by Laurel Veil
Inside the Hollow Tree
Laurel Veil
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and events are the products of the author’s imagination.
No part of this book/eBook may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the author.
Copyright © 2018 Laurel Veil
All rights reserved.
For Eric, and to all the times we belonged to ourselves…
1.
I moved the vacuum’s attachment back and forth across the step, and with every stroke, I thought about how much I hated my life. I was currently living in a foster home with a hideous woman and her two teenaged brats. The machine was cumbersome, loud, and smelled musty, but at least everyone was leaving me alone.
I was about halfway down the staircase when the vacuum suddenly shut off. I looked up to see Jacob standing at the head of the stairs with the cord in his hand. A menacing grin was on his acne covered face. He had two zits for every freckle and brown hair that he gelled into spikes. It looked more like a weapon than a hairdo. He enjoyed aggravating me, and I couldn't stand him.
My body tensed as the shrill voice of Ms. Alice, my foster mom, shrieked from somewhere in the house. “If you think you’re done, Falon, guess again. There’s no way you vacuumed the entire staircase that quickly. Go to the top and start again. And this time do it right!”
Jacob stuck out his bottom lip. “Awe poor, baby.” He dropped the cord and walked away. Exasperated, I made my way to the outlet and plugged the cord back in. The vacuum roared to life and I continued where I’d left off. I felt more like Cinderella, pre-Prince Charming, than my dad’s princess these days for sure.
My dad, Fred Miller, left me, his princess, years ago and drowned in a boating accident before he had the chance to come to his senses and return home. And, my mom, who I barely got along with, was currently lying helpless, in an assisted living facility in town. And, since I wasn’t quite eighteen, I got forced to live here.
I let my mind wander to what had once been my favorite place in the entire universe, my family’s backyard garden. It used to be filled with life—flowers, herbs, fruit and vegetables, yes, but even without all that, it was as if that little patch of earth itself was alive. My mom used to say I was crazy, but, I swear it had a personality—a life force of its very own. I could feel it when I stepped through its gate. Sometimes, I think I felt it before I even stepped inside. It was like there was something invisible drawing me to it. And, even on overcast days, when the sun wasn’t shining down, the garden itself had a subtle illumination that I guessed only I could see.
When my dad left, my mom and I stopped tending the garden and never set foot in it again. I think just looking at it made her miss him. I wanted to go in it; the garden made me feel close to him. I knew it would make my mom upset though, so I never said anything and just secretly wished she would realize what I wanted. I needed her to tell me to go inside and enjoy myself and not feel guilty. That never happened. And now, not only was my dad gone, and for all practical purposes our garden, my mom, thanks to a car accident, had at least mentally, slipped away as well.
Snap out of it, Mom! I thought, as I worked. I pictured my mom receiving my thoughts telepathically, and waking up miraculously healed. Even though my mom and I didn’t get along very well, she was the only family I had.
Cake crumbs suddenly rained down on the carpet I’d just cleaned. I didn’t have to look up to know it was Daisy, Ms. Alice’s daughter and Jacob’s older sister. “Missed a spot, maid,” she said as she lumbered past me on her plump toes that sported glossy, black nail polish. Her minions, Hazel and Angela, followed—all three deliberately dropping bits of red velvet cupcake as they went. My eyes tried to well up with tears, but I blinked them back as I white-knuckled the hose. This was pretty much how my life had been going for the past few months. Please, Mom, get better and get me out of here!
I quickly sucked up their mess, finished the stairs and went to put the vacuum in the hall closet. I jumped when I noticed two eyes peeking at me from behind some winter coats. “Boo,” came a voice, too giggly to be frightening.
“Jackson. You scared me again.” I pretended not to see as he sneaked the light blue, satin, ribbon he had been holding, back into the pocket of his jeans where he always kept it safe and close. It comforted him to touch it. I think it might have been all that was left of a favorite blanket or teddy bear from when he was a baby. I never asked because I didn’t want to embarrass, or upset, him.
“Who are you hiding from this time, zombies?”
He shook his head.
“Monsters?”
He giggled and shook his head again.
“I give up. Who ya hiding from?”
“The shadows,” he whispered.
I felt goosebumps prickle my arms. His pale brown eyes creased with delight at the effect he was having on me. I shrugged off the eerie feeling as I looked down at his sweet face. I was amazed that a five your old’s tiny little smile could make me forget I was completely miserable. Who would give him up? He was perfect. Though, I couldn’t understand why, I was grateful the day he showed up on Ms. Alice’s doorstep. The only thing he was able to tell us was that his name was Jackson. No other information turned up when Ms. Alice spoke with the authorities, but that was of no concern to her. She started collecting a check for allowing him to stay, and that’s all that mattered.
“I’m going to go visit my mom now. Wanna come?”
I didn’t have to ask twice. Jackson jumped up and ran to get his shoes. I was glad that someone around here liked me, and I really liked him too. Jackson was an unusual kid. He liked being alone and would disappear for hours. I would catch him staring out the window all the time. It never seemed like he was daydreaming, more like he was looking for someone or waiting on something. He didn’t talk a whole lot like most kids either, he was too busy thinking. He was smart for his age and acted more mature. I think he was what people called an old soul.
I found Ms. Alice in her bedroom reading a book. The tiny Queen Anne legs that supported the sofa she was resting on looked like they might snap under her weight. She looked up, annoyed by my presence.
“What?” she barked. Her jowls sagged like a bulldog’s and wobbled when she spoke. Chocolate smudged the corners of her mouth and wrappers from a million Hershey Kisses littered the rug below her. It looked like an aluminum snowstorm had blown through her bedroom.
“I just wanted to let you know, I’m going to Willow Bend now.”
She arched her brows. Frosty blue eyeshadow dusted her lids. “Excuse me.”
My heart raced and my mouth went dry. I cleared my throat. “Sorry. I mean, can—I mean, may I go to Willow Bend?” You lazy, miserable, cruel...my hands tried to curl up into fists but I resisted.
She continued to lay there and look at me. What was she waiting on?
“Please,” I quickly added.
“Did you finish vacuuming?”
“Yes.”
She gave me her death stare. Please don’t tell me no again. I could feel myself beginning to panic.
“Yes, what?” she hissed.
“Yes, ma’am. I finished vacuuming.”
She looked down at her book. “Fine,” she said as if she were exhausted.
“Would you like me to take Jackson?” I tried not to let it show that I wanted him to come with me.
Her eyes got big as she strained to swallow a piece of chocolate that she evidently didn’t let soften enough. I never thought I could feel sympathy for a piece of candy, but at that moment I did, and I had to bite my lip not to smile.
“Yes,” she finally said clearing her throat. “Take that little troublemaker with you.”
I left before she could change her mind. I never let on that I liked being with Jackson. She only let him come because she thought it bothered me and she liked not having to deal with him.
Though Jackson was young, I think even he knew that Ms. Alice didn’t really want us there. She opened her home to foster children because she got paid. With me, she got a bonus. I was her live-in maid. I glanced at the overgrown yard as we walked down the driveway and wondered when she was going to make me mow it.
◆◆◆
Jackson and I found a seat on the bus. We bounced as it rumbled down the street. I was tired from cleaning house all morning, but I was too excited about seeing my mom to fall asleep. Plus, I needed to keep an eye on Jackson. He was content rolling a tiny car back and forth across his lap. He looked up and smiled when he noticed me watching him.
“What are you so happy about?” I asked.
He shrugged. He didn’t have to say. I think I knew. Bumping along on a dirty city bus was better than being at Ms. Alice’s house.
I stared out the window and thought about my dad. As much as I hated him for leaving, I still loved him. It was so confusing. I loved my dad and I hated him all at the same time. I finally decided that I probably hated him, because I loved him. I felt guilty for thinking he was a coward for leaving, but, I couldn’t help it. His leaving made me feel insecure. I used to think that I was weak. The day I met Jackson, was the day I decided that maybe I could be strong. He needed me to look out for him.
I wished I had been enough to keep my dad around. I missed him. I missed our talks and his sense of humor. I missed how his eyes crinkled when he smiled . And, I missed how he called me princess.
The bus came to a stop. “Come on,” I told Jackson. I took his hand and helped him down the giant steps onto the sidewalk. We walked two blocks and stopped when we came to the facility.
I held the door for Jackson and a cold gust of Pine-Sol scented air assaulted our noses. I signed in at the front desk and then we proceeded down the hall. I took a deep breath before opening the door to my mom’s room. I exhaled when I saw that her bed was empty. That was a good sign. At least she was awake. There were plenty of times I would come to visit, and she would sleep the entire time.
Even though my mom still couldn’t speak, when she was awake, by the look in her eyes, I felt like she could understand what I was saying and at the very least, knew I was there. I didn’t want her to feel abandoned.
“Have a seat, Jackson.” I motioned to a chair in the corner. He did as I said and I turned on the TV for him. I flipped through the stations until I found a cartoon.
I took the opportunity to put fresh linens on the bed. I was just finishing up when I heard the sliding glass door that led to the patio open. Ruby, one of my mom’s nurses, pulled the curtain open. “Well look who’s here, Sandra,” she said to my mother. “It’s Falon.” Ruby wasn’t old, but she already had white hair. It was long, and she always wore it in a single, thick braid down her back. The way it contrasted with her youthful blue eyes, made her seem almost magical.
I smiled. “Hi, Ruby.” I walked quickly to the wheelchair and knelt. “Hi, Mom.” She looked down at me. She was still in there. I could feel it.
“I see you made the bed,” said Ruby.
I blotted the corner of my eye to keep a tear from trickling down my cheek. “Yeah, I put on a clean set of sheets too.”
“You’re such a good daughter.” She smiled, but I could’ve sworn I heard a hint of sarcasm in her tone. I brushed away the thought. Living with Ms. Alice and her two demons’ abuse was starting to take its toll.
Ruby rolled the wheelchair across the room and parked it near Jackson. “Well, hello there,” she said. Jackson looked down at his car and ignored her.
“Jackson, aren’t you going to say hi to Ruby?” I asked. He shook his head. “Jackson, why are you acting like that?”
“Don’t worry,” said Ruby. “He’s just shy. Nothing wrong with that.” She locked the wheelchair’s brake. “Well, I’ll leave you guys alone to visit.” Ruby patted my mom’s arm and my mom flinched. Ruby looked embarrassed.
“Don’t take it personal. I think she’s trying to tell you bye,” I said trying to make her feel better.
Ruby nodded. “It’s such a beautiful day. I think I’ll go back out the way I came, so I can enjoy the sun a little longer. See you,” she said as she slid the glass door shut.
I was surprised when I looked back at my mom to find her staring at me. Her eyes were huge—like they were screaming. “What is it, Mom?” Her fingers were like claws, as she strained to reach out to me. I put my hands in hers and she held on tightly. “What do you want to tell me?” I searched her eyes as I waited. The light I had seen in them, when Ruby first wheeled her in, was, as usual, beginning to fade. It was like a fog was coming over her. “Is something wrong?”
She tightened her grasp and her eyebrows raised. “Go on Mom, tell me. I’m listening.” Her lips desperately tried to form a word. My heart began to beat a little faster and then she suddenly slumped over. I exhaled my disappointment. “Well, Jackson, I guess we’re still not going to get to talk to her.”
“What's the matter with her?” asked Jackson.
I explained to him as I put her into the bed. “She had a car accident and now the doctors think there’s something wrong with her brain.”
I brushed my mom's hair and reminded her who Jackson was. I painted a happy picture about what we’d been up to. I’m not sure how much she understood, or even heard, but I talked for almost an hour anyway. The entire time, my inner voice scolded me for not trying harder to get along with my mom.
We never really fought. My mom wasn't passionate about anything that concerned me. In fact, she could’ve cared less about most things. The one exception, was my dad. She loved him fiercely—more than she loved me, and I think more than he loved her. That made me feel sad for her. But when my dad gave me attention, and she was jealous, it made me angry.
As I got older, I became aware that the little bit of affection my mom gave me, was only when my dad was watching. It was like she wanted to please him, and she knew that that would make him happy. When he wasn’t around though, her feelings turned off. And, after my dad left, it got worse.
I would never forget the day she told me he wasn’t coming back. That he’d drown in a boating accident. Since his body was never recovered, we didn’t have a funeral. It was hard not having closure, but on the other hand, I was grateful I never had to officially say goodbye.
The tragedy didn’t bring me and my mom closer, it made her even more distant. Days would go by and she’d hardly speak a word to me. I tried to force her to talk to me by acting out. Tantrums, bad grades, nothing worked. Then, she had her car accident, and I’ve been trying to make up for how I acted ever since.
◆◆◆
“I guess we’re going to get going now. I want to take Jackson to the park,” I told my mom. Jackson perked up.
I adjusted the covers and kissed my mom’s forehead. “See you soon,” I said quietly.
I noticed Ruby had left her sweater on the sofa. I picked it up and then Jackson and I slipped quietly into the hallway.
“I have to stop by the front desk and sign out, Jackson. Plus, I want to leave Ruby’s sweater there. It’s chilly in here and the scrubs they wear are thin.” Jackson made a face. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I don’t like her,” he said.
“Who, Ruby?”
He nodded.
“Why not?”
“She’s wed.”
“Wed?” I remembered how he had trouble pronouncing the letter r. “Do you mean, red?”
He nodded.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shrugged. “The light that’s around her is wed. She’s mean.”
Jackson managed to give me goosebumps for the second time that day. He was always doing that though. I didn’t ask him to elaborate. One, we were now standing at the front d
esk and I didn’t want anyone overhearing us. And two, he was creeping me out. Maybe that’s the reason he was put up for adoption, I wondered. Maybe he frightened his parents?
“I said, can I help you?” demanded a pruned face woman with glasses.
“Oh, uh, yes. I needed to sign out, but I also wanted to leave this for Ruby.” I held up the sweater.
The grouchy woman peered at it from over her glasses. “Who?” she asked curtly.
My throat went dry and my voice cracked. “Ruby,” I croaked. She made me feel guilty, like she’d just caught me committing a crime.
“And who might that be?”
“One of my mom’s, uh, Sandra Miller's nurses.”
She wrinkled her forehead. “Honey, there’s no one here by that name.” She suddenly looked around me, “Kylie,” she called to a young woman that was passing by. “107 is one of yours, right?”
107? I thought. My mom has a name.
“Yes,” she said cheerfully. The look on my face must have concerned her, because she quit smiling. “Why, is something wrong?” She asked defensively. She probably thought she was about to be reprimanded by prune face.
"Is there a nurse, by the name of Ruby, that helps you?" asked prune face.
She furrowed her brows. "No."
“See, I told you. There’s no one here named Ruby.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “My mistake,” I said. I grabbed a pen and scribbled the time down and pulled Jackson out the door.
“What color was she?” I asked Jackson as I tied the sleeves of the sweater around my waist so I wouldn’t have to carry it.
Jackson crinkled his nose like he'd just gotten a whiff of something terrible. “Bwown. Like poop.” He fought back a grin as he waited to see my reaction.
I died laughing. “Oh, Jackson. You make me so happy.”
He smiled proudly, then ran ahead. While he was busy trying to skip, I couldn’t help but wonder what had just happened. For the last few months my mom had been a patient there, and all that time, I had thought Ruby was one of her nurses. If she wasn’t, who was she? A friend? If she was, why didn’t I know her? She was always wearing scrubs like the rest of the staff. My scalp tingled. Why would she want me to believe she was a nurse?
