“No ashtrays?” I asked, still tasting my anger.
The Jamaican pointed toward a red exit sign. “Step outside if you have to smoke, mon. And try to relax. Nobody is going to do any better because you’re all worked up and out of control.”
I kept my tongue planted and wriggled into a small chair.
“You’re very angry, aren’t you?” Lauren asked, once the nurse had left the room.
“Nothing new.”
“I know you blame me for this.”
“Right now I’m just angry.”
We lapsed into a long, tense silence, the only movement my regular excursions outside. At some point the tension and Valium floored me and I fell asleep. When I lifted my heavy lids, Lauren was weeping softly.
“Did you hear something?” I asked, using the chair’s arms to push my ass free.
“No, no, nothing yet.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“I’m frightened, that’s all.”
Her words cut through my cotton head and I started to pace.
“Matthew, please stop walking around. You’re reminding me of Paul. Next you’ll be pounding on the damn vending machine.”
I retreated to my seat. “We’ve spent a lot of time in hospitals, haven’t we?” I said, shaking my head. The nap had dissolved my anger.
“Too much time.” She shook her head. “I’m so very sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, this isn’t your fault.”
“It feels like it. There are moments when I wish we’d never gotten involved. That way Lou wouldn’t have been hurt. But when I think that, the life slips out of me. I love him, Matthew. I feel like a whole person when we’re together, like I found a missing piece of me I never knew existed. And this is what comes of it,” she added. “Something always goes wrong when I touch it.”
“Lou’s had asthma for a long time, Lauren.”
“But how much did the crises with Ian and Stephen, and the drive-by take out of him?”
I had no answer other than my temper dregs. “I gotta have a smoke.”
The rest of the day ran around the same track. I kept dozing, waking, and smoking. Lauren kept sniffling, fighting back her tears. Every once in a while, one or the other of us would trudge upstairs only to return without news. I wanted to hold her responsible but that day was done.
The more we talked the easier it became.
“So explain your feelings toward Lou,” I finally asked. “This is not a man who presses the envelope.”
“No, but Lou doesn’t judge other people’s lives and that might be more progressive than anything I’ve ever done. And it’s more than that. I’ve always felt isolated, despite all the causes, friends, marriage, and even the kids. As if I had to be the one to make every decision. I had to be the one to take care of everybody. When I’m with Lou, all that disappears. I don’t have to keep protecting myself and it frees me. Lou knows who he is and that’s incredibly reassuring—and very special. Plus, he’s the kindest person I’ve ever known.”
Her eyes raked my face.
“Don’t look at me like that, Lauren. My question wasn’t a knock.”
Lauren smiled, “I didn’t take it that way. I was thinking that Lou talks about your friend Boots all the time, but I’ve never heard you mention her.”
“I’m pretty good at keeping things compartmentalized.”
“That’s a big word, Matthew. Does it mean scared?”
“Scared?”
“Afraid if you talk about her the relationship will become more real?”
“I don’t know,” I answered uncomfortably.
“I was surprised she didn’t come with you tonight.”
“I’m used to flying solo during emergencies.” The hollowness of my answer rattled in my head. “Maybe compartmentalized does mean scared,” I added, smiling glumly.
“Much of my life I’ve felt too raw to let anyone near,” Lauren said gently. “Including my family, though I hate to admit it. In a way, that’s what I meant earlier about wanting to die. All those empty years had finally disappeared and for an instant they came rushing back.”
“Lou’s not going to die.”
“I don’t think I could live the rest of my life the way I’d lived before. It’s taken me more than half a century to learn when something is healthy and good. If your relationship with Boots is good—and you’re the only one who can know—you might think about the time I’ve wasted.”
Before I found a way to switch subjects the door suddenly burst open and last night’s doctor stood in front of us.
Both of us jumped to our feet.
“Relax,” she said, her voice tinged with exhaustion. “That man is built like an ox. He’ll outlive us all if he watches what he eats. We’re going to continue keeping him under observation after we remove the respirator. I’m going to keep him in the ICU until tomorrow, then move him to a private room.”
“Can we see him?” I asked.
The doctor shook her head. “He’s asleep and won’t wake up for a good long time. The more sleep the better. You can visit him sometime tomorrow. Go home, there’s no reason to wait here.”
“Are you certain he’s okay? Reallycertain?” I asked, wary of our luck.
“He’s going to be fine.” She nodded toward Lauren, “Getting him here quickly made a huge difference. Now, if you don’t mind...”
Lauren and I stared at each other with silent relief as the doctor backed out the door.
“Would you like to use the Hacienda as a home base?” Lauren asked tentatively, breaking a suddenly uncomfortable tension. “It’s a long ride to Boston and back.”
Her offer was tempting, but I shook my head. “I think I’ll take your advice and go home to Boots. Is the Hacienda even safe? If the temperature drops and the furnace switches on...”
“One of the firemen shut down the auto start. Anyway, while you were asleep I called the oil company and they promised to fix everything today. As usual, I’m late locking the barn door.” She glanced at her watch. “God, time seems endless then all of a sudden huge pieces are gone. It’s really warped.”
“It sure is,” I agreed, wondering how much of my life had been spent inside those same strange distortions.
Lauren left our names and telephone numbers with the hospital while I left a message on Boots’ private line, disappointed by my inability to connect. When we strolled into the warm afternoon sun, I breathed a sigh of relief. “Lauren, I heard what the doctor said about your quick response and I want you to know...”
“Stop, Matt. Instead of thanks and apologies maybe we could just agree to start over?”
Lauren stuck out her hand and, after a momentary hesitation, I took it. A near miss can change things in a hurry.
Halfway home, my relief faded and I was suddenly dope slapped with more suspicions. Either Lauren was living under a really bad sign, or someone might be trying to hurt or actually kill Lauren and Lou.
I skidded to a stop and headed back to the Hacienda in record time. Lauren must have heard me park because she was waiting at the door as I rushed up the steps.
“I thought you wanted to go back to Boots,” she asked, looking at me with tired eyes.
“I will but I want to inspect the boiler first.”
“I told you the firemen turned off the auto-start so there’s really no need for you to worry.”
“It’s not the auto-start I care about. I want to look at the broken wire if it’s still there. Remember, I superintended my buildings for a long time.”
“You don’t think it was an accident, do you?”
“Honestly, I don’t know what I think. That’s why I want to check.”
“Well, I don’t think you’ll find anything, but you’re welcome to go downstairs. But alone. I can’t stand the thought of seeing another one of my mistakes.”
We were in the house and Lauren pointed to a door. “That leads to the basement. The boiler is by the left wall but one of the firemen accidently b
roke the light down there. At least I think I remember someone telling me that. Everything was just crazy.”
“Do you have a flashlight I can use?”
“Yes. I’ll get it.”
Lauren returned with one of those metallic lights they used on C.S.I. It was small but when I checked to see if it worked it flashed a nice, bright l.e.d. white.
“This will be fine,” I said over my shoulder as I opened the door and went down the rickety stairs. Alexis wasn’t wrong about the house needing repairs, but I shook the thought from my head and walked past piles of stuff to the furnace.
Where I caught a break. The firemen had left the wire dangling. I shone the light and looked carefully at it and where it should have been connected. Neither showed any signs of rust or even much wear and tear. I grabbed the skinny metal strip and ran the light over the entire piece, spending a lot of time at the place where it had broken. But hard as I looked, both the piece in my hand and the point where it attached were in good shape. Which left me wondering why it had come apart. Or if it had simply been sliced, though I saw no tool marks.
I swung the light around the entire cellar and caught another break. Two, actually. A tool chest sat on an old table. And I noticed bulkhead doors on the other side of the room. I guess firemen were different up here. In the city they’d have axed the goddamn thing to pieces in order to get inside.
But first things first. I walked over to the tool chest, breathed a sigh of relief to find it unlocked, rummaged through, and came up with an old wire cutter. I returned to the furnace and snipped off as much of the wire as possible. Shaking my head I returned the cutter, closed the chest, and walked over to the bulkhead. I pushed up against the two wooden doors but they were locked together from the outside. I returned to the stairs and carefully climbed my way back into the house. Where I found Lauren waiting.
“Why do you have that wire in your hand,” she asked.
“I want to take it home with me and really study it. No way to do that down there. Not to worry, the oil company is going to replace it anyway.”
Lauren shook her head. “Your father-in-law was right. You really are one tenacious son of a bitch when you sink your teeth in. You still think someone is trying to hurt me.”
“Maybe both of you.”
“Lou? Why would anyone want to hurt him?”
“Why would anyone want to hurt you? I don’t have answers, Lauren, just questions. And you’re right. Until my questions are answered I don’t plan on letting go.”
I started toward the front door, then stopped. “Since all we have are questions, it would be smart if you came with me and stayed at Lou’s place.
“Absolutely not! I appreciate the offer but if the hospital calls I want to be nearby.
I felt a momentary pang of guilt about my own return to Boston, then decided to trust the doctor. “Look, the doc was very clear about Lou pulling through and for us to wait until tomorrow afternoon to see him.”
Lauren smiled. “It’s a sweet invitation, but I’ll pass.”
“Okay,” I replied, nodding as I walked down the stairs. But when I began to walk toward the back of the house Lauren called from the doorway.
“Where are you going? Your car is right out front.”
“I know, but I want to look at the bulkhead doors.”
Lauren just shook her head and said, “See you tomorrow,” as she gently closed the front door.
When I got to the bulkhead I knelt down and stared intently at the doors. They were held together by an old rust pitted padlock. But as hard as I looked I saw no scratches or any other evidence of a pick so I headed back to my car and began the drive home.
My ride was a tussle between relief and a grinding worry about dangers that might or might not exist. As I drove into town I thought about waiting for Boots at her condo, but decided on my apartment. It was time to talk to Julius.
I grabbed a quick peanut butter sandwich on on a couple of large stale crackers, a short shower, left more messages on all Boots’s machines, and walked upstairs to Julie’s.
When his apartment door slipped open, I was hit with an almost visible wave of heat. “Christ, Julius, open a fucking window. A little light won’t blind you either.”
“I want it dark, hot and sticky, Slumlord. Like my women.”
I shook my head, “Better enjoy the thermostat ‘cause you ain’t gonna get the women. If I spent my life in skivvies I wouldn’t mind 110 degrees either,” I added, noting his boxers and ribbed cotton undershirt.
“You gonna stand out here and jive or slide inside? The glare from the goddamn hall is killing me.”
I followed him into his simple neat flat and immediately opened a window in the dark, shuttered living room. “If I don’t get a little air, I’ll fall asleep the moment I hit a chair.”
“You don’t look too good,” he said, flicking on sixty watts.
I filled him in on the past twenty-four, speaking quickly to choke back the tears. I’d held it together throughout the day but now, at home with a friend, my boogie men were marching.
“The B’wahna be all right?”
“That’s what the doctor said.”
“Which you believe?”
“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here. I need help, Julie. The entire situation with Lauren and her family has me unhinged.”
“You must really be fucked up to talk to me about interpersonal shit.” Julius lit a couple of Camels and passed me one. “Not my bag, brother. Best you take it up with Lady Shrink?”
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.
“You laughing? It take smarts for a man to know his limitations. Something you never learn.”
“Want to fire the pipe?”
Julius appeared relieved by my request. “Sweet thinking. You want a Turkey chaser?”
“I’m still regulating, but do you have any Valium and beer? I’ve chewed through Boots’s pills.”
Julie threw a fat joint on the table. “Well, suck on this while I check the medicine chest.”
I shoved the Camel into his ashtray, lit the doobie, and closed my eyes. When I opened them Julie was back in his seat. There was a plastic container of pills flanked by two cold beers on the card table between us.
“Generic, but it’ll do the job.”
“Thanks.”
“Something besides the B’wahna got you by the shorthairs,” Julius said after downing half his beer and sucking on the joint.
“I can’t figure out whether I’m involved with a case or long run of lousy luck.”
“Same old, same old, Matthew,” Julie said, though he raised his bloodshot eyes higher than the usual half-mast.
I proceeded to tell him the whole story. I detailed the complex set of Rowe/Brown relationships and my different reactions to each. Told him about Stephen and the car, Biancho and Clifford, my concern about the furnace. Told him everything. Everything, that is, except my number with Alexis. My “number?” Maybe I should start calling Ian’s suicide attempt an “accident.”
Julius listened quietly until I crossed the finish line.
“Well?” I asked, impatient with his silence.
He tilted his head. “Slumlord, you don’t let bad things happen to your people without patting down the circumstance. You ain’t built to close your eyes once they’re open.”
“Trouble is, I don’t know what I’m looking for.”
“That’s because your head is pulling on your pecker.”
I felt myself grow tense. “What do you mean?”
“You been busy doing a merry-go-round on Lou’s old lady. A waste of time and a sorry waste of what little juice you own. That’s their business.”
He stopped speaking for a moment then asked, “You want to stop squeezing that joint? See,” Julie said after a long toke, “all this relationship bushwa is out of place. Only thing that counts is making sure nothing nasty is going down.”
“You don’t have to keep blasting, Julie. I get the point.”
“I can’t find the fucking string. I thought I had it with Stephen’s lie about Lauren’s car. Finally had something to follow, but it just went in a circle.”
Julie lit another Camel while I drank my beer. “I been watching a movie about a couple of reporters trying to fry Nixon,” he said. “I mean they really wanted his ass. Only they weren’t getting anywhere until someone told ‘em to cherchez le cash. Seems like useful advice.”
“Cherchez le cash.” Alexis’s avid interest in the Hacienda jumped to mind, but I kept it to myself.
“Look for people who might benefit if Lou’s lady is hurt. And maybe the same with regard to the B’wahna.”
“Until they’re married, nobody is in that bag but me. And I ain’t a suspect.”
For the first time since I walked through his door, Julie displayed his anger about what had happened to Lou. “Right now, you don’t cross nobody off no list, you hear? Not even yourself! That old man does good by us and he deserves your best.”
His words hacked through my negativity. “I’m telling you to run hard with this.” Julius settled back in his chair. “I’m also telling you one other thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Stay out of Washington Clifford’s face.”
I was tired to the bone and higher than a kite when I finally returned to my apartment and rang the hospital. So far so good. But the moment I hung up, my phone rang and ‘so far so good’ expired.
“I just spoke to the hospital and Lou’s breathing on his own. Where are you?” I asked, hearing loud background noise.
“I’m at the airport,” Boots hollered over the interference. “I’ll be back tomorrow night.”
“Are you kidding, nobody works on Saturday,” I complained.
“What are you bitching about? I thought you’d want me gone.”
“I wanted us to visit the hospital together.”
“You are a fucking piece of work. One minute you push me away, the next you’re griping about me not being there. I’ll be home tomorrow night. If you still feel like it, we’ll go up on Sunday.
The Complete Matt Jacob Series Page 105
