by Anita Kinley
“He will be in intensive care for at least the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. Two visitors, ten minutes each, or one visitor for twenty every hour.”
“Does he know?”
“No. He’s been sedated since he came out of surgery. I’d like to keep him that way until at least tomorrow.”
“I want to be the one who tells him,” Roman said quickly.
“Not until he’s out of IC, unless he asks.”
Roman turned his attention to Anna, introducing himself.
Both doctors excused themselves, letting Roman know that they would be on call throughout the night and would visit Kyle on rounds tomorrow.
“I’m Anna, the flight nurse that was with you and your partner on the way into Hot Springs. I wanted to make sure that I had a chance to find out how Kyle is doing. Also, when he wakes up, I’d like you to apologize for me. When you two were separated when the flight landed, I whispered to him that I was a butch lesbian, and if he didn’t calm down I would beat the crap out of him.”
Roman smiled, looking at the petite woman standing in front of him, thinking that she hardly fit the definition of butch.
“Thank you for everything you did. Also, did Kyle calm down?”
“My words and, of course, Ativan seemed to help. Maybe when Kyle is better, we can all go to lunch. Rebecca and I do not have a great deal of friends, or at least supportive friends. We’ve been together for almost five years. I’m not going to keep you. I’ve got some paperwork that I need to finish before I go home, and I am sure you want to see Kyle.”
Before she walked away, Roman took the piece of paper that she handed him with a phone number written down.
Chapter Ten
It took every ounce of strength that Roman had not to break down as he saw Kyle lying unconscious and hooked up to a deluge of machines. His face was so battered and bruised. There appeared to be a gash on his chin that had been sutured. Roman smoothed the hair from his husband’s face as tears filled his eyes.
“My sweet boy,” he whispered, knowing that he wanted more than twenty minutes every hour.
Recalling the promise that he made when they arrived at the hospital, he reaffirmed his vow not to leave until Kyle could go home with him. Roman had already made plans to sleep in the surgical waiting room until his husband could be moved to a regular room. He had sent his mother and father to his condo to pick up some clothes.
“I won’t leave you, baby,” he spoke quietly, leaning down to kiss Kyle’s forehead, “not until you can leave with me. We will get through this. I’ll always love you regardless.”
Kyle’s body was covered with a sheet, shielding Roman from the bandages that lay beneath. He was going to be the one to tell Kyle, knowing that would be the hardest thing he would ever have to say to his lover.
Pulling a chair next to the bed, Roman sat down, taking Kyle’s hand in his. He only had ten minutes left. His thoughts turned to Kyle’s green eyes staring back at his on the pavement, wishing that it had been him lying there.
“We should be at the lodge in each other’s arms, not here, sweet boy,” Roman said, bringing Kyle’s hand to his lips, smelling a combination of oxygen and surgical disinfectant.
Thirty minutes later, Roman met his mother and father back in the waiting room.
“Have you had anything to eat? You look so tired,” his mother asked, placing a warm hand on his cheek.
“I’ll get something later. I want to be near Kyle.”
“Are you sure you want to stay here? Dad and I are more than happy for you to come to the house for a few days. I can make up the guest bedroom for you.”
“Mama, I’m fine. I promised him that I wouldn’t leave.”
“Abigail, leave him be,” Roman’s father quickly spoke. “I am assuming that he is doing what any person would do when they are in love with someone.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Roman said as he hugged his father.
“All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy, son.”
After saying good-bye to his parents in the parking lot, Roman went back to Kyle’s room. This time he sat in silence, caressing his partner’s hand in his own. He wondered what the staff would think if he curled his body beside Kyle to sleep. He also pondered sleeping on the floor near the bed. Security would throw him out for sure. Knowing he needed sleep was one thing, as he had to stay strong for Kyle, but leaving him was another. Even if Kyle was in a medically induced state of unconsciousness, it gave Roman a sense of solace to think that his husband was aware of his presence. Laying his head on the bed, he thought for a moment that he felt Kyle’s hand squeeze his, ultimately realizing that it was his own imagination.
The sofa in the surgical waiting room was definitely not designed for overnight guests, as Roman woke to what felt like a dull ache throughout his body. His shoulder was stiff, and it throbbed as he sat up. His watch read five thirty. Doctors would soon be making their rounds. As he grabbed a fresh shirt from his backpack nearby, Roman wished that he had his bottle of Demerol. He also wondered if there was a medication to heal the pain in his heart. Roman already missed feeling Kyle’s arms around him, his husband’s boyish grin, and his partner’s sense of adventure. Buttoning his shirt, he realized just how close he had come to losing those things, and the idea washed a familiar wave of nausea through his body.
The morning doctor’s visit was technical, as Roman watched both surgeons checking Kyle’s legs and reviewing his chart from the previous night. Seeing his husband’s injuries for the first time had proved more difficult than Roman had imagined. He wanted to take Kyle into him arms and assure him of the love they shared. If anything, Roman felt more intimacy with his husband right now than he ever did while making love.
As if Dr. Winters could read his mind, he said, “Kyle is going to need your support and love in the months to come. He’s doing very well, considering his condition when I first saw him yesterday. I’d say he was a fighter, because that was all he had. I’m disconnecting the medication that has been keeping him unconscious. I want him waking up, hopefully by this afternoon. Go slow when you tell him. If he continues to improve, I’ll order him out to a regular room in the morning.”
“How soon can I take him home?”
“That depends on Kyle. I’ve seen patients with this type of injury go home in two weeks, while some have stayed a few months or more. He will need physical therapy, and, of course, prosthetics if he chooses. There is no reason why he can’t live a normal life.”
Roman felt Kyle begin to stir later that afternoon. His husband’s fingers caressing his own gave Roman a sense of hope.
“Where am I?” Kyle whispered as Roman kissed his forehead.
Moving to sit next to him on the bed, still holding their fingers entwined, Roman replied, “You’re in the hospital. There was an accident, and you were injured.”
“I don’t remember much,” Kyle replied. “We were riding the Harley, and then everything just goes black. Why can’t I remember?” Kyle continued, looking at Roman with the same fear in his eyes as when he was pinned beneath the Wrangler.
“It’s okay. We’ll remember together.”
“I want to know what happened,” Kyle asked, trying to sit up.
Roman watched as his husband’s face distorted in pain.
“Lie down, silly boy. You’re still hooked up to a morphine pump. Push the button if you need to. Then we can remember what happened together.”
Roman barely remembered telling Kyle the details of the accident, but he knew that he would always remember Kyle’s response.
“Get out!” Kyle screamed.
“Baby, we can look at the bandages together! We can get through this!”
“Get the hell out, Roman! Visiting the sick is over!”
Knowing Kyle’s words were probably a product of trauma and a reaction to strong painkillers didn’t reduce their ability to sting Roman’s heart.
“I’m sorry, silly boy. I made a promise to you that I wasn’t
leaving until you could go home with me.”
“Well I’m relieving you of that obligation,” Kyle spoke, tossing his water pitcher at Roman, drenching him in the process.
“Maybe it’s best if you leave, at least for a few hours,” a voice spoke from the door.
Doctor Winters was standing in the doorway.
“While visiting another patient, I was alerted to the fact that Kyle was beginning to wake up.”
“I don’t love you anymore, Roman. Is that enough to make you leave?” Kyle stated, turning his face to the wall.
“You can’t possible mean that,” Roman said quietly.
“Roman, can I speak to you at the nurse’s desk?” Dr. Winters spoke quietly.
Roman fought to retain his composure. Turning to Kyle, he said, “I’ll be back soon.”
“Security can escort you out, then,” Kyle replied.
Roman leaned against the nurses’ station, putting his face in his hands. That was where his emotions collapsed as he let his tears flow freely.
“Come on, son. Let’s go get a cup of coffee. I’ve been off duty for about thirty minutes anyway.”
Sitting across from the older gentleman in the cafeteria, Roman wrapped his hands around a Styrofoam cup.
“I’ve never been able to drink it black like that,” the doctor said, stirring in creamer. The nurses say that you slept in the surgical waiting room last night and have been visiting Kyle nearly every waking hour. You look bad! What have you had to eat in the last twenty-four hours? I see injuries of your own.”
“Why the interest?” Roman asked.
“I had a son about Kyle’s age…similar personalities…always smarting off to his mother and I. He was killed in a motorcycle accident last year.”
“I’m sorry,” Roman replied, drinking a sip of coffee.
“You two have been quite the gossip among members of the staff. I was in the army for a short time. My wife and I have traveled all over the United States, so homosexual relationships are just like any other. As for Kyle, he’s angry. He will go through the grieving process. How quickly he does it is up to him. I’m taking him off the morphine today and putting him on something less potent. That may help his mood. Try to stay strong. Check on him later today and let him know that you are still here.”
Roman sat in silence after the doctor left. The coffee tasted awful, and the food hadn’t been much better. Perhaps it was from the lingering nausea that had taken hold of his body. He kept telling himself that Kyle’s reaction was because of his injuries. He even tried to forget his partner’s words. However, Kyle’s voice kept echoing in his mind.
“Can Rebecca and I join you?”
Roman glanced up to see Anna standing with another woman in front of him. They both had trays with what appeared to be lunch. He nodded.
“Rebecca works as an EMT. It’s how we met, actually. I was working in the ER, and her crew had brought in a gunshot victim.”
Roman eyed the woman sitting next to Anna wearing a blue uniform with boots. While Anna was a diminutive blonde with shoulder-length hair, her partner was tall with a short crew cut.
“How is Kyle?” Anna asked, adding dressing to what looked like a grilled chicken salad.
Avoiding explaining Kyle’s mood, Roman told her the basic medical facts.
“Should we tell him?” Rebecca asked after a brief silence glancing at Anna.
“I guess now is as good a time as any,” Anna replied. “However, it is a decision that Kyle has to be included on, when he is well, of course.”
“Tell me what?” Roman replied.
“Anna and I want to have children, and we want you and Kyle to be a part of that,” Rebecca said.
Roman said nothing. He was actually too shocked to speak, feeling his face flush.
“Look, Anna, he’s blushing.”
“I know. It’s cute, isn’t it? I know Rebecca and I hardly know you and Kyle, but I feel a connection. Rebecca and I have already decided that I will be the one who gives birth to a child. Since Kyle is HIV-positive, we have chosen you. I have seen all the traits that I hold important in you. Kindness, compassion, and loyalty. And, well, you’re just attractive.”
“I’m flattered, girls, really. Do you know how old I am? Forty-two and…”
“And?” Rebecca asked.
Roman said nothing, feeling the same flush in his face.
“He’s doing it again,” Rebecca said.
“I’ve got to get back to work,” Anna replied. “I don’t expect an answer now. Of course we all would share the responsibility of raising the child.”
After both women were gone, Roman put their conversation aside. He couldn’t even begin to consider their request, not now, and certainly not without Kyle. Tossing the coffee in the trash, Roman knew he was about to disregard Dr. Winter’s advice. Of course he planned to check on Kyle, but what the doctor didn’t know was that Roman planned to alter his husband’s thinking. Roman was determined that he wasn’t going to go days, maybe weeks, allowing Kyle to drive a wedge between them. He knew his own mood bordered on anger, as the lack of sleep and pain in his shoulder clashed.
Within a matter of minutes, Roman was sitting on his partner’s bed. Kyle must have been sleeping, because he didn’t hear Roman walk into the room.
“I don’t want you here, Roman,” Kyle said groggily, opening his eyes.
“I’m not leaving. By the way, why don’t you look at me and tell me that you don’t love me. I seem to remember that you couldn’t do that earlier.”
Roman watched as Kyle’s eyes met his for a brief moment and looked back toward the wall.
“Can’t do it, can you? I didn’t think you could. I don’t know where your little outburst came from, but it’s not happening again!”
“I meant what I said, Roman. Get out!”
Walking to the other side of the bed, Roman sat down, taking Kyle into his arms.
“Stop struggling, silly boy. You’re just making the pain worse.”
Roman felt Kyle’s body relax against his as he brushed a tender kiss against his lips.
“I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to feel your warm body against mine again. I will not allow you to drive a wedge between us. So, we are going to talk and resolve this now! Not later! Not with you screaming at me to get out! I’ve worked very hard at building a bond between us, and I will not let whatever it is going on in that silly head of yours destroy it.”
“Please, Roman, just leave!” Kyle said as tears filled his eyes.
“Like hell I am! What are you afraid of? That your equipment won’t work? It’s still intact, isn’t it? Or that maybe I won’t find you attractive anymore? Because you have no idea how very attractive you are to me. Talk to me!”
“And tell you what, Roman?” Kyle replied, fighting back tears. “That I don’t feel whole anymore…that you depend on me for strength? I ultimately take care of you, remember? This is going to affect every aspect of our lives together, including our sex life. I don’t even want you to be intimate with me like this.”
“Like what? All I see is you. Albeit a stupid you, but still the man I am in love with.”
Kyle smiled briefly, saying, “Gay baby, just go. This isn’t going to work.”
“When you were lying on that pavement, all I could think about was the possibility of living the rest of my life without you. I would have done anything, including giving my own life, to not have seen the fear and pain in your eyes. I’ve been here ever since, keeping my promise to you.”
“What do you want me to say, Roman, that you’re a martyr?”
“No, but you could acknowledge the fact that there is someone in your life who believes that their marriage is worth fighting for. Who believes that the love they share is worth whatever trials they are faced with. That Kyle has found a partner who will never hurt him.”
Still holding Kyle in his arms, Roman was conscious of Kyle’s body trembling. Through tears, Kyle said, “Please don’t leave me!
”
“Sweet silly boy, I promised you always and forever.”
Epilogue
Two years later
Roman opened the doors to labor and delivery, carrying the babies in his arms. He watched Kyle stand, walking to meet him.
“How’s Anna?” Kyle asked.
“She fine, just tired.”
“I can’t believe they’re finally here. Can I hold them?” Kyle asked.
“Of course. Are you okay like this, or do you need to sit down?”
After the accident, Kyle had spent two weeks in the hospital. Six months after going home, he had been fitted with prosthetics. Physical therapy, combined with Kyle’s stubborn spirit, had returned a sense of normalcy to their marriage. Roman also had not experienced any pain in his legs for almost two years.
“I’m okay,” Kyle replied as Roman laid the babies in his arms. “Were Anna and Rebecca okay with the choice of names?”
“Yeah. They thought it was rather appropriate.”
“Welcome, Faith and Hope Carter,” Kyle smiled at the children.
“There’s also something else. The sale of Ripped went through this morning. The real estate agent left a message on my phone. So I guess we are officially moving to New York with Anna and Rebecca. After you and I are legally married, we are changing Faith and Hope’s names to Stringer, also.”
“Are you okay living in the same state as Catherine?” Roman said, breaking a smile and still staring at the babies in his arms.
“Since Andrew is not my son, I don’t guess it really matters. All that matters now is that we are a family,” Roman replied, looking into Kyle’s eyes.
“They look so much like you, Roman.”
“In vitro is a wonderful thing.”
“I want these babies and our move to be a new beginning for us. They say girls are harder to raise than boys, more drama.”
“Those experts haven’t spent any time in a household with you, silly boy!” Roman laughed, kissing Kyle tenderly.
THE END
