by Anita Kinley
“I can’t make any promises that I will be able to tell you what you need to hear,” Roman said, turning so they were facing each other.
“I know you love me,” Kyle said softly, brushing Roman’s lips with his own. “We just have to figure out together how to bridge that gap.”
Between kisses, Kyle whispered, “I was wrong to shut you out. I’m just hurting.”
“The steaks will be done in about ten minutes, and they will be here in thirty. Now is not the time…and not in the kitchen.”
“That’s enough time for what I plan to do. Anyway, only one of us is undressing, and that lucky man is you,” Kyle said, pushing Roman against the bar.
“I really wish you hadn’t cut your hair, silly boy,” Roman said, feeling Kyle unbuckling the belt on his slacks. “What am I going to tangle my hands in while you blow me.”
“I’m sure you will be more than compensated for that,” Kyle said, disappearing into the bedroom, retrieving a condom. “Now let me suck my gay baby. I like your trashy mouth, too.”
“No, I think you’re the one who’s going to have a trashy mouth,” Roman replied as his head went back in pleasure.
Kyle’s mouth teased and enveloped his hard dick as he felt his husband’s tongue lick his cock from base to head, pausing only to swirl the tip before repeating the process.
Roman claimed half of his enjoyment from his husband’s sweet sounds, a combination of pleasurable moans and the friction of the movement. Roman gripped Kyle’s head as his partner’s lips went deeper, pushing him over the edge.
The doorbell rang at exactly seven. As Roman walked past Kyle to answer the door, he felt him slap his hip.
When Roman opened the door, Catherine was alone.
“I thought you were going to bring Andrew?”
“I left him with Mama. I wasn’t sure what to expect here and…”
“We’re sorry to disappoint you, Catherine. Roman and I are pretty much the average homosexual couple, or at least when we’re not having a men’s party. So, Roman, are you going to introduce me?”
Roman watched Catherine’s reaction, thinking that she blushed slightly. He made the introductions, feeling Kyle put an arm around his shoulders.
Dinner consisted of idle chitchat and Kyle’s subtle displays of affection. By dessert, Roman had encountered Kyle’s arm around his shoulders, had his hand held, and felt his husband sitting unusually close. He wasn’t being obnoxious, just more publicly affectionate than Roman felt was appropriate. When Catherine excused herself to the bathroom, Kyle confronted him at the bar while Roman was retrieving dessert plates from the cabinet.
“How can you possibly be attracted to a homophobe?”
Before Roman could say anything, Kyle fired back, “Don’t deny it. I saw how you were looking at her. Right in front of me, too. It was hurtful enough to see her reaction to me, like I had stolen something from her or, worse, made you into a raging homo. Are you going to tell her that you enjoyed my touch, or should I?”
“Keep your voice down! I hate it when you drink?”
“I’ve had one glass of wine, Roman! I heard what she said about not bringing Andrew. Why do you think I made those comments when she first walked in?”
“I expected you to show her respect. She is the mother of my child.”
“And that’s all. She’s not your spouse. I am, or have you so quickly forgotten!”
“How can I forget with your constant verbal reminders? Are you really that insecure and naïve to think I cannot remember on a daily basis that I am committed to you?”
Roman hoped that making references to Kyle’s insecurity would shut him up, as his partner’s face looked more than surprised to hear the words, and he was just in time, because Catherine was retrieving her purse from the sofa.
“Roman, I can’t stay for dessert. It’s getting late, and I need to pick Andrew up.”
“It’s 8:30 p.m.,” Roman replied, knowing how that probably sounded, or at least how Kyle would perceive it.
Catherine reached into her purse, retrieving a business card.
“You can call me on my cell tomorrow. I want you to spend some time with Andrew before I leave in a few days.”
Kyle was definitely playing the part of the scorned lover as Roman watched him cross his arms over his chest, hoping that Catherine wasn’t picking up his subtle tactics.
Two can play that game, silly boy. Roman knew the only explanation for his thoughts was Kyle’s behavior. He had spent the first three years after Lisa’s death in a drama of his own, and the thought of living in permanent chaos with Kyle scared him worse than his inability to tell his husband that he loved him.
“Kyle, I am going to walk Catherine to her car,” Roman announced, fully aware he was putting himself into a dangerous situation. Admitting she was beautiful was easy, but fighting the overwhelming desire to feel her body beneath him was hard to resist.
As they walked the short distance to her car, Roman toyed with the idea of pulling her into his arms and feeling her full lips on his, wondering if her body would respond as it had five years ago. He wasn’t a vengeful person, but Kyle’s behavior was hurtful. Roman knew he wasn’t alone in bringing issues to their marriage. Kyle had enough to compensate for them both. He also suspected that there was a great deal that Kyle hadn’t shared with him. By the time they reached her car, Roman was already mentally chastising himself for such thoughts.
“Come here, baby,” he boldly heard Catherine whisper before she forcefully pulled him into her arms. Roman immediately fought her advance, as her lips made contact with his for a brief moment. Catherine was bold, determined, but it only took Roman a split second to remove her arms from around his neck. As he pinned her arms behind her body, he pushed her hard against her car gaining control. However, both were oblivious to the figure that was standing at the bottom of the staircase a few hundred feet away.
“Quit fighting me!” Roman hissed as Catherine flailed in an attempt to free herself. “Don't ever touch me like that again! Do I make myself clear? I can’t give you want you want. It would break Kyle’s heart. I’m not willing put my marriage in jeopardy. Besides, what you really want is my love. It’s written all over your face. I made love to Lisa that afternoon, and it wasn’t fair to you.”
“Roman, you are not a homosexual!”
“Honey, I am. I just have bisexual tendencies as well. At least I hope I phrased it where you can understand. For me, it means more than that. This is about who I love and not what takes place sexually.”
“You’re going through a phase. I cannot understand how someone who had the type of relationship that you and Lisa shared could end up like this!”
“Like what?”
“Have you been intimate with him?”
“Of course. He’s my husband.”
“Not legally. He also looks so…”
“What? He’s a man, Catherine! Physically he is no different from me.”
“I don’t want Kyle to be a part of Andrew’s life.”
“Kyle is my life now. What you are asking is very unfair.”
“I’ve made myself clear, Roman! If you want to be a part of Andrew’s life, Kyle is not welcome!” Catherine replied before driving away.
Chapter Six
When Roman returned to the condo, he found Kyle clearing the table. He also found the broken glass and picture frame on the kitchen floor.
“I am assuming you did this?” Roman asked, trying to salvage the photo inside.
“I saw you two kissing…her body all up against yours! Wanted her to see that you were still a man, huh? I bet she felt your hard dick, didn’t she?”
Not giving Kyle a chance to continue, Roman said, “You’re just a needy little manipulator! I would think that someone who’s been in an abusive relationship would know better. Yes, she was all up against my body. I enjoyed it, too! Is that what you want me say? You are not the only one who feels pain, Kyle, and you are not the only top in this relationshi
p! This ends tonight!”
Ignoring Kyle’s protests, Roman ripped open his husband’s shirt, sending buttons across the room. He pulled Kyle onto the sofa before the buttons had time to hit the floor. Pinning Kyle’s body to the cushions and his hands above his head, Roman grabbed the extra condom that he saw Kyle put in his pocket earlier. Ridding himself of his slacks, he slipped the condom on in one fluid motion.
“We’re skipping foreplay this time!” Roman uttered, sliding inside his husband.
Roman made love with a dominance that frightened him. If it hadn’t been for the tender words whispered in Kyle’s ear, reminding Roman of who he was, he was sure that physical pain would have been involved.
Reaching for a throw, Roman covered their bodies as Kyle curled against him like a child.
“I shouldn’t have touched you like that. I probably hurt you,” Roman said, kissing Kyle’s forehead. “Look at me,” Roman continued, putting a finger under Kyle’s chin. “I think you’re the one who really needs to open his heart to me.”
Pulling from Roman’s embrace, Kyle quickly stood, retrieving his jeans from the floor, looking embarrassed.
“You didn’t hurt me.”
“I’m not him, Kyle.”
“Who?” Kyle replied, still not meeting his eyes.
“The man who hurt you…that I suspect gave you HIV…now go get in our bed.”
“What? I was leaving! I told you already, Roman. Now to repeat myself, I don’t share, and I don’t play marriage games!”
“And I told you, this is going to be over tonight! I really don’t want to take you in there by force!”
Minutes later, Roman held Kyle beneath his body. Pulling a sheet over them, he whispered, “Wrap yourself around me, silly boy.”
As their legs entwined, Roman reached into his nightstand, retrieving a black jewelry box.
“Look at me…that’s better,” he said when Kyle’s eyes met his.
“I kissed Catherine because I was angry, and I’m sorry.” Roman continued feeling Kyle trying to pull away. “Quit fighting me! Either you calm down, or we can have another couch fuck session. Your choice, Kyle.”
“I like to be fucked sometimes,” Kyle said quietly, smiling.
“You’re not the only gay baby in this relationship, silly boy. Now, what did you do with the condoms and the lube?”
“They’re in the same drawer that you just opened, in the back.”
“I believe you told me that you hoped I would tell you my feelings while you were under me. Is that right?”
“I might have said that,” Kyle said, refusing to break Roman’s stare.
“It’s your body and heart I crave, Kyle,” Roman murmured as his lips kissed his partner’s neck.
When Kyle started struggling again, Roman pinned his hands above his head. “So impatient, still just a needy manipulator! Do you really think I am going to make love to you again without telling you that I love you? I love you, Kyle,” Roman responded against his husband’s lips.
Reaching for Kyle’s hand, Roman slid the ring onto his partner’s finger.
“The fighting has got to stop, silly boy. I won’t hurt you again.”
“Don’t make promises like that, Roman. I’ve heard them before.”
Thinking he saw tears in Kyle’s eyes, Roman put the unopened condom on the nightstand, spooning Kyle against his body.
“It’s time you told me about him,” Roman said quietly, lacing his fingers through Kyle’s and bringing them to his lips.
“There’s not much to tell. Other than the fact I’m living with AIDS because of my own stupidity.”
“You thought you were in love with him, didn’t you?”
Kyle nodded in reply.
“I love you now, and that’s all that matters.”
“He drank. I was on the receiving end of his verbal abuse. One night, about two years before you and I met, he decided to have unprotected sex with me. I agreed. It was something that I had always wanted, bareback with someone in a committed relationship. Something that I want to do with you now, and we never can.”
“That’s not important, sweet boy,” Roman said. “We can explore other things, more intimate ways of bonding.”
“It doesn’t get more intimate than that,” Kyle replied.
Roman flipped Kyle so that his husband was beneath his body again.
“I’ll be the judge of what’s intimate with us,” Roman said, smiling. “I am sorry for making the wounds of that relationship surface.”
Reaching for the condom on the nightstand, Roman said quietly, “I am going to make love to you like I should have. I love you, silly boy.”
“My gay baby has finally arrived,” Kyle breathed beneath Roman’s body.
Before Roman had time to reply, pain shot through his legs. Motionless above Kyle’s body, he waited, hoping that it would subside as it had a few times in the past before reaching its full intensity. The pain was unpredictable, varying in length, and striking at will. As another wave burned its way through his flesh, Roman rolled off Kyle.
“It’s your legs again, isn’t it?” Kyle asked.
“Yeah, it’s so frustrating!” Roman said, reaching for his medication in the drawer.
The pain was blinding, as he realized his hands were shaking. Kyle took the medication from him.
“Lie down, and I’ll get your meds ready,” Kyle replied, slipping on his pair of jeans over his nude body.
As Roman drank the Demerol, he heard Kyle ask, “I’ll do whatever you want, the whirlpool, massage…”
“I wanted to make love to you,” Roman replied, “we needed it, and you needed it, and I wanted you to believe that my words were real.”
Roman felt Kyle pull him into his arms on the bed, stroking his hair.
“You need to rest,” Kyle whispered.
“I didn’t want to rest! I wanted to work you over!”
“That’s a nice thought, gay baby. Maybe we can try that when you’re more coherent. The meds are altering your behavior just a bit, honey.”
“I guess I’ve always been bisexual…” Roman said, “attracted to women, but wondering what the hands of a male lover would feel like on my skin.”
“I know.”
“You did not!”
“It’s part of that gay vibe I told you about.”
Roman laughed, snuggling closer to Kyle’s chest.
“Have I told you that I was profoundly jealous that morning in the kitchen after our fight? Wearing that white spandex shirt with your abs visible? My man only dresses that way for me.”
“I love your body, too, Roman. Now rest before you end up making an absolute fool of yourself.”
“I have been a fool,” Roman replied. I was too afraid to explore my bisexuality. I thought I would always be in the closet. I didn’t plan to fall in love with Lisa, or that my love for her would consume me. Before Lisa, I wanted a relationship with a male but was too shy to explore the options. Since I was attracted to females, too, and it was acceptable, I guess I hid as an outwardly straight male. I did eventually confide in Lisa. She loved me anyway. I miss her so much!”
Tears began to flow freely down Roman’s cheeks, turning into violent sobs, as Kyle held him quietly against his chest.
“Hurting you was never my intention. We should have left Hot Springs for our honeymoon. My lame excuse of wanting to stay in town, in case an emergency happened at Ripped, was a ploy to get you to visit the cemetery on schedule.”
“I figured that was the reason.”
“Then why didn’t you demand different?”
“I tried. Remember? I think it culminated in me being angry, you kissing Catherine, and a hot interlude on the sofa. I think we will have to have this conversation again when you are more coherent.”
“We are having it now!” Roman said, pulling Kyle up so that both men were sitting face-to-face on the bed.
“Quit fighting the effects of the medication, Roman. Go to sleep.”
&n
bsp; “No, there are things that need to be said between us. Things that I need to say to you, so I will never have to see the hurt in your eyes that I’ve had to live with for the last few days.”
“Then can you lie down to do it?” Kyle asked, curling Roman back into his arms.
“Catherine told me that you are not welcome in Andrew’s life. I informed her that you were my life and that what she was asking was very unfair. I will not choose between my son and the man who is the source of my existence!”
“It would be nice if you could be this open without the medication.”
Roman winced.
“What’s the pain doing?”
“Better…like bee stings…I want you so much right now. I don’t think I’ve told you how good you feel.”
“I like the slur in your speech, gay baby, really sexy. However, I am not in the habit of having drug-induced sex.”
“She isn’t Lisa. I realized that tonight. She is a raging homophobe, and probably other things, too.”
“But she is a beautiful woman. If I was straight, I might have problems resisting her, too.”
“I have only cried one other time besides tonight. The night after Lisa’s funeral.”
“I don’t need any explanation. She was your wife, and you loved her.”
“I love you now.”
“Yeah, you’ve already told me that numerous times,” Kyle replied, smiling.
“I thought you wanted to hear it. I may never let you leave my bedroom.”
“Why’s that?” Kyle asked, continuing to stroke Roman’s hair.
“So sexy, like you are now. Silly boy, you are not the only one who felt an attraction when we first met. I find solace and peace when I am with you. Loving you has lessened the pain of losing my wife.”
In an unexpected gesture, Roman felt Kyle kissing him.
“Thought you said you didn’t have drug-induced sex.”
