Total silence greeted her words. A clock ticked loudly in the next room.
“So you came home.”
She looked away, unable to continue to meet his gaze. The truth made her sound so pathetic.
“Yes. Where else would I go?” There had been nowhere. No one, but she couldn’t say that.
“Anna,” Donovan groaned. “Come here.”
No, she was too vulnerable right now. She should never have told. He was probably pitying her. She shook her head.
“Anna. Please. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.”
But, of course she did want him to touch her. Still. Even after remembering how foolish she had been in the past. That was the awful thing.
She sighed and moved closer. He kept his hands at his side. “I wish I had known you then,” he said.
Anna raised her chin. “Why?”
“So I could beat up that scumbag for you. You should have had a champion.”
“I did. I had myself.”
Donovan smiled then. “So you did.”
“I didn’t tell you this so you would feel sorry for me.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you. I admire you. You got kicked in the heart but you came away from it and made something of yourself. You turned things around. I’ve always admired you and now I have one more good reason.”
She smiled and shook your head. “I told you,” she said, as if he hadn’t spoken, “so that you would know that you can’t hurt me that way. I’ve been hurt by unfeeling men. That’s not you.”
He opened his mouth.
She pressed her fingers against it, struggling to ignore his warm breath on her fingertips. “You’ve touched me,” she said, “but you’ve always been truthful with me. You never led me to believe there could or would be anything more than desire. I appreciate that, because you and I both know we could never have a future. If you’d promised me rainbows or happily ever afters I would respect you so much less.”
He raised one dark brow. “You wouldn’t believe me, then?”
Her heart sighed but she smiled. “No, I wouldn’t. I’ve learned a lot since the days of Brent. Actually I suppose I owe him a debt of gratitude, since he greatly simplified my life.”
Donovan scowled. “He turned you off of men.”
Anna removed her fingertips from Donovan’s lips and gave him a quick kiss that sent sizzles straight down to her toes. “No, he turned me off of wanting to get seriously involved with men. I still like to kiss them now and then.”
She started to spin away. Donovan caught her wrist and pulled her to him. “Do you kiss a lot of men?”
Just you, she wanted to say. You’re the only one I want to kiss.
But almost immediately Donovan let her go. “Forget I asked that,” he said. “It’s none of my business.”
His eyes still smoldered, and Anna realized her mistake. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him, but her flippant comment had done so. Because he was trying to do the right thing, and she was only making it more difficult. For both of them.
“Forget I said that,” she said. “It wasn’t appropriate, and it wasn’t really true. I should get back to business.”
Donovan gave a quick nod and let her go. Anna had the terrible feeling that she would never feel the touch of his lips again. She should be happy about that.
But instead she knew that she would dream about his kisses for a great many years to come. Starting tonight.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
WHEN Donovan emerged from his bedroom the next morning, he heard a voice at the front door. Whispering. Or what might pass as whispering to a boy, he supposed. He recognized the voice immediately. Frank. And since the voice was followed by what sounded like silence he assumed that Anna was there, too, talking too quietly to hear.
The fact that she was talking that quietly concerned Donovan. Anna wasn’t a whisperer. If she had lowered her voice, then something was worrying her.
Immediately Donovan turned toward the front of the house. His first instinct might be to shy away from contact with children, but if something was worrying Anna, then he was going to see if he could help.
He quickly made his way to the top of the stairs, his feet silent on the thick carpeting. But there he stopped. Downstairs Anna and Frank were seated cross-legged in the front hallway staring at something Frank held in his hands.
“See, I just ride the thing. I don’t know how to fix it,” Frank was saying, the frustration apparent in his voice.
“Shh, you’ll wake Donovan,” Anna said, and Frank immediately blushed.
“Sorry, I forgot.”
She stopped looking at what she was holding and turned to Frank. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I just…it’s just…”
“I know. Everybody knows about Mr. Barrett’s kid. My mom says I have to learn to be more sensitive, but I don’t know. If I had a kid and he died, I wouldn’t want everyone to act like he had never even been born.”
Donovan’s heart clenched. He had to concentrate on making sure he didn’t gasp or worse. Frank’s words, low as they had been, echoed in his ears.
“I know, sweetie,” Anna was saying softly. “It’s hard to understand, but that’s the way adults are at times. The pain of losing a child is so great that it’s almost unbearable. Not thinking about it is the only way of coping.”
Forcing himself to keep breathing as normally as possible, Donovan thought about what he’d heard. That this child and this woman should be trying so hard to protect him…that they were so concerned they tiptoed around him…
Donovan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was half-tempted to slip backward into his room. That would be the sensitive thing to do. It would save Frank and Anna embarrassment and distress. But it would also allow their attempt to wrap him in protective cotton to continue. That wasn’t fair to either Anna or Frank. They shouldn’t have to be nervous about saying the wrong thing in front of him for fear it would bring up bad memories about Ben.
As if the very thought had been too much, Donovan’s next breath conjured up a memory of Ben’s ready smile. He could almost feel his little boy’s fingers enclosed in his hand as they walked down the street together. Ben’s birthday was coming up soon. His child had loved birthdays.
Intense pain swirled with a warm and sweet sadness.
“If you had a kid, what would you do if it died?” Frank was asking.
“I don’t know,” Anna said sadly. “I guess, like Donovan, I have some things I almost can’t bear to think about.”
“My mom says that even if I’m a lot of trouble, she couldn’t get along without me,” Frank said. “And that’s why I need to be sensitive with Mr. Barrett.”
This was the wrong time to step in, Donovan knew. The boy was going to be horrified, but if he didn’t…
Donovan descended the stairs, making as much noise as possible.
Frank looked up, his big eyes round, his mouth a hollow O that emitted no sound. Red crept up beneath his T-shirt, coloring his neck and his face and especially the tips of his ears. Immediately the boy looked down.
Donovan almost reached out a hand to console him even though he wasn’t anywhere near Frank yet. He clattered down the last of the stairs, turning his attention to Anna.
Immediately she rose to her feet, her mouth open, although she didn’t speak. No doubt she was trying to come up with something soothing to say. More likely she was going to say she was sorry.
Something hot and dark and red and very much like anger slithered through Donovan. He didn’t want her to speak, not if she was going to apologize. He suddenly hated all the things that stood between them, most especially her position as his underling that seemed to demand she be submissive and careful and distant.
“It’s fine,” he said quietly. “It’s all right.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. There, she’d done it. He wanted to rant, to rave, to kiss the “I’m sorry” right out of her.
Donovan sighed. Telling her he wa
s fine obviously wasn’t going to do the trick and make her feel less terrible. And it wasn’t going to make Frank feel any better, either.
“Look,” he said. “It’s beyond tough losing a child, but friends shouldn’t have to pretend Ben’s death didn’t happen. It did, and nothing will bring him back. And Frank is right. Despite the fact that it hurts like hell to think of Ben, pretending he never existed is worse. It’s only natural for you to talk about what happened.”
Donovan didn’t know if what he was saying made sense or even if it was true. All he knew at the moment was one thing. “I don’t want either of you to feel bad for talking about the fact that I once had a son and I don’t anymore.”
Frank raised his head slightly, but he still looked horribly uncomfortable. Of course, there was no reason for him to feel comfortable. Donovan was a total stranger, and death was never a comfortable topic. A man couldn’t expect a boy to break the ice, no matter the circumstances.
Donovan dropped to a squat. He held out his hand. “That looks like a bike chain. Mind if I have a look?”
“You know how to fix bikes?” Anna asked, a surprised look in her eyes.
A chuckle escaped Donovan, but before he could speak Frank let out a loud whoosh that lifted his bangs. “Anna, he fixes people. Probably bikes are easier.”
“Sometimes they are,” Donovan said, taking the greasy chain Frank held out to him. “Not always. I’m not an expert on bike repair, but this looks like something I can handle. One of the links needs to be bent and oiled. I doubt there’s a chain tool here, but if I’m careful, a hammer, nail and a block of wood will do the trick and allow me to separate the chain so I can fix it. Come on. Let’s go see what’s in the garage.”
“You’re going to get all greasy,” Anna admonished.
Donovan flashed her a grin and tweaked her nose with his thumb. “I know. Grease is part of the deal when you’re taking a bike apart. If you don’t get dirty, what fun is it? Right?”
He looked at Frank.
“Oh, yeah,” Frank agreed. “It’s a guy thing, Anna.”
Anna squealed and looked as if she’d just swallowed the chain.
“Uh-oh,” Donovan said. “That probably wasn’t the best thing to say, Frank. Anyway, Anna’s no slouch with tools herself, you know?”
“You mean like an honorary guy?”
Anna crossed her arms. “I am not an honorary guy, I’ll have you know.”
Frank was starting to get that flustered, red-faced look again. Donovan knew he had to take pity on him. By the look Anna flashed him, he was sure she felt the same.
“Let’s just say that Anna’s a woman who happens to be talented in many areas. Fixing bikes is not a guy or a woman thing,” Donovan told Frank.
Frank gave Anna a sideways tentative glance.
“That was very tactful of you,” Anna told Donovan. “A good thing to keep in mind when dealing with girls, Frank,” she said. “We don’t like to be put in boxes.”
Frank looked disgusted. “I’m not ready to start dealing with girls, yet, Anna,” he told her. “Especially not Mitzi Ronberg.”
Anna stopped in her tracks. She gave Frank a speculative glance, like a mother who hadn’t realized her baby was growing up. Donovan did his best not to laugh. He had no idea who Mitzi Ronberg was, but he was willing to bet the young lady in question had her heart set on Frank.
“Well, of course not,” Anna said, as they resumed their walk and opened the door of the garage where tools and a workbench were kept. “I meant down the road. No rush at all, and anyway, thank you for even thinking that I could be an honorary man. It was very thoughtful of you.”
Frank shrugged and smiled. “No problem. I’ll remember about the ‘no-boxes’ thing, though. My mom would probably agree. Can you fix it?” he asked, turning to Donovan and making a swift change of subject.
How quickly young people moved on, Donovan thought. He envied Frank his ability to rebound as if nothing had happened. Despite the boy’s obvious youth and that comment about Mitzi, he was, in some ways, wiser than many adults.
“We’ll do all we can,” Donovan promised.
Fortunately it didn’t take long to fix the slightly damaged chain and get it back on the bike. Donovan wiped the grease off his hands and stood.
“I think it’ll do,” he said.
Frank tried it out, riding in a small circle. “Works great. You’re the best, Mr. Barrett! Wait till I tell Mom that you were the one who fixed my bike. I think she has a crush on you. Of course, she says all the women do. I mean…you know what I mean.”
“Even Anna?” Donovan couldn’t resist.
Frank looked up. He stared at Anna as if such a thing could never have occurred to him. “Well, of course not. Anna works for you. You’re her boss. She probably hates you sometimes. I hate my mom sometimes. I mean, not really, but still…I mean…”
“I know what you mean,” Anna said, managing a smile. “And you’re right. A woman can’t have a crush on her boss. That would be a big mistake. How’s the bike?”
“Perfect.”
“So…don’t you think you’d better deliver the rest of your papers before it gets late and your mother wonders where you are?”
“Guess so. Thanks, Mr. Barrett. See you, Anna.”
Frank pedaled away.
“Thank you,” Anna said softly.
Donovan turned and looked at her. “I didn’t do much. It was a simple repair.”
“You made him feel comfortable. And you didn’t make fun of him, even after that comment about Mitzi.”
“She have a thing for him?”
Anna shrugged. “She’s a fashion doll wannabe. Nice, but pretty focused on boys right now. And Frank’s a sweet kid.”
“That’s what girls want nowadays? Sweet kids?”
Laughing, Anna started to walk toward the house. “Okay, he’s a bit of a bad boy. Gets in trouble at times, but he’s not mean.”
“Ah, bad boys. I see the world hasn’t changed. Women are still chasing the ones who are all wrong for them.”
The two of them stopped in their tracks. His comment had been flippant. He’d said it without even thinking, but it had been the wrong thing to say.
“Forget I said that,” he said.
“Can’t,” she said. “Anyway, it was true. No need to be sorry.” She continued moving toward the house.
“Going back to work?” he couldn’t help asking.
She turned and walked backward, a big grin on her face. “I’m going to get your reward for being so nice to Frank and making his day.”
“You’re going to give me a reward?” he asked. Unbidden, a vision of Anna in his arms, in his bed, came to mind.
“Cake,” she said with a look acknowledging the fact that she knew his thoughts had wandered into the forbidden. “You get chocolate cake. Linette makes the best.”
Regret trickled through Donovan even though he knew she was right. Getting close was just prolonging the torture when they’d both agreed there wasn’t any future for the two of them.
In fact, if he stayed in Lake Geneva, he might one day have to deal with a painful truth. Sooner or later some man might teach Anna that he could be trusted and that she could risk loving him.
There would be a man who could raise her child with her.
You’ll have to see her with that man all the time, he told himself. Exchanging loving glances, maybe even touching. When that day comes, it’s going to drive you out of your mind.
He took a deep breath. “I’m sure Linette makes great chocolate cake,” he told Anna. “I’ll be right in.”
He would—somehow—manage to eat a slice of cake, smile and thank Then he was going out Anna and Linette. Then he was going out.
It was impossible to stay here today. He had to escape the confines of this house. Now that the raw truth was in the open, he needed some space, some time.
And in the long run?
Maybe Lake Geneva wasn’t big enough for both Anna and himse
lf. If one of them had to go, it would be him. This town was her world.
It was time to start thinking of what his next world would be.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ANNA slid her little car into a coveted parking space near the edge of town and walked toward the shop where Bridget worked. She couldn’t stay in the house anymore, not when every thought of Donovan was making her crazy and achy. Fortunately she had errands she could run in town, and Bridget and some friends had agreed to meet her for lunch.
Donovan had told her he was going to Williams Bay hours earlier, so maybe she could have a brief respite from pretending to be the perfect housekeeper when she was obviously so bad at it. Anna was pretty sure kissing one’s employer or lusting after him was grounds for instant disqualification in the housekeeper hall of fame.
She really did not want to think about kissing or lusting now.
Breezing into the gift shop, Anna saw that Paula and Nan were already waiting. They greeted her with hugs.
It was a busy day at the shop, and all too soon Anna and her friends had eaten their lunch. Bridget would have to be getting back to work soon.
“You’ve been so quiet today,” Nan told Anna. “You didn’t even admonish me for any of my gibes about what you were doing with Donovan.”
Anna managed a smile, but it wasn’t a prizewinner. And obviously not very convincing, either.
“Oh,” Paula said.
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