerked her eyes open. Her gut told her to run.
“Don’t move.” He must have read her mind. “Don’t move a muscle.” He held his hands out, palms up. “I’m not touching you. Don’t worry.”
She remained in her spot, but her heart beat so fast she pictured it thumping out of her chest. His words had sent her someplace foreign and scary.
She could feel panic slipping in as memories flooded her mind, taking control of her. She swayed forward, assaulted by the past.
Never let a man get to you. Never let one of those bastards touch you. They are all liars. Every one of them. Every single one of them is a lying, cheating, conniving pi
ece of slime. You hear me, girl? You keep your head down and your pants on. You hear me? Don’t let them in. You will get hurt.
Someone was calling her name from far away. “Brooke. Brooke.” Hands landed on her shoulders and shook her slightly.
She screamed, her eyes shooting open as she tried to remember where she was.
Someone was in her face. Too close.
Carter.
“Baby, look at me.”
She tried to focus. Yes, Carter. He wasn’t a bad person. He wasn’t. She knew he wasn’t.
He tugged her arms until she released them from behind her back, and then he lifted her onto his lap, nestling her against his chest. “Jesus, Brooke. You scared the shit out of me.” He rocked her, holding her close.
It felt good. He’s not a bad man.
“Your eyes rolled back and you left me,” he continued to explain. He kissed the top of her head.
For a long time he held her while her breathing returned to normal and her heart rate slowed down. He stroked her back with his fingers.
It felt right. The demons fled. Her reality was shifting. The world as she knew it was a lie. Everything she’d been told was a lie.
She lifted her face and looked at him. “I’m sorry.”
He frowned. “Don’t be. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. It’s my fault. I feel awful.”
She shook her head. “No. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m a mess. Forgive me.”
“No, baby. God, no. You have things to work out is all. I knew that. I just don’t know what they are. I can help you, but you have to tell me what I’m facing.” He cupped her cheek.
She leaned into his touch and nuzzled his hand. It felt right. It felt nice.
He sighed. “When you’re ready, I’m here.”
“I know.” Was he, though? How long could he wait? She was not at all in a place where she could share yet. She had never visualized telling anyone a word about her past. She’d intended to take it to her grave. Until one minute ago. She needed to process this and consider the implications of letting someone in, especially a man.
His hand eased into her hair and he threaded his fingers in it before dragging them through the locks and doing it again.
“I like that.” She closed her eyes.
Collaring Brooke (Club Zodiac Book 3) Page 11
