by J. L. Berg
“We need to go home. I don’t feel right being here. You need to be home, with your doctors and immediate care if you need it.”
“And our wedding?” he asked.
I physically flinched at the reminder. By this time tomorrow, had things been different, Leah and my mother would be helping me into my wedding gown, making the final touches to my makeup. We would most likely be laughing as we watched Maddie twirl around in her dress, elated over her role as flower girl.
“We can wait. I just…I need you to be okay.”
I looked up just then into the eyes of the man I’d fallen in love with; the man who had stolen my heart, and saw nothing but love. His steel gray eyes held mine and I could do nothing but stare back into their depths.
Without breaking eye contact, he took my hand in his, intertwining our fingers and bringing them to his heart.
“Do you feel that?”
I nodded, feeling the warm, solid beat of his heart below my fingertips.
“That’s me telling you I’m right here, and I’m going to be right here forever, babe. I know you’re scared. I know you’re trying to be brave, but please don’t run.”
“I’m not running.”
“Yes, you are. You’re running back to where you feel safe. Whisking me back to my doctor, taking me to the hospital isn’t going to change anything. We were just there. I passed out because I had a bit too much sun. Let it be that, okay? But please, stay here with me. Marry me tomorrow. Become my wife. Because nothing is going to make me stronger than having you by my side.”
Before another second passed, I leaned forward, fusing my body to his and kissing him like it was my last dying wish. He instantly responded, flipping me so my back was flat against the mattress, as he hovered above me.
“Don’t tease me, Clare,” he warned. His eyes were already darker, and I could feel how much he wanted me. He gently rocked into the apex of my thighs just to remind me how hard and ready I’d made him.
“I’m not teasing.”
That’s all it took. He was on me in nanoseconds. His hands were everywhere, running up the inside of my thighs, pushing up my tank top to rip my bra from my body.
“Don’t ever make me wait that long again,” he said taking my breast in his hand, gently flicking the nipple with his thumb causing my toes to curl. “I think I almost went crazy.”
“Oh God, yes,” I moaned as his head descended on my breast, taking my taut peak into his mouth.
“Good, we agree. No sex is bad.”
For the next several hours, he continued to remind me exactly how much I missed over the last few days.
~Logan~
The elevator door closed with a soft click, and I turned to my beautiful bride to be. The moment our eyes collided, she lost her cool and burst into a fit of laughter.
“It’s thirty minutes after seven,” she said, trying to cover her laughter with her hand. Her vintage engagement ring twinkled under the bright lights above.
“Uh huh,” I confirmed.
“We’re late for our own rehearsal.”
I smirked, remembering twenty minutes earlier when a very happy and contented Clare was sprawled out on our bed. She’d been naked and sighing peacefully from the three orgasms she’d just screamed out under my expert touch. She stretched like a cat, looked over at the clock and froze.
“Oh shit!” she’d said. “We’re going to be late!”
“Late for what?” I’d said, crawling up her body, more than ready for round two…or three. I’d lost count.
“Our rehearsal! We’re getting married tomorrow!”
“Oh shit!” We’d both shouted in unison, as clothes went flying and buttons were snapped and hair was tamed.
We flew out of our hotel suite and made it to the elevator in record time. And now we couldn’t hold in the laughter. We were late to our own rehearsal because we’d been too busy…getting busy upstairs.
“Oh God, I’m never going to be able to look your father in the eye again,” I said.
“Oh my God, you don’t think he’ll know, do you?” she asked, completely mortified.
“Have you taken a look at us Clare? Your clothes look like they were thrown on while sharing a car with a bunch of clowns, and my hair? You can actually see Clare sized dents in it from where you were holding on for dear life.”
She turned and took a good look in the floor to ceiling mirror of the elevator. Her eyes went wide as she took in her appearance. I thought she looked fucking hot, but I knew the exact reason she looked that way. She looked thoroughly used, and really damn happy about it. But I didn’t exactly like the idea of my future father in law seeing her that way.
She started to quickly adjust her skirt and tank top, making it look more presentable. She grabbed her large mane of burgundy red hair and tied it in a bun at the nape of her neck. Within seconds, she went from sexy vixen to classy woman, and I loved both.
The elevator dinged, and as we exited, she gave me a knowing smile. Then she glanced up and suddenly looked horrified, “Fix your hair!” she whispered.
I laughed, but did as I was told, trying to smooth down my dark tresses without much luck. She always told me I had “just fucked” hair so I didn’t know exactly what she wanted me to do with it. I ran my hands through it, and messed it up a bit and she seemed pleased.
As we walked outside to our ceremony site, we were greeted by just about everyone we knew.
“They’re here!” Leah yelled, “Finally!” She gave us a look. One that said she knew exactly why we were late.
We were then rushed around and put in places and everything that happened after that was a blur. I always thought rehearsals were strange. It was like dry humping; Almost, but not the real thing. There was a nice dinner afterwards, and toasts were delivered, but no one actually got married and I definitely didn’t get a wedding night. We were spending the night apart…Our wedding party had made sure of that.
Well, at least I’d taken care of us ahead of time.
“Why are you grinning like a moron?” Leah asked, smacking the back of my head.
“Just so damn happy,” I shrugged.
“Gonna go puke now,” she muttered, as we all made our way to the restaurant, having finished our practice run of tomorrow’s nuptials.
“Oh, come on now, Leah. Don’t you see yourself settling down one day? Finding that special someone who will make you go all mushy inside?” I grinned.
“Yep, just officially barfed a little in my mouth. And no, I will never settle down. There isn’t a man in the world who could handle all this,” she said, waving her hands up and down her body.
“You don’t think my buddy Declan could handle all…that?” I waved my finger up and down, mimicking her motions.
“Shhh!! We do not speak his name!” she said.
“Is he like Voldemort?”
“No, Dr. Dork. But I would just prefer to not talk about that specific member of the male species. Ever.”
I gave her a hard look, as she wrapped her hands across her chest.
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Leah and I weren’t as close as Clare and Leah were, but I’d come to be very fond of the crazy blonde walking next to me. Declan was a good friend of mine, we’d grown up together, but if he’d hurt her, I’d call him on it. I’d add a few other things to the list as well, like asking where the fuck was he? It was a day before my wedding day and he was nowhere to be seen. My best friend Colin, his wife and newborn son had all flew in today to be here. My mom, who until recently was estranged, was here. Everyone who mattered to me was here. Except Declan. He hadn’t spoken to me since the day I told him I had cancer. It’s not like I was going to give it to him…He knew that right?
Jackass.
“No, he didn’t hurt me. We had a good time. A very, very…very good time.”
“Seriously, don’t need details,” I said, raising my hands up in defense.
“But that’s all it was. I would prefer to go on with my life not
ever talking about Declan James again. It was one night, and that’s it. No use talking about it anymore.”
Her lips were saying one thing, but her body language was saying something entirely different. She looked edgy and pissed. Her arms wrapped around her chest, and her eyes narrowed in front of her like she was ready to shoot laser beams out of them at a moment’s notice.
“Okaaay.”
Women were weird. Like batshit crazy weird. And I was living with two of them now. My only prayer… and I didn’t pray often…was that if Clare and I were blessed enough to have more children—for my sanity, please make it a boy.
~Clare~
“Grandma Cece!” Maddie exclaimed, giggling and running over to meet Logan’s mother, who gladly caught my daughter in her arms, burying her head in her hair like she’d been counting down the minutes until their reunion.
“I missed you, Sweetheart!” Cece said. “Did you get bigger? You did, didn’t you?”
Maddie laughed, and squirmed when Cece’s fingers started tickling all the right spots, although, to be fair, there really wasn’t a bad spot. Everywhere on Maddie was fair game when it came to tickling.
“She’s eating like a horse, so it wouldn’t surprise me if she’s shot up about five feet since we were in New York,” Logan said, coming up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed a soft kiss on my bare shoulder.
His mother caught his sweet gesture and I saw the smile in her eyes.
“The other day, I ate all of my chicken nuggets, and I was still hungry. So, Logan gave me all of his and even his mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes. He even let me make a mashed potato snow man before I ate them.”
Hearing my fiancé wasn’t eating tugged at my nerves, but I promised I wouldn’t nag him. He’d sworn he was fine, and things were okay. He’d said he was just getting used to the medicine and it would take time, but the part of me that had lost someone wanted to put him in a plastic bubble and force feed him just to make sure he was strong enough to take on anything.
I was marrying a doctor.
I had to keep reminding myself of that fact.
He wouldn’t purposely hurt himself. Seeing the way he looked at Maddie and me, I knew he wouldn’t risk his health. Not now. Not when he had so much to lose.
So I needed to do the impossible. I needed to trust fate, that cruel, twisted bitch who’d already taken so much from me. I needed to trust that he would fight this and would be here with me at the end, holding my hand, kissing my shoulder, just like he was today.
Because the alternative was just too hard to imagine.
After receiving a proper welcome from Maddie, Cece, or Cecelia as she was properly known, made her way around the room greeting everyone. She finally made her way back to us, and gave us both long, lingering hugs.
“I love you, Logan,” she whispered as she held on to her son. So many years had been lost between them and I knew she was trying to make up for the time lost. For the time she’d wasted.
“I love you too, Mom.”
Tears glistened in her eyes, and she nodded, giving me a small smile. She cupped my chin briefly before being dragged off by Maddie once again. We said our hellos to her new husband, Richard, and made our way around the room, greeting our other guests that had made it in that day.
“Dude, vasectomy. I’m telling you. Get one. Now,” I heard Logan’s best friend Colin say.
“It can’t possibly be that bad, Colin. Millions of people have babies every day.”
“I haven’t slept in fucking days, Logan. Days. I swear that little monster is trying to make me slowly go insane. He’s smart. Like freaky smart. I think he somehow knows when I’m about to fall asleep, because he’ll pick that exact moment to scream bloody murder. My nerves are shot man.”
I tried not to laugh. I really did.
“It will get easier, Colin. I promise,” I said.
“I don’t know, Clare. I think this is my punishment. I think this is what I get for trying to clone pure awesomeness—a baby demon.”
Logan and I just stared blankly at him, completely unable to form words.
“What?” he said.
“I’m so telling your wife you just called your son a baby demon,” Logan said.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, I would. And you wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing about it, because tomorrow’s my wedding. That makes it like an unofficial holiday, so I guess I’m the unofficial king.”
“What do you want?”
Colin must be really afraid of his wife if he was willing to strike up a bargain with Logan just to avoid the backlash. Of course, I’d seen Colin and Ella in action and part of me understood. They worked well together, but they were both very passionate. Colin was arrogant and full of himself and Ella was self-assured and independent. They both pretended not to need the other but they did. Badly.
“I want you to be the best damn best man in the history of best men. If there was an award for it, I’d want to see your face plastered on the top of a trophy. Got it?”
“Got it. Be awesome. I can do that.”
“I have specifics.”
“Of course you do,” Colin sighed.
“When I need something, you’re there. If Clare and I need to duck out for a few minutes….half an hour, you make excuses. If I need a good hiding spot, you find me one.”
My eyebrows rose at this odd request. I gave him a look, and he grinned.
He leaned in, close to my ear and whispered, “Did you think I’d be able to wait all night to take my wife?”
Instant red flushed my face, and I turned away, trying to hide my obvious embarrassment. Colin was now grinning as well, and I pretty much wanted to die right then and there.
“Anything you want man, I’m there.”
I was getting married tomorrow, and it was shaping up to be a very interesting day.
~Logan~
I had no idea she was going to speak, until she was tapping her fork against her wine glass to gather everyone’s attention. We had decided not to give speeches. Too many emotions, and neither one of us wanted to break down in the middle of our rehearsal or reception. So, we were going to leave the speech making to everyone else, if they wanted. We still weren’t sure we’d survive that so we weren’t holding anyone to it. With lives like ours, celebrations went beyond champagne and fancy food. It was the ability to celebrate that was worth the celebration, and no one knew this better than the woman standing before me.
“Thank you all for coming. I know a lot of people say that at things like this, but I truly mean it. I know it was last minute and far away, but not a single one of you ever complained. Each one of you, the people who mean the most to us, happily took vacation days, did some last minute packing and hopped on planes to celebrate this special occasion, and it wouldn’t be the same without you.”
Clare briefly glanced down at me, giving me a faint smile. I took her delicate hand in mine, weaving our fingers together like I always did and smiled back.
“Life is full of unexpected surprises. Some good like the blessing of a child, and some not so good…like losing a loved one way too early.”
She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts and calming her emotions. I held on to her hand still, caressing her soft skin with the pad of my thumb.
“Logan is one of those surprises in life that takes your breath away, leaving you completely awestruck by the enormity of the gift. But sometimes, wonderful, sweet and even incredibly sexy gifts are hard to accept.”
Our small group chuckled, and I looked up to give her a quick grin.
“How do you comprehend such an amazing blessing, when your life has already been filled with them? This was the question I struggled with. When you’ve already been given so much, can you really take more? Many of you don’t know this, but before Ethan died, he wrote me a letter. I was supposed to open it when I was ready, but until recently I didn’t know what I was supposed to be ready for. In that letter, Eth
an gave me my answer. Life is too short to worry about the why, or the how or the what-ifs. Love is a risk, there are no guarantees. But in the end, it is always, always worth it.”
Through my very unmanly blurry eyes, I looked around to find an entire room of matching tear stained faces staring back at us.
“I’m sorry to make all of you cry, but before all the craziness of tomorrow, I wanted you all to know how much of a gift Logan is to my life. He has taught me how to remember without being sad, how to live again, and most importantly, how to love again. I couldn’t have picked a better man to love my daughter and complete our family.”
Clare then quietly sat in her seat, and our eyes met. Everyone else in the room disappeared.
“Thank you for walking into that exam room, and for being brave enough to take on two redheads for a lifetime. I love you.”
The small amount of space that separated us was suddenly too much. I reached out, wrapping my hand around the back of her head and pulled gently until our foreheads touched. Her brilliant green eyed gaze bore into me, seeing the deepest parts of my soul.
“I love you, Clare.”
I closed the gap, kissing the lips of the angel who would soon become mine in every way.
~Clare~
“I look like a peacock,” I said, staring at the scary reflection of myself in the hotel salon.
“A very cute peacock,” Leah amended, before asking, “What exactly did you tell the woman to do?”
“I told her I wanted an updo. Something classy.”
“Well…I’m not sure I’d say it’s classy, but it’s sure something.” I could see her trying to hold back a laugh.
Just about the time I was about to disown her as my best friend and maid of honor for laughing at me in my hour of need, Maddie came bouncing over. She’d just had her hair done, and of course, her hair was gorgeous. A pile of perfectly curled red ringlets flowed down her back. It was pinned at the sides with tiny sparkly pins that matched her coral colored dress.
“Mommy! Look how pretty I am!” she exclaimed.
“Oh baby! You look beautiful!” She twirled around and both Leah and I clapped and “oohed” and “ahhed” at the right times. She loved every minute of it.
